State of The Blog

Members of the Blog Congress, I have the high privilege of introducing you to the inaugural State of the Blog Address....(thunderous applause)

Thank you, thank you everyone. Please. Be seated.

Madam Speaker, Members of Blog Congress. I am here today not only to address the distinguished men and women who read my blog, but also the distinguished surfers of the internet who have yet to stumble upon this pet project known as ETC ETC ETC. For many, the state of the internet is as chaotic and concerning as it has ever been. If you haven't personally been affected by the thousands of useless pages that pollute and corrupt creativity, you certainly know someone who has. The staples of information we once thought to be dependable and reliable are no longer providing us with the satisfaction that we deserve.We are surfing the internet in difficult and uncertain times, but I want you all to know this. This blog will rebuild, we will recover and ETC ETC ETC will emerge stonger then ever...(applause)

We started small. Rantings about nothing in particular, ravings about the daily grind. Soon we had gambling advice and semi-biographical, mostly fictional stories of cross country enlightenment. We previewed movies and ripped the people and trends that we hated. These small, ridiculous ideas evolved into The Nic Cage Movie Review System, Picks of the Unknown Gambler and the Fab 5, staples of the blog that serve as the metaphorical Executive, Legislative and Judicial Branches. We started small, but over the last 9 months this blog has grown. Most blogs have a singular purpose, a topic of expertise if you will, that they only talk about. But not ETC. We will continue to be random. (applause)

The recession has been tough on every feature of the blog, but the Nic Cage Movie Review System has come out stronger then ever. More movies will be reviewed, meaning more closeups of Nic Cage rocking a filthy, awe-inspiring mustache. The Fab 5 has reached a level of sucess that we never thought possible. People are frantically contacting the blog trying to determine the identity of the one and only Pasquale. The mystery will continue to grow, and the venom he spits will become more lethal. And in order to stay ahead of the curve, we will be unveiling a new segment. I fear that the classics of yester-year are being forgotten. That we are so enthralled with the Twilight's and Borat's of the modern movie world that we are forgetting or overlooking the classic movies from the 1980s, 90s and early 2000s. I am calling this segment "The Gary Oldman/Vinny Testaverde Forget Me Not Spotlight" , in which I will highlight a classic movie that we may have forgotten about or may not have been seen by this younger generation.

I campaigned with a promise of change, change the blogging world can believe in. Right now there are many blog readers who don't believe ETC can achieve overwhelming sucess. But remember this. I never suggested sucess would be easy. Or that I could do it alone. Distinguishing this blog in a world with millions of other blogs can be dificult, but my contributors and I will not tire. What keeps me blogging, despite all these setbacks is the spirit of optimism that exists in each post. Our enjoyment lives on in you, the readers. So as long as you keep reading we will keep writing. Even though we have 42 followers, a relatively small number compared to the millions of other blogs, we are resilent. I don't quit. My contributors don't quit. Let's seize this moment to carry the dream foward. I write random blogs for the American blogging people, because that's who I am and that's who I care about.

Thank you, and God bless the blog.

Bro, That's a Situation

"Jersey Shore" is officially in the books. It was MTV's most talked about show in years but I'm still trying to understand why. It was no different then any other "Real World" show that had aired before it. 7 strangers sent to live together in a random house, with 24/7 camera attention and confessional interviews. There have been 22 seasons of "Real World" yet none of them struck accord with our pop culture the way "Jersey Shore" has. Why?

Watching the show, you're amazed that there are people who are like that in real life. You try to grasp how human infants could morph into such morons. It's pure trainwreck entertainment, but we can't look away. It's the reason we slow down to look at car accidents. I can't explain why I enjoyed watching the show but I somehow got drawn in. I hate reality tv, and will admit this is the first reality show I've regularly watched. There are so many things wrong with this show. First of all, it gives the actual Jersey Shore a bad name. I've been going to the Jersey Shore for my entire life and where I go is nothing like that, thankfully. Secondly the cast members display no redeeming moral characteristics; they are selfish, ego-maniacal people and there's no way around that.

But regardless, the show was pure entertainment. It's definitely a case of laughing at you rather than laughing with you. Watching the cast describe their dance "Beat the Beat" is like watching a dog try to catch the laser pointer dot; you almost feel bad for laughing because you know they just don't know any better.

This show was like a not-so-secret, nation wide dirty little secret. We all watched, but we all felt dirty for watching. And as for its effect on pop culture, type in Jersey Shore spoofs into google if you want to really be entertained. My favorite is Bobby Bottleservice, played by Nick Kroll an actor on the show "The League".

