3rd Annual "And The Oscar Goes To"

Welcome to our 3rd edition of the Oscar predictions. While this is (astoundingly) the 4th year of the blog, we have only been prognosticating the Oscars for 3 years. Last year our performance spoke for itself as we correctly predicted 18 of the 24 categories. Very respectable if you ask me. Our only major blunder was on the Best Director category in which I was convinced David Fincher would win the trophy. But I should have stuck with my rule of thumb in that the winner of Best Director is 9 times out of 10 the director of the film that will win Best Picture. That rule proved true as Tom Hooper of The King's Speech took home this award and The King's Speech grabbed the Best Picture trophy.

This year, we are more prepared. We have done more research and homework than many years past. But I must say, I'm slightly concerned about the major awards. Overall I think it was a down year for movies and there's not really a candidate that jumps out to me as a lock, especially in the Best Picture category. So let's get right to the breakdowns. If you have read past editions of the Oscar breakdown I analyze each of the major categories into 3 aspects - "Who Will Win", "Who Should Win" and "Who I Want To Win". Obviously in some categories there will be some overlapping, but once all is said and done I will give you the full list of predictions for all 24 categories, and you can TAKE THAT SHIT TO THE BANK.

Best Picture - 

Who Will Win : The Artist - I've gone back and forth on this one a number of times. Generally speaking this comes down to the two films with the most nominations, in this case that's Hugo and The Artist (with 11 and 10 nominations respectively). I picked The Artist because it has garnered the most overwhelming reviews and seems to have captivated the movie going world. It's quite a feat considering where we are in modern film, to have a mostly silent, entirely black and white film win over audiences and possibly the Best Picture award.

Who Should Win : The Artist - Like I said above, any movie that is almost entirely silent and shot in black white that has earned this much regard has to have something going for it. Hugo has a very solid chance, mostly because Scorsese achieved great success in a genre that he has never done before. But this award is The Artist's to lose.

Who I Want To Win : Midnight In Paris - It doesn't stand a chance, but this was one of my favorite movies of the year. It's extremely creative and well written, but let's be honest, its not going to win.

Best Director
Who Will Win: The Artist, Michael Hazanavicius - This is mostly because I believe that The Artist will win best picture. I got screwed last year by picking a different director, but I won't make the same mistake this year.

Who Should Win : Hugo, Martin Scorsese - While I did not see this movie in theaters, and thustly taken advantage of the 3-D work, from the trailer and clips I have seen so far Scorsese is up to his usual tricks. But instead of directing criminals and mob bosses, Scorsese tells a fascinating tale of a young boy in 1930s Paris.

Who I Want To Win: Martin Scorsese - I did not see this movie, but I love Scorsese and it would be nice to see him win a second award because he probably should have 5 by now. And I also hope that Kristen Wiig's Bridesmaids Drinking Game catches on. Basically you drink anytime someone says "Scorsese". And how can you not like a guy who looks like this.

Best Actor
Who Will Win: Jean Dujardin, The Artist - Are you picking up on a theme? I just think this is The Artist's year and they are going to take home most of the major awards. Sure he doesn't speak during the movie, but he dances, and he dances A LOT.  I like this SNL sketch with a cameo by Dujardin.

Who Should Win : George Clooney, The Descendants - Although Clooney has already won an Acting Oscar (supporting Oscar in Syriana) he could very well grab his second award on Sunday. Without Clooney I suspect this movie is nowhere near as successful as it has been. He is one of the few actors that can carry a movie all by himself and let's be honest, he's George Clooney. Everyone likes him so he could steal votes just by his charm.

Who I Want To Win : Brad Pitt, Moneyball - Not that I thought Pitt was overly outstanding in this role, but I think it would be more of a recognition for his excellent body of work throughout the years. He's only been nominated twice before (Benjamin Button & Twelve Monkeys) despite excellent work in Inglorious Basterds, Fight Club, Se7en and Legends of the Fall to name a few.

Best Actress
Who Will Win : Viola Davis, The Help - This movie has dominated the acting awards this season from the Golden Globes to Screen Actors Guild and Davis delivers the best performance of anyone in the film. The movie did score a Best Picture nod, but like The Descendants I think The Help got the nomination due to the acting performances. The Academy is also a big fan of her's as her only other nomination came from Doubt in which she was only on screen for 11 minutes, so she must be good. Her competition comes from Meryl Streep (that phoney baloney) who's been nominated 17 times (when is enough enough) and Michelle Williams, who's been nominated twice and won the Golden Globe this year for her work in My Week With Marilyn.

Who Should Win : Rooney Mara, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo - This was, simply put, an unbelievable performance. Talk about committing to a role. Mara was almost unrecognizable as Lisbeth Salander to the point where most people were unaware that she played Erica Albright in The Social Network. But usually first time nominees do not take home the Best Actress Award so I do not suspect she will win, although I hope that she does.

Who I Want To Win: I think I made that pretty clear above. I mean just look at her picture from Dragon Tattoo and compare it to this one from The Social Network. And for anyone who saw Dragon Tattoo you realize what a challenging and demanding role that was. I can only imagine that it took her quite some time after filming before the character left her, if it even did.

