Due to the unpredicted success of this blog I have been invited to attend a writing summit that will be taking place at the Jersey Shore for the remainder of the week. The Princeton is calling and damn it who am I to turn them down. So what does that mean? A spike in readership? Presumably. Increased advertising on Google Blogs? You bet. A one year subscription to the "jelly of the month club"? That's the gift that keeps on giving. But more importantly it means there wont be a Friday blog. So to make up for it we have an excellent piece, choc full o' topics and quite lengthy. But last time I checked, size matters. We've got the best Fab 5 to date from Pasquale. We have an update on the Pauper's cross country journey. And we will have a stellar op/ed piece from Steamin Willie Beamen so lets get right into this.
"The Pauper"
The Pauper has now officially been on the road for 4 days of his cross country trip. Prior to his departure I asked that he send me 1 text message a week to give me his location, and I will fill in the details. Well this morning I was pleasantly surprised to get a text from him. Originally the Pauper told me that he was going to fall off the grid on this trip and use his phone as little as possible. We should all feel very lucky that the Pauper is so dedicated to the blog that he broke his cell phone rule to keep us informed. Heres what he said...
May 26, 2009 11:30AM : "at the ohio state university listening to hendrix watchtower"
So based on the principles of detection, heres how I have pieced together the Pauper's trip. He began on an innocent enough day, a Saturday in fact. He packed a small bag with a few of his favorite t-shirts and 1 pair of clean underwear. He laid out a few feather bed mattresses through the trunk and back seat, a place that for the next 2 months will serve as his bedroom. With the wind in his flowing hair and the ipod blaring "Born To Be Wild", the Pauper hit the open road. The time through CT and New York were nothing special, as hes been there too many times to count. But as he passed through PA he immediately realized the merits of this trip. With his mind at ease, PA never looked so good to anyone as it did at that moment to the Pauper. Overwhelmed by the beauty of nature, the Pauper decided to stop at one of natures greatest landmarks, the Great Lakes. And en route to HOMES he decided to check out THE Ohio State University. If I know the Pauper like I think do, his next stop will be the gateway to the west, St. Louie. And when he does send me the next text message I will no doubt create the next chapter in "The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Journey of Enlightenment"
"Fab 5"
If you're like me then you have been waiting with baited breath for the next edition of the Fab 5. And it is has exceeded even my own lofty expectations. Stop what your doing and pay close attention to the words on the screen...
5 to hate
James Harrison – Worst excuse of all time for not going to the White House. “As far as I’m concerned he would have invited the Cardinals if they had won” You know what James, as far as I’m concerned you’re right. As far as I’m concerned that is the way it works. If you didn’t want to go just say so, or show up the day after and pretend you got the day wrong like Larry David on Curb.
Rachael Ray – Does it get any more annoying than Rachael Ray? Grossly over exposed now with dunkin donuts commercials and multiple tv shows. Do us a favor Rachael stop laughing at your own jokes and just go away.
Craig Sager – Hands down the worst suits on TV. One of many sideline reporters who ask horrendous questions with obvious answers. I’m sure talking to some moron with bad questions and a hideous suit is exactly what nba coaches want to do between quarters. Here is a radical idea for Sager and the networks, how about you let the coaches coach? Then after the game you can ask them bad questions. I’d pay money to see a coach say to Sager, “Craig, that question sucked and I refuse to answer it until you get a respectable looking black suit”
Justin Long – Arrogant little prick from the Mac commercials. I actually like Macs, but his arrogance in the commercials makes me sympathize with the PC guy. I’d love to see the PC smack him in the face with a lap top when he makes one of his snide remarks. Then after Long is lying on the floor the PC can realize that there really are some good uses for Macs. Also, his role in the last die hard film infuriates me. Does anyone really think John Mclean needs the help of some little bitch like Justin Long? I didn’t think so.
David Schwimmer – His stints on Curb and The Wonder Years are not enough to save him from being on the 5 to hate list. The worst actor on one of the most overrated TV series of all time. His role as Captain Sobel in band of brothers is probably his best work. In case you haven’t seen that, his character was pretty much a punk, whom no one trusted, respected or cared to be around. The role was such a natural fit for him, how could it not be his best performance?
"Steamin Willie Beamen"
Today's op/ed piece from Willie Beamen is titled "L.A. Love Story". Before you read, you should know when he mentions "the purple haze" he is referring to his 1994 purple Volkswagon Jetta, a car that has many drives from Richmond to New England in it, and that was so close to being scrapped for parts on its deathbed that for our entire junior year of college the car was dead and didn't move from the best parking spot in the lot. So here is Steamin.....
...Or maybe I should call it the ramblings of a boy in Sunny Arctic Portland, Maine.
For many years I have had a small love affair with the opposite coast and its "City of Angels". It gave me two of my favorite movies, L.A.Confidential and Heat. LAC has multiple amazing performances by, "In His Prime" Kevin Spacey, the break out performance of "Bad Ass"Russell Crowe, and not to mention the very underrated performances by Guy Pierce and Danny Devito. Great movie that does not crack the top ten but is a solid 25 in my book. Heat on the other hand can find its way into any top ten you could make up, best action, best gangster,best good vs evil (pacino v de niro), best val kilmer...ok maybe too far. But any way you look at it Heat has everything you would want from a movie...
Vincent Hanna: "You know, we are sitting here, you and I, like a couple of regular fellas. You do what you do, and I do what I gottado. And now that we've been face to face, if I'm there and I gotta put you away, I won't like it. But I tell you, if it's between you and some poor bastard whose wife you're gonna turn into a widow, brother,you are going down.
Neil McCauley: "There is a flip side to that coin. What if you do got me boxed in and I gotta put you down? Cause no matter what, you will not get in my way. We've been face to face,yeah. But I will not hesitate. Not for a second." This scene is in a coffee shop...could you imagine being the dude sitting next to them catching any part of that convo. Epic.
Back to Hell A. It gave me my favorite bowl game. The Rose Bowl or True National Championship every year before the BCS. I have had the chance to attend and it really is the Big Daddy of Them All. Countless Michigan teams roll to Big Ten Dominance. C-Wood, Tommy Brady,A-Train, Tim Biakabatuka, Brian Grease, and the list goes on and on and on...
Los Angeles was a city that I loved to visit and one that I wanted to live in. These thoughts almost became a reality when the city of L.A.was given the gift of an early Christmas on Thursday July 31, 2008. I almost went Pauper and packed up the Purple Haze and went west. The departure of Manuel Ramirez was no doubt painful and difficult. He was the reason my favorite team was my favorite team. He was the reason why my favorite team won two world championships in 2004 and 2007. He was the reason why baseball was fun and why it was so special. I was at the 2007 Divisional Game when he hit a walk off against K-Rod and stood at Home Plate for what seemed like 5 minutes with his arms outstretched. I saw the special player and personality that is ManRam. So when he left I took notice not of what was gone but of where he was going. I saw Manny be loved and cherished and embraced by a new town with new fans. Mannywood and the dreadlock gangs are just signs that if given some latitude he can be seen for the superstar that he is. Now things took a bit of a turn but just cause Manny was trying to grow ovaries and wanted to try and have a baby Manny does not give everyone the right to start saying he is not the great player and hitter that he has always been. I mean he was hitting homers of Roger Clemens. Does that not cancel out? So I have been watching the Dodgers and thinking that it is nice to see a pro team who does not allow its fans to make the decisions and does not allow the public opinion polls of the Nation to cause it to make impulse decisions and run off the best thing that had ever happened to the Boston Red Sox...
Yet my love for Hollywood has evolved into a rooting interest for The Black Mamba...I am sick of this talk of Bron v Kobe. It is not adequate. Kobe "The Killer" Bryant aka "It's Not My Fault She Didn't know How Big it was Going to Be"..."The Black Mamba" aka "Three Champion Rings" is ten times the Basketball player as the uber athlete Queen James. Maybe the Cavs should spend more time at practice and less time planning out the photo shoot that they are going to do before the game. I can not wait till someone asks Bron why he cant win a championship and he says cause I am not that good. I am huge and jacked and tatted and nice and a good teammate and bigger then everyone else and 24 and blah blah blah...but I am not that good of a basketball player. Kobe is the best pure player alive and works harder then everyone else and has a look in his eyes that he is going to kill someone. This goes back to my KG feelings that sports are not about winning anymore they are about looking good and talking nice and being a slave to the man...Kobe is a slave to no Man and is going to ice down baby bron bron if he can even make it to the title game...
Go L.A. Go Mannywood Go Mamba and I want to end by saying that Jay Bay Bay is unreal so I'm not saying I am not happy with how it all turned out...
The Always Steamin' Willie Beamen
"What to Expect When Your Expecting"
A lot. MP4 (who has locked himself inside the library to prepare for the CPA exam) will return in winning fashion. I received a comment about Dicky's Gripe, asking Dicky to not hold back, so I am quite confident we have a gripe so rage filled that it will be borderline uncomfortable and that will be talked about for years to come. So stayed tuned ladies and gents and remember.....Stay Sweet
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
The Curious Case of TLJ
It was a wild wild weekend highlighted by the Chris Manno Charity wiffleball tournament at the Sturges compound. It was an overwhelming success, hats off to those who organized it. I only have a few things to say about that...
