What Are You Going to Do For an Encore, Walk on Water?

After a successful first Mailbag (working title) several readers are wondering what are we going to do for an encore? A 3 song set ending with Freebird is what I had in mind. But that could be hard to deliver on. So instead we're going to with a full slate of topics. It's the first Friday in June, so I have decided to profile a few of the new movies that are going to hit theaters. This will be a multi-part analysis of the 10 summer movies I'm most looking forward to. Steamin Willie Beamen checks in with his first music review, we've got a Fab 5 from Pasquale and we've got the weekend picks from MP4. Does that sound like something you might be interested in?


There are 10 movies, 5 comedies and 5 action, that I am going to profile over the next few weeks. I will put on my critic hat, but also tell you how excited I am to see them. Instead of using the standard "star" system to rate the movie, I have decided to use a fresh and unique system. A few of our readers will only watch Nic Cage movies, so instead of stars I'm going to use Nic Cages as my barometer. As I preview them, I will rate them on how excited I am to see it. Then upon seeing it, I will rate it with the same Cage system. Over the course of the next week I will cover The Hangover, Land of the Lost, Funny People, Year One, Bruno, Taking of Pelham 123, Transformers 2, Public Enemies, Harry Potter 6, and G.I. Joe. So here's the first 3 flicks that are releasing in theater's today.

The Hangover-I can't wait to see this. It stars "Sack" from Wedding Crashers (Bradley Cooper) and Andy Bernard from the Office (Ed Helms) and its directed by Todd Phillips, who did Old School. About a group of guys who go to Vegas for bachelor party but don't remember a thing and then "tarantino" what happened. And there's a cameo from Iron Mike Tyson. 4 Cages out of 5.

Land of the Lost-When I first saw the preview I thought it was going to be bad. It has terrible special effects(this might be on purpose) and a paper thin plot. But it has Will Ferrell and Kenny Powers (Danny McBride) who could be a lethal comedy team. I'm wary to see it in theaters, but probably will anyway. I don't think Kenny Powers and Ron Burgundy will disappoint enough to make it a stinker. 2 Cages out of 5

Taking of Pelham 123-Denzel Washington is on my short list of actors that I would see any movie they make. This has the potential to be either a very good flick along the lines of Inside Man, or a candidate for a Good Bad Movie like Under Siege 2. Travolta as a bad guy is always a good thing and I'm expecting a Face-Off like performance. 3 Cages out of 5.

"Fab 5"
Pasquale is back and has some people that he would like to have a few words with. If you like reality TV, beautiful people or award shows you may want to skip to the next section.
5 to hate

John and Kate Plus 8 - Let me clarify that actually, it’s not the 8 kids I hate, it’s their parents. Who would have thought that pimping out your children on a reality show would have had a negative impact on their lives? I mean everyone else who had a reality show had a happy ending right? Wrong, reality shows generally speaking ruin the lives of the people on them. If John and Kate really cared about each other and their children they would grow a pair and tell TLC they were done with the show. But since we worship the dollar in this country there’s no chance of that happening. John and Kate, do everyone a favor and just go away. Focus on raising your kids instead of exploiting them.

Katherine Heigel – Just stop for a second and think about this…….You realize now that despite her good looks you hate her too. She’s just straight up annoying and plays that same irritating person in every role. Many people like her because of her performances on the unwatchable grey’s anatomy. I’m taking a page from Mike Francessa and not explaining and just calling the show unwatchable. The unfortunate thing about Heigel is that she will always have movie roles. There will always be annoying stuck up people for her to play regardless of her age. She seems like a nightmare on all of her shows/movies, imagine what she must be like to deal with in real life.

Eminem/Sasha Baron Cohen – I really like the work that both of these guys do, but I have one word for the little thing they staged at whatever MTV awards show that was – WEAK

Ashton Kutcher – Did fine work on punk’d but all he really does when he act is yell and run around like an idiot. And is anyone going to buy a camera because he is in the commercials? If you would buy a camera purely because he is in the commercials you are a truly sick individual. He really isn’t all that relevant in pop culture anymore, couldn’t Nikon find someone a little better than Ashton Kutcher?

Spencer and Heidi - "I'm too rich and I'm too famous to be sitting with these people and cleaning up their s*** in the jungle, my man. And this cast is devaluing our fame right now" This clown is definitely sorely mistaken. He might be rich, but I have never even heard of these people before this week. You want to know part of the reason why American's are hated all over the world? Its people like this talentless loser with a half a brain. Another reason why I don't like this guy is because his name is Spencer. Follow the transitive property of math with these equations, Spencer = Soft Name, Soft Name = Soft person, therefore Spencer = Soft.