Best Supporting Actor
Who Will Win : Christopher Plummer, The Beginners - This is the biggest lock of the night in my opinion.  Plummer, assuming that he wins, will be the oldest recipient of an Academy Award at the ripe age of 82. This is a man who has been acting consistently since the 50s and only has 1 other Oscar nomination. If there ever was a lifetime achievement award, this is the one. Plummer plays an old man who comes out that he is gay after being in the closet his entire life. Talk about Oscar bait.

Who Should Win : Christopher Plummer, The Beginners - When you look at the field of competition, the only possible threat is another 82 year old, Max von Sydow. Von Sydow also has an impressive career resume but I just can't see him beating Plummer.

Who I Want To Win : Jonah Hill, Moneyball - Just as with Pitt, I didn't think Hill delivered a great performance, but rather that it was so much different than what we have seen from Hill in the past. I just think it would be funny to see the guy who once said in a film "she wants my dick in or around her mouth" delivering an Oscar acceptance speech.

Best Supporting Actress
Who Will Win : Octavia Spencer, The Help - While Davis may have had the lead in this film, Spencer played the best character and the one that fans remember the most. The only thing working against is that The Help who may not win another award besides these two acting nominations would sweet the female acting categories (They have a 3rd nomination from Jessica Chastain as well). Not to mention that historically this category has been the wildcard, giving the award out to newcomers, foreigners and even comedic performances (Marissa Tomei).

Who Should Win: Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids - She absolutely stole the show in this movie and was the reason that this is not just a chick flick movie but instead a comedic masterpiece. Her character was so over the top and outrageous yet at the same time she was very human and easily relate-able. If you haven't seen this movie, I highly recommend it yet. And if you want a taste of McCarthy in action, check out this clip of the first time we meet her character Megan.

Who I Want To Win : Melissa McCarthy - For so many more reasons than she flat out deserves it. Because for years comedy performances go unnoticed and unrecognized. Because she very well have delivered the funniest role of anyone, male or female, in 2011. Because she was not afraid to dress her looks down to the point of awkwardness that many female actresses would never attempt. And because she took a shit in a shit, in second funniest toilet humor scene in the history of movies (Behind only Dumb & Dumber).

FULL LIST OF PREDICTIONS


Best Picture : The Artist
Best Director : The Artist - Michael Hazanavicius
Best Actor : Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Best Actress : Viola Davis, The Help
Best Supporting Actor : Christopher Plummer , Beginners
Best Supporting Actress : Octavia Spencer, The Help
Adapted Screenplay : The Descendants
Original Screenplay : Midnight In Paris
Animated Feature : Rango
Cinematography : The Tree Of Life, Emmanuel Lubezki
Art Direction : Hugo
Costume Design : Hugo
Documentary Feature : Paradise Lost 3
Documentary Short : Saving Face
Film Editing : The Artist
Foreign Language Film : A Separation
Makeup : Albert Nobbs
Original Score : The Artist
Original Song : "Man or Muppet" , The Muppets
Animated Short : The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore
Live Action Short : Raju
Sound Editing : War Horse
Sound Mixing : War Horse
Visual Effects : Hugo



Well there you have it people, my 24 picks of Oscar glory. I went back and forth for Visual Effects because Rise of the Planet of the Apes really did some amazing work, but I think they are going to throw Hugo some bones for losing out to The Artist. Also I may trip up on Cinematography. I selected Tree of Life because it was ambitious and achieved a look that no other movie had this year. But I feel like the "throwing Hugo a bone" thing will take effect in this category also. Oh well, you can't second guess, these are my picks and I'm sticking with them. I feel fairly confident in my picks and I should at least match the same success as last year despite these races being significantly more debatable.

So enjoy the Oscars and until next time, as always....STAY SWEET!

The Three Best Movies of The Year

In Our Humble Opinion

Often times the 5 or so movies that the Academy nominates for best picture are anything but the best movies of the year. To know the Academy is to know the guy who plays an instrument in the subway terminals; sure there's talent to be seen but you really have to question their decision making process. Sometimes they can really get it right (Gladiator, the Departed, this guy in the subway) but more often than not they Academy falls victim for the artsy, older audience "Oscar bait" (see Shakespeare in Love or The King's Speech or this guy in the subway). I can't blame them because that's the very nature of bait, it's hard to resist. Bait exists everywhere, don't think it's just relegated to the world of fisherman and film critics. My biggest bait's are Fruit Punch Kool-Aid and Fountain Coca-Cola, no matter how hard I try I can't say no. But the thing about bait is that it doesn't last;  it has no enduring quality and you're left saying "that was it?"

So when I saw the list of nominees for Best Picture I was a little surprised but then again I really wasn't. This years pictures are loaded with Oscar bait like The Artist, Tree of Life and Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close. But guess what? I'm not a member of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences and I'm pretty sure there's no fountain Coke or fruit punch Kool-Aid in these movies. Which mean's I'm here to enlighten you on the three best movies of the year, one of which has been nominated for best picture (but doesn't stand a chance to win) and the other two are up for a combined 6 Academy Award (mostly technical stuff like sound editing and sound mixing).