A) It was an honor and a privilege to play for Team Cage Bomb.
B) Doc Berg put on a pitching clinic
C) I might be destined to never eat a Crispy Chicken Chipotle Snackwrap from McDonalds
D) For more analysis check out sexton's blog oursamedifference.com
While we were busy trying to hit a filthy tennis curveball, lots was happening in the sportsworld. Lebron hit a buzzer beater in game 2 of the Eastern Conference Championship to even the series at 1-1. Yet another moment to add to the growing list of "wtf" mind-blowing moments from Bron-Bron. His freakish athletic ability has led to an interesting debate that I will now pose to the blog-o-sphere....If Lebron declared himself eligible for the NFL draft, would you pick him number 1? I would without a doubt. He was an All-State wide receiver in the football hotbed state of Ohio so the pedigree is there. He is a freak of nature at 6'8 and 270 lbs. He probably could play every position on the field except for Offensive lineman. Maybe if he really wants to be like Jordan that one day we will see him cross sports.
"Pulse of the Nation"
We now go live to our Washington D.C. correspondent, Yahtzee. He is on Capital Hill and has some thoughts on his mind. Yahtzee is one of my oldest friends, and coincidentally, one of our most loyal followers. So when he contacted me with the request of having a mailbag I thought it was a great idea. So here's the deal. If you have a comment or question that you want my opinion on you can do one of two things. 1). if you have my email address you can send it to that or 2) pose your thought on the comments portion of this blog and it will be answered (click on the pencil at the end of an entry). So now that we have that covered, I give you Yahtzee, and the pressing debate he has been engaged in....
Big game tonight - Nats vs. Mets. We have our 'ace' going (Lannan - he'd be a 5 on any other team) vs. Maine. Hoping for a win.
1. What were Tommy Lee Jones' top five movie performances?
My answer (in order):
1. Men in Black
1. What were Tommy Lee Jones' top five movie performances?
My answer (in order):
1. Men in Black
2. The Fugitive
3. Rules of Engagement
4. No Country for Old Men
5. Volcano
This is a very good topic and it prompted me to do some research on IMDB to make sure I didn't forget an epic Tommy Lee Jones performance. Before revealing my answers to this pressing question, I found some very interesting things. We all assume Tommy Lee Jones is a Hollywood fixture, but for the first 20 years of his acting career he didn't make one movie I ever heard of. Its almost like he became an overnight star after a lifetime of acting. His first credited performance came in 1970's "Love Story" and its not until 1991's "JFK" in which he made a movie that I've seen. I think this falls under the Morgan Freeman theory, that we're all are so used to seeing them as old men that we can't imagine them as ever being young. Has anyone seen him in a movie in which he didn't have the weathered, leathery skin and the well aged trademark TLJ voice? Very curious.
So with that said here is my top 5 Tommy Lee Jones performances...
1. The Fugitive-probably the defining TLJ role
2. Men in Black-underrated movie, masterful performance. came this close to making this number 1.
3. Batman Forever-His foray as Two Face was 1oox's better than Aaron Eckhart in "Dark Knight"
4.Rules of Engagement-TLJ being TLJ
5. The Client-TLJ + John Grisham = unreal
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
A jingle. That's right ladies and gentleman, a jingle. This came courtesy of Paulie Walnuts, who suggested we buy some advertising time on the radio. Anyone who's heard the 1-800 Kars for Kids commercial or freecreditreport.com commercial knows how a good jingle can get stuck in your head for days. The creative team is hard at work in the studio putting together the catchy jingle now, so keep an eye out for it. Next edition will feature pieces from MP4 and Pasquale's Fab 5. I've previewed this week's Fab 5 and I dare say its the best one yet. I'm going to try and get an update from the Pauper to see how his cross country trip is going. If we don't hear from him, I will exercise my creative liberties to fill in the blanks of the trip. Perhaps we might get a Dicky Gripe and we will check in with Steamen Willie Beamen as well. If anyone is confused about our contributors, I will do a special bio profile on them to help our readers along the way. So hopefully we will get some comments and questions for a mailbag and until next time......Stay Sweet
Friday, May 22, 2009
Earn This
In light of Memorial Day Weekend and the imminent bbq's and festivities that will ensue, I used a quote from Saving Private Ryan to give this piece its title."Earn This". Very simple. I like to think of myself, standing over Tom Hanks as he takes his last breaths as the moment I became aware of what I needed to do. "Ah, Ryan. I don't know anything about Ryan. I don't care. The man means nothing to me. It's just a name. But if... You know if going to Ridgefield and finding him so that he can write a blog. If that earns me the right to get back to my wife, then that's my mission".We have a full slate of topics to get into including the always popular "Fab 5" from Pasquale, the very first gripe from Dicky, and we will check in with MP4, who is rebounding from his first cold streak. So, here we go.
"Fab 5"
Of all the topics and sections and contributions we've had so far, this is the most talked about section. It's burning up the blog-o-sphere and almost caused my system to crash last week after I posted it. This time I am prepared and have a backup program in place as I expect a similar reaction. Well Pasquale is back with a new edition and it does not disappoint. Today we have 5 things that Pasquale loves. If you missed his first "Fab 5" you can find it in the archive to right under "Summer Blockbusters".
1. Dwight Howard - Not so much for his performance in game 7, but for his comments afterward which were directed towards espn where he told them about a new stat, the magic are 3-0 when howard calls out the coach. definitely refreshing to see an athlete harass espn.
2. Joe Mauer - a great hitter and his play to get Brett Gardner at home was top notch. Not sure if he faked the throw to first on purpose or not, but either way a great play.
3. The Wire - the best show hbo has ever had, not watched by many people, but definitely one of the best shows in the history of television. do yourself a favor, rent the first season and give it a shot and you won't be disappointed. I will preface this by saying this show asks a lot of you as a viewer, but you definitely get a lot in return.
4. Hoodsie Cups - The perfect combination of flavors and the perfect amount of ice cream. if you don't like ice cream just go with a zarros black and white cookie, same concept and also delicious.
5. Reggie Miller - I know what you're thinking, how can a knick fan like reggie miller? I'm not talking about him as a player, I'm talking about him as an announcer. He's a a very good announcer. It could be that he's paired with Marv Albert and Marv elevates everyones game and conceals other announcer's weaknesses, but I think reggie is a solid announcer, and he calls ray allen jesus shuttlesworth, gotta like that
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"It was a tough couple of days for our resident gambler MP4. He went 0-3 on his latest rounds of picks. The two baseball games that he lost are not as unsettling as the sure thing pick he made. MP4 is a die-hard fan of American Idol. He hasnt missed a minute this year and from the first time he saw Adam Lambert, he knew he would be the champion. He even went so far as to recommend you "max out the credit card, and take out a second mortgage" because Lambert was such a lock. Well as you all know Lambert did not win. There are many theories as to why, but what I can tell you for certain was MP4 was visibly distraught. Therefore, he will be taking the day off to mentally recover. Feel free to leave a comment of encouragement for MP4.
"Dicky's Gripes"
It is upon us. I have had this day circled on my calender for nearly 2 weeks. Dicky makes his debut. Someday we will look back at this moment and it will be mentioned in the same breath as man walking on the moon. Ladies and Gentleman, it is my distinct pleasure to introduce Dicky to the blog....
I was originally going to gripe about a certain radio play-by-play tandem for a team that will remain nameless (rhymes with Blankees), but a few things happened this week that sent me in another direction. 1) That would have been way too easy, and people complain about them everyday2) I found something far more obnoxious that set me off this week.
In my extensive 2 year experience in the "corporate" world (if you consider sitting in a cubicle all day the corporate world like I do) I have noticed a very frustrating and totally unnecessary trend. People seem to feel the need to speak in a different language when discussing business. Before being isolated in the corner of my office (for reasons unknown) I sat next to all of the salespeople at my company. While I have nothing against these people personally, the way they spoke just irritated me to no end.
Is it really necessary to use the following sentence when describing how you attempt to close a deal: "Well I gave him our "net net" price but he still wasn't biting so I went back and "sharpened my pencil" a little bit. I might go a little bit lower and keep "dangling that carrot" in front of him until he goes for it."
I swear to you that was an actual statement made by an actual person.
Is it so hard to just say "I need to offer him/her a lower price."? Nobody is impressed by the fact that you were somehow able to get carrot and pencil into the same sentence. I know its the business world, but can we please continue to speak like normal human beings. Is that so much to ask?
"Video of the Day"
This one comes courtesy of Who Wants to Be A Millionaire.
"I pretty much have coffee running through my veins right now. I'm feeling good". I don't even need to touch that.
"Theme Song of the Weekend"
This song/video combo is not nearly as epic as last week's "Showdown" but then again not many song/video combo's can compare to it. However it should provide you with a good vibe going into this long weekend.
