Decade in Review Part 2

It's about time we got to Part 2 of my Decade in Review. In case you missed part 1, I'll make it real easy for you to not miss it. By clicking Part 1 you will have instant access to part 1. In order to make sure people are reading the blog I've got to make it easy for them, for I fear, in this new decade our laziness may be reaching unimaginable heights (is that sentence 140 characters or less? LMFAO) I hope my sarcasm translates.

Best Celebrity Scandal

3. Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston/Angelina Jolie Love Triangle- On the one hand you had the pure, wholesome seemingly perfect wife in Jennifer Aniston. On the other you had the bad ass, mysterious, pure sexual force that is Angelina. Pitt and Aniston seemed happily married until he went and made the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith. And after seeing that movie I gotta say I can't hate Brad for that. Pitt had to pay for that by adopting 37 children and you gotta wonder if it was worth it. I don't know if it was, but Angie, I'd be willing to find out. Call me.

2. Nipple-gate- If you recall, I hate using the term "gate" to label a scandal but in this case its easier than calling it "the wardrobe malfunction at the Superbowl with Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake". Interesting side note...unlike the majority of America, I actually didn't get to see this. The reason being that I was too drunk because I went to a Superbowl party at Hall of Fame quarterback Jim Kelly's house. I once saw a Dana Carvey standup in which he talked about smoking weed with Paul McCartney and he said "I don't condone smoking pot, but if a Beatle passes you a joint you toke that shit". Well sports fans, I don't condone drinking illegal liquor, but if a Hall of Famer gives you moonshine, you drink that shit.

1. Britney's Meltdown- I don't know what happened to the sweet girl that told me to "hit her baby one more time" (a life altering moment for me) but in a few short years Britney went from sex godess to bald. Most people think she went off the deep end when she married her friend in Vegas for 2 days or when she married Joba the Hut aka Kevin Federline a few months after her Vegas mishap. My theory is that she was never the same after Justin Timerblake came out with "Cry Me a River". That song and video was so intense that even Mother Theresa would have been destroyed by it. The rest as they say, is history. Timberlake's career skyrocketed and Britney's came to a screeching, buzz cut demise. She's making a comeback which is good to see, but to me she will always be the school girl whose picture hung above my bed. We'll always have 1998 Britney.


HONORABLE MENTIONS: Tiger's Sexcapades, Elliot Spitzer, Chris Brown/Rihanna, Martha Stewart Goes To Jail- Someone should make a movie about Martha Stewart going to prison, I just don't know which interpretation would be best. I think Martha as the Denzel role in The Hurricane would be the most entertaining. Imagine Martha locked in the hole, talking to herself about curtains, pot roasts and tapestries. I would definitely go see that movie.

Worst Trends of the Decade

3. Vampires- This whole vampire trend started with Twilight and has really spiraled out of control. I hate Twilight, True Blood and every other ridiculous vampire book, movie or story that makes vampires look like brooding Boy Band heart-throbs. Bram Stoker would be spinning in his grave if he saw how vampires are being portrayed today and I hope he is currently haunting and mentally tormenting the author of Twilight. If vampires actually did exist and you tried to flirt with said vampire, that vampire would rip your head off, drink your blood, stare down at your lifeless body and laugh at how much of a sucker you were. I have a simple solution as to how to end this revolting trend. Someone get Wes Craven on the phone, show him Twilight and beg him to make the scariest possible movie about a murderous, scheming vampire that makes Nightmare on Elm Street and Scream seem like Disney movies. That rant felt terrific.

2. Text Talk Jargon- I love texting and am a frequent texter, but I DESPISE text talk jargon. Things like LMAO, LMFAO, TTYL, BBF, BBM, GMAFB and every other nonsense term that we are too lazy to write. And some of them are so idiotic that I feel dumber for living while people text them, tweet them, BBM them or whatever they hell they do them without saying the full expression. LMAO, Laughing My Ass Off. Really? I blame this on the first person to say ASAP instead of "as soon as possible". Damn you whoever you are.

