The Blessssing

Seeing that Christmas is less than a week away, I decided it was a great time to unveil the next top 10 list here at ETC. ETC. ETC. So as you may have guessed, given the time of year, this is the Top 10 Christmas Movies, according to me. But before I get to the list, there's something that's really bothering me that I'd like to bring to your attention. When did the word "mature" start being pronounced "ma-tour"? I hate when people say it like they were a character in a Jane Austen novel. Get off your proper high horse and say it the way its been pronounced for the last 200 years, "ma-chure". Am I the only one who finds this bothersome? Anyway....here's my Top 10 Christmas Movies and they are anything but "ma-tour"

10. Jingle All The Way- Did you really think I could leave this classic Ahnold film off the list. I wish I could rewind the clocks back a few years and show this film to every person in California who was planning on voting for Arnold as Governor and see if they wanted to reconsider. What says Christmas more then an Austrian bodybuilder yelling "Jingle all the Way"?

9. How The Grinch Stole Christmas- I mean the original cartoon version and not the live action Jim Carrey version. Its a Christmas staple, and yes it's not technically a movie but its got to be on the list. When the Grinch's heart grows three times its size at the end my eyes well up like a broken New Orleans levee. Too soon?

8. It's A Wonderful Life- Another Christmas classic although I have to admit I don't love this flick. It's black and white, its slow and I only think about Dana Carvey doing his Jimmy Stewart impressions instead of following the story. But at the end of the day its as much Christmas as holiday lights on the house, so I included it on my list. And I'm sure everyone has heard that "every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings".

7. Home Alone 2- Easily one of my favorite Christmas movies, even though its almost exactly like the original. I can't get enough of Marv, formerly of the Wet Bandits, but now a founding member of the Sticky Bandits. The brick throwing scene is hysterical and I still laugh every time Marv gets plunked in the face. I prefer the original but you can't go wrong with the sequel. "OHH YOUR COOKING FRANKIE!!"

6. Scrooged - This is often overlooked when you think about the best Christmas movies. But it's Bill Murray in the modern re-telling of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol". Its kind of scary for little kids, or older kids that get scared easily at movies. Being a huge fan of Bill Murray I find this very funny yet fits perfectly into the Christmas spirit and its also makes it so that I don't have to read or watch the original Dickens version and risk death by boredom. So I got that going for me, which is nice.

5. Trapped In Paradise - This is a Cazalet family tradition. Many people probably have never heard of this movie let alone seen it. Well I can promise you that you won't be disappointed and need to rent this before Christmas. It stars, guess who, Nic Cage as the older brother of two con men who have just been paroled a few days before Christmas. The two brothers are played by SNL alums Dana Carvey and Jon Lovitz and they inform Cage about a bank in a small town that could easily be robbed. Mayhem and hysterics ensue as they attempt to rob the bank. If that little description wasn't enough to sell you on this movie, let me try this....Nic Cage + Christmas Movie = ETC ETC ETC Hall of Fame. Go rent it.

4. Elf - This was back when Will Ferrell wasn't making ridiculous, over the top flops like Blades of Glory and Land of the Lost. Buddy the Elf is just a funny character and loves everything about Christmas, including the world's best cup of coffee. It's the most recent movie on this list and it deserves a top 5 ranking. There are so many great quotes and moments in this movie. "I just like smiling, smiling's my favorite" or "Your not Santa, you smell like beef and cheese". And it also has Zooey Deschanel (a sleeper cutie) and James Caan in a role as far from Sonny Corleone as you could ever imagine.

3. Home Alone - The sequel came in at #7 but the original gets the Bronze Medal. I really wanted to put this at number 2 and perhaps in a few years it will move up a spot. I love the quotes from this movie like "Buzz, your girlfriend...WOOF" or "I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap, including all my major crevices, including in between my toes and in my belly button which I never did before but sort of enjoyed". It's got a great cameo from John Candy and when Joe Pesci take a BB gun shot to his BB's, I crack up laughing like I had never seen it before. Little known fact about myself...this movie inspired the greatest "criminal act" of my childhood when at the age of 6, me and my two neighbors broke a screen window, climbed into my neighbors house when his parents weren't home, dragged a mattress into the living room, made a bag of popcorn, and started jumping on the mattress like Kevin McAllister while watching this movie. Our parents didn't find it very funny, but let me tell you this...it was awesome.

2. A Christmas Story - You know its a Christmas classic when TNT can play this movie for 24 straight hours on Christmas eve and you watch at least 6 hours of it ( or am I the only freak that does that). Who hasn't heard "You'll shoot your eye out"? So many great parts of this movie, like when the younger brother eats his food like a little piggy or when he falls down wearing so many layers of snow clothes that he can't get up, or being triple dog dared to lick a frozen pole...poor Flick (Flick? Flick who?) And who can resist the Leg Lamp, "Fragile, must be Italian". I even have a small, functioning leg lamp that my sister got me for Christmas on my nightstand.

1. Christmas Vacation - All of the previous 9 movies are great, but this is the Mecca of Christmas movies. It doesn't get any better then this. I've seen this movie hundreds of times, literally hundreds of time, and I still laugh as hard as I did the first time I saw it. "It's not going in our yard Russ, it's going in our living room". I could quote this movie all day. From Cousin Eddie to Aunt Bethany to Snots to the squirrel, this is Christmas movie perfection. "I learned everything I know about exterior illumination from you dad". I can only hope that someday my house is as bright and well decorated as Clark Griswolds. I'll leave you with one of my favorite, but perhaps overlooked lines of the movie when his wife Ellen asks him what he is looking at..."Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer". It's so good I had to put two pictures just to get you in the Christmas spirit, the Griswold Christmas spirit that is....

Honorable Mentions:
The Santa Clause, The Polar Express, Bad Santa, Muppets Christmas Carol. Die Hard (I left this off my list simply because its the greatest action movie of all time and it just so happens to take place at a Christmas Party)

Well that's it for this edition. I hope you have a Happy Hanukkah, Festivus, Christmas, Kwanzaa or whatever it is you celebrate. So until next time, as always.....Stay Sweet!

End of Pride

For those that had not heard the news on ESPN, on Thursday December 3rd 2009 the Hofstra University Football program was terminated. In a unanimous decision by the board of trustees, the program was shut down, thus putting 84 students and 14 coaches out of school and work. One of those poor saps is yours truly.

And as all of this unfolded I began to think what the tell-all story would be like. There are alot of angles that could be played so I came up with a few that would work.

If it was going to be a chick flick it would be called "The Devil Wears Nike Windsuits".
If it was a Harry Potter book it might be called "The Program That Shall Not Be Named"
If it was a Dan Brown book, perhaps "Angels & Morons" would be appropriate.
If it was a High School Dramedy movie it might be called "Varsity Confused"

But as the layers peel back and more information surfaces the most accurate scenario is "Clear and Present Danger". The following is my understanding of the conversation that took place between the President of the University and the Athletic Director.