"What to Expect When Your Expecting"
I'll tell you exactly what you can expect. A solid blog post on Monday. While it is a holiday, and many of you will probably be at a party somewhere, I will promise you a post. We have a lot of sports to catch up with including Red Sox/ Mets as well as the Conference playoffs updates. Who knows maybe we will even have a movie review for you, I don't know. I don't know if I'll have time. Check out Sexy's blog too, he's got a new post up http://oursamedifference.com/. Until Monday....Stay Sweet.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
10 Movies I Hate
For years, my knock was that I never saw a movie I didn't like. Well today I am here to refute that statement. But I have a theory as to why people think this. It's because whenever I go see a movie and my friends ask me how it was, I usually say something like "it was good" or "it was sick". But here's my explanation. I only go to movies that I think I would like. For instance, I recently went to see Wolverine and Star Trek because I thought they would be good and they were. On the other hand, I know that 17 Again probably is terrible movie and therefore I'm not going to see it.Now does that mean, every movie that I go see is good? No. But part of my assessment for a movie is whether or not it entertained me. These are your typical action movies (usually with someone like Nic Cage in the title role) that are poorly written, but somehow turn out to be an enjoyable flick, even though you know its a bad movie (Con Air). It would be easy for me to a make a list of 10 movies that I hate that included such gems as Who's Your Caddy and Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. But that would be a cop out and I refuse to insult the intelligence of my readers.
So I have taken the 10 movies and broken them down into several categories....
- Highly Overrated- Movies that may not be terrible, but certainly are not as good as hyped
- Very Disappointing- Movies that had a lot of potential/expectations, but were flat out bad
- Straight Hate- Movies that I straight hate
- The Worst Movies of All-Time- I think you get the idea
Next to each movie i will but a number 1-10 in parentheses to rank where they stand on the top 10 list. 1 being my all time most hated movie, 10 being not as bad.
Highly Overrated
Pulp Fiction (9)- Don't get me wrong, Tarantino has had an enormous impact on movies. This is his second major movie, after the much better debut film Reservoir Dogs. This movie had way too many weird/f'd up parts that detracted from the main dynamic of Travolta and Jackson. Those two made the movie, and if I were to ask you what stands out from this movie chances are its those two talking about a quarter pounder w/cheese or Sam Jackson developing his trademark yelling voice. If you want the Tarantino Experience I recommend Reservoir Dogs.
Crash (8)- Probably the worst movie to ever win a Best Picture Academy Award. It won just because people were shocked that a movie could weave 6 separate story lines into one "crash" ending. Look past the stylishness and all you have is a movie about racists.
Very Disappointing
Superman Returns (7)- There was a lot of hope that yet another comic book remake would dominate. But I did not like this offering. Kevin Spacey was terrific as Lex Luther, but he's always good as the villain. Superman can do anything, and with CGI you literally can do anything but all they did was bounce a bullet off of Superman's eye. Really?
Matrix Revolutions(10)-I think the original Matrix is one of the best movies in the past 20 years, but the conclusion to the trilogy was very disappointing. There was hardly any time spent in the matrix in this one. And the huge battle sequence was just bad. I think the makers of this movies assumed it would be good, and in turn let us down with a horrible ending.
Miami Vice(6)- It's hard to go wrong with Jamie Foxx, and he was the only bright spot in this movie. I hated the way Michael Mann filmed this (even though that's his trademark). He tried to mix the Vice TV Show with his biggest hit Heat (a far, far, far superior film) and failed. Colin Farrell's hair and mustache combo is revolting. In the final shootout its so hard to tell who's who. Steamen Willie Beamen will highly disagree with.
Straight Hate
The Grudge(5)- I hate scary movies as it is, but this is the epitome of "why would you go in there" scary movie. Want to know what I would have done if I was living in that house? Gotten the hell out of the house.
Vantage Point(4)- I didn't like "Tarantino style" story telling from Tarantino, so I definitely didn't like it from a knock-off director. This movie showed several different vantage points of the same incident and it took almost 2 hours to get to the main incident. If it's on TNT at 230 on Saturday night I might tune it, but that's about the only time.
The Worst Movies of All-Time
Ghost Rider(3)- What a terrific Nic Cage performance. I have a few friends who only watch Cage movies and i wonder what they think of this little diddy. The only redeeming quality of this movie, which saved it from being higher on my hate list, is Eva Mendes. She could be in the biggest piece of shit movie and I'd consider watching it.
Bangkok Dangerous(2)-Another oscar worthy effort from Cage. I actually rented this on Blu-Ray and almost turned it off in the middle of it (something I've never done before). What a waste of 2 hours. If you've never heard of this movie, i suggest you google it for some cheap laughs.
Wanted(1)-My all time worst movie. It is LAUGHABLY bad. I can't say enough bad things about this movie, but I will try. It goes all "matrix-y" like jumping from a skyscraper window, across a city street, and firing a curved bullet square between some one's eyes. Except unlike the Matrix, a computer simulation, this all happens in real life. We're supposed to believe that these assassins are so good that they can defy gravity, curve bullets and survive train crashes from a thousand foot mountain peak. And here's the kicker. This group of assassins have a system of who to kill, a system that's been in this secret group for thousands of years. want to know what it is? They read textiles that have secret weavings in them that have a name of someone to kill. THE WORST MOVIE IVE EVER SEEN.
With that out of the way, its time to get down to some business. Ladies and Gentleman, the Pauper is about to embark on a cross country trip and as promised we are going to do our best to keep tabs on his adventures along the way. Like Jason Bourne, he just wants to fall off the grid for a while. I have asked to get 1 text message a week on his location, just so we all can follow him. Well his trip begins Friday morning and I have asked him to provide a few words about what he is thinking. I will leave you today with the Pauper's piece because it is so inspiring and epic. So on Friday we will have contributions from MP4, Pasquale and Dicky. Oh and as always this piece has not been embellished because it needs no embellishing...
"The Pauper"
As a wise man once said "I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain.... I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope. "
Adventure is one of those things that is never given or handed out. It can only be searched for and found. Whether you find it within yourself or somewhere out there, I have yet to know. But I am young, I am free and I have a lot to learn. I am embarking on a course with no expectations, only anticipations. A journey that cannot be understood, only felt.
I would like to wish the readers of this blog an enjoyable summer while I am gone and I look forward to indulging in the simple pleasure of a conversation over a beer with friends when I return as well as the obvious merits of a debate over, to quote Jim Rome, how soon KGs chin is going to rip right off his face.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
You Can't Handle the Truth
"Just when I thought I was out.....they pull me back in"
Mike Corleone couldn't leave and neither can I. I was about to stay true to format and wait until Wednesday to throw up a piece, but the demand is too great to be ignored. There's just too much to be covered. Fresh off the heals of a Celtics loss I was genuinely concerned for the well being of Steamen Willie Beamen. So I checked in on him and this is what he said....
Good news is that I didn't commit suicide last night watching the celtics game...my thoughts were that they got out maned in game seven and the reality is that The sporadic "Truth" Paul pierce looked old tired and like the softest man ever to make it out of Compton. We also learned a few important lesson from this series. 1)Players need to play! As the great Round Mound of Rebound once said..."come on Dwight, get some rebounds!" 2) Coaches need to coach. Pretty ricky addleman looked like his team was trying to run with mamba on a street court in Chicago. Don't get me wrong I love The Ronald but rick should have sat his ass down after his third forced one on one Kobe challange. 3) Players who end up being coaches should never pull their starters when you are the defending champs and you didn't show up on the building for a game 7 at home.
-Steamen
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
With the remorse out the way, its time to shift gears. As you probably know MP4 is riding an insane hot streak. The bandwagon still has room and its not too late to get on board. To the skeptics I will say this....how dare you. Show me another gambler with a career .667 winning percentage and I'll show you a liar. Well we have the proof, its called an archive, do yourself a favor and utilize it. When MP4 told me that he would like a special Tuesday post because he was so confident in his picks, I knew I had to oblige. Would I take out a second mortgage on these picks? Well considering I don't have a first mortgage I'd say that the point is mute. I give you MP4....
Tonight:
Rangers (McCarthy) @ 8 Mile (Willis) - Over 11..let the fireworks begin
1st quarter Line: Nuggets @ Lakers -2...Kobe's pissed, Phil's pissed, and thats never a good things for the opponent. Lakers come out hot.
Wednesday Night:
Max the credit credit card, take out a second mortgage, and dip into the kids college funds, and put it all on...you guessed it: Adam Lambert -350 - American Idol Season 8 Champion
Career Juice: 4-1-1
Stay tuned tomorrow for the Fab 5 and Dicky's Gripes among other things. And remember....the birds don't fly without my permission
Mike Corleone couldn't leave and neither can I. I was about to stay true to format and wait until Wednesday to throw up a piece, but the demand is too great to be ignored. There's just too much to be covered. Fresh off the heals of a Celtics loss I was genuinely concerned for the well being of Steamen Willie Beamen. So I checked in on him and this is what he said....