But not everyone liked Jersey Shore. And one of the outspoken critics is Pasquale. He can't stand the Jersey Shore but more importantly he can't stand the culture that Jersey Shore is encouraging. While I do enjoy the show, I can't agree more with his opinions. We've come to love the Fab 5, but this is something different. This is his thesis. I give you Pasquale.....

I'd like to preface these statements by saying that this is not an all out assault on reality tv. i'll admit I watch Steven Segal: Lawman every week. Segal is the king of unintentional comedy, but if you bash lawman, its not going to offend me. Having said that, if you feel offended by any of the comments below, too bad, this is who I am and I make no apologies. With the first season of Jersey shore just having ended I feel its only right for me to make my first comments of the new decade on jersey shore.

Let me be perfectly blunt, I despise Jersey shore, I watched 20 minutes of the first episode and that's all I could take. Here are a few absolutes from the first 20 minutes of this horrid show. If you have a self given nickname (ie the situation) you're a dickhead. If you have a blow out and it takes longer for you to do your hair as a male than it would a female you're a dickhead. If you want to brag to people about how much time you spend in the gym or how you want to marry a guido, you're a dickhead. If you find anyone on that show attractive, you're a dickhead. The most frieghtening thing that MTV has done with this show is make douchebaggery acceptable. Before this show, if you saw any of the clowns from this show out somewhere you'd think, wow, look at these douche bags. you wouldn't find their antics cool or funny, you'd just think they were assholes. But as a result of this show, douchebaggery is now acceptable. MTV disregarded the inherent danger of making douchebaggery acceptable. Which leads me to what I call the Jurassic Park theory.


In Jurassic Park, scientists created dinosaurs in a controlled setting for monetary gain. MTV has done the same thing. They have douchebags in a controlled setting and made them likable to a large portion of the population and have used them for monetary gains. To paraphrase Ian Malcolm, the scientists of Jurassic Park were so concerned with whether or not they could create dinosaurs, that they never stopped to think about whether or not they should. MTV did the same, they were so preoccupied with whether or not they could make douchebaggery acceptable, that they never considered whether or not they should. In both situations, the main illusion was control. The scientists thought they could control dinosaurs and the people at MTV thought they could control the power of douchbaggery.
 
Now that this show has gained some momentum the people at MTV no longer have control. We're stuck seeing the situation on tv and girls getting the snookie haircut. The electric fences have gone down, and the raptors are going in and out of every paddock in the park( ie. douchebaggery has become acceptable and there is not a lot that we can do to stop this). What we have to do now is find our love ones and band together to fight for survival against douchebaggery. We need to get back to the times where dinosaurs were extinct and the times where the cast members of this show are considered morons.
 
If the people from jurassic park could survive against dinosaurs, we can survive against a handful of idiots. If you watch jersey shore, you need to stop. erase it from your dvr, don't tune into reruns, don't go see these idiots at clubs or bars, we need to completely freeze these people out. If you stop watching, we can make this whole thing go away. You're just enabling douchebaggery by watching this show. We all took health class and we know that people who enable alcoholics or drug addicts are just as guilty as the users themselves. If you really care about the future of our culture and this country, you'll stop watching this show. We're already on our way down a slippery slope, and if you care at all about the future, you'll watch something else. But don't do it for me, do it for your children and your children's children. Don't let those kids grow up in a society where douchebaggery is acceptable.

So until next time, as always.......STAY SWEET!

Gang Green's Fairy Tale

On Sunday the New York Jets look to turn this nice little run into a truly special season. They went from dead in the water to the hottest team in the playoffs. The Super Bowl is a mere 60 minutes away from them, a game that the franchise hasn't been to since 1969. No one thought they would make it this far and now they find themselves in a great position as all the pressure is on the Indianapolis Colts. They have Peyton Manning, one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time, they are playing in their home building with 75,000 fans behind them and a Super Bowl title from 2007 all working in their favor.

But here is the most interesting storyline of this game. Back in week 16, these two teams were in significantly different positions. The Colts were 14-0 with the #1 seed in the AFC locked up. The only thing they had left to play for was a perfect season. The Jets on the other hand seemed all but eliminated from the playoffs at 7-7. A loss by the Jets and they would be playing golf in January and that win would have put the Colts 1 game away from perfection. Instead of going for it, the Colts laid down. They benched their starters in the second half and allowed the Jets to take the game over, stay alive in the playoff hunt and subsequently begin their winning streak. It's ironic. The Colts had a chance to eliminate the Jets in week 16. But by giving the Jets a pulse it sparked a miraculous turnaround and now the very same Jets team has a chance to eliminate the Colts.