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo - (5 Academy Awards, 87% Rotten Tomatoes)

The highly anticipated U.S. version of the Swedish best-selling novel did not disappoint. I read the book and had seen the original version of the film but thought that the U.S. version was far superior in every way, especially the lead actress, Rooney Mara. It's always interesting to see a movie adaptation of a popular book because the people who have read the book go into the movie with pre-existing expectations that usually are not met. I must say though that this was one of the best book-to-screen translations I have ever seen. Directed by David Fincher (Seven, Fight Club, Social Network) the movie took on a darker tone that Fincher is famous for. What struck me was how he turned the location, a Swedish island owned by one family, into a character in and of itself (which you can see in the trailer above). Fincher also turned to his old friend, Trent Reznor to provide a chilling soundtrack that sets the tone for the movie. The Academy failed to recognize this as a Best Picture nominee but the movie did receive 5 nominations, mostly technical as well as Best Actress for Rooney Mara. While the subject and certain scenes are very heavy and difficult to watch, this movie is incredibly gripping and fast paced and one that I could rewatch multiple times, the sign of a great movie.

Midnight In Paris - (4 Academy Award Nominations, 93% Rotten Tomatoes)

The second best movie of the year is about as opposite as you can get from Dragon Tattoo. This movie reunites Owen Wilson and Rachael McAdams from their Wedding Crasher's romance and that can't be a bad thing, I am a sucker for Rachael McAdams. The movie delves into time travel, but in a very subtle and unassuming manner. Wilson is a struggling novelist who magically gets transported to his favorite era in time, Paris in the 1920s, where he runs into such famous people as Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Picasso and Cole Porter. Written and directed by Woody Allen, this is the only movie of my 3 Best Movies to receive a Best Picture nomination. It has as slim of a chance at winning as the other 2 movies I mention here, but it should win Best Original Screenplay. With Allen providing the creative force, the movie is a little bit Annie Hall mixed with some Back to The Future and a dash of 500 Days of Summer. It is idealized and yet hopeful, warning everyone that the past may seem glamorous but to confuse nostalgia with real love is to walk a dangerous path. Like Ferris once said "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it".

Drive - (1 Academy Award Nomination, 93% Rotten Tomatoes)

In my humble opinion, Drive is the best movie of the year. Upon first viewing, I really liked this movie, but it took a while for all the idiosyncrasies to sink in. I watched this movie for the second time and realized it was the best movie of the year. From the stylish cinematography to the pulsating European electro-pop soundtrack everything about this movie worked. In its silence and shadows, Drive is every bit the noir masterpiece as Chinatown or The Usual Suspects. And yet, at its thrilling and action packed peak, the film rivals any traditional chase film or Tarantino violence that has been put to screen. Ryan Gosling delivers a captivating performance as Driver, a character who barely has more than 60 lines of dialogue the entire movie. Also delivering amazing performances are Brian Cranston and Albert Brooks, who got shafted on a Best Supporting Actor nomination. But what I liked about the movie and the character of Driver is that the reason he got into trouble was that he broke his rule and got involved with the girl next door. He fell in love with a married woman, and decided to help her newly paroled husband which turned out to be a bad decision. You may not agree with me the first time you watch this movie, but give it a second viewing and allow all the subtleties to emerge and you will be left wanting to rewatch this movie again and again. The Academy only deemed it worthy of 1 award, Sound Editing, which is a crime in my opinion. But as usual, the most progressive and best films are usually not recognized in their time.

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So that does it for this entry. As usual, you can see a trailer for these movies by clicking on their titles. I stand by my opinion that these are by far the 3 best movies of the year. If anyone has any opinions or recommendations please feel free to leave a comment, as I am always interesting in viewing new movies. Later this week, most likely Thursday, I will release my 3rd Annual Oscar Predictions as this Sunday is the big show. Watching the Oscars is one of my favorite events of the year, which may seem a little strange, but being the cinephile that I am it's only fitting that I love the movie's biggest night.

So until next time, as always.... STAY SWEET!

My New Obsession

Also Know As "The Voice"

First off major bonus points to the Super Bowl and NBC for putting "The Voice" on after the big game, because just as those network execs were hoping, I tuned in after the game. And MAN am I glad I did. I am totally hooked. It's an experience I can only imagine is like the first time a crackhead hits the pipe because I can't get enough of it. I've used my NBC iPad app (NBC please make all endorsement checks payable to ETC Blog) to catch up on past episodes and I've got to hand it to NBC and the makers of this show because it's a brilliant idea and even better execution. It's like Karaoke Superstar meets Singled Out meets March Madness with an entirely unique aspect of working with superstars (Adam Levine, Cee-Lo, Christina Aguilera and Blake Shelton). So we here at ETC decided to break it down as only we can here at ETC ; with a strangeness usually reserved for a Michael Jackson public appearance (too soon?). So I give to you the things I took away from the first 2 episodes of Season 2 The Voice.

So one of the first contestants to participate in the blind audition was a boy and girl duo known as "The Line". They were very talented and performed a great rendition of "American Girl" (which besides being a phenomenal song by Petty, it's also a great song to perform at karaoke or by a cover band). But of course the thing that I took away from "The Line" was not their performance, but rather it was their dynamic. Here's their background video The Line -and try and guess what I will discuss from it before reading along below, it's quite fun actually.