Good news is that I didn't commit suicide last night watching the celtics game...my thoughts were that they got out maned in game seven and the reality is that The sporadic "Truth" Paul pierce looked old tired and like the softest man ever to make it out of Compton. We also learned a few important lesson from this series. 1)Players need to play! As the great Round Mound of Rebound once said..."come on Dwight, get some rebounds!" 2) Coaches need to coach. Pretty ricky addleman looked like his team was trying to run with mamba on a street court in Chicago. Don't get me wrong I love The Ronald but rick should have sat his ass down after his third forced one on one Kobe challange. 3) Players who end up being coaches should never pull their starters when you are the defending champs and you didn't show up on the building for a game 7 at home.
-Steamen
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
With the remorse out the way, its time to shift gears. As you probably know MP4 is riding an insane hot streak. The bandwagon still has room and its not too late to get on board. To the skeptics I will say this....how dare you. Show me another gambler with a career .667 winning percentage and I'll show you a liar. Well we have the proof, its called an archive, do yourself a favor and utilize it. When MP4 told me that he would like a special Tuesday post because he was so confident in his picks, I knew I had to oblige. Would I take out a second mortgage on these picks? Well considering I don't have a first mortgage I'd say that the point is mute. I give you MP4....
Tonight:
Rangers (McCarthy) @ 8 Mile (Willis) - Over 11..let the fireworks begin
1st quarter Line: Nuggets @ Lakers -2...Kobe's pissed, Phil's pissed, and thats never a good things for the opponent. Lakers come out hot.
Wednesday Night:
Max the credit credit card, take out a second mortgage, and dip into the kids college funds, and put it all on...you guessed it: Adam Lambert -350 - American Idol Season 8 Champion
Career Juice: 4-1-1
Stay tuned tomorrow for the Fab 5 and Dicky's Gripes among other things. And remember....the birds don't fly without my permission
Monday, May 18, 2009
Lot of Action
We've got a lot to cover on this Monday edition of ETC. ETC. ETC. Today was supposed to feature my list of 10 movies I hate, but because of the volume of things to cover, my editor has pushed that story to Wednesday. This is going to be a long post so if you have ADD then take your aderall or walk away. What if I were to tell you that we have contributions from MP4 and the Hurricane. Would that be something you might be interested in? If so then I give you Monday's cup o' joe.
"The Weekend that Was"
Unfortunetly, the sporting world was let down in regards to the 2 game 7's that took place on Sunday. In the early game, the Lakers embarassed the Rockets 89-70 in a game that wasn't even as close as the 19 point difference suggests. This gives us the more appealing Western Conference Finals matchup as the Lakers will get the well rested Denver Nuggets. In the East, things didn't go as planned for the defending champs and for that matter the NBA executives. The Celtics fell to the Magic 101-82 and the dream rematch of last year, Celtics/Cavaliers will have to be played out on PS3 and not reality. You have to believe David Stern and the NBA was pulling for the Celtics, knowing full well that a rematch of last year's best playoff series would have drawn insane ratings.
I watched the entire Celtics game and there is only 1 reason why the Magic beat the Celtics. It's not because Patrick Ewing guaranteed victory and its not because Dwight Howard has the largest shoulders in the world. It's because the Celtics played terrible defense. The Magic were 13 of 21 on 3 point shots. That's unheard of, but the reason was they were getting open looks left and right. The Celtics rotation defense was atrocious and every time a Magic player would drive to the hoop, the help defense would leave their players and result in a dish out to the 3 point line for a clean shot. Clearly they were missing Kevin Garnett, and you can assume that if Garnett was man-ing the paint that the Celtics would be more inclined to allow the drive and see if Garnett could alter the shot. However, I have to say this about the Celtics, and it has nothing to with the execution of the game. Did anyone watch the pre-game introductions? Unbelievable. Between the dimming of the lights, the video that is showed on the jumbotron, and 50 cent beat in the background, that place must have been jumping. But apparently it wasn't enough.
"The Blogger Formerly Known As..."
If you read my last blog on Saturday night then you certainly read my email crossfire with the Hurricane. His topics of conversation have sparked some debate and I felt it was necessary to get a little bio of the man, the myth, the legend. In his time he has been known as "Wild Bill", "Slick Willie" and of course "the Hurricane". A few things everyone should know is that he is a Boston die hard, his old man played in the NFL, he can't beat me at Madden, and he's one hell of a model American. And as for his nickname the Hurricane, the best way I can explain it is by this simple equation.....the Hurricane = Frank the Tank.
So Here We Go...My name is Will went by 'Cane but my handle now is Willie Beamen. Its a little bit more comfortable for every one in my life to put the Hurricane years behind us. Willie Beamen is an alter ego that enjoys socially acceptable behavior as well as some random weekends of madness. Not to mention, in the end my hurricane was a bit more like..."Look, look at this. We got Hurricane Grace moving north off the Atlantic seaboard. Huge... getting massive. Two, this low south of Sable Island, ready to explode. Look at this. Three, a fresh cold front swooping down from Canada. But it's caught a ride on the jetstream... and is motoring hell-bent towards the Atlantic. What if Hurricane Grace runs smack into it? Add to the scenario this baby off Sable Island, scrounging for energy. She'll start feeding off both the Canadian cold front... and Hurricane Grace. You could be a meteorologist all your life... and never see something like this. It would be a disaster of epic proportions. It would be... the perfect storm."
Having cleared up the name issue we must deal with the KG situation. I have a mild respect for Pistol Pete Pasquale but can not understand what is wrong with the heart and passion of an athlete. The last time I payed attention to sports i noticed that the one thing that pisses me off is that most of the overpaid freaks could look and end up acting like they could care less about how their teamates do. I think it is refreshing to see one of the Best players of all time acting like he would run out on the floor and slash someones throat only so his team can win. I am a Celtics fan so I have a serious bias for the guy who came to town, tirelessly busted his ass, has never been in trouble and only cares about the fact that the most fun thing about sports is WINNING!!!!! I just cant understand how it is possible for a former athlete who has been out on the battle field who must know that the worst thing in the world is to watch your teamates go to war and know that there is nothing you can do. I know Caz knows what that is like and I know what its like. But my girlfriend is here and my birthday was last night and I am having trouble typing this email because I need to puke...
Beamen NDP 103
I would like to officially welcome to the blog Willie Beamen. and FYI...NDP 103 is the name of the block that Willie lives on. You all have permission to treat that as a gang sign
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
What a showing from our resident gambler MP4. He parlayed his fast start on the blog to a move into rarified air by improving to a career winning percentage of .667. You can expect new picks for you to take to the bank on Wednesay. Today we are blessed with a glimpse into his betting strategy. We all should consider ourselves very fortunate because in many ways succesful gamblers are like magicians. They usually never tell us how they do what they do. Well this section is like when Fox shows the magician who wears a mask and changes his voice to reveal the tricks of the trade. So here's today insight from MP4......
Tips Even David Abernathy Could Use.
Some food for thought when putting your lunch money on Professional Dopers:
Know your ballpark. A regulation basketball court is 90' long and 50' wide weather you're in L.A. or French Lick, baseball not quite. Home field advantage in baseball is unlike that seen in any other sport, so you gotta know about that short porch in right. And (I know you are not suppose to starts sentences with "And", but its a blog and I'm doing it) with inter league play right around the corner, that means Daniel Murphy playing balls off the Green Monstah, which should be good for about 2-3 more extra runs in that series. So here are some quick facts that should be printed out and tacked to the wall of your cube, right next to the phone directory and your Jose Reyes bobblehead.
The Known "Hitters" Parks:
1. Rangers Park in Arlington - this park, that lineup, and the staff that couldn't start for Prudential Prime, helped the Rangers and the opposition lead the league in runs scored per game to a tune of 12.3 in 2008.
2. Coors Field - my grandmother even knows that balls fly outta this park. The silver bullet has ranked in the top 5 for runs scored since Donte Bichette was raking it. Usually in the range between 10 - 11 runs per game. By the way how the hell did the Rockies make the World Series in 2007? And wasn't Troy Tulawitzki (I am not looking up how to spell that, so just deal with it) supposed to be the next Derek Jeter?
3. Fenway Pahk - The main reason Dustin Pedroia has an MVP trophy and Mike Lowell is still functional. Hit it off the wall. (Brett Gardner has more home runs than David Ortiz, had to get this in here somewhere. I would say why I think that, but that would be Yellow Journalism, and unlike Ed Werder I don't support that.)
Dont Sleep On:
1. Comerica Park - no whit, straight facts, 10.3 runs per game last year.
2. US Cellular Field - 10.0 runs per game on the south side of the tracks. Been to the south side one time, but this is a family blog.
3. The Roman Collesiu...I mean The New Yankee Stadium - how many years will it be before we can get back to just calling it Yankee Stadium? Exit Stage Right. I'm sure you've heard but apparently jet stream studies are under way. Here is something you should get used to hearing: "Its an A-bomb for A-rod". To right center of course.
Seems like your playing in Central Park:
1. Chavez Ravine - aka Juan Pierrewood. Saw the fewest runs scored per game last year at 7.6.
2. Petco Park - I have the MLB package, I watched the Padres for an entire season one year, I did not see a ball grace the warning track. 7.7 runs per game. Poor Adrien Gonzolez.