If I was a Colt's fan I would be nervous. I would also be extremely pissed that the Indianapolis front office denied your team a chance at immortality. We all remember the 2007 season when the New England Patriots ran the table and went 16-0 in the regular season. They won two playoff games and made it to the Super Bowl. All that stood beween them and 19-0 was the New York Football Giants. If they won the Super Bowl, and completed the perfect season they would have gone down as the greatest football team in NFL history. But they didn't. Instead they had 18 wins and 1 GIANT loss.

The Colts had a shot at 19-0. But they decided to play it conservative and not risk an injury to a star player and in doing so they unleashed the Jets, making it possible for them to get to the AFC Championship game.

The Breakdown

I made the mistake of under-estimating the female readers last week, so I will just break down the games the way I would if I was actually being paid to do it.

New York Jets @ Indianapolis Colts(-7.5)
The Jet's have been able to make their opponents play their style of football. Slow the game down, win the field position battle, and force their opponent to make mistakes. Mark Sanchez has done just enough to win, but more importantly he hasn't been making mental mistakes. The Colts know that the Jets want to run the football and I think they will stack the box and make Sanchez beat them.

The best battle of the game is going to be Darrelle Revis against Reggie Wayne. Revis has been able to take away some of the elite receivers this year, and I think he will be able to shutdown Wayne as well. However the Colts have many weapons.

How the Jets Can Win: They must stop Dallas Clark. Here's how I think it can be done: The Jets need to hit him at the line of scrimmage. If he is split out like a WR, then a linebacker must line up with him, jam him and disrupt his timing. If he is lined up tight on the line, then the Jets can not allow a free release. So much of the Colts offense depends on timing, and even slowing Clark down just a second or two could disrupt Manning's progressions. The Jets love to blitz, and the way to get Manning out of rythym is to blitz him up the middle. Attack the "A" gap (between the Center and Guard) to get a guy in his face, and hit him often.

How the Colts Can Win: They must limit the Jets running game. Mark Sanchez has the ability to win on his own, but if he is contantly in third and long situations it will be a long day for him. It's much easier to complete passes when the offense is dictating when they want to throw it, not when the defense know's the offense have to throw it. The Colts must stack the box and stop the run game by using run blitzes. Offensively, they have to protect Manning, something they have done very well this season.

Prediction: This Jets team reminds me a lot of the Giants team that won the Super Bowl. Both teams nearly missed the playoffs, had a devastating loss late in the season, had a quarterback that no one believed in, and went on a playoff run that no one that possible. The Jets are still a ways away from that Giants team, but I think they have enough magic to pull this one out. Why not?  Jets 28 Colts 27

Minnesota Vikings @ New Orleans Saints (-3.5)
Does Favre have enough left in the tank? I think he does and the Vikings will be in this game. But they have not been a good road team this year, and the Superdome will be as loud as it's ever been. There will be plenty of offense in this game and whatever defense comes to play will be the team that wins this game.

The Vikings have a dominant defensive line and caused all kinds of problems for the Cowboys last week. Drew Brees has a quick release and will have to get the ball out in rythym otherwise it will be a long day.

How the Vikings Can Win: Favre and the defense carried them last week with almost no contribution from Adrian Peterson. He has to have a big game this week, because I don't think they can outscore the Saints in their own building. If Peterson is running wild and wearing out the Saints defense it will open up the passing game and allow Favre to take advantage of weaknesses instead of trying to create weaknesses. On defense, the defensive line has to be able to get to Brees. If they can create pressure without having to bring linebackers, it will allow the Vikings to play blanket coverage, while still making Brees uncomfortable in the pocket.

How the Saints Can Win: Spread the field. Their offense can create insane mismatches because of all the weapons they have. They can lineup with 3 dynamic receivers in Colston, Henderson and Meachem but can come out in almost any formation because of Reggie Bush and Jeremy Shockey. So the defensive coaches see 3 receivers on the field but have to be prepared for 5 receivers because of what Bush and Shockey can do. The Saints are great at creating favorable mismatches and exploiting them.

Prediction: The Saints looked too overpowering last week and I don't think they can be stopped. If Reggie Bush can play like he is still at USC then no one has a chance to beat them. I think they pull away in the second half and steamroll into the Super Bowl. Saints 37 Vikings 24

I'm no expert and the so called "experts" on TV have no idea either. That's what so great about playoffs, anything can happen. I also put together another video, but this is a little different. Some of my friends are Jets fans and this is a great time for them. They rarely are shown love, so I have decided to put something together for them and their great white hope, Sexy Rexy.