Let's take a look at this bio frame for frame in a piece I'm calling "Instant Replay Rumination"

0:13 - As Carson is getting introduced to their family members we are allowed to see a truly disfunctional dynamic. Leland introduces us to his biological mother, who gave him up for adoption 29 years ago only to reconnect 9 years ago. To me, this woman probably knew who he was, saw the opportunity to cash in, and begged to get back in his life (just speculating). But also with the group is Leland's adopted mother, and I HAVE to imagine that relationship is rocky to say the least. It would be like if Guns N' Roses kicked out Axl Rose and continued to perform for years, just to have Axl come back into the picture down the road and start giving advice and trying to make bank off of them. Or exactly what Van Halen is doing right now. The biological mother is like the ultimate backseat driver in this situation.

(I'm Tarantino-ing this timeline for the sake of my breakdown)

1:15 - Hailey says it started with him hitting on her but it turned into something so much more.

2:06 - Seconds before they walk on stage for the biggest performance of their lives Hailey says to Leland "I love you".

1:19 - We are told they are NOT a couple.

0:37 - We find out how Leland and Hailey met. Now just watching these first few seconds I was assuming they were a couple. And on their first encounter Leland walked up to Hailey and delivered the following line "Hi, I'm Leland, you wanna get a shot of Jack". Now you don't just waste a gem of a line like that on some floozy at the bar. It's obvious he wants this chick and he wants her bad. Then, just  in case the Jack line didn't work, which he knew it did, he told her that "they should write a song together" and she agrees. Jackpot, this dude is in like flint. (I gotta try these lines sometime, they gotta work right?)

1:15 - Hailey says it started with him hitting on her but it turned into something so much more. My man Leland is "rolling in the deep" by this point. He's got to be right?

1:19 - Hailey clarifies "we are NOT a couple". I swore these two love birds "could have had it all"

1:26/27 - The look on Leland's face is PRICELESS. Without saying a word he expresses everything I was thinking when Hailey said they're not a couple which is "I can't believe I've been working on this chick for 9 years and I still haven't gotten in her pants"

1:37-1:40 - Leland's frustration reaches the point of speechlessness.

2:06 - Seconds before they walk on stage for the biggest performance of their lives Hailey says to Leland "I love you". Hold the phone Miss Lippy. After keeping this dude on the rope for 9 years and not giving him a chance, she goes and tells him that she loves him? Talk about the ultimate mind-fuck. How is Leland supposed to focus when the entire goal over the last 9 years has been to get this chick to love him and she throws that expression around like its a snickers wrapper? She might as well have pulled down his pants, given him one or two head pumps on the johnson rod, stood up and said "good luck".

This concludes "Instant Replay Rumination" Did you play along at home and guess where I was going?

Anyway, "The Line" rocked their performance, despite the aforementioned dysfunctional relationships, resulting in all four judges hitting their buttons and vying for them to join their team. Eventually "The Line decided to join Team Christina, but not before Leland was given some hope by Cee-Lo and Adam Levine. Cee-Lo said the obvious thought and asked if they were a couple, to which Hailey said no. But Adam Levine, the wise tattooed man that he is said "not yet" and a glimmer of hope sparked inside Leland. After that promise from a rock and roll sex icon, how could Leland say no to Adam. Let me translate that exchange in guy code in a piece I'm calling, "How To Get Boy Band Ass"

Adam : "Not yet" translates in "How To get Boy Band Ass" to "She says you're not a couple, but if you work with me I guarantee you I will get you laid. Look around bro, I've turned down more ass than a toilet seat. Give me three weeks and you'll be the lead singer of her promise land"

Moving on.

The next thing that stood out to me was Christina Aguilera but not for the reasons you might expect. First of all what is with the boobs? And I say that as red-blooded, straight male who has a weakness for a great rack. I respond to boobs much the same way Popeye responds to spinach. But watching her on the show, her cleavage just doesn't look right. It looks like she had a bad boob job and there's a few hard patches that just don't move the way they should. It's hard to tell by looking at this picture, but if you watched the first two episodes you can obviously notice that they were just a little wrong.

And is it just me or is there some kind of weird sexual tension between Christina and Adam. It's like before she hits her button she looks over at Adam and without saying anything she manages to express "you remember that video "dirty"? Yeah, I'm still dirty". Which brings me to my last point about Christina. Why does she insist on referring to herself as "X-tina"? That's not a name, that's not even a decent nickname. And everyone knows you can't give yourself a nickname, believe me I tried. One summer I insisted on being called "tony bagels", needless to say it didn't stick. Remember when Christina was the Geenie in a Bottle? So do I. Fondly. Even though I proudly hung a Britney poster above my bed for countless years, there was a time when I wish I could "rub Christina the right way".

Now let me get to the performances. There were a few that were very excellent but the ones that stood out to me were Jamar Rogers singing "Seven Nation Army" that got him onto Cee-Lo's team. There was the performance by former Army veteran Angie Johnson, who served multiple tours in the middle east, killing "Heartbreaker". She kind of reminds me of Cassandra from Wayne's World , she's got that kind of asian rock-star flair that you just can't pay for. Her performance and hotness also landed her on Team Cee-Lo. Perhaps the most convincing performance was by Jesse Campbell who sang "A Song For You" and within the first 7 seconds of his performance three judges turned their chairs. All four were turned by the 25th second. Very impressive.

But by far my favorite performance was from Lyndsey Pavano who gave an unbelievable cover of Trey Songz "Say Aah". It was absolutely mesmerizing. It was so unique that it took the judges a few seconds to even recognize the song. She turned it from a quick, uptempo hip hop song to a subtle, artsy acoustic song that you can re-listen to over and over.