3. Oakland - the amount of foul territory in this stadium is measured in acres. 7.9 runs per game.
Dont Sleep On:
1. Miller Park - Cant say I saw this one coming, but the numbers dont lie, they bet. 8.6 runs per game in '08.
2. Citi Field @ Ebbets Field - Its early, and I can't tell if its the stadium or the Mets staff that is dead nasty. I'm leaning towards the park though. Duaner Sanchez just got designated for assignment, quick, call a cab.
In all the "Hitters Parks" I mentioned the over hit at a rate of close to 60%, same deal goes with the pitchers parks. Looks like the under in Celts game just hit. Time for bed. But a word to the wise. If I know this, you better bet (no, I'm not addicted) Vegas knows that. Actually do bet that, and lock it up....MP4
After this piece was submitted, the following conversation took place...
MP4: Caz, you didnt do any Red Sox editing on my piece did you?
Me: I do not censor, things go in "as submitted". we here at ETC. ETC. ETC. strictly adhere to the first amendment of the constitution of the united states of america.
MP4: glad to hear it, first class organization.
Pasquale: there is no place for a reporter like ed werder on this blog.
this little diddy is needed in case anyone thinks these are not actual contributions from real people. It also proves that we are quite unique people.
"What to Expect When Your Expecting"
"The Weekend that Was"
Unfortunetly, the sporting world was let down in regards to the 2 game 7's that took place on Sunday. In the early game, the Lakers embarassed the Rockets 89-70 in a game that wasn't even as close as the 19 point difference suggests. This gives us the more appealing Western Conference Finals matchup as the Lakers will get the well rested Denver Nuggets. In the East, things didn't go as planned for the defending champs and for that matter the NBA executives. The Celtics fell to the Magic 101-82 and the dream rematch of last year, Celtics/Cavaliers will have to be played out on PS3 and not reality. You have to believe David Stern and the NBA was pulling for the Celtics, knowing full well that a rematch of last year's best playoff series would have drawn insane ratings.
I watched the entire Celtics game and there is only 1 reason why the Magic beat the Celtics. It's not because Patrick Ewing guaranteed victory and its not because Dwight Howard has the largest shoulders in the world. It's because the Celtics played terrible defense. The Magic were 13 of 21 on 3 point shots. That's unheard of, but the reason was they were getting open looks left and right. The Celtics rotation defense was atrocious and every time a Magic player would drive to the hoop, the help defense would leave their players and result in a dish out to the 3 point line for a clean shot. Clearly they were missing Kevin Garnett, and you can assume that if Garnett was man-ing the paint that the Celtics would be more inclined to allow the drive and see if Garnett could alter the shot. However, I have to say this about the Celtics, and it has nothing to with the execution of the game. Did anyone watch the pre-game introductions? Unbelievable. Between the dimming of the lights, the video that is showed on the jumbotron, and 50 cent beat in the background, that place must have been jumping. But apparently it wasn't enough.
"The Blogger Formerly Known As..."
If you read my last blog on Saturday night then you certainly read my email crossfire with the Hurricane. His topics of conversation have sparked some debate and I felt it was necessary to get a little bio of the man, the myth, the legend. In his time he has been known as "Wild Bill", "Slick Willie" and of course "the Hurricane". A few things everyone should know is that he is a Boston die hard, his old man played in the NFL, he can't beat me at Madden, and he's one hell of a model American. And as for his nickname the Hurricane, the best way I can explain it is by this simple equation.....the Hurricane = Frank the Tank.
So Here We Go...My name is Will went by 'Cane but my handle now is Willie Beamen. Its a little bit more comfortable for every one in my life to put the Hurricane years behind us. Willie Beamen is an alter ego that enjoys socially acceptable behavior as well as some random weekends of madness. Not to mention, in the end my hurricane was a bit more like..."Look, look at this. We got Hurricane Grace moving north off the Atlantic seaboard. Huge... getting massive. Two, this low south of Sable Island, ready to explode. Look at this. Three, a fresh cold front swooping down from Canada. But it's caught a ride on the jetstream... and is motoring hell-bent towards the Atlantic. What if Hurricane Grace runs smack into it? Add to the scenario this baby off Sable Island, scrounging for energy. She'll start feeding off both the Canadian cold front... and Hurricane Grace. You could be a meteorologist all your life... and never see something like this. It would be a disaster of epic proportions. It would be... the perfect storm."
Having cleared up the name issue we must deal with the KG situation. I have a mild respect for Pistol Pete Pasquale but can not understand what is wrong with the heart and passion of an athlete. The last time I payed attention to sports i noticed that the one thing that pisses me off is that most of the overpaid freaks could look and end up acting like they could care less about how their teamates do. I think it is refreshing to see one of the Best players of all time acting like he would run out on the floor and slash someones throat only so his team can win. I am a Celtics fan so I have a serious bias for the guy who came to town, tirelessly busted his ass, has never been in trouble and only cares about the fact that the most fun thing about sports is WINNING!!!!! I just cant understand how it is possible for a former athlete who has been out on the battle field who must know that the worst thing in the world is to watch your teamates go to war and know that there is nothing you can do. I know Caz knows what that is like and I know what its like. But my girlfriend is here and my birthday was last night and I am having trouble typing this email because I need to puke...
Beamen NDP 103
I would like to officially welcome to the blog Willie Beamen. and FYI...NDP 103 is the name of the block that Willie lives on. You all have permission to treat that as a gang sign
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
What a showing from our resident gambler MP4. He parlayed his fast start on the blog to a move into rarified air by improving to a career winning percentage of .667. You can expect new picks for you to take to the bank on Wednesay. Today we are blessed with a glimpse into his betting strategy. We all should consider ourselves very fortunate because in many ways succesful gamblers are like magicians. They usually never tell us how they do what they do. Well this section is like when Fox shows the magician who wears a mask and changes his voice to reveal the tricks of the trade. So here's today insight from MP4......
Tips Even David Abernathy Could Use.
Some food for thought when putting your lunch money on Professional Dopers:
Know your ballpark. A regulation basketball court is 90' long and 50' wide weather you're in L.A. or French Lick, baseball not quite. Home field advantage in baseball is unlike that seen in any other sport, so you gotta know about that short porch in right. And (I know you are not suppose to starts sentences with "And", but its a blog and I'm doing it) with inter league play right around the corner, that means Daniel Murphy playing balls off the Green Monstah, which should be good for about 2-3 more extra runs in that series. So here are some quick facts that should be printed out and tacked to the wall of your cube, right next to the phone directory and your Jose Reyes bobblehead.
The Known "Hitters" Parks:
1. Rangers Park in Arlington - this park, that lineup, and the staff that couldn't start for Prudential Prime, helped the Rangers and the opposition lead the league in runs scored per game to a tune of 12.3 in 2008.
2. Coors Field - my grandmother even knows that balls fly outta this park. The silver bullet has ranked in the top 5 for runs scored since Donte Bichette was raking it. Usually in the range between 10 - 11 runs per game. By the way how the hell did the Rockies make the World Series in 2007? And wasn't Troy Tulawitzki (I am not looking up how to spell that, so just deal with it) supposed to be the next Derek Jeter?
3. Fenway Pahk - The main reason Dustin Pedroia has an MVP trophy and Mike Lowell is still functional. Hit it off the wall. (Brett Gardner has more home runs than David Ortiz, had to get this in here somewhere. I would say why I think that, but that would be Yellow Journalism, and unlike Ed Werder I don't support that.)
Dont Sleep On:
1. Comerica Park - no whit, straight facts, 10.3 runs per game last year.
2. US Cellular Field - 10.0 runs per game on the south side of the tracks. Been to the south side one time, but this is a family blog.
3. The Roman Collesiu...I mean The New Yankee Stadium - how many years will it be before we can get back to just calling it Yankee Stadium? Exit Stage Right. I'm sure you've heard but apparently jet stream studies are under way. Here is something you should get used to hearing: "Its an A-bomb for A-rod". To right center of course.
Seems like your playing in Central Park:
1. Chavez Ravine - aka Juan Pierrewood. Saw the fewest runs scored per game last year at 7.6.
2. Petco Park - I have the MLB package, I watched the Padres for an entire season one year, I did not see a ball grace the warning track. 7.7 runs per game. Poor Adrien Gonzolez.
3. Oakland - the amount of foul territory in this stadium is measured in acres. 7.9 runs per game.
Dont Sleep On:
1. Miller Park - Cant say I saw this one coming, but the numbers dont lie, they bet. 8.6 runs per game in '08.
2. Citi Field @ Ebbets Field - Its early, and I can't tell if its the stadium or the Mets staff that is dead nasty. I'm leaning towards the park though. Duaner Sanchez just got designated for assignment, quick, call a cab.
In all the "Hitters Parks" I mentioned the over hit at a rate of close to 60%, same deal goes with the pitchers parks. Looks like the under in Celts game just hit. Time for bed. But a word to the wise. If I know this, you better bet (no, I'm not addicted) Vegas knows that. Actually do bet that, and lock it up....MP4
After this piece was submitted, the following conversation took place...
MP4: Caz, you didnt do any Red Sox editing on my piece did you?
Me: I do not censor, things go in "as submitted". we here at ETC. ETC. ETC. strictly adhere to the first amendment of the constitution of the united states of america.