"Steamin' Willie Beamen"
Relapse and the Curious Case of the Comeback
So I wanted to take a few minutes to try something new. I am not a music critic and in no way am I a musician. I have no formal training in music and am sure that those of you who do will be disappointed in my lack of understanding the true nature of what the artist meant by the coupling of the words with the blah blah blah. I am doing this section to show two things. First, rap is back. I have now heard the entire albums of Eminem, Jadakiss, Method Man and Redman, Camron, Jamie Foxx, and Monsoon. Second, the comeback is possible no matter how bleak the outlook. (Just wait to see how I tie this into the miracle comeback of one MLB slugger) I am not saying all these albums are great but they are more then just blasts from the past. So without further ado I present to you Billy Beamen’s Musical Experience…

New and Hot
Eminem – Relapse
It is about time. I had to deal with The Re-Up and Encore, which if put out by any other person would have been three week listeners before being pushed to the back of my mind the second they left my recently added playlist. It took from the 2004 release of The Eminem Show till the 2009 release of Relapse for me to realize why I spent most of my teenage years listening to the disturbed messages and masterful lyrics of one Eminem. This album gets back to the basics of what made Eminem so great in his first three albums. First, the album has plenty of insane concepts and lyrics. No one out can cause the neck to turn and the mind to wonder, “Did he just say that???”. The album also has great balance. I always thought that Eminem was overly criticized for having a “pop song” on every album. To me every great Eminem album had not just a “pop” song but also a song where he kills someone or something, a song where he tells us why he is so F***ed Up, a song about his love for his daughter, a few funny skits, and so many other things. Lastly the album has Dr. Dre. Not that the Dr. was not on the other albums but instead of trying to bulldoze us with D12 cameos we get the DR. Dre was the single most impressive part of rap in the 90’s and early 2000’s. He creates the beats, finds the talent, and raps on the albums. He does it all and it was great to hear him back. The Relapse was a beautiful vacation back to the days of The Slim Shady LP. It was not as good or as influential as Slim Shady, but it was what we all needed heading into the Summer of Bill.
Best Songs:
Old Time’s Sake
Stay Wide Awake
3 A.M.
Déjà vu
Must Be the Ganja

Jadakiss – The Last Kiss
I bought this album having listened to only one song and it was worth the money. Someone had played “What If” for me and I was instantly interested. I bought the album and it was a great move. From start to finish it is vintage Jadakiss and even if you have never been a fan before he brings in so many different people and sounds that each song is its own single. From Lil’ Wayne, to Nas, to Ghostface, all are spoken for and all come with their unique sound and style as a perfect compliment to Jada. As a side note, “in an economy like this” it is nice to get 19 songs for 9.99. The days of overpriced cd’s are over and you should start your Summer with The Last Kiss.
Best Songs:
What If
Death Wish
Who’s Real
Respect My Conglomerate
By My Side

Method Man and Redman – Blackout! 2
Good album but better duo, maybe even one of the best rap (not acting) duos of all time. They seem to have good chemistry and they both have had good solo careers. Not to mention that both can trace their roots back to the days when rap was run by Wu Tang, Tupac, and the Notorious one. It is not an album that is going to win any awards but is definitely something you would not be disappointed in having most of the songs. Just like The Last Kiss this album brings in some great artists that include, Ghostface, Raekwon, and Keith Murray. Definitely go buy “A Yo” and if you like the bud blazing crazy boys the entire album will not let you down.
Best Songs
A Yo
Four Minutes to Lock Down
Hey Zulu
City Lights
Mrs. International

*So I want to state at this point that the single fact that Eminem, Red and Meth, and the non reviewed Cameron CD are proof that this is not only the summer of Bill but the summer of the comeback…Now Batting, Number 34…Big PAPIIIIIIIIII

"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"

MP4 is working the kinks out, and we are starting to pad our bank roll here @ Etc, Etc, Etc. Top three reasons I am NOT betting the NBA Finals
1) All season long both teams have impressive numbers vs. the spread after 2 days off (which happens three times during the NBA finals), who will break that trend?
2) Magic live or die by the three in a completely unpredictable pattern
3) Kobe Bryant.

New York Metropolitans (Redding) +115 @ Nats (Martis) - The lowly Nationals are 3-8 as the Money-Line favorite. And the Mets will wake up from the haze that was Pitt, tonight.

Brew Crew (Gallardo) @ The Paula Dean's (Jurrjens) - UNDER 8.5 - A little slow home cookin tonight. Pitch around the Hebrew Hammer and ya'll will be alright.

Stanley Cup - Penguins +1.5 @ Hockey Town USA - Because it can't go down the same exact way as '08. Put your razors away, I have a feelin' this is going 7.

Career Juice: 8-5-1

"Theme Song of the Weekend"
check out this little diddy

"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
We will have the next installments of "The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Journey of Enlightenment". We will give you the next parts of the Summer movie preview and Steamin Willie Beamen's Music review. And we might even have a gripe from Dicky. We don't have him on a deadline because the hatred could come at any moment and we don't want to cheat the readers with forced hatred. And we will give an extensive recap of the sports world including the NBA Finals, Stanley Cup and some big baseball matchups that are coming up. Check out Sexton's blog as well, it's one of his finest pieces to date, oursamedifference.com. So until next time....Stay Sweet