1. Celeb-reality- This is easily the worst trend of the decade. Generally speaking I hate all reality television (the lone exception being Jersey Shore) but I can see why some people like American Idol or The Biggest Loser. But there is nothing worse on television then celeb-reality; reality shows that follow C or D list "celebrities" around. It started with "The Simple Life" and "The Surreal Life" and now we have such garbage like Kathy Griffin, Brooke Hogan, Tila Tequila, Flava Flav, and the Kardashians dominating your television. Proof that the world is slowly coming to an end...Spencer Pratt and Heidi. I am working on a theory that applies all the major time periods of human history to every major era in television. Celeb-reality represents the Dark Ages and I am anxiously awaiting the Enlightenment and Renaissance.


(DIS)HONORABLE MENTIONS: CSI Spinoffs, Too many late night shows- The majority of my frustrations lie in the top 3, but these two are getting annoiying as well. How many cities currently have a CSI show? Las Vegas, Miami and New York. But there are so many shows just like it, Cold Case, NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, Without a Trace yada yada yada. How about some creativity people. However, these are much more preferable then celeb-reality. And what's with all the Late Night Shows nowadays. Letterman, Leno, Conan, Fallon, Ferguson, Lopez, Wanda Sykes, when is it going to end? I watch Conan and Fallon and that's it. It's time to send the Leno and Lopez shows to hang with Johnny Carson. Because all Late Night hosts go to heaven.


Best Trends of the Decade

3. DVR/Tivo/On Demand- It's hard to imagine life without these amazing, incredible features. Remember when you had to try and set your VCR if you were going to miss a TV show. That was such a pain in the ass. 9 times out of 10 you messed it up. You would get back from whatever it was that took you away from your favorite show, put the tape in the VCR expecting to see the latest Seinfeld episode, but instead you recorded the late local news. And back in those days if you missed an episode, you missed it. You had no way of rewatching it. If you got lucky your show was in syndication and you might be able to catch a rerun. Thankfully those days are over. Now you can watch your favorite shows whenever you want. You can pause, rewind and fast foward through commercials. Its utopia.

2. TV Shows on DVD- Are you picking up on a theme? The idea is similar to those in number 3 in that it revolutionized how we watch our tv shows. Now we dont have to wait a full week to follow the plot of our favorite shows. This has also created the "Marathon Effect", a documented phenomenal that increases your enjoyment of a show exponentially when you watch it continuously as compared to watching it week by week. It is so much easier to get addicted to a TV show when you can watch a whole season in a weekend (something I've done a few times with Entourage. Seasons 1 and 2 just might be the best Marathon of any show on DVD and if you haven't already done this then I highly recommend you do it).

1. High Definition- Need I say more. In all its shining, crystal clear glory HD has made the world a better place. Everything is better in HD. Except for 60 Minutes. It's proof Andy Rooney should not have lived this long.

Thing I Will Miss The Most About the Decade

I thought long and hard (thats what she said) about this topic. The obvious answer that came to my mind was college. Let's be honest, if you dont miss college, you're either still in college haven't been out of college long enough or went to a dry campus school.

Because with college comes parties, sleeping in, taking naps, eating fast food without consequence, hours of video games, drinking games, free time, late nights and all the other great things that you take for granted. But then again, the decade is new and fresh and who knows what might come next that will make us miss something we didn't expect......

That wraps up my 2 part Decade in Review. I'd be curious to hear some thoughts of the readers about anything that you either agree with or if I missed something major.

I have some improvements to make at ETC ETC ETC. The blog is still young and impressionable and it needs a shot of life. Like Kramer when he turned his apartment into the Merv Griffin show, we need to retool. After all, it is a new decade and I plan to add videos, podcasts and email interaction/feedback. Having said that, the core of the blog remains intact and you can expect the same great contributions from my illustious colleagues. So until next time, as always....STAY SWEET!