And I like this chick, she's got like a weird Zooey Deschanel vibe going that I dig. You know the qualities that I'm talking about. You can't pinpoint one overly outstanding feature but there's just something about them that captivates you. You would never say that she is a smokeshow along the lines of Mila Kunis or Olivia Wilde, but Zooey has a presence about her that the smokes don't have. So needless to say, I will be rooting for Lynsey in this competition.

Now to my final observation about "The Voice" and it's by far my favorite aspect, the chair, my god the chair. I want that chair so badly. Not so I can blindly judge musical talents but so I can put it into everyday practical applications. Honestly how cool would it be to have a huge throne like chair that when you hit a button you rotate around. It's amazing. But isn't it just a little bit unoriginal. Didn't Dr. Claw from the Inspector Gadget cartoons essentially have the same thing? The only difference was that when Dr. Claw pushed his button you fell down a trap door into some kind of prison dungeon. And then of course there's Dr. Evil who had multiple buttons and could also drop you into a dungeon at ease. And Cee-Lo took the whole Dr. Claw/Dr. Evil correlation even further when he brought his pet cat out into the chair and stroked it, just like Dr. Claw and Dr. Evil. Upon further reflection Cee-Lo has a 41% of morphing into an evil criminal mastermind. Dr. C-evil.

But think of the possibilities if you had that chair. It would exponentially increase the enjoyment of just about anything. You want chinese for dinner tonight, convince me. Pad thai, think of the pad thai and then I hit my button, turn around and we got chinese ordered. But the best application would be for relationships and marriages. It could be used at all times to settle any debate. Chick flick versus action movie, convince me. Bed Bath and Beyond versus Best Buy, let me sit in my chair. Wine and cheese party versus a kegger, convince me. I think that any good marriage counselor or couples therapist should prescribe a rotating chair when a relationship hits the rocks. It could significantly lower the divorce rate by a good 15%.

At the very least this chair should be used on Judge Joe Brown or Judge Judy. Hell, let's take it a step further, The American judicial system should have the juror's box should consist of 12 men and women whose back's are turned from the defendant. At any point in the trial a juror can hit their button, and instead of the message saying "I Want You" like it does on "The Voice" it would say "Not Guilty". WOW did I just re-invent the legal system?

That wraps up this edition of ETC. I would like nothing better than to appear on this show but for anyone that's seen me perform karaoke or play rock band you know that I've got a better shot of performing a no pants duet with Christina than singing on that show. Thank god "The Voice" is on Monday's because I have a serious void now that Monday Night Football is back in hibernation. Our next piece will be my two cents on the three best movies of the year especially as we get closer to the Oscars. I will also be doing the 3rd Annual Oscar's breakdown in the coming weeks. So until next time, as always...STAY CLASSY!

Doors that Slide and The Space Time Continuum

A View Through The Looking Glass


The other day we received a request from one of our favorite people to screen a movie and shed some light on it. And since we here at ETC  love movies, we were happy to oblige.

(I like to say "we" instead of just "me" or "I". We feel it lends some credibility to the blog in a kind of way that I employ several other bloggers to work for me. When in reality that couldn't be further from the truth. This is fun for a while, but I run the risk of going all Golum and mumbling about "the precious" years down the road as the blog-o-sphere consumes my mind and body. But I digress).

The film we were asked to review was 1998's Sliding Doors starring Gwyneth Paltrow. Before I get moving, please allow me a second to reflect on just how strange the name Gwyneth is. It's really a dead name, you don't see anyone naming their kids Gwyneth anymore and if I may borrow a line from Seinfeld, "who's gonna name their kid Blanche".

And while we're on it, is Gwyneth British? I may be way off-base but I just assumed she was American, yet when you look at her track work you've got her starring in movies featuring a British accent such as the aforementioned Sliding Doors and Shakespeare in Love and she married British rock star Chris Martin from Coldplay (who then proceeded to name their first born child Apple, which I have to believe is some kind of passive aggressive plot for revenge to piss off her parents for naming her Gwyneth). I think she's just American but I don't feel totally comfortable talking about this.

Back to Sliding Doors. I had never heard of this movie, and as person who prides himself on his movie acumen I was a little upset at myself for not at least being aware of the movie. The premise revolves around the idea that one person's life can go in very different directions based on the smallest of happenings; aka The Butterfly Effect. The film creatively tells the simultaneous story of two versions of Helen's (Gwyneth's) life, one if she catches the morning train, the other if she misses the train.

Now before I continue the review allow me a second to defend the male species. My biggest critique of this movie is that men are portrayed almost as badly as Nazi loving Taliban sympathizers. I guess because it's a chick flick and it's supposed to send some kind of message to women to always doubt your man, but I'm here to take a stand. NOT ALL MEN ARE DOGS. I will say that I do enjoy chick flicks, probably more than the average male and probably more than I should publicly admit, but the overlaying theme in most chick flicks is that men are dogs. I suppose this is the chick flick equivalent of having some smoking hot babe in an action movie slowly walking out of water or getting out of the shower. Water dripping off chicks is the same as males cheating on their girls; same marginalizing generalization, just two different archetypes really.