Before I present you the video, I'd like to give the readers a head's up of what's on tap at ETC. As you may well know, MTV's "Jersey Shore" aired its finale on Thursday. Many people are sad to see it go, but there is one person who couldn't be happier about it. He is preparing a slam piece that is sure to generate some great reactions. Few things have generated this much anger and discontempt in another human being than this show. That person is Pasquale and he is about to rage.

So until next time, as always..........Stay Sweet!

Late Night Disgrace

Ladies and gentleman that is why I don't gamble. I went 1-3 in my NFL picks this weekend (that's genetical), and was way off when I claimed that last weekend's round of playoff games "tend to be the best of all the rounds". The first 3 games were blowouts and barely entertaining but thankfully the New York Jets threw a wrench in the plans and came through with a shocking upset.

I also, apparently, was way off with my understanding of my females readers and severly underestimated their football savvy. Here is a response from Callie, who wins the award for best comment in ETC's history to date....

Caz- As much as I appreciate your nod to the female race in the world of men's sports, I have to say that I've watched football- the Jets in particular- with as much love, self-loathing, dejection, and intoxicating euphoria as the next fantasy-obsessed wannabe jock that you call out to with vigor, all season long. I do agree with the majority of your projections, though, so I guess I should just know my role and smile blankly while sipping my coors light in front of the big screen this weekend. Sigh. Girls never win.

Good job by Callie, I knew I always liked you. From now on I will treat the female readers as football equals. It's about time, I mean we do have an African-American in the White House after all.

In other news, I heard that Katy Perry is engaged to Russell Brand, something I am still struggling to comprehend. For those of you that don't know, Russell Brand is the guy who played the British rocker in Forgetting Sarah Marshall a character that was entirely too close to his real life person. He is a recovering sex and drug addict and has somehow managed to land Katy Perry. This doesn't seem to make any sense to me and this relationship is begging for infidelity and trust issues. This is like hiring Snoop Dogg to be a D.A.R.E. officer; it's got problems written all over it. This tell's me 1 of 2 things. Either Katy Perry is a freak in the sheets, or this is the modern day Whitney and Bobby Brown. I got my money on the latter.

But let's move on to the real reason for today's post. NBC has decided to pull the plug on Conan O'Brien and the Tonight Show and move Jay Leno back to the 11:30 time slot. In a move that even Benedict Arnold would call wrong, NBC has somehow managed to make itself look worse then it already does. Conan is getting the royal screw job and I can only hope that his talent is rewarded with a new show on a new network. He waited for 5 years while NBC promised him the Tonight Show, just to have it taken away after 7 months. I love all the NBC/Leno bashing that is going on by people like Jimmy Kimmel, Ricky Gervais and Seth Meyers. Here are a few of  my favorite jokes so far...

"Hosting 'The Tonight Show' has been the fulfillment of a life-long dream for me. And I just want to say to the kids out their watching, you can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it, too."-Conan

"It's disappointing knowing that soon I won't have a show, but Snooki and The Situation will"-Conan

"At the Golden Globes, Julia Roberts said 'NBC was in the toilet'. Yeah, NBC was upset but toilets were furious"-Conan

(talking about the rain at the golden globes) "NBC said it was going to rain at 10, but then they moved it to 11:30" -Tom Hanks

(also talking about the rain) "It's not rain, its God crying for NBC"-Tina Fey (whose show airs on NBC)

Seth Meyers summed it up pretty well in this video.....

It's amazing how this is playing out, but there was a perfect example of this that happened a few years ago in the sports world. I think this is a good warning to Jay Leno.

You all remember when the Green Bay Packers drafted Aaron Rodgers to be their quarterback of the future? The only problem was that the Packers already had an icon at quarterback in Brett Favre. Except that he was getting old and just not performing the way he used to and people were ready for him to retire. The Packers told Aaron to wait a few years, perfect his game and sometime in the near future he will be the star quarterback. And then finaly Favre retired and we all prepared for Rodgers to take over just to find out a few months later that Favre wanted back. He decided to unretire, demand to start, wanted his old job back and made a huge mess in Green Bay. Fast foward a few years. People hate Favre now for being a primadona and not accepting that his time has past. Aaron Rodgers looks like a revelation, becoming a star in the NFL and more importantly everyone seems to love him.

I hope this happens for Conan. He is far too talented for NBC, a once great network that was home to Seinfeld, Cheers and Friends. As Seth Meyers said, there's a lot of pressure on Chuck now. So until next time, as always....Stay Sweet!