President: This football program represents a clear and present danger to the Hofstra community.
Athletic Director: They've been around for 70 years, we can't just get rid of them
President: Why not? it's our money. They're using our money.
Athletic Director: Are you suggesting a course of action sir?
President: The course of action I suggest is a course of action I can't suggest.

Basically, the President had an agenda from day one that he wanted to eliminate the program. This kind of thing doesn't just happen over night and it doesn't happen to a program as established as Hofstra was. It's convenient timing too, as the new Med school (a program that he announced when he became President a few years back) is set to open in the fall of next year, which apparently is in desperate need of funding . He wanted to make it look like it was an economic decision, when this was his plan from the start. And now he is trying to wipe his hands clean by pawning this off on the Board of Trustees, 12 men and women who don't work at the University, so he can come out clean on the other side. He probably said this to the board....

President: Let me make this very clear: this is your deal, not mine, so unless I have written authorization, this whole thing is over before it starts because I'm not going to be the only one left without a chair when the music stops.

So what now? There are some things I've always wanted to do. For instance. I want to be a sheppard. I want to move down to Nashville, get a nice spread, get some sheep and tend to them. The Pauper always talks about Ebbs and Flows, and perhaps I'm just knee deep in one really crazy Ebb. or would this be a Flow? I'm not really sure. Anyway, I've been in this position before, seeking a job in tough economy, but I made out alright once, and I'll make out alright again. So in the meantime I've got some things that I'm looking forward to.

Things I'm looking forward to During Unemployment:
1. Staying up late- I haven't seen an episode of Conan in months. I hear he is struggling so I will now be able to give my support. Every viewer counts
2. Toaster Strudels- I just like saying the word "strudel". Especially with a German accent.
3. TV show marathons- My usual suspects are Entourage and Seinfeld, but I might get crazy and try some shows I never got into before. Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia has been recommended by a few people who's opinion in this field I highly respect, Paulie Walnuts and John "Friends of the Captain Make it Happen" Deli (If any of the readers are interested in top of line, American made, Bob Villa-esque craftsmanship Cornhole Boards, just post a comment. Deli is the man who can make it happen. I've seen some of his products and they are the best I've ever seen)
4. Blogging- This is my Tebow moment. I started this blog during unemployment and kept it running while employed. My contributors are invaluable to this blog and one thing is certain...we will be better. I promise you one thing. A lot of good will come out of this. You will never see a blogger work as hard as I will the rest of the year and you will never see a team of contributors
work as hard as we will. God Bless.

Until next time, as always....Stay Sweet!

Cage is Twice as Nice

Hello ETC ETC ETC followers and welcome back. I was preparing for the next great Top 10 list when my thoughts were interrupted by the continuing news of Tiger-gate. Actually I hate when any scandal or intriguing story is labeled with "gate" at the end of it. It's lazy and uncreative. So I will invent a new term right now and it is....Tiger-spitzer. That kind of sounds like a fruity wine cooler that might be ordered on Sex and the City. I like it, let's roll with it.

So Tiger-spitzer continues to grow in curiosity as we seemingly can't get enough of this story. We're intrigued for the obvious reason: We love to see celebrities who appear to have it all screw up. And as the press and media consume this story like Katrina, I came to a fascinating realization...in a few weeks we're going to pretend like it never happened.

I'm going to give you a few examples of major scandals/affairs and the aftermath of them...

Kobe Bryant:

Had an affair, was accused of rape, the charges were dropped, as were all his sponsorships. The media was obsessed with this story. Everyone questioned how this will affect him. A few months later, he started playing basketball again, went on to win a championship and got his sponsorships back. Result: We could care less now

Alex Rodriguez:
Was the biggest name to admit to using steroids, calling it "a very loosey goosey time"(which is also my new favorite expression. It works while describing any scenario, try it out). Also had an affair with Madonna and a few strippers north of the border. The media ate it up like Tony Soprano on a Sunday dinner. A few months later, he returns to baseball, starts hitting a bunch of homeruns, dates Kate Hudson, wins a championship and we don't even mention the problems from the offseason. Result: We could care less now

Michael Vick:

Gets arrested for an interstate dog fighting ring. Somehow gets sentenced to two years in prison, loses all his sponsorships and is forced to take communal showers with men named Maurice and Skinny Pete. A few years later, he signs a multimillion dollar deal to return to play football. Result: We could care less now.

Jude Law:

Has an affair with the nanny and subsequently gets divorced from Sienna Miller. What an idiot. This isn't even defensible. I can't even fathom this. I mean have you seen Sienna Miller? Really Jude Law? The nanny? What was this guy thinking. I hope this ruins his career. Honestly. Look at her...

These are only a few examples and Tiger is just the latest and greatest example of a celebrity or athlete screwing up big time. But the reason we could care less is that we only care about our celebrities and athletes in the context that made them famous. We want to see Kobe taking over games, and A-Rod manning the hot corner. As long as they are doing what we expect them to do in their career then at the end of the day we don't care what they do off the field. It may dominate the headlines now, but once they get back to whatever it is they do, it becomes a non issue. And I can guarantee once Tiger tee's off at the Masters and puts on a dominating performance, we aren't even going to mention this little incident.

Switching gears, its time to return to an old staple of ETC ETC ETC. This past summer we unveiled the Nic Cage Movie Review System. It's simple, its informative and its 1000x better then the boring and played "star system".

The Taking of Pelham 123

This looked like it was an immediate candidate for a "Good, Bad Movie", being that Travolta was back in the saddle to play an over-the-top bad guy. If you need references see "Face/Off", "Swordfish", "Broken Arrow" or "The Punisher". But it has the always reliable and sometimes extraordinary Denzel, so I had mixed expectations. This is also a remake of a movie that Pasquale really enjoys, and he rarely labels a movies with a "go see it" as he did with the original of this movie. I actually saw this movie on a bus ride back from a football game, and I fell asleep about 20 minutes into the movie. But I blame that on my "riding in a vehicle sleep reaction" that I suffer from. So when it came in the mail, I was excited. Decent beginning, good cast, but unfortunately I was let down. There are a few too many "F-bombs" that just seemed forced from Travolta. I have no problems with "F-bombs" in movies, as Casino is one of my favorite movies. But these seemed like swears just to have swears in the movie, and not fitting of the situation. Once again Travolta overacts to the extreme and unfortunately Denzel mostly coasts through the movie. I don't yet know if it qualifies as a "Good, Bad Movie", but for now its straight bad. Which is a shame because I want as many Cage mustache pictures up here as possible. (It only gets two cages because its been a while since this awesome mug shot graced the blog)

"Pulse of the Rockies"

Well the month of November is officially in the books and so too is the epic mustache of Yahtzee. I know I am sad to see that man growth go, and am officially petitioning to Yahtzee to keep it going, see how thick it can grow. Who knows where it might take you. Look where a mustache took Tom Selleck. Anyway here is Yahtzee with his last picture update.