I bring this up because in Sliding Doors, the Helen that catches the train arrives home early, after getting fired from her job no less, finds her boyfriend in bed with another chick. But in the other version of the Space Time Continuum, Helen misses the train, gets mugged, goes to the hospital and returns home as the tramp who is sleeping with her boyfriend walks out the door, unknown to either that they are now eskimo sisters. This is where the movie begins to follow a "plotline A" and "plotline B" story which would be very confusing except in one of the plotlines Gwyneth cuts her hair really short (which apparently girls find cathartic, I don't get it). In "plotline A" Helen catches her boyfriend cheating, moves out and tries to move on with her life. In "plotline B" she stays with her boyfriend, but begins to get very suspicious that he is hussy-ing around.

In "plotline A", which I will call "Jolie", she meets an interesting British bloke ( I love British words) named James, who she proceeds to (rather predictably) fall in love with. Which brings me to my two biggest problems with this movie, aside from the whole "men as dogs" theme. First of all, we are supposed to be happy that Helen has found a new love interest and we are supposed to root for James because he is nice and seems to treat her well. But the problem is the James character really isn't interesting and it was not easy to root for them to get together. He was just something you probably should have in your life, like a bran muffin. But bran muffins don't have the appeal of a cinnamon buns and thustly it was hard to justify the relationship.

My other problem was the overall predictability of the movie. Aside from the creative use of dual storyline in presumably alternate realities, (for a better understanding watch this video, or read this short wiki-explanation) the movie played out pretty much the way every other chick flick plays out. The girl wants a cinnamon bun but decides that a bran muffin is probably the safer bet. Now back to "plotline B".

In "plotline B" , which I will call "Aniston" she rides out her crumbling relationship with her cheating boyfriend and things seem alright on the surface but the audience knows her boyfriend is prick so you root for Helen to discover the truth and move on. Where the movie gets interesting in when "Aniston" and "Jolie" begin to intertwine and in both scenario's Helen becomes pregnant, in each scenario with a different man. I don't want to give away plotlines in case any of our female readers would like to watch this movie, but instead I will focus on the two things that I found most interesting about the movie.

Firstly, I am a sucker for a great reference in a movie. It's been done a million times but only a great reference, used at the right time can linger (see Knocked Up). For me this is what I took away from Sliding Doors. The character of James, who in the "Jolie" plot line Helen falls in love with, uses a great expression for doing something unpredictable or unexpected. James tells Helen, "remember what the Monty Python boys say, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition". I did some research on the sketch and it's funny, very British, but very funny. It's moments in a film like this that can linger long after you've watched it. I, more than anyone I know, use references from movies or pop culture to help fill conversations. Some may say its pathetic but I show it off like a nerd's trophy and I measure people by their ability to recognize even the most obscure references. It's a sliding scale for those who can identify the easy ones like "roads? where we're going, we don't need roads" to the more obscure such as "unfortunately for Dawson and Downey I don't do anything better than I play softball".  So from now on whenever someone tells me that they didn't expect something to happen, I will coyly respond by saying "nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition".

The other thing that I found interesting was the use of a very popular movie ploy that to this day, logistically boggles my mind. I am of course referring to the trick shot when one character opens a door or lifts their head from the sink to find a person standing behind them. It's very popular and in Sliding Doors this ploy is executed to perfection. "Aniston" Helen, who is still with her cheating boyfriend is talking to her bf in the kitchen. The boyfriend walks over to the window, pulls open the shades, and standing right in the window is the woman he's having an affair with.

Now allow my strange brain a moment to break this down. How long must she have been standing there to NAIL that moment (we need a name for that kind of scare. How about the "she missed her period" scare. Let's try it out). I mean logistically she had to have been standing there for at least an hour or two, and praying that the guy opens the exact window she was standing behind. Imagine how much of a letdown it would be if the boyfriend opened the other window. You then wasted your entire day on a "she missed her period" scare just to blow it. For once I would like a movie to depict the other side of the "she missed her period" scare and show the process of planning and executing said scare. I understand it would probably involve a lot of dead air and standing around, but I am sucker for the process. I will appreciate a well executed "she missed her period" scare much more when I can see just how much planning went into it.

So in conclusion I would say that in the world of chick flicks this was a tolerable movie whose enjoyment was increased by the last Spanish Inquisition quote. It's no Notebook (but really what is) yet it's not on the unbearable level of "Maid in Manhattan . It falls somewhere comfortably in the C+ range in my opinion. Rotten Tomatoes has it listed as a 63% and IMDB gives it a 6.8/10 so I may be a little generous. What made the movie watchable was the use of the space time continuum in a fresh way and for that I give it a C+. (and did you notice my attempt at a pop culture reference throughout this piece. What or who do Gwyneth, Aniston and Jolie all have in common).

Here's what you can expect in the next week :

- A Film Review of what I consider the two best movies of the year (hint, only one of them has been nominated for Best Picture)

- My new obsession with "The Voice" and other practical applications of it.

Let me know which one you would want to read first. So until next time, as always STAY CLASSY!

Super Bowl Edition

And The Elephant in the Room 


Tomorrow is the greatest day in sports and what makes this Super Bowl even more interesting is what's at stake for the main participants. I love the Super Bowl more than any other sporting event and now that my team is in the game it is reaching a whole 'nother level of excitement. The casual fan will gather for a Super Bowl party and enjoy some adult beverages while trying to watch all the commercials. However, as a rabid football fan, this game intrigues me more than any Super Bowl in recent memory. But the reasons for my peaked interest lay not in the individual matchups that will play out on the field, but rather a topic that no player or coach will address....Legacy.