And support Team Conan.

NFL Playoffs

Hola ETC readers. This weekend is one of the best football weekends of the year. It's the second round of the playoffs and only 8 teams remain. Of all the playoff weekends, I like this one the best. You still have 4 games to watch, 2 on Saturday and 2 on Sunday and generally speaking the best games occur this weekend. That is because teams have been eliminated that either squeaked into the playoffs or just weren't playing good football. So the talent level is higher than last week and the players realize they one game closer to the Super Bowl.

So to get you fired up for the weekend I've decided to unveil my first video that I have made for the blog. But before I do that, I've got say a few things about the weekend.

I realize that the majority of the male viewers are well aware of who is playing, what is at stake and every key matchup to watch. However I cannot leave our female readers out to dry. So ladies, I'm going to try and get you interested in the games and give you some advice and things to talk about if you find yourself at a party or bar with guys who are enthralled with the games.

1. Guys love football, but they love watching football even more. We don't want to miss the start of the games, so resist the urge to ask if you can catch up on Gossip Girl episodes before or between the games.

2. The Saints/Cardinals game is going to a "shoot-out" meaning there will be a lot of scoring and a lot of passing. If you want to impress a guy, talk about Kurt Warner's ability to complete passes against the blitz, and that you think his veteran leadership will really make a difference. Even if you don't understand what you're saying, he will.

3. Despite having a rookie head coach and a rookie quarterback, you think that the Jet's can win the game if they can run the football and not turn the ball over. (This is very cliched and obvious, but if you're a beginner at talking football to guys, this should do the trick. Consider it the "bunny hill" of football talk)

4. When talking about the games, less is more. Especially if you're not a true fan or don't really know what you're talking about. Use one of these talking points that I'm laying out for you and then let the guy control the conversation. Chances are he will be so happy that you're interested he will tell you everything you need to know.

5. Peyton Manning might be the best quarterback of all time, not just the funny guy that does commercials with Justin Timberlake.

I hope that helps ladies. But now on to my picks. Our resident expert, MP4, is so swamped with work that his company has sent him away from society to the frozen tundra of Maine. It's so bad that he may not even be able to watch his beloved J-E-T-S JETS! JETS! JETS! Let's all say a quiet prayer that he finds a way to watch the game. So I will do my best to fill in for him, which is no easy task I might add.

Cardinals (+7) over Saints- The playoff rule is never pick the underdog unless you think they can win outright. Well I think they will win outright. They are on a role, and the Saints lost their last 3 games of the season. It used to be that the bye week was desired in the playoffs, but lately the hottest team has had the edge. It will be a tough atmosphere, but I think the Cardinals pull it out on the road. Cardinals 37- Saints 34.

Colts (-6.5) over Ravens- I love how the Ravens are playing, and the same can be said about the Colts as previously said about the Saints. They've lost their last 2 games and are coming off the bye week. But they sat Peyton Manning most of the last 2 games and they just aren't the same team with Manning on the Bench. Ravens will definitely keep it close, and may even have the lead in the 4th quarter, but Manning will not lose this game at home. Colts 24 Ravens 17.

Cowboys (+3) over Vikings- It pains me to pick the Cowboys, but I think they are playing great football. Romo is shockingly playing his best ball of the season, in the playoffs no less, and they have a power run game to match. The Vikings only chance is to hope that Adrian Peterson has a day because I think Favre is too run down and too old to pull it out. Cowboys 30-Vikings 24

Chargers (-7) over Jets- I think the Chargers just have too much firepower for the Jets to stop. If Sanchez can play as well as he did last week the Jets have a very real shot. But I think he is going to have to throw it more then 15 times this week, and if he completes around 20 passes, the Jets win. But I don't think that will happen. Chargers 28 Jets 26.

I've watched a lot of football and made a lot of picks, but I honestly don't feel confident about any of these games. It wouldn't surprise me if any team won this weekend, which makes a recipe for great games. So without further adieu, here is the video I put together to get you fired up for the weekend. For optimal enjoyment, jack up the volume and watch in full screen mode. Enjoy the games, and until next time, as always.....STAY SWEET!

Decade in Review Part 2

It's about time we got to Part 2 of my Decade in Review. In case you missed part 1, I'll make it real easy for you to not miss it. By clicking Part 1 you will have instant access to part 1. In order to make sure people are reading the blog I've got to make it easy for them, for I fear, in this new decade our laziness may be reaching unimaginable heights (is that sentence 140 characters or less? LMFAO) I hope my sarcasm translates.