MP4: glad to hear it, first class organization.
Pasquale: there is no place for a reporter like ed werder on this blog.
this little diddy is needed in case anyone thinks these are not actual contributions from real people. It also proves that we are quite unique people.
"What to Expect When Your Expecting"
- Top 10 Movies I Hate
- Dicky's Gripes
- Pasquale's Fab 5
- Video of Day
- MP4's Pick
That will do it for today's post. I will try and incorporate as many signature sign offs as possible so.......Goodnight and Good Luck.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
The Hurricane
Ladies and gentleman, We have received a good amount of feedback from those who are following the blog. Before I continue let me extend a matter of gratitude to those who are reading and paying attention to the blog. Without the readers, this blog is nothing but a bunch of random words. So thank you to those who follow.
Given that this is the first week of the blog I am posting on a random schedule. As of Monday May 18th, I will be sticking
to a rigid schedule of 3 posts a week on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. But in light of recent information I decided that a new post was absolutely needed. As I returned home from a night of green monsters and cage bombs (for explanations of what exactly I mean by these seemingly meaningless terms, please tune in on Monday) I came home to a series of emails from a man who will be known as "Hurricane". Hurricane was my roommate for all 4 years of college and is a person whom I trust blindly. So I was 90% excited and 10% scared when i saw that he had responded via email to the blog. Or perhaps I was 90% scared and 10% excited, I can't really be sure about this. Despite my conflicting emotions, I knew the following exchange needed to be posted. So as always, this conversation has not been embellished for it needs no embellishing...These words come directly from "the Hurricane". He said....
I like blogs but don't like yours...those who speak ill of KG can only do it behind his back and i don't respect people who say things about people that they would not say to their face.
As the wise Mark Jackson would say...Come on Caz, Your Better Than That!!
to which I replied....
As you know, I respect your opinion to the utmost degree. So allow me to point out that that section is all Pasquale. that is not my original thoughts. It's like the beginning of a DVD that has commentary from the actors and the studio puts out a disclaimer that says "the views and opinions do not reflect those of (fill in the blank studio). Thats Pasquale's contribution and I will not censor it.
and as for my own original thoughts on KG you cant deny the accuracy. even as a Celtic's fan you have to admit his antics are a little over the top. He is one of those players that you love to have as a teammate but if hes playing against you, you love to hate. You love that he is talking shit and getting in the minds of the opposing team, but as an impartial fan, its got to get under your skin. and your point about me talking behind his back is absolutely true. i would love the opportunity to say this to his face, but chances are I would shit myself in fear of him if i was given the opportunity to talk to his face. But since I will not ever be given the chance to talk to his face, I must settle for the opportunity to talk about him behind his back. To quote Colonel Markinson in A Few Good Men...."I want you know that I am neither proud of what I have done nor what I am doing". in fact this direct transcript is going into the blog. "You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That restricting your identity, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, probably saved lives".
The first week of the blog is officially in the books. Before I leave you for the weekend, I would like to quote the one and only Christopher Sexton, the John Lennon of blogs. He said "if you dont have the thoughts, you can't force it". If you enjoy my blog, then I highly recommend you check his blog out. You can keep up with him at http://www.oursamedifference.com/. Do yourself a favor and click the link.
You can now follow my blog via facebook and twitter, so keep an eye out on Monday for a new post. Once again I would like to thank those who take the time out of their day to read my inconsequential blog. Please send the link out to anyone who has an affinity for, and might enjoy, random and sometimes humorous commentary on the minutia of the world. And yes this was published at 3:15 in the AM. If that doesn't tell you how sick I am then perhaps you shouldn't be reading this.
Given that this is the first week of the blog I am posting on a random schedule. As of Monday May 18th, I will be sticking
to a rigid schedule of 3 posts a week on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. But in light of recent information I decided that a new post was absolutely needed. As I returned home from a night of green monsters and cage bombs (for explanations of what exactly I mean by these seemingly meaningless terms, please tune in on Monday) I came home to a series of emails from a man who will be known as "Hurricane". Hurricane was my roommate for all 4 years of college and is a person whom I trust blindly. So I was 90% excited and 10% scared when i saw that he had responded via email to the blog. Or perhaps I was 90% scared and 10% excited, I can't really be sure about this. Despite my conflicting emotions, I knew the following exchange needed to be posted. So as always, this conversation has not been embellished for it needs no embellishing...These words come directly from "the Hurricane". He said....I like blogs but don't like yours...those who speak ill of KG can only do it behind his back and i don't respect people who say things about people that they would not say to their face.
As the wise Mark Jackson would say...Come on Caz, Your Better Than That!!
to which I replied....
As you know, I respect your opinion to the utmost degree. So allow me to point out that that section is all Pasquale. that is not my original thoughts. It's like the beginning of a DVD that has commentary from the actors and the studio puts out a disclaimer that says "the views and opinions do not reflect those of (fill in the blank studio). Thats Pasquale's contribution and I will not censor it.
and as for my own original thoughts on KG you cant deny the accuracy. even as a Celtic's fan you have to admit his antics are a little over the top. He is one of those players that you love to have as a teammate but if hes playing against you, you love to hate. You love that he is talking shit and getting in the minds of the opposing team, but as an impartial fan, its got to get under your skin. and your point about me talking behind his back is absolutely true. i would love the opportunity to say this to his face, but chances are I would shit myself in fear of him if i was given the opportunity to talk to his face. But since I will not ever be given the chance to talk to his face, I must settle for the opportunity to talk about him behind his back. To quote Colonel Markinson in A Few Good Men...."I want you know that I am neither proud of what I have done nor what I am doing". in fact this direct transcript is going into the blog. "You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That restricting your identity, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, probably saved lives".
The first week of the blog is officially in the books. Before I leave you for the weekend, I would like to quote the one and only Christopher Sexton, the John Lennon of blogs. He said "if you dont have the thoughts, you can't force it". If you enjoy my blog, then I highly recommend you check his blog out. You can keep up with him at http://www.oursamedifference.com/. Do yourself a favor and click the link.
You can now follow my blog via facebook and twitter, so keep an eye out on Monday for a new post. Once again I would like to thank those who take the time out of their day to read my inconsequential blog. Please send the link out to anyone who has an affinity for, and might enjoy, random and sometimes humorous commentary on the minutia of the world. And yes this was published at 3:15 in the AM. If that doesn't tell you how sick I am then perhaps you shouldn't be reading this.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Summer Blockbusters
For those of you who don't know, going to the movies is one of my favorite things to do. Last night I saw Star Trek, the second "summer blockbuster" to be released this month. The other movie would be the X-Men prequel, Wolverine. Having now seen them both I will offer my thoughts on them, and which one I thought was better. Before I continue I would like to address one of my greatest perceived faults. Some say that I have never seen a movie I didn't like. This is hearsay and speculation. In a court of law, I would stand and say something like "Objection, your honor, hearsay" or maybe "Objection, your honor, the witness is speculating" and the judge would say "Sustained". So I will inform you now that I will be compiling a top 10 list of movies that I hate. For more on this, see the "What to Expect When Your Expecting" section.
Wolverine
I had really high expectations for this movie, which is usually a great way to be disappointed. I wouldn't consider myself an avid X-Men fan, like my esteemed colleague Dicky. Little known fact about Dicky, he was once suspended from elementary school for illegally distributing and/or selling X-Men cards. Rumor has it that the person who snitched on Dicky was found under the tire playground with three clawmarks left in permanent marker down his shirt and a note that said "stop snitching". True story. It is believed that this is the origin of it all, where Matt became Dicky. However this would only be known years later.
But I digress. As you might be able to infer from the title, this movie tells the origins of Wolverine and how Logan became Wolverine. Like all good prequels, Wolverine was able to incorporate some of the well known characters and lay the foundation for their legacy. The action sequences were very intense, as they were enhanced by the magic of CGI. Which in my opinion is the movie industry's equivalent of steroids. I mean think about it, action movies of today are so far advanced compared to movies from as recent as 10 years ago, let alone movies from the 70's and 80's. Action movies are bigger, stronger, faster and more awe-inspiring than ever, much like their baseball counterparts that are achieving things that were previously thought to be impossible. I think we should call an immediate Congressional Hearing and task force to investigate this, its only fair.
Anyway, in my opinion what makes this movie so intriguing is that it appeals to audiences that may not be familiar with X-Men, while at the same time it feeds to those who know exactly where the story is going. Hugh Jackman is an absolute freak of nature in this movie and actually looks like an animal. I'm sure that is reason alone for some woman to go see this movie. My only beefs with Wolverine are the small roles of such quality actors like Ryan Reynolds and one of the hobbits from Lord of the Rings. To paraphrase Denny Green "this movie is what we thought it would be". It's not going to be nominated for Best Picture, but it will (and has) score big at the box office because of the intense action and quality storyline.
Star Trek
Prior to seeing this movie I had never seen a single minute of an episode of the TV show or any of the previous 10 movies. But like an insect to one of those glowy electric shock lights, I was drawn to this movie. I give the credit to whoever made the trailer, probably director J.J. Abrams. I am a sucker for a good preview. A good trailer can make Dumb and Dumberer look like Citizen Kane. By the looks of the trailer this movie was going to have everything you could ask for in an action movie. Cool stunts, fast cars, intense fighting and an obscure hot chick that you've probably never heard of but will soon be all over the place (think Megan Fox in Transformers).