The reason that Tom Brady or Eli Manning or Bill Belichick or Tom Coughlin won't address anything related to their legacy is because as a player this thought doesn't cross their minds come Sunday. Once all the excitement and circumstance ends the players will settle into the game and it becomes just another football game for them. But one of the things that makes sports great is the ability for fans to look back and assess what we have seen. It's why ESPN exists and it's why there is a Hall of Fame, so we can put into perspective an athlete's career and achievements.

In my opinion this is the most interesting Super Bowl, perhaps all time, and here's why. First of all, on the lowest of reasons, it matches Boston against New York, two cities that have arguably the greatest sports rivalry in the United States. I understand that the Patriots and Giants aren't true rivals, but it still allows the people of each city a chance to taunt one another. But then there's the most obvious element that makes this the most interesting game and that is revenge.

Just four years ago the New England Patriots were 18-0 and all that stood between them and immortality was a wildcard New York Giants team. We all know what happened and the Giants pulled off the greatest upset in football history, and perhaps in the history of sports. There's no way that Patriots fans can forget that moment and whenever a Pats fan starts talking shit to me all I need to say is "18-1". Imagine getting so close to perfection only to have David Tyree catch a Hail Mary against his helmet and in an instant you go from eternal legends to just another team that lost the Super Bowl.

Allow me a second to put this loss into perspective.

If the Patriots had won Super Bowl 42 and became the first team to go 19-0 then without question the Patriots would go down as the greatest dynasty in NFL history, as well as the being annointed the greatest team in NFL history. With his 4th Super Bowl win in 4 tries, Tom Brady would be unanimously known as the greatest QB of all time and Bill Belichick could be considered the greatest coach. But they came up just short, and now they "proudly" hang a banner from their stadium that says "16-0 2007 Patriots Perfect Regular Season" which is kind of like "playing just the tip", we all know you didn't finish.

Last night I decided to get the perspective from a Patriots fan, who may or may not have blocked Super Bowl 42 from his memory. I wanted to get his take on the game, and see if the game had the same meaning to a Pats fan as it did for myself. So I got my old college roommate on the line, Wild Bill Hews, and here's what he had to say...

ETC: What I find most interesting is the legacies at stake. Even though no one involved is talking about it, what's your take on what's at stake?
Hews: I don't feel like they would be thinking about it in the moment. But I agree, a lot is at stake for all parties.

ETC: I feel this is the most interesting Super Bowl, maybe ever, at least since Favre/Elway because Pats fan can deny it all they want, but this is all about revenge for them right? Tom and Bill, but especially for Pats fans who had to deal with 18-1 chants for 4 years.
Hews: I think the Pats would have rolled the 49ers if they had made it and I felt that way going into the NFC Championship. But I wanted the Giants. I want revenge. But in all honesty, I really like our chances.

ETC: Bias aside, are you concerned about stopping the Giants passing attack? Because Julian Edelman covering Victor Cruz makes me feel funny in my special parts.
Hews: I think we play to give up the short stuff. If you can score TDs in the red zone you win. That won't be the matchup. Arrington will on Cruz. I think you will be able to run a little, but if Pats pressure Eli you are in trouble.

ETC: What did you make of Eli's performance against San Fran? He got pressured and came out on top.
Hews: I don't think the pats will blitz much. Lots of max coverage, velco coverage. (sounds like he is trying to avoid that question)

ETC: What's the matchup that scares you the most and what's the matchup you're most excited about?
Hews: Scared most about the Nicks matchup. We usually get killed by the bigger WRs/ Brandon Marshall for example. Most excited about Welker vs whomever. Think he has a big day, could be MVP. Front runners for MVP are Manning, Brady, Nicks, Welker. Sleepers are Cruz, Hernandez, Bradshaw and Woodhead.

ETC: The Giants seem to have the Pats number. They ended the perfect season in Super Bowl 42 and this year they ended the Patriots 20 game home win streak. Do you think the Giants have a mental advantage?
Hews: No. I think they match up well with the Pats. Athletic defense and solid QB who is a gamer. Both wins came with under 1 min in 4th quarter. And let's not forget when the Pats beat the Giants in New York on the last game of the '07 season with nothing to play for but perfection.

ETC: Where does Super Bowl 42 rank in terms of worst loss as a fan?
Hews: Aaron Boone, Super Bowl 42, game 7 Celts vs Lakers no Perkins and blow double digit 4th quarter lead. And Michigan losing to Ohio State might have been worse our senior year when they were #1 and #2.

ETC: Do you think the banner that says 16-0 deserves to hang in Gillette or is it a constant reminder that you lost the Super Bowl?
*editors note: this is response is why the term Masshole exists. And it may make you hate Boston fans*
Hews: Not to sound like a dick but in 2007 the sox had just won it and the celts were on their way to their first championship. I was living in Boston. It was the season after spygate. We proved what we needed to and played our worst game of the season in the Super Bowl. It hurt more after Brady got hurt week one of the next year. No I think 16-0 is significant, but I'm also saying that the pats had won three, the sox that  fall closed out their second. Pats roll after spygate to 16-0. The Celts have the big three and are rolling. It was a blip that hurts real bad, but hurt worse after Tommy got hurt the next year. Because I honestly thought we could go 19-0 the next year.