Best Celebrity Scandal

3. Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston/Angelina Jolie Love Triangle- On the one hand you had the pure, wholesome seemingly perfect wife in Jennifer Aniston. On the other you had the bad ass, mysterious, pure sexual force that is Angelina. Pitt and Aniston seemed happily married until he went and made the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith. And after seeing that movie I gotta say I can't hate Brad for that. Pitt had to pay for that by adopting 37 children and you gotta wonder if it was worth it. I don't know if it was, but Angie, I'd be willing to find out. Call me.

2. Nipple-gate- If you recall, I hate using the term "gate" to label a scandal but in this case its easier than calling it "the wardrobe malfunction at the Superbowl with Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake". Interesting side note...unlike the majority of America, I actually didn't get to see this. The reason being that I was too drunk because I went to a Superbowl party at Hall of Fame quarterback Jim Kelly's house. I once saw a Dana Carvey standup in which he talked about smoking weed with Paul McCartney and he said "I don't condone smoking pot, but if a Beatle passes you a joint you toke that shit". Well sports fans, I don't condone drinking illegal liquor, but if a Hall of Famer gives you moonshine, you drink that shit.

1. Britney's Meltdown- I don't know what happened to the sweet girl that told me to "hit her baby one more time" (a life altering moment for me) but in a few short years Britney went from sex godess to bald. Most people think she went off the deep end when she married her friend in Vegas for 2 days or when she married Joba the Hut aka Kevin Federline a few months after her Vegas mishap. My theory is that she was never the same after Justin Timerblake came out with "Cry Me a River". That song and video was so intense that even Mother Theresa would have been destroyed by it. The rest as they say, is history. Timberlake's career skyrocketed and Britney's came to a screeching, buzz cut demise. She's making a comeback which is good to see, but to me she will always be the school girl whose picture hung above my bed. We'll always have 1998 Britney.


HONORABLE MENTIONS: Tiger's Sexcapades, Elliot Spitzer, Chris Brown/Rihanna, Martha Stewart Goes To Jail- Someone should make a movie about Martha Stewart going to prison, I just don't know which interpretation would be best. I think Martha as the Denzel role in The Hurricane would be the most entertaining. Imagine Martha locked in the hole, talking to herself about curtains, pot roasts and tapestries. I would definitely go see that movie.

Worst Trends of the Decade

3. Vampires- This whole vampire trend started with Twilight and has really spiraled out of control. I hate Twilight, True Blood and every other ridiculous vampire book, movie or story that makes vampires look like brooding Boy Band heart-throbs. Bram Stoker would be spinning in his grave if he saw how vampires are being portrayed today and I hope he is currently haunting and mentally tormenting the author of Twilight. If vampires actually did exist and you tried to flirt with said vampire, that vampire would rip your head off, drink your blood, stare down at your lifeless body and laugh at how much of a sucker you were. I have a simple solution as to how to end this revolting trend. Someone get Wes Craven on the phone, show him Twilight and beg him to make the scariest possible movie about a murderous, scheming vampire that makes Nightmare on Elm Street and Scream seem like Disney movies. That rant felt terrific.

2. Text Talk Jargon- I love texting and am a frequent texter, but I DESPISE text talk jargon. Things like LMAO, LMFAO, TTYL, BBF, BBM, GMAFB and every other nonsense term that we are too lazy to write. And some of them are so idiotic that I feel dumber for living while people text them, tweet them, BBM them or whatever they hell they do them without saying the full expression. LMAO, Laughing My Ass Off. Really? I blame this on the first person to say ASAP instead of "as soon as possible". Damn you whoever you are.

1. Celeb-reality- This is easily the worst trend of the decade. Generally speaking I hate all reality television (the lone exception being Jersey Shore) but I can see why some people like American Idol or The Biggest Loser. But there is nothing worse on television then celeb-reality; reality shows that follow C or D list "celebrities" around. It started with "The Simple Life" and "The Surreal Life" and now we have such garbage like Kathy Griffin, Brooke Hogan, Tila Tequila, Flava Flav, and the Kardashians dominating your television. Proof that the world is slowly coming to an end...Spencer Pratt and Heidi. I am working on a theory that applies all the major time periods of human history to every major era in television. Celeb-reality represents the Dark Ages and I am anxiously awaiting the Enlightenment and Renaissance.