Hey All -

I made it! Me and Mr. Mustache lasted the whole month. And what a ride it was... The final picture is attached below.

Thanks again for all your support. I really appreciate your donations.

All the best,

Good Job by Yahtzee for growing a man's stache. You are now officially a gentleman and a scholar. The next step is to rock a tailored suit when you go out and drink only the finest scotch. Glenlivet, Glenfiddich, any kind of Glen really. Anyway that does it for this edition. I ask that if you read the blog, and enjoy it that you become a follower on the side of the webpage. We've been stuck on 34 for way too long, and are looking to make a charge up Google's list as the year comes to a close. So until next time, as always.....Stay Sweet!

Turkey Blog

Hola to the ETC faithful. It's been a few weeks and I've had a lot of things percolating in my hopper (in case you were wondering, I got a hopper). As my favorite holiday approaches, we here at ETC. ETC. ETC. have a LOT to cover. We have a mustache update from Yahtzee, a Fab 5 from Pasquale and return to glory from MP4 that you can't miss. This is a lengthy post but I promise it's one of our finer performances.

Our good friend Yahtzee has been raising money for prostate cancer by growing a mustache. I believe that you don't need a reason to grow a stache, but if you do, what better motive then raising money for a good cause. In our last post, Yahtzee sent us his ground zero stache, and now we have an update to see how the furry friend has been growing.

Pulse of the Rockies

Hey Gang -

It's been a while and I wanted to share my progress. Mr. Mustache has been doing work; he's well on his way to respectability. Currently, he qualifies as "dirty".

Be thankful many of you don't live here and have to see him on a daily basis. I'm happy I don't have to look at me.

The picture below is as of November 15th.

Hope all is well and thanks again for donating!




Yahtzee, let me say this: There is nothing dirty about that 'stache. I believe the word you were looking for is "distinguished". Remember all great men rock a stache at some point in their lives, only the brave do it while young and single. I am looking forward to your next picture update.


"Fab 5"

It's time for another installment of the infinitely popular Fab 5, 5 to Hate. This is a first for the Fab 5 as Pasquale has so much hate for a particular person that he had to include them again in his list. I must say that I could not agree more.

Its been a few weeks since our last post and the issues below have been bothering me

Five to hate

1. Elizabeth Lambert - if you aren't familiar with this girl, take a moment and search her name on you tube. She went absolutely nuts on some nice mormon girls who probably prayed for her rather than talked about how much of a psycho she was. In my athletic career i was never the cleanest player in terms of taking shots at people, but even i find this just ridiculous. The worst part about this is now whenever someone does something that makes them look like a scumbag, they go to counseling or rehab, find god, and then all is forgiven. That course of action is an autographed get out of jail free card. I'm going to quote a wise man in saying "you're just an asshole elizabeth....it's not an illness"

2. Spencer Pratt - This marks a first for the five to hate, a repeat visitor. Spencer has taken issue with Al Roker. Come on, really, Al Roker? If anything he should bash him because he's a weatherman and they are wrong 80% of the time. I might even show spencer a little respect if he quoted larry david and told al there was a jet stream of bullshit coming out of his mouth. But rather spencer attacked Roker via twitter, saying things such as You look very sick? Do you always look like your about to die? How old are you 97? You should retire asap- No one would even know?" Spencer, you're an asshole. keep your mouth shut. you should take your own suggestion and retire because no one would miss you and your idiotic comments.

3. Chase - Here's the link for this chase commercial that angers me, if you haven't seen it, take a moment to familiarize yourself with it
http://www.gawkk.com/chase-sapphire-commercial/discuss
The sad thing about this commercial is that this poor guy just wants to do something nice with his wife. He probably works hard and doesn't get to spend as much time with her as he'd like, so as a result he trys to think of all the nice things they could do together. Instead, she buys a dress. Rather than do something together, she'd rather have a dress. Infuriating. As a result of this commercial, i have canceled my chase credit card. this is not a lie, i'm done with chase. tupac says in one of his songs "fuck bad boy as a staff record label and as a mother fucking crew" i find this quote particularly applicable here as well " fuck chase as a bank, credit card company and as a motherfucking crew"

4. Blue tooth ear pieces - I've got no problem with these in a car. Its safe and allows you to keep both hands on the wheel. i get that. But where we run into problems is when you're walking around with that head set on. You not only look like a complete asshole, but its really confusing when someone talking and you think they're talking with you, but they're talking to the person on the ear piece. Do us all a favor, when you get out of the car, take the head set off and pick up your cell phone.

5. Black Friday - who in their right mind would get up at 3am and go shopping? It insane. The night after thanksgiving is supposed to be about food induced comas. Not about getting up and going to walmart or best buy to try and save a few bucks. But if you must go shopping, try and keep it civil. We'd rather not hear about another person who was trampled to death by people running for a sale. No price on a tv is so good that another person deserves to be hurt.

Finally, enjoy the next few days off, eat up, and have a happy and safe thanksgiving.

In case you all have forgotten from my last post, Pasquale has a very active Thanksgiving in front of him. He has 2 full Thanksgivings, something I am incredible jealous and in awe of. So Pasquale will be giving me text message updates after every food installment, from the antipast, appitizers, main course right up to the dessert. We will give you all a full recap of the events in our next post.

"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"

Once upon a time there was a wise and profitable gambler by the name of MP4. He made a lot of picks and won a lot of money. No one thought he was real until a small time books-maker came after his racket. What does MP4 do? He kills their kids, he kills their wives, he kills their parents and their parents' friends. He burns down the houses they live in, the stores that they work in, he kills people that owe him money. And like that...he was gone. Underground. Nobody has seen him since. MP4 became a myth, a spook story gamblers tell their kids at night. "Pay your debts, or MP4 will get you". And no one ever really believes.

Pasquale always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him". Well I believe in God and the only thing that scares me is picking against MP4. My guess was that no one would hear from him again, but I was wrong......

MP4 Gives Thanks to All

I'd like to first thank the many readers for their unquestioned support for MP4 over the past couple of months. As many of you know it's been a long and wild journey back to Etc., Etc., Etc. It started with a divorce, climaxed with a stint in rehab, and concluded with a re-dedication to the man upstairs. And as a wise women once told me, "Nuevo Ano, Nuevo Vida". For those non-Spanish speaking readers out there, it translates to "Clean Slate". I'm a new man, and with a new man comes a new record: 0-0-0. Some may call it a comeback, other refer to it as a rebirth, or even a "Ricky Williams". Let me just tell you right now this is gonna be a Ricky Williams circa Week 11 2009. I'm back, and if there is one thing a straight jacket can't cure, it's the fever. The Betting Fever.