ETC: If the Patriots lose on Sunday, how much does it hurt Tom and Bill's mystique/legacy?
Hews: Caz, you have to understand since 2001 sox win 2, pats win 3 lose 1, Celts win 1 lose 1 and Bruins win 1. I think it makes people question the success against the top competition. I don't think it hurts because they have three Super Bowl wins. If they lose and never go back, it hurts more. Just like 2007 hurts less if they win Sunday. It doesn't change the past but it does prove that it was a blip on the radar of a decade plus of dynastic domination. Sunday's Mission : Prove it was a blip.

ETC: You think '07 was just a blip on the radar?
Hews: With a win Sunday it was a blip.

ETC: And with a loss?
Hews: It hurts that much more. And people will question the Pats vs Top Competition.

So there's the New England take on the game. It's amazing how much he discredits the Giants and that Super Bowl performance. He kept saying "top competition" when in reality, with a Giants win, people will always say that Eli and Coughlin just had the Patriot's number.

Here's my take, as a Giants fan. It's very strange to me that almost every media member and prognosticator is picking the Giants to win. After all they are still a 2.5 point underdog and the Patriots are the #1 seed in the AFC with 13 wins, including 10 in a row. I've taken a lot of shit from my friends because I wrote this Giants team off after week 11 when they were embarrassed by Philadelphia. I honestly thought they were done, and still fresh off being in the stadium for the DeSean Jackson meltdown, I was convinced the Giants were dead.

But something amazing happened to them when their season was on the line in week 16 against the New York Jets. Their playoffs began in week 16 and it seemed like they finally realized it was time to play at an elite level or their season was over. And as the past few Super Bowl champions have proved, its the team that gets on a roll heading into the playoffs that usually wins it all.

Sure the Patriots have won 10 games in a row to this point, but I am more impressed with the Giants 5 game winning streak and here's why. It's not just because I'm a Giants fan, but its the quality of the wins. They beat the Jets, the Cowboys and the Falcons all in the Meadowlands, each win more impressive than the previous. Then they went on the road to beat the 15-1 Green Bay Packers, a team everyone had penciled in to represent the NFC at the Super Bowl. But the Giants defense finally showed up, and a team destroyed by injuries all of a sudden had most of their players back. We all know what happened next as the Giants went to San Francisco and knocked off the 49ers.

What I can't get over is how eerily similar this run is to that of Super Bowl 42 and the 2007 Giants. Its almost to the point where it seems like a hoax. The Giants lost 38-35 at home to an unbeaten team late in the season in 2007. In 2011, they lost 38-35 at home to an unbeaten team late in the season. In 2007 they beat the Packers in Green Bay despite being a heavy underdog. In 2011, they beat the Packers in Green Bay despite being a heavy underdog. In 2007, they advanced to the Super Bowl by winning the NFC Championship game on the road with an overtime, game winning field goal by Lawrence Tynes. In 2011, they advanced to the Super Bowl by winning the NFC Championship game on the road with an overtime, game winning field goal by Lawrence Tynes.

Before I get to my prediction, I'd like to discuss the legacies at stake, because the players and coaching can avoid it all they want, but come this time on Monday it's all anyone is going to be talking about. First let's set the table for Tom Brady and Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots. A win would give Brady and Bill their 4th ring together, tying them both for the NFL record both for a QB and coach. And given the current status of the NFL with parity abound, most would agree that this run of 4 championships is far more impressive than that of Terry Bradshaw and Joe Montana. Certainly Belichick's accomplishment would be viewed as far more challenging that that of Chuck Knoll's. At stake for these two is the chance to be considered the greatest at their respective positions. Bill could be mentioned in the same breath as Lombardi. And Brady, although technically being tied for the lead, could be called the greatest of all time. And they both have at least 4-5 years of elite play left in them.

As for the Giants the conversation isn't about the greatest of all time, but it would certainly cement some places among the all time greats. With a win Eli and Coughlin would both have 2 championships and would all but guarantee their spots in the Hall of Fame. For Eli it's even more personal. This is a guy who not so long ago was questioned as to whether or not he would ever win the big game. And now he is 60 minutes away from eclipsing his brother and raising the legitimate question of who you would rather have leading your team Peyton or Eli. A lot of mediocre quarterbacks have won a Super Bowl, but only the truly exceptional quarterbacks have won multiple.

It's finally time for my prediction. I know that I am incredibly biased, but I will try to look at this game as evenly as possible. I think the Giants are finally healthy and that they have a much better defense than the Patriots. The Giants have the ability to get to Brady without blitzing, something they did in Super Bowl 42 then they have a huge advantage. The toughest thing for the Patriots will be trying to stop the passing attack for the Giants. The toughest thing the Giants will have to do is limit Tom Brady, which is much easier to type than it is to actually do. Look back at the last 3 games these teams have played I think it will come down to the last possession and whichever quarterback has the ball last is going to win the game.

New York Giants 27- New England Patriots 21


That's my prediction and I'm sticking to it. So enjoy the Super Bowl, consume lots of delicious food and some adult beverages and let's hope the commercials are good. If you don't hear from me, it's because the Giants have lost and I can't bear to hear the abuse from Will Hews. Later this week, we will finally have the reader request piece published so keep your eyes out for it.

Until next time, as always...STAY CLASSY!