Ladies and Gents, Boys and Girls, its a pleasure to have you all back again for another edition of ETC. ETC. ETC. We only ask that if you enjoy our blog and choose to read it from time to time that you become a "follower" of the blog. Google is taking stock of its top blogs and the one that has the fastest growing followers will be credited with free advertising and increased traffic. Second place receives a set of steak knives. So if you enjoy the blog, or simply like to hate it, we ask that you sign up as a "follower". It's very simple and you can do it on the right hand side of this column. Like someone on your fantasy baseball league, we hope to be one of the most added blogs on Google.
On Friday I gave Land of the Lost 2 Cages out of 5. If anything, I think that I should be given credit for inventing a fresh and amazing new system for judging movies. I mean stars are so overplayed its not even funny. I dare Peter Hammond or Peter Travers to create something as hip and culturally relevant as a Cage system. As always, I can't take complete credit for this system. For just as I am nothing without my contributors, my contributors are nothing without me. And this system was suggested by our one and only MP4. Say what you will about his track record, the man simply knows what he is talking about. So thank you MP4 for suggesting such an innovative way to judge movies. Little did MP4 know that many of our viewers will only watch Nic Cage movies, so my goal here is to bring those readers to realize the wonders and amazing feats of movies with other actors.
With that said, I did promise a review of one of the movies that I have previewed so far. If your not keeping track at home I have previewed 5 movies, The Hangover, Land of the Lost, Taking of Pelham 123, Year One and Public Enemies. So I assembled the news team and headed to the theaters. I went with every intention of seeing The Hangover but it was sold out, as evidenced by its unexpected $44.9 million debut weekend. So instead I had to settle for Land of the Lost, a film that I described as "I'm wary to see it in theaters, but probably will anyway. I don't think Kenny Powers and Ron Burgundy will disappoint enough to make it a stinker". Well after seeing it, my assessment is spot on. It's definitely funny, and has plenty of moments to validate it. But it's not a must see by any means. The funniest moment comes when Ferrell and McBride "trip" on a wildlife flower that the monkey recommends they drink. If your a fan of either McBride (Kenny Powers) or Ferrell its worth a Netflix or Blockbuster queue. But its not a must see at the theaters. I stand by my rating of 2 Cages out of 5.
That takes us to part 3 of the summer movie preview. On today's slate of flicks I will exam Funny People, Transformers 2 and G.I. Joe. We've also got a piece from Yahtzee, MP4 has today's round of picks and we got a new "Play to Win the Game".
Funny People (July 31)- The Apatow comedy crew has produced some insane, off the charts funny hits like 40 Year Old Virgin and Superbad. But this is only the 3rd movie in which Apatow is the director (Virgin and Knocked Up were the other 2). This looks different than any movie I've come across. It's at the same time funny and uncomfortably real. Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen star as comedians who become close friends when one is diagnosed with a life threatening disease. I read that both Sandler and Rogen performed live standup for the movie, and the standup scenes in the movie are unscripted and in front of an actual audience. So if they don't laugh at a joke, it's not because that's how Apatow wanted the audience to react, its because it actually bombed in real life. There's also old footage of Sandler as a young comedian that were pulled from real performances he gave nearly 20 years ago when he and Apatow were roommates trying to become famous. The trailer is a little long, and seemingly reveals most of the story, but its definitely a movie I want to see. If your expecting another Superbad your going to be let down. But I think it will be very good. 4 Cages out of 5
G.I. Joe (August 7)- We all remember the days when the G.I. Joe action figure was the coolest. Back in the late 80's, having a G.I. Joe was like driving a Mercedes, it projected status. So now that the movie is coming out I have torn feelings. We've all seen the overwhelming success of other comic book/action figures like Spiderman, Iron Man, Batman and Transformers. But having seen the trailer, I am still undecided. And actually I don't even know what the movie is about, even having seen the trailer. I think it has potential like the way Ironman came out of no where to be a hit. I didn't think I would like Ironman so I waited until it came out on Blu-ray. Which is what I think I will do with this one. Unless it has a huge opening weekend and a few trusted sources think it is worth seeing. 1 and a half Cages, but I hope I'm wrong on this one.
Transformers 2 (June 24)- Simply put, Megan Fox. This movie is going to be bigger, louder and hopefully better than the first one. And there's guaranteed to have more Megan Fox in tight clothes and running. There's no doubt this is going to be a huge blockbuster, the only question is will this be the highest earning film of the summer. Currently Star Trek is in the lead with $224 million. It's either Transformers or Harry Potter that will take the crown. Megan Fox. I might even see this one in IMAX. Megan Fox. 5 Cages out of 5.
"You Play to Win the Game"
Game 7. It's the best phrase a sports fan can hear. And we have one, as the Penguins staffed off elimination and sent the series back to Detroit. I can only hope that this is a close and exciting game and comes down to the last period. If it does, I recommend you find an HD TV, crank up the volume and let the announcers take you on a wild wild ride. I can't pretend like I'm a huge hockey fan, or that I have been paying close attention to this series, but it's game 7 and a true sports fan should appreciate that.