The Mess @ The Star -13.5 - I have trouble picking against The Star on America's Most Hungover Day. The Raiders had an upset in the Black Hole last weekend, and if there is anything we know about the Raiders, its just when you think there is hope, Raider Nation comes crashing down in a heap of flames. Expect flames and a Turducken for Marion Barber.

Munster -10 @ Motown - If Dante Culpepper was a Turkey he would have been killed 8 years ago. Too bad this wasn’t Thanksgiving 2001, then this would be a tough call.

Big Blue @ Belichick's Baby Boy + 6.5 - A short week for the both teams, but the Giants have to travel across the country after playing a physical OT game, only to find a more physical team awaiting. Orton is back, and McDaniel's will have what's left of the Giants secondary running like Turkeys with their heads cut off….LOCK IT UP!

So when Aunt Marge starts to argue about the merits of Tryptophan, or Uncle Junior tells you about Thanksgiving '64 when he drank too much moonshine, walk into the other room and dial up your local wise guy, or log on to your favorite gambling website located in a one room split in the Northern Antilles, and lock in your picks. Loosen up that belt buckle, shift the recliner into position, throw another log on the fire, grab a bowl of stuffing and some pecans yams, and give thanks to The League.

You can thank me later.


MP4's favorite Thanksgiving Moment…



I hope you all didn't lose interest due to the length, but I've said it before and I will say it again. If you have a short attention span and are more interested in TMZ-ization of creativity I suggest you go elsewhere for your blog fix. But if you're still here I think you have been entertained. I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving, enjoy the "4 F's", Food, Football, Friends and Family. So until next time, as always.....Stay Classy.

NY Sports Are Letting Me Down

Let me start by saying....Samsonite, I was way off. I thought Pedro was going to make his last defiant stand in Game 6, but instead the Yankees celebrated their 27th World Championship. I guess it's time to send ol' Pedro to the glue factory.

So the Yankees are champions again, what else is new. The majority of my friends are Yankees fans, and I'm fine with that, I hope they are happy. I can easily interact and be friends with them because most of them are not outwardly obnoxious. However that is not the case for all yankee fans (actually for all fans in general). I would like to tell you all about one of the most agonizing sports situations I have ever been in.

For Game 6 I decided to go out to a bar with a coach I work with, a LARGE man who played defensive tackle at Boston College. I only mention this because he took full advantage of the 25 cent wing special by ordering 80 wings for the two of us. We almost finished them, and when the game got out of hand, people were actually watching us to see if we could finish them. We didn't but we had to polish off about 60. I digress....working in Long Island, about 20 minutes from Yankee Stadium, every sports bar within a 40 mile radius was a Yankee bar. So it goes without saying that I was rooting hard for the Phillies, not just because of my dislike of the Yankees, but so that it would be an enjoyable night. It wasn't. They were chanting "DEREK JETER", "TWENTY SEVEN" and many other obnoxious incantations. By the 7th inning I could tell this was not going to end well for me, and I decided after almost 3 hours of suffering I had to get out. I think the Chinese Water Torture might have been a better alternative. And I had to deal with the ridiculous accents and egos that just made the atmosphere even more unbearable. The Pauper, wise and enlightened that he is, told me I will be a better person for dealing with this. However, I have yet to see the benefits.

Switching gears, I decided to get in touch with Steamin Willie Beamen, because it had been a while since he made an appearance on the blog. Steamin' was suffering from a massive case of writer's block and as it turns out he just needed some inspiration from my New York Giants. The G-Men have hit a rough patch (I'm being generous) and as the Patriots fan that he is, he couldn't help but take a few shots at the boys in blue. Now I have a strict "no censoring" rule for the contributors, so I will air the piece as he intended. But before you read this piece just think about the disclaimer that comes before a movie.

The views and opinions expressed are that of its author and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the ETC corporation, it's creator, or any affiliate programs associated with ETC. ETC. ETC. They are solely the views of its creator, Steamin Willie Beamen.

Steamin' Willie Beamen

Since When Does J.D. Drew play QB for the New York Giants?

The joy of writing this spot comes at the expense of three of my good friends. Not only does the fearless leader of the blog hopelessly devote himself to the big blue bum crew but two of my buddies from Maine love the hopeless helpless New York Little Giants. Their pain over the last few weeks has been such a joy to listen to and watch that I can not imagine a better situation. Its like having Christmas four weekends in a row. It seems like it happened so fast. I mean just 2.5 years ago I was on my hands and knees taking it like an inmate from all these idiots who got the pleasure of divine intervention as the haunted David Tyree made not only the most improbable catch in Super Bowl history but Eli Manning channeled his inner Mike Vick and escaped three different defenders who were tracking him in the backfield only to close his eyes drop his back shoulder and throw the ball in the air hoping that God may guide it into the hands of a horrible receiver who would need to hold on while getting hit by the assassin Rodney Harrison. That was a long run on sentence but it needed to be said and read with out pause so as not to prolong the misery that comes with that memory. And it is the single event that changed my entire outlook on whether miracles were possible. I do not want to discount what the Giants were able to do by beating the Pats but the stars aligned that night and they seem to have lost that connection ever since.

In my opinion the loss of players like Mike Stra, CheddarPlax, G-Bril, Hair Mitchell, and others is the easy way for Chris Carter and his friends to explain why the ggggggg-men have lost their luster. The reality of the situation is that it is just the opposite. The problem is the guy who still remains not the guys who have left. The issue lies on the shoulders of one often criticized and often misunderstood Eli Manning. I went into Sunday thinking there is no chance that a Super Bowl MVP with the better team at home against a west coast team that isn’t that good, the same team that he forced his way out of when they gave him the honor of not only being their number one pick but being the number one pick overall. This guy had everything to prove and still found a way to get out dueled by the foul mouth from the south, a guy who may be the complete opposite personality and a much better QB. How does he continue to be this fun loving awww shux type of guy? I want to go a little off the reservation and compare the guy to another fun loving loser J.D. Drew.

Now I find myself looking at both of these guys and coming to the same conclusion…they may not be “losers” but they are definitely not the guys you want standing next to you when shit hits the fan. Forget their respective sports, if a fight was going to break out they would be the last two picked. You might just send them both after each other knowing nothing bad would happen to either of them, other then mystery injuries and some awkward conversation. It is amazing to think that Giants fans have been excited about this guy. If his brother and father did not exist no one would even think this guy was good. I mean he plays football but can’t throw the ball when its cold? How much of a puss is this guy. I would take Brett Favre drunk perked out of his mind in a wheel chair because I would know that he would die for that inch. Come on people what is the big problem with realizing that Eli is J.D.?