Because of its perceived nerdy history, this movie had to pay homage to its roots while at the same time appeal to the masses who have no idea what a Vulcan or Clingon is (and yes I am dropping some serious jargon). This new version did exactly that, by dropping lines that everyone has heard like, "for God's sake, I'm a doctor not a physicist". Perhaps you, like me, recognize this line from Ace Ventura, when Ace says "for God's sake I'm a doctor, not a poolman". They even went so far to give the original actor who played Spock, Leonard Nimoy, a role in the movie. And as for the casual fan, there is plenty to like. The special effects are very well done, there are some very funny moments provided by Simon Pegg of Shaun of Dead fame, and theres plenty of action throughout.
My only problem with this movie is a very small problem. There are several cameos as well as well known actors in smaller or hidden roles. For instance Eric Bana is so deep in costume that you might go the whole movie without picking him out. But the cameo that really detracts from the movie is that of Tyler Perry. Yes that Tyler Perry, from TBS and the Madea movies and Meet the Browns. I could see him being cast in the movie as a person providing comedic relief, but instead he plays the high chancellor of some very important looking judicial court. I couldn't take what he was saying seriously. I kept waiting for Perry to look dead into the camera and say "TBS, very funny".
Overall, I'd say this is a must see movie. If you liked Ironman or Transformers then you will absolutely love this movie. It is a lot of fun, its fast paced and has a very good plot. So which one was better? Wolverine had better fight sequences, but Star Trek had better special effects. I think Wolverine had a more dramatic feel, as it told a story of revenge, whereas Star Trek was more of an adventure. While I enjoyed them both, if I had to choose one movie or the other, I'd recommend Star Trek.
"Fab 5"
From this point on the man previously known as Morelli will be known simply only as Pasquale. Only the fortunate few who have read the early posts of the blog will know his true identity. This is the very first edition of Fab 5, and for those who don't know what this section is allow me a second to explain. Pasquale will provide us with 5 people who he loves or hates on any given day. He may explain why, he may not. So, it is my great honor to introduce the first Fab 5....
5 to hate
Brett Farve - Give it up already Brett, you're done. Any team who is dumb enough to think you'll improve their team deserves losing due to the 25 INTs you'll throw this season. Stick to doing what you do best, eating crawfish, wearing your wrangler jeans and absusing prescription drugs
Kevin Garnett - Stop snarling at opposing benches, it doesn't do anything to intimidate the other team and it does nothing to help your team, it only makes you look like an idiot. Knock it off
Mark Cuban - Anyone who apologizes via a blog earns a permanent spot on the 5 to hate. If you have a problem with Kenyon Martin, take it up with Kenyon Martin, not his mother. Grow a pair and talk to the man in person, or are you afraid he'll show you just how much of a thug he is?
Anyone who gave Michael Phelps shit about smoking pot - Anyone who wins 8 gold medals at one olympic games can smoke whatever they like. He made swimming relevant even if only for a few months, give the guy some credit.
Hugh Grant - Plays pretty much the same bumbling british idiot in all of his films. I'm convinced the only reason he has an acting career at all is because of his accent. If hugh grant was from missouri instead of england I'm pretty sure he'd be a working slob like the rest of us.
That stands for itself, and needs nothing further from me. Except a quick follow up conversation from Pasquale and MP4.....
MP4: wow thats great pasquale
Pasquale: i don't know if hugh grant bugs anyone else, but he really bugs the shit outta me
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
Fresh off an impressive debut to the blog, MP4 is back and hes got some sweet, sweet action. MP4 converted on two of his picks from yesterday and pushed on the third. Now his picks today may need some clarification, so for today and today only we are going to be adding an "Idiots Guide to Betting" following the picks, just in case there are any misunderstandings. If your not on the bandwagon yet, I don't know how much longer you can stay off. Unless you like losing money. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you MP4.....
Started off on the right foot, lets keep the ball rolling with some Friday night MLB action, and a Monday night lock. Get it while its hot.
White Sox (Danks) +113@ North of the Boarder (Cecil)
Brew Crew (Gallardo) @ Cardinals (Loshe) - Under 8.5
Dev...Rays (Kazmir) -147 @ Tribe (Reyes)
Monday: Magic @ Celtics -3...LOCK IT UP
Career Juice : 2-0-1
Now for our idiot bettors (its ok, I was once in this category not too long ago) some clarification from MP4. This is an actual transcript from an actual conversation that took place sometime in recent past. It has not been embellished in any way, because it needs to embellishing.
Unidentified Bettor 1: what's + 113 and -147 mean?
MP4: thats the money line......so you dont bet a spread its straight up to win....so say -150. I would have to put down 150 bucks to win 100 but say +113. I would have to only bet 100 to win 113
so basically "-" are favored. and "+" are the under dog. Lincecum against the mets tonight is -220. So they are so favored that you have to put 220 bucks on them to only win 100
Got it? Good.
"Video of the Day"
Today's video comes courtesy of SNL. I'm sure we all know someone who does this. You will have to fight through the advertisement at the beginning because God forbid a video can play on the internet without an advertisement before it....
"Theme Song of the Weekend"
Wouldn't it be nice if you could have a soundtrack to your life? Well I can't give you that, but what I can give you is the theme song of the weekend and quite frankly is self-explanatory. Every Friday we will provide a theme song of the weekend.
In light of the NBA Playoff Game 7's on Sunday.....A Song for your weekend
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mmx68VmTEo&feature=related
"What to Expect When Your Expecting"
We have lots of sports to going on this weekend so we will break down and analyze the game 7's in the NBA as well as preview the Conference Finals. I've been thinking of some topics to write about and I've come up with a few....
Wolverine
I had really high expectations for this movie, which is usually a great way to be disappointed. I wouldn't consider myself an avid X-Men fan, like my esteemed colleague Dicky. Little known fact about Dicky, he was once suspended from elementary school for illegally distributing and/or selling X-Men cards. Rumor has it that the person who snitched on Dicky was found under the tire playground with three clawmarks left in permanent marker down his shirt and a note that said "stop snitching". True story. It is believed that this is the origin of it all, where Matt became Dicky. However this would only be known years later.
But I digress. As you might be able to infer from the title, this movie tells the origins of Wolverine and how Logan became Wolverine. Like all good prequels, Wolverine was able to incorporate some of the well known characters and lay the foundation for their legacy. The action sequences were very intense, as they were enhanced by the magic of CGI. Which in my opinion is the movie industry's equivalent of steroids. I mean think about it, action movies of today are so far advanced compared to movies from as recent as 10 years ago, let alone movies from the 70's and 80's. Action movies are bigger, stronger, faster and more awe-inspiring than ever, much like their baseball counterparts that are achieving things that were previously thought to be impossible. I think we should call an immediate Congressional Hearing and task force to investigate this, its only fair.
Anyway, in my opinion what makes this movie so intriguing is that it appeals to audiences that may not be familiar with X-Men, while at the same time it feeds to those who know exactly where the story is going. Hugh Jackman is an absolute freak of nature in this movie and actually looks like an animal. I'm sure that is reason alone for some woman to go see this movie. My only beefs with Wolverine are the small roles of such quality actors like Ryan Reynolds and one of the hobbits from Lord of the Rings. To paraphrase Denny Green "this movie is what we thought it would be". It's not going to be nominated for Best Picture, but it will (and has) score big at the box office because of the intense action and quality storyline.
Star Trek
Prior to seeing this movie I had never seen a single minute of an episode of the TV show or any of the previous 10 movies. But like an insect to one of those glowy electric shock lights, I was drawn to this movie. I give the credit to whoever made the trailer, probably director J.J. Abrams. I am a sucker for a good preview. A good trailer can make Dumb and Dumberer look like Citizen Kane. By the looks of the trailer this movie was going to have everything you could ask for in an action movie. Cool stunts, fast cars, intense fighting and an obscure hot chick that you've probably never heard of but will soon be all over the place (think Megan Fox in Transformers).
Because of its perceived nerdy history, this movie had to pay homage to its roots while at the same time appeal to the masses who have no idea what a Vulcan or Clingon is (and yes I am dropping some serious jargon). This new version did exactly that, by dropping lines that everyone has heard like, "for God's sake, I'm a doctor not a physicist". Perhaps you, like me, recognize this line from Ace Ventura, when Ace says "for God's sake I'm a doctor, not a poolman". They even went so far to give the original actor who played Spock, Leonard Nimoy, a role in the movie. And as for the casual fan, there is plenty to like. The special effects are very well done, there are some very funny moments provided by Simon Pegg of Shaun of Dead fame, and theres plenty of action throughout.