(DIS)HONORABLE MENTIONS: CSI Spinoffs, Too many late night shows- The majority of my frustrations lie in the top 3, but these two are getting annoiying as well. How many cities currently have a CSI show? Las Vegas, Miami and New York. But there are so many shows just like it, Cold Case, NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, Without a Trace yada yada yada. How about some creativity people. However, these are much more preferable then celeb-reality. And what's with all the Late Night Shows nowadays. Letterman, Leno, Conan, Fallon, Ferguson, Lopez, Wanda Sykes, when is it going to end? I watch Conan and Fallon and that's it. It's time to send the Leno and Lopez shows to hang with Johnny Carson. Because all Late Night hosts go to heaven.


Best Trends of the Decade

3. DVR/Tivo/On Demand- It's hard to imagine life without these amazing, incredible features. Remember when you had to try and set your VCR if you were going to miss a TV show. That was such a pain in the ass. 9 times out of 10 you messed it up. You would get back from whatever it was that took you away from your favorite show, put the tape in the VCR expecting to see the latest Seinfeld episode, but instead you recorded the late local news. And back in those days if you missed an episode, you missed it. You had no way of rewatching it. If you got lucky your show was in syndication and you might be able to catch a rerun. Thankfully those days are over. Now you can watch your favorite shows whenever you want. You can pause, rewind and fast foward through commercials. Its utopia.

2. TV Shows on DVD- Are you picking up on a theme? The idea is similar to those in number 3 in that it revolutionized how we watch our tv shows. Now we dont have to wait a full week to follow the plot of our favorite shows. This has also created the "Marathon Effect", a documented phenomenal that increases your enjoyment of a show exponentially when you watch it continuously as compared to watching it week by week. It is so much easier to get addicted to a TV show when you can watch a whole season in a weekend (something I've done a few times with Entourage. Seasons 1 and 2 just might be the best Marathon of any show on DVD and if you haven't already done this then I highly recommend you do it).

1. High Definition- Need I say more. In all its shining, crystal clear glory HD has made the world a better place. Everything is better in HD. Except for 60 Minutes. It's proof Andy Rooney should not have lived this long.

Thing I Will Miss The Most About the Decade

I thought long and hard (thats what she said) about this topic. The obvious answer that came to my mind was college. Let's be honest, if you dont miss college, you're either still in college haven't been out of college long enough or went to a dry campus school.

Because with college comes parties, sleeping in, taking naps, eating fast food without consequence, hours of video games, drinking games, free time, late nights and all the other great things that you take for granted. But then again, the decade is new and fresh and who knows what might come next that will make us miss something we didn't expect......

That wraps up my 2 part Decade in Review. I'd be curious to hear some thoughts of the readers about anything that you either agree with or if I missed something major.

I have some improvements to make at ETC ETC ETC. The blog is still young and impressionable and it needs a shot of life. Like Kramer when he turned his apartment into the Merv Griffin show, we need to retool. After all, it is a new decade and I plan to add videos, podcasts and email interaction/feedback. Having said that, the core of the blog remains intact and you can expect the same great contributions from my illustious colleagues. So until next time, as always....STAY SWEET!

Decade in Review Part 1

Happy new year everybody and with the new year it also brings a new decade. A fresh canvas to make your mark. With the 2000's officially in the books I decided to take a look back. I don't even know what this decade is called actually. Is it the two thousands, the 00's, I don't know. My vote is for James Bond years. How much cooler does 2007 sound when you refer to is as 007.

"Remember when you sang 'Born to Run' at kareoke and completely butchered it?
"When was that, 007? that was a great year."

So I've decided to break the decade down and remember some of the best and worsts of the 00's (that's double o's). There's plenty to cover so I've decided to make this a two part entry.

Best Comedy Movie of the Decade:

3. 40 Year Old Virgin- Launched Steve Carell into the comedic force that he is now. Absolutely hysterical and also began the whole Judd Apatow revolution. Great supporting roles from Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen.

2. Old School- This movie changed my entire understanding of comedy movies. Iconic movie, and some would probably put this at number 1 and I wouldn't argue if you did. Frank the Tank is born from Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn returned to his Swingers days in a performance for the ages. Who hasn't yelled out "You're my boy blue!"

1. Wedding Crashers- The first 20 minutes of this movie are as good as any comedy movie ever. It does tail off a little at the end and become a quasi chick flick, but there are enough truly funny moments for this to be my number 1 comedy of the decade. Vince Vaughn is at his best in this movie and the chemistry between Owen Wilson and Vaughn is perfect. Solid supporting roles from Christopher Walken, Bradley Cooper, Will Ferrell and Todd.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: The Hangover, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Borat, Anchorman, Knocked Up, Superbad. - All are worthy contenders but have flaws compared with my top 3. I would put The Hangover in the top 5 but its only been a few months and it needs to hold up to the re-watchability factor. Borat is hilarious, but really falls off after the first viewing. Anchorman is one of my personal favorites but people either hate it or love it. Superbad would fall into the top 5, but just misses the top 3.