To continue on the thread of guys who are still on the roster who are causing the problem look at the running back situation. It blows my mind that the best part of the entire franchise has been their ability to accumulate running backs and offensive lineman and of the guys that they got rid of (Ryan Grant and Derrick Ward) they kept Brandon Jacobs and Ahmad Bradshaw??? I do not claim to know everything about everything or even anything about anything but I can say that when I am looking for a running back that can tote the rock 25 times a game I surly would not want two complementary backs like Jacobs or Bradshaw. I would want the guy who is a combination of both, i.e. Ward or Grant.

Those two issues are just part of the problem. The fact of the matter is that the Jints are going to need to find an identity or they will suffer the same fate as teams like the 09 Boston Red Sox or the 00-08 Yankees. Football is about leadership, balls, and scoring in the red zone. I wonder every day if the Pats had just rolled a safety to Plax we never ever ever would have had to consider Eli Manning as a super star because all he is, is another J.D. Drew. Convincing people he is good because of “potential” and their “even keel”. That is crap. Anyone who has ever seen Ali, Jordan, Favre, Brady, Magic, Manny, or Ray Ray know that personality not only matters it sometimes makes the difference. I am not saying the Giants are doomed but I would put a “look out” on the rest of their season and truthfully the rest of the J.D. Manning era.

-Steamin' Willie Beamen

There you have it everybody. It pained me to post that, but I can't argue with some of his points. The Giants have been miserable the past 4 weeks and the blame, whether justly or unjustly, falls on the QB and the Head Coach. Eli has been up and down, but during the losing streak he has been down. Now their secondary is depleted and potentially season threateningly bad, but we need more consistency from Eli.

I will leave you today with a little diddy from our friend Pasquale. He is gearing up for another Fab 5, but during a recent conversation about Thanksgiving, Pasquale told us how he attends 2 Thanksgiving dinners. This amazed me, as Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I wanted to know everything, so he explained it as only Pasquale can. I give you Pasquale......

i'll break it down in terms of tempos for a college practice, the tempos being

live - full go, cut blocks, full game conditions
thud - fit into your blocks and set your pads, basically the same as live minus cuts, but keeping everything high for the most part
tag - get into position to make the play and just let them go, basically only reserved for a friday practice

Antipast - Live
Time between antipast and turkey - tag (primarily candy and chips, salsa, etc during this stage)
First main meal - thud (still trying to recover from the antipast, but dont want to blow my load and ruin the other parts of the upcoming meals)
First Desert - Live (i lose control around cannolis, sofgliatelle, cookies, pie, etc etc, etc)
Second appetizers- live (maryellen's mother makes increddible spinach balls)
Second dinner - thud
Second Desert - live

Food coma

Pedro's Last Stand

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, welcome to the Big Show. I'm writing to you today because its been a few years since baseball has had a storyline like the one that is brewing in the Bronx tonight. If you are a sports fan then you should be thankful that you are being blessed with theater that is almost never seen in baseball. At face value, you've got just another Game 6 with yet another chance for the Yankees to win the World Series. But look deeper and you will see the plot thickens.

It would appear that all the signs point to a significant Yankee advantage tonight. The game is in the Bronx, a place they rarely lose and they have their trusty veteran on the mound in Andy Pettitte, a "Core-4" guy who helped build the current dynasty along with Jeter, Rivera and Posada. And all that stands between the Yankees and their 27th Championship is a man no larger than the average female. A man that every Yankee fan loves to hate. That man is old foe Pedro Martinez.

Pedro is no doubt a first ballot Hall of Famer and in his prime was the best pitcher in baseball for a span of 5 years. Once an electric and intimidating pitcher, he is now crafty and methodical , no longer able to throw a 97 mph fastball but instead relies on his changeup and curveball. As a Red Sox he was the one guy that was most hated by Yankee fans. Not only did he love plunking Jeter and A-Rod, he also threw 74 year old Don Zimmer to the ground during a bench clearing brawl. He was a key member of the '04 team that pulled the greatest comeback in the history of sports as the Red Sox came back from a 3-0 deficit to win the American League Championship (I had to mention it). He was also famous for calling the Yankees his "daddy", a comment that prompted the always popular chant "Who's Your Daddy" which will no doubt be echoing through Yankee Stadium tonight. So why should you be excited about this? Let me try and explain.

Pedro lives for the big stage. He feeds off of opposing crowds and seems to elevate his game when everyone counts him out. What we saw from him in Game 2 was a pure competitor. He had no business throwing as well as he did, and aside from 2 bad pitches that resulted in home runs, he pitched a gem. After Game 2 you figured Pedro would never get another chance to silence the Yankee crowd but alas here we are. This very well could be Pedro's last game, but its safe to assume this is the last big game he will ever pitch in. Tonight is Pedro's last stand. Can he channel the young Pedro and bring us to a Game 7? Or like a more famous last stand, will he fall like Custer? I think Pedro will shine. I think he's got one vintage performance left in the tank. If anyone saw him walk off the field in Game 2, you saw him look up at the Yankee fans and gave a grin/smirk/smile. I hope he was thinking, "I want one more shot". Tonight he gets that shot, and we will find out what Pedro Martinez has left.

On the other side, and perhaps equally as compelling, is Andy Pettitte. He is making a case for his status as a Hall of Fame pitcher, and a win tonight would certainly help his argument. And like Pedro, this very well could be his last time he walks out onto the mound. He's the veteran that's been here before. Throughout the whole Yankee run and with more famous guys around him like Clemens and Wells and Cone, Pettitte has been the rock. Yankee fans trust him, and you expect him to deliver. But here's the interesting caveat, he will be pitching on 3 days rest. That's not unheard of but, for our less informed baseball readers, usually pitchers go on 5 days rest. Pettitte is getting up there in age (he's 37) and its going to be interesting to see how sharp the old man is on short rest. Essentially your asking him to get 7 innings of solid pitching to get the ball to Mariano Rivera. I think Pettitte will be good, but can he go 7 innings is the question. I'd be concerned if he can get 6 strong, let alone 7. But he too is a competitor and I'm hoping for a great performance by both pitchers.

Tonight's game almost has the feel of one of my favorite sports movie, and very underrated sports movie in my opinion, "For the Love of the Game". You can make an argument that both pitchers are in the position of Billy Chapel (played to perfection by Kevin "the Cos" Costner) looking for one more shot at glory. I don't foresee a perfect game, lets not get carried away, but I think 1 of them will rewind the clocks and deliver a great performance.