My only problem with this movie is a very small problem. There are several cameos as well as well known actors in smaller or hidden roles. For instance Eric Bana is so deep in costume that you might go the whole movie without picking him out. But the cameo that really detracts from the movie is that of Tyler Perry. Yes that Tyler Perry, from TBS and the Madea movies and Meet the Browns. I could see him being cast in the movie as a person providing comedic relief, but instead he plays the high chancellor of some very important looking judicial court. I couldn't take what he was saying seriously. I kept waiting for Perry to look dead into the camera and say "TBS, very funny".
Overall, I'd say this is a must see movie. If you liked Ironman or Transformers then you will absolutely love this movie. It is a lot of fun, its fast paced and has a very good plot. So which one was better? Wolverine had better fight sequences, but Star Trek had better special effects. I think Wolverine had a more dramatic feel, as it told a story of revenge, whereas Star Trek was more of an adventure. While I enjoyed them both, if I had to choose one movie or the other, I'd recommend Star Trek.
"Fab 5"
From this point on the man previously known as Morelli will be known simply only as Pasquale. Only the fortunate few who have read the early posts of the blog will know his true identity. This is the very first edition of Fab 5, and for those who don't know what this section is allow me a second to explain. Pasquale will provide us with 5 people who he loves or hates on any given day. He may explain why, he may not. So, it is my great honor to introduce the first Fab 5....
5 to hate
Brett Farve - Give it up already Brett, you're done. Any team who is dumb enough to think you'll improve their team deserves losing due to the 25 INTs you'll throw this season. Stick to doing what you do best, eating crawfish, wearing your wrangler jeans and absusing prescription drugs
Kevin Garnett - Stop snarling at opposing benches, it doesn't do anything to intimidate the other team and it does nothing to help your team, it only makes you look like an idiot. Knock it off
Mark Cuban - Anyone who apologizes via a blog earns a permanent spot on the 5 to hate. If you have a problem with Kenyon Martin, take it up with Kenyon Martin, not his mother. Grow a pair and talk to the man in person, or are you afraid he'll show you just how much of a thug he is?
Anyone who gave Michael Phelps shit about smoking pot - Anyone who wins 8 gold medals at one olympic games can smoke whatever they like. He made swimming relevant even if only for a few months, give the guy some credit.
Hugh Grant - Plays pretty much the same bumbling british idiot in all of his films. I'm convinced the only reason he has an acting career at all is because of his accent. If hugh grant was from missouri instead of england I'm pretty sure he'd be a working slob like the rest of us.
That stands for itself, and needs nothing further from me. Except a quick follow up conversation from Pasquale and MP4.....
MP4: wow thats great pasquale
Pasquale: i don't know if hugh grant bugs anyone else, but he really bugs the shit outta me
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
Fresh off an impressive debut to the blog, MP4 is back and hes got some sweet, sweet action. MP4 converted on two of his picks from yesterday and pushed on the third. Now his picks today may need some clarification, so for today and today only we are going to be adding an "Idiots Guide to Betting" following the picks, just in case there are any misunderstandings. If your not on the bandwagon yet, I don't know how much longer you can stay off. Unless you like losing money. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you MP4.....
Started off on the right foot, lets keep the ball rolling with some Friday night MLB action, and a Monday night lock. Get it while its hot.
White Sox (Danks) +113@ North of the Boarder (Cecil)
Brew Crew (Gallardo) @ Cardinals (Loshe) - Under 8.5
Dev...Rays (Kazmir) -147 @ Tribe (Reyes)
Monday: Magic @ Celtics -3...LOCK IT UP
Career Juice : 2-0-1
Now for our idiot bettors (its ok, I was once in this category not too long ago) some clarification from MP4. This is an actual transcript from an actual conversation that took place sometime in recent past. It has not been embellished in any way, because it needs to embellishing.
Unidentified Bettor 1: what's + 113 and -147 mean?
MP4: thats the money line......so you dont bet a spread its straight up to win....so say -150. I would have to put down 150 bucks to win 100 but say +113. I would have to only bet 100 to win 113
so basically "-" are favored. and "+" are the under dog. Lincecum against the mets tonight is -220. So they are so favored that you have to put 220 bucks on them to only win 100
Got it? Good.
"Video of the Day"
Today's video comes courtesy of SNL. I'm sure we all know someone who does this. You will have to fight through the advertisement at the beginning because God forbid a video can play on the internet without an advertisement before it....
"Theme Song of the Weekend"
Wouldn't it be nice if you could have a soundtrack to your life? Well I can't give you that, but what I can give you is the theme song of the weekend and quite frankly is self-explanatory. Every Friday we will provide a theme song of the weekend.
In light of the NBA Playoff Game 7's on Sunday.....A Song for your weekend
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mmx68VmTEo&feature=related
"What to Expect When Your Expecting"
We have lots of sports to going on this weekend so we will break down and analyze the game 7's in the NBA as well as preview the Conference Finals. I've been thinking of some topics to write about and I've come up with a few....
- ESPN: The WorldWide Leader in HYPE
- Top 5 favorite cereals
- List of Movie's I Dislike
So the first week is in the books and I hope everyone likes it. Next week should be historic as we will have our first appearance from Dicky as well as our first of many adventures with the man who will be known only as "the Pauper". So keep your eye out on Monday for the next edition of ETC. ETC. ETC. Stay Classy
Inaugural Post
Welcome ladies and gentleman to the inaugural post on the Ryan Cazalet blog. Before we begin I want to take the time to explain what you can expect from this site. A wise man once said "if it weren't for ridiculous movie quotes and useless information, I really bring nothing to the table". Well that's the gist of this blog. In the writing industry they say you should write what you know, however I am not in the writing industry, so I can't really prove that that is in fact what they say.
I will be writing about sports, movies, television shows, pirates, green monsters, cage bombs and general nonsense, because those are essentially the things that I know. Think Bob Woodward but without the extensive research, political backbone, moral fibers and overall cultural significance. There will be no Pulitzer Prize's to be won and there will be no film's made about this blog, but you will be entertained and you will be informed.
I plan on putting up three posts a week, with a focus on the major sporting events and my take on them. I figure if a man as dumb and brain dead as Skip Bayless can get paid to provide his take on sports, than I should be able to at least give my input. However, unlike Skip I will make lucid, well thought out arguments....and unfortunetly wont get paid. You can expect a sports dominated blog, some top 10 lists about movies and television shows as well as movie reviews and random topics of conversation.
There will be several guest spots from key contributors such as Pasquale, the resident expert on all things useless as well as a man with a memory the likes of which has never been matched. He will provide us with a section that has temporarily been dubbed "Pasquale's Fab 5" in which he will list 5 people that he either loves that day or hates that day. You may get an explanation of his feelings, or you may not. And that's all I have to say about that.
Matt "Dicky" Verses will provide a segment called "Dicky's Gripes" in which he tells us all the things that are bothering him or happen to be on his mind. He is a man so notorious and beloved that he can only be described as "Dicky". If luck could be measured by height, Dicky would be growing into the ground. He is all at once poignant and sarcastic, stoic and revolting, mythical and common, comedic and dramatic.
While I will be analyzing and making predictions about games of the week in various sports, I will turn to our resident gambler in a section I like to call "The Picks of the Unknown Gambler". Due to legal reasons, part of our agreement was that this writer remain nameless and instead will be known only as MP4. His credentials are not necessary, but for the skeptics I will say this....MP4= the modern Ace Rothstein.
I hope you enjoy it, comments are welcomed and appreciated. So without further adieu, i give you ETC ETC ETC,
I will be writing about sports, movies, television shows, pirates, green monsters, cage bombs and general nonsense, because those are essentially the things that I know. Think Bob Woodward but without the extensive research, political backbone, moral fibers and overall cultural significance. There will be no Pulitzer Prize's to be won and there will be no film's made about this blog, but you will be entertained and you will be informed.
I plan on putting up three posts a week, with a focus on the major sporting events and my take on them. I figure if a man as dumb and brain dead as Skip Bayless can get paid to provide his take on sports, than I should be able to at least give my input. However, unlike Skip I will make lucid, well thought out arguments....and unfortunetly wont get paid. You can expect a sports dominated blog, some top 10 lists about movies and television shows as well as movie reviews and random topics of conversation.
There will be several guest spots from key contributors such as Pasquale, the resident expert on all things useless as well as a man with a memory the likes of which has never been matched. He will provide us with a section that has temporarily been dubbed "Pasquale's Fab 5" in which he will list 5 people that he either loves that day or hates that day. You may get an explanation of his feelings, or you may not. And that's all I have to say about that.
Matt "Dicky" Verses will provide a segment called "Dicky's Gripes" in which he tells us all the things that are bothering him or happen to be on his mind. He is a man so notorious and beloved that he can only be described as "Dicky". If luck could be measured by height, Dicky would be growing into the ground. He is all at once poignant and sarcastic, stoic and revolting, mythical and common, comedic and dramatic.
While I will be analyzing and making predictions about games of the week in various sports, I will turn to our resident gambler in a section I like to call "The Picks of the Unknown Gambler". Due to legal reasons, part of our agreement was that this writer remain nameless and instead will be known only as MP4. His credentials are not necessary, but for the skeptics I will say this....MP4= the modern Ace Rothstein.
I hope you enjoy it, comments are welcomed and appreciated. So without further adieu, i give you ETC ETC ETC,
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