In the NBA, the Magic were able to win game 3 on their home court in a must win game. If they went down 3-0 the series would have been over. And the crazy thing about this series is, if Courtney Lee had made the last second layup in game 2, all of a sudden the Magic are leading 2-1 and have the edge with homecourt and it's a whole different series. But that didn't happen and at the very least game 4 has some juice to it. If the Magic can win this game then the pressure goes onto the Lakers. Most people were expecting a sweep, so the fact that the Magic even won a game is saying something. And now they can actually make it a series with a win tomorrow night.
As for the much anticipated MLB games, things worked out pretty much the way I expected them to. The Red Sox, behind a dominant performance by Josh Beckett, continued their hotstreak against the Yanks by winning 7-0 and pulling even with the Yanks for first in the East. What is more surprising actually, is that David Ortiz has a hit in 7 straight games and even hit a homerun last night. I don't want to jinx anything here, so I'm just gonna leave that alone.
The Mets beat the Phillies, but in a more unnerving fashion then Met fans would have liked. Santana was not his dominant self, but was still good enough to get the win, and he even contributed with the bat, knocking a clutch rbi double that tied the game. Interestingly enough, Santana squared to bunt, because he was given the sign for a sacrifice bunt, but pulled it back and laced a double. Way to stick it to the man Johan. The move worked out great, and I can only wonder what the manager was thinking. Do you think he was pissed because his star player ignored the call, or was he pleased that things worked out so well. I don't know Jerry Manuel, but I think he was probably pissed at first, but let it slide because it worked out.
"Pulse of the Nation"
It's been a few days since we have checked in with our correspondent on Capital Hill Yahtzee. I want to let you all know that he sent me this piece just after the deadline on Monday. So I asked him to edit the piece retroactive to Wednesday's post. And as a bitter/struggling/nearly extinct fan of the Washington Nationals its very exciting time for them.
Here are the 5 reasons that make me say, "WTF is going on? Are we in the Twilight Zone?"
5. Albert Pujols has more than 3x the number of errors than Ryan Howard through 50 games.
4. There’s still talk of Brett Favre returning to wear purple. Hasn’t anyone figured out he doesn’t have it anymore? Now get Rachel Nichols out of Hattiesburg, MS and don’t send her back.
3. J.J. Redick is actually playing in the NBA finals. No, not the WNBA – the NBA finals. Redick is so slow, Andre Smith stays on him coming around screens – and we all saw how fast he runs the 40.
2. Costa Rica 3 – 1 USA – (World Cup Qualifying) – Thank god we scored off a penalty kick in the 90th minute or a country 1% of our population would’ve made us their bitch.
1. There was talk that the Washington Nationals would not select Stephen Strasburg with the #1 pick in Tuesday’s draft.
BS, I say - here's how it will play out after the Nationals take him (according to Jerry Crasnick): “Some things are sure to happen in July or August. Look for Strasburg to be characterized as greedy or a Boras "puppet" by Nationals fans and veteran players in major league clubhouses. Expect the Nationals to claim, at some point, that Boras has failed to convey an offer they made to Strasburg. And rest assured that Boras will be outraged eventually over some misstep by the team in negotiations.”
- Pulse of the Nation
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
(editors note: As you all know I do not censor. My contributors are awarded the first amendment. Therefore "Masshole Nation" has been left in this piece. I do not condone this term, especially since I am a "Masshole" by birth. Go Sox)
Puljos, HanRam, ARod, MP4
What do these men all have in common? An off night. Last night these four men were a combined 0-14. I guess that's why they play the games. So Close to a 3-0 week, yet so far. Have no fear faithful degenerates, we WILL get it back.
Royals (Meche) @ Tribe (American Idle Pavano) - Under 9 - Who would have thought? Pavano is sporting a 2.15 ERA over his last four starts and a 3.00 ERA over his last eight, while Meche has four starts in a row in which he has surrendered two runs or less. Add into the mix ailing offenses....and LOCK IT UP.
Yanks (Ching Ming) @ Masshole Nation (Wakefield) - Over 11 - Two words: Bombs Away! Aaron Boone sold separately.
El Tigres (Verlander) -140 @ South Side (Danks) - Lets keep the 2007 train rolling. The numbers say no, MP4 says yes.
Career Juice 10-9-1
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
I know I promised you 2 chapters of the Pauper's journey, but the creative juices weren't flowing as well as I needed to write a solid piece. I did not want to cheat both the readers or the Pauper himself, for they deserve my finest abilities. Don't worry I will throw in Shawshank Redemption and hope that Morgan Freeman's voice will guide me to the promised land. So until next time....Stay Sweet
No comments:
Post a Comment