As a fan of the game I can only hope for a Game 7. If you don't know by now (then you haven't been reading my blogs) I don't like the Yankees, so you can make an argument that I'm biased in my opinions in that I want the Phillies to win tonight. But Game 7 is a rarity in sports, and I find that baseball Game 7's are more exciting and dramatic than any other sport's Game 7. In a close game every pitch matters, every scenario has extra meaning, and every pitcher becomes available regardless of when they last pitched. Just saying the words "Game 7" gets me excited. I hope tonight's game is everything that I'm making it out to be. Otherwise I just wasted a lot of time and effort.

Now let's change gears for a hot second. This blog has been a source of entertainment and a place of (to steal a Seinfeld expression) "no hugging, no learning". But something came to my attention that I needed to add to the blog. My oldest friend, and contributor to the blog, Aaron "Yahtzee" Smith, has asked me to help out for a noble cause. And it just so happened that the way to help the noble cause is to grow a mustache. As you may recall I created the Top 10 movie mustaches blog a few months ago (it may have been my finest hour as a blogger). I love a good 'stache, and now you can grow one for a good cause. So here's what Yahtzee has to say.....

"Pulse of the Rockies"

Friends,


Testicular and prostate cancer have ravaged men long enough. Today is the day I say NO MORE! The month of Movember is upon us. For those of you that don't know, Movember is an annual, month-long celebration of the mustache, highlighting men's health issues-specifically prostate and testicular cancer.


I write you now asking two things:


1. Join me and my mustache in our quest to destroy prostate and testicular cancer. Join my team and grow your own 'stache.



2. If you can't (or won't) join me, support me. To whoever supports me, I promise bi-weekly photos of me and my little man (get your head out of the gutter).


What do you say? (And recruit your friends, the more mustaches, the merrier)


Good Growing.
-Aaron



PS-I should also mention my birthday is Nov. 11th. In the (unlikely) event you were going to buy me a present, save it and donate instead. I'll take anything!


He also send me a picture of his ground zero 'stache. The starting point.....



Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is a great mustache. If you look closely you can see a slight dusting on the upper lip. I can't wait for our next picture update. If anyone else would like to partake in the mustache for a cause, feel free to email me a picture of your stache and we can see who is a Mike Ditka guy and who is John Cleese guy. But if you don't want to grow the stache, then at least make a donation and support Aaron. Thanks guys.

That will do it for today's blog. If you're a Yankees fan, you're obviously not rooting for a Game 7, but I most certainly am. I hope tonight's game is as good as I've hyped it up to be. Stay tuned for the next edition, as we resume our acclaimed series of the Nic Cage Movie Review System. So until next time, as always.....STAY SWEET

Titanic and Other Epic Disasters

Welcome back to another edition of ETC. ETC. ETC. As you may have inferred by the title, today we will be discussing disasters. Some will be monumental, epic disasters, others will Lohan-esque. It's up to you to decided how bad these topics are. We've got a piece from Pasquale that has been burning on his mind for more then a decade, a piece so well thought out that it took him nearly a month to perfect it. Also with the World Series just around the corner we will give you a preview of what to expect and why hell on Earth might just be a better alternative for our friend Dicky.

Tomorrow marks the start of the 106th Fall Classic and all the evidence points to a very entertaining and evenly matched baseball series. On the one side you have the New York Yankees, baseball's flagship organization looking to win it's 27th World Series title. In the other corner you've got the Philadelphia Philles, who are the defending World Series Champions and looking to become the first National League team to repeat as champions in more then 30 years. On paper this looks like a great matchup, and should draw great ratings. Except of course if you are a Mets fan, like my father and my buddy Dicky. In which case this seemingly great display of baseball more closely resembles a practical joke by the devil himself. Some say this is proof that the baseball gods were determined to torture Met fans this year. Not only did they have to sit through 162 excruciatingly painful regular season games, but now this proverbial pie in the face serves as an extra punch to the gonads. If Spike in "Little Giants" thought "pee-wee Hell" was bad, he should try being a Met's fan.

Like the Joker, Dicky has been a man of his word. Earlier in the year he realized the Mets were going nowhere and he couldn't take the pain of watching. So he made a pact around June that he would not talk about the Mets in any way, shape or form. I thought there was no chance this would happen, in fact he went so far as to say that if the Mets somehow pulled off a miraculous comeback and managed to make the playoffs that he wouldn't even watch. The Pauper still has the napkin with his signature to prove it. Just when we thought it was safe for Dicky to enjoy baseball and escape from this disastrous season, he is being dragged back into hell. He is being tortured again. Either way, an arch-rival of his is going to be victorious and celebrate and their respective fanbase will once again be gloating in his misery. I fear it may be too much for him to handle. He has endured great pain, his fight has been valiant and noble but how much suffering can a man take. I feel like the crowd of on-lookers at the end of Braveheart begging him to yell "Mercy", and in a week or so he will painfully stumble away from the television and just yell at the top of his lungs "FREEEEEEEDDDDOOOOOMMMMM".

Speaking of disasters, Twitter has been in the news since my last blog. Lets get to the good side first. Miley Cyrus has deleted her twitter account, and may I be the first to say good for you Miley. She had over 2 million followers stalking her every move and finally enough became enough. She didn't want the world to know that "all she see's are stilettos, I guess she never got the memo". And to follow that move up, she came out with an anti-twitter rap video that, despite lacking production value should win some kind of award. Miley continues to climb my female celebrity list, which hasn't been as strong as it has been in past years. I see a future blog in the making (I'm going to have to do some "research")

Now the bad side of twitter, and a reason why all athletes should delete their accounts as well, you've got Larry Johnson, running back for the Kansas City Chiefs. He tweeted (a term that should be removed from our venacular) that his coach had no business being the coach. "My father got more credentials then most of these coaches. My father played for the coach from remember the titans. Our coach played golf. My father played for the redskins briefly. Our coach, nuthn". Then when someone responded to the tweet, he called that person a "fag" and then called a reported a "fag" as well. And now the Chiefs asked him to stay away from their team and facilities. Tough break LJ, shouldn't listened to Miley. WWMD.

For all of our loyal readers you know that Pasquale is the creative force behind the always popular section called "Fab 5". Every once in a while Pasquale will send me an email with 5 things that he either loves or hates, depending what's on his mind or what he has been doing lately. This time however, He couldn't limit his thoughts to 5. I must warn you though, if you were a teenager in the 90's, this might upset you. I mean for every female girl from the years 1997-1999, this one topic was the most influential romantic moment of your life, more so then those 6 minutes you spent under the bleachers with Billy Enforci. So without further adieu, I give you Pasquale......