Best Movie of the Decade:

3. The Departed- Leo and Damon carry this gangster flick and make it one of the best of decade. Tremendous performances from Wahlberg, Nicholson, Baldwin and many others. It's intense, suspenseful and funny, yet doesn't lose its storyline. It won the Oscar for best picture and finally Scorsese won a best director award.

2. Lord of the Rings Trilogy- The visual world and effects created in these movies are amazing. Yes I'm slightly cheating by lumping 3 movies into 1 but as a continuous story it has to rank as one of the best of the decade. The 3rd installment, Return of the King won 11 Academy Awards, sweeping its nominations, something only 2 other films have ever done. It's the first and only fantasy movie to win a best picture oscar. Yes, it is a little out there and science fictiony but a great movie.

1. Gladiator- It's hard to believe that this movie was in the 2000s, but it was released exactly in 2000. Russell Crowe carries this movie and delivers an amazing performance as Maximus. Not only do I think this is the best movie of the decade, I think it is one of the best movies of all time. It's even good on TNT despite being edited.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Almost Famous, The Dark Knight, No Country For Old Men, Slumdog Millionaire, A Beautiful Mind, Michael Clayton, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind- These are all very enjoyable movies, but don't quite make the list. Almost Famous is very underrated and seems to get better the more I watch it. The Dark Knight is the most entertaining of the honorables, but Maggie Gyllenhall just doesn't cut it for me. Heath Ledger is simply amazing and the Joker will go down as one of the greatest characters of all time. Michael Clayton and Eternal Sunshine lose their luster after the first viewing, but still quality movies. No Country was nearly perfect, but it had a terrible ending which knocked it out of the top 3.

Best Comedy TV Show:

3. The Office- The minutiae of office life is perfectly summed up in this show. It's offbeat and irreverent but it is very funny. Single handily brought back the expression "that's what she said" and has solidified Steve Carell's career.

2. 30 Rock- The show about a show. Tina Fey is the creative force behind this show and her SNL humor has carried over to a great show. The best character is played by Alec Baldwin, as the wise cracking, whispering smart ass studio head.

1. Curb Your Enthusiasm- Can't get enough of Larry David and his almost unbearably uncomfortable show. Some might disagree with this, but this is the closest we get to Seinfeld. Leon Black has become one of my favorite characters on tv. What's most impressive is that this show is 90% improv.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Entourage, Arrested Development, Family Guy, Scrubs, How I Met Your Mother- These shows have there moments but either fell off or never lasted long enough. The first 3 seasons of Entourage are priceless but the last few haven't been as strong. The same can be said for Scrubs and How I Met Your Mother, they had strong starts, not nearly as good as Entourage, but severely fell off. Arrested Development is so strange its hysterical. But it only lasted for 2 seasons before it was cancelled.

Best Show of the Decade:

3. The West Wing- One of the best written shows I've ever seen. There were so many characters and problems yet you never felt it was moving away from its central story. At times a little too political, but very captivating.

2. Band of Brothers- I debated making this number 1, but it's technically a mini-series not a tv show. But again I'm blurring the lines. If you haven't seen this series I highly recommend you go rent this. Its from Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks as it follows the 101st Airborne Division during WWII.

1. The Sopranos- Despite its cop-out of an ending, its still the best show of the decade. At it's peak it was one of the best shows ever. Tony Soprano is such a great villian that despite being a vile human being, you were rooting for him. That's not an easy task. It was complex, intense, edgy and even at times very funny. Not to mention there were some great characters like Big Pussy, Ralphie, Paulie Walnuts and many others.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Freaks and Geeks, Ed, The Wire, Madmen : These shows all flew under the radar for the most part. The Wire was fantastic and cracks the top 5, and its best season can compete with any show I've seen. For some unexplainable reason it didn't grab my attention the way the top 3 did. Ed is probably my favorite show (non-comedy that is) that I've seen, but not many people agree with that. The bowling alley lawyer connected with me for reasons I don't really know. Freaks and Geeks is the best show that you haven't seen, and would compete for top honors if it wasn't cancelled way too early. I never got into Madmen, but I've only heard good things and it will be on my list to rent.


That's it for Part I of the decade in review. Stay tuned for Part II coming later this week. Some of the awesome topics that will be covered include the best sports team of the decade, the biggest celebrity scandal, as well as the best and worst trends of the decade. Until next time, as always.....STAY SWEET.