"Fab 5"

For the last decade or so, one film has really gotten on my nerves. If there was only one thing about this film that got on my nerves, I could let it go, but the fact is I can ramble on for days about why I don't like this movie. I wish I could tell you there will be 5 reasons why I hate this film, but I can't promise that I can limit myself to only 5. Once I get going I'm difficult to stop. Completely unrelated to this film...if you go to a gym and feel the need to do curls (which are hands down the most pointless and useless and would be banned if I owned a gym) please do not use the squat rack to hold the bar for your curls. There are people who want to do a functional exercise using that equipment, so please I implore you, do your curls elsewhere or preferably not at all. Now back to the point at hand.

If you haven't guessed by now the film I'm referring to is Titanic. You're probably thinking to yourself, "why would Pasquale hate Titanic?" Whether or not you thought that, I'm going to tell you anyway, and in no particular order.

1. Celine Dion- I don't think this really needs any additional explanation.

2. Little known fact about me, before this movie came out I was a Titanic fanatic. I find the history surrounding Titanic so interesting. The biggest ship ever made (likely by a guy with erectile dysfunction who needed to prove something) it was supposed to be the unsinkable ship which was famous around the world. I even saw an IMAX film in the 3rd grade about the alvin which a small submarine that went deep into the ocean to explore the remains of the ship. This movie killed all the interesting historical context and romanticized the story for the purposed of Hollywood. I would expect better from James Cameron, but I respect his honesty on Entourage when he said he made the boat sink to make young girls cry. This film ruined a historical event for a generation of kids too lazy to learn about the real history of this ship.

3. Not a chance that old lady would throw that colossal diamond necklace into the ocean. Seriously, no chance at all. Can you imagine the value of that piece of jewelry? Not only was it a ridiculous diamond necklace, but it also survived the sinking of the Titanic. Conservative estimate of the value of that necklace-$10 million. Easy.

4. Kate Winslett's character didn't rotate on top of that door. Isn't being in love about making sacrifices for each other? Couldn't they have rotated so at least Leo could get some time on top of that door and out of the freezing cold water. I mean the guy did basically save her in the beginning of the movie, but apparently that didn't prove him worthy of time on top of the door. And how were there not other doors floating around in the water? Paddle around a bit and look for another door. If your not gonna paddle around and look for another door, or rotate turns on top of the door, don't start sobbing when he sinks because he's frozen to death.

5. The whole scene where he teaches her how to spit off the side and she is somehow kind of enticed by that is pure bullshit. Not a chance that works in picking up women. If you successfully pick up a girl as a result of teaching her how to spit, please let me know.

6. Billy Zane stealing a child to get on a lifeboat is just sickening. There are plenty of scumbags out there, but I find it hard to believe that someone actually did that.

7. If your still reading I applaud your dedication. How does everyone and their mother get an oscar nomination for this film but my boy Leo gets shut out. Really Academy of Motion Picture Science? You didn't see him fit for a nomination but the old lady who was only in the film for a few minutes was worthy? Listen, I know she's old, but you could have at least thrown him a bone.

8. The crying in the theater. People were sobbing like they just lost family members in the theaters when I saw it. Did you not expect the boat to sink? Did you not expect people to die? Did you expect the boat to make it to New York because it was a movie? The boat sank in real life, it sank in the movie, deal with it. You knew that coming into the movie. I don't want to hear you crying.

Next time you stumble upon the movie on TNT, think about these points. You will see this film in a new light.

Once again Pasquale comes through. Well that will do it for today's edition. Before I leave you I will make a prediction about the World Series. Our resident gambler MP4 has been very busy taking CPA exams so he's been out of the game for a while. But sure enough once he's back on the saddle, we will get his opinions. But I'm going to say that the Phillies are going to win in 7 games. I have a feeling this is going to be one of the best World Series in recent memory. And for all you Met fans out there, hang tough. From pain will come pleasure. Or call in a bomb threat like Seinfeld. So until next time, as always.....STAY SWEET

Kate Hudson for MVP

Welcome to another edition of ETC ETC ETC. It's one of the greatest times of the year in terms of sports and we've got a lot to cover. So much so that I decided it was time to open up the Gmail Inbox, brought to you by the good people at Google. So lets get right into the questions.



If the Yankees win the World Series should Kate Hudson get a ring?- Brian (CT)

At this point the only person more deserving of a ring is Teixeira. I don't know what she has done to A-Rod, but if your a Yankees fan you can only hope that she keeps doing whatever it is she is doing. I can't blame the guy, in fact good for him. She's a smokeshow but all I can imagine is that scene in You, Me and Dupree when Kate is dancing around in a black bathing suit. Except it's with A-Rod sitting instead of Michael Douglas, it's Hank Steinbrenner and instead of Lance Armstrong it's Joe Girardi. This is strangely perverse, comical and all too possible to think about.


This got me thinking about any other influential women and their effect on an athletes. You've got your marquee example of this in Eva Longoria and Tony Parker. Pre Eva, Tony was just another decent point guard. Then Tony got all Desperate Housewives-y with Eva and all of a suddenly the guy rattles of 2 championships (sure Tim Duncan was a large part of that, but I gotta give the edge to Eva. Remember kids, "Hot Wife, Good Life".)

Then there is David Beckham and Victoria Beckham. Beckham was just another "futball-er on the pitch" before he married Posh Spice and then all of a sudden he wins the UEFA cup and goes on to sign the biggest sports contract of all time.

But beware A-Rod, not all celebrity relationships are rainbows and championships. Dating a celebrity can backfire from time to time. Just ask Jason Sehorn. He was on top of the world, the only white cornerback in the NFL and coming off a Pro-Bowl season. Then he went and married Angie Harmon (from Law & Order, that's not very specific since there are 8 of them now) and then his career went straight down the tubes. He blew out his knee, his pants fell down in a game and then he became a punchline. But Angie is also very attractive so I really can't blame the guy. In fact he's a great example of striking while the iron is hot. He signed a big contract and got a hot wife, so the joke is on us.

I just a preview for Saw VI. How many more of these stupid movies are they going to make, over or under 7.5? - Ryan (Ridgefield)

I can't believe they are making another one of these movies. Enough already. Let me guess what this is about, the killer sets up another game that tortures and kills people who might be slightly corrupt and one person is left alive and they become the heir to Jigsaw's legacy. Boom Saw VI. Save your money that's exactly what happens.

Why do horror movies insist on making like 12 sequels? Can't we get a little creative. Anyone that knows me is well aware that I don't do scary movies, but I'm intrigued by "Paranormal Activity". It's suggestively scary, and it doesn't follow the same played out horror formula of brutal violence and loud, jumpy music that makes you scream. However, I don't see an end to this horror movie sequel trend, especially with the news of a remake of "A Nightmare on Elm Street" the scariest movie of all time in my opinion. So I'm going to take the over here and go with a Canadian dozen and say there will be 8 Saw movies.

If you had to listen to one of the following for 3 hours, which would it be and why

1. Chip Caray announcing
2. Nails on a chalkboard
3. Cats meowing jingle bells
-Pasquale (Norwalk)

For those who don't know who Chip Caray, consider yourself fortunate. He is an announcer on TBS who usually only does the Atlanta Braves games. But since TBS now has the MLB playoffs, fans are forced to be tortured if they want to watch the games. The guy couldn't be dumber. You know those people who only have their job's because of a rich or famous relative, and how much you hate that person because they have no business doing whatever it is they do. Well Chip is one of those people. He is related to the famous Harry Carey, who at least was informative and entertaining. Chip is neither of those. He makes your ears hurt listening to him. A four year old can do a better job (make sure you click on the link at the end of the blog for further proof). I think this is just one of the many ploys Ted Turner has to take over the world by exposing us to mindless hours of painful television, like "House of Payne" and "The Bill Engvall Show". Despite that, I think I would have to choose listening to Chip Carey, assuming that there is some kind of sporting event to go along with his excruciating commentary. Because lets face it the other two options have a legitimate shot of sending you to a mental institution.

If you had to watch any of these fictional movies, which would you watch? Prognosis Negative, Chunnel, Rochelle Rochelle, or Sack Lunch?
- Peter (Connecticut)

Hopefully my readers will all know that these are references to fake movies that come up throughout the seasons of "Seinfeld". As for Prognosis Negative, its supposed to be really bad, really bad. I mean it's long, there's no story, its so unbelievably boring.... i heard. So I'd have to rule that out. For help on this topic I turned to my trusted Seinfeld expert and collegue Pasquale. Here's what he had to say....

"Each have their benefits but also have their downsides. I feel like Prognosis Negative and Chunnel are automatically out because they just dont have the cache the other two have. Hard to argue with a strange erotic journey from Milan to Minsk in my opinion, but at the same time...how did that family get stuck in that sack?"

It's true...How did that family get stuck in that sack. But comon, Rochelle Rochelle. It's one girl's strange erotic journey from Milan to Minsk. It was so good they even made it a musical starring Bette Middler. So with all that considered I'm going with Rochelle Rochelle. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't see Sack Lunch. Even with Todd Gak.

Now that the SAWX are eliminated, who are you rooting for in the MLB Playoffs?-Will (Portland)

The Sox had yet another gut-wrenching loss that eliminated them from the playoffs. It's not nearly as bad as '03 and the homerun that shall not be mentioned, but you've got your star closer on the mound with a 2 run cushion and he blows it. That's just crushing. In a related story, this was just the culmination of one of the worst sports weekends in the life of Steamin Willie Beamen. My college roommate and contributor to this blog was as low as a sports fan could get this weekend. Not only did the Sox lose, but so too did the Patriots and the University of Michigan. Which prompted him to send me the following text messages....

Oct. 12, 2009 12:42 PM: I hate my life. Worst weekend ever. Pats killed me, Michigan killed me, Sox cut off my balls.

That pretty much sums it up. But it an also interesting and related story, a potential matchup is brewing in the MLB playoffs that would cause another best friend and contributor to self destruct. As a Mets fan, Dicky hates 2 baseball teams, the Yankees and the Phillies. And they could very well meet in the World Series. We all wondered what he would do then. Who would he root for? Would he even watch? Would he be so disgusted by the sight that he never watched baseball again? Would he call in a bomb threat? All reasonable concerns.

While it would disgust me to see the Yankees in the World Series once again (Sorry to my Yankee friends, which are most of you, but you know how I feel), I think it is inevitable. And this year I had 3 Phillies players carry my fantasy baseball team to a championship. This along with the potential of "world's colliding" for Dicky, I think I want the Phillies to come out of the NL. However I'm just hoping for good playoff baseball. I think with the 4 teams left standing that we should be in for a good October....and part of November.

So that will wrap up this edition of ETC. ETC. ETC. However before I leave you I made a claim that a four year old could do a better job then Chip Carey. Well here is that 4 year. He is re-enacting Herb Brooks' famous speech before the US Hockey team defeated the Soviet Union in the 1980 Olympics. It was also made famous in the movie Miracle by Kurt Russell, but I think this guy takes the cake. Notice the attention to detail too. For instance, when Russell first walks into the locker room he pats a player on the shoulder twice. Well when the kid walks into the room he makes sure to pat something twice, so he pats his air hockey table. In the words (or word) of Jim Rome " AAAA-mazing". This has now become my new favorite YouTube Video.

Until next time, as always....STAY SWEET

Pour One Out for Swayze

Since I no longer have the opportunity to post as frequently as I would like, my posts will therefore be on the lengthy side. If this is a problem for you, I suggest you visit TMZ.com, where you short attention span, ADD mind and voyeristic pleasures will be satisfied. If thats not a problem, please continue reading.

It was a sad day in Hollywood, neigh America when we lost beloved actor Patrick Swayze. He was one of the first male action stars/sex symbol as we know them today. Without Swayze there would be no Shia LeBouf's, Hugh Jackman's, Gerald Butler's or that dude from the Transporter movies. Swayze starred in one of my favorite "good bad movies" of all time "Point Break" in which he played iconic surfer Bode/Ronald Reagan as part of the ex-presidents bank robbing crew. While we all know who he is, we of the younger generation may not be familiar with his work. So here are Swayze's top 5 career moments in my opinion.

5. "Dirty Dancing"- Although I've never seen this movie, I think its one of those where if your girlfriend makes you watch it on movie night, that you will be rewarded afterwards for sitting through it.

4. "Ghost"- Sure its a little cheesy and romantic, but it's a performance for the ages (and probably the one Swayze movie everyone has seen). Admit it, if you had a pottery wheel and were dating Demi Moore and had a money Motown song playing in the background, you would definitely re-enact that scene (think about it Ashton).

3. "Roadhouse"- Total guy flick if there ever was one. Swayze plays a bouncer trying to clean up a dirty bar. Its full of bar fights, awesome one liners and Swayze. Enough said.

2. "Point Break"- Do yourself a favor and rent this if you haven't seen it, you will not be disappointed. As I mentioned earlier Swayze is a surfer who moonlights as a bank robber, with a crew wearing masks of ex-presidents. Amazing. More on this later.

1. "SNL-Chippendale's"- It might be SNL greatest sketch. Chris Farley and Patrick Swayze have a dance-off tryout to become a Chippendale's dancer. See your yourself.

In the past I have mentioned the term "good bad movie" before. It's a term that the one and only Pasquale was the first to coin, at least amongst my friends. To be more clear its a movie that you enjoy watching over and over, but will never be mentioned with the Citizen Kane's and Gone With the Wind's of the world. These movies usually have terrible dialouge including one liners that make you think the writers were either high or stupid or both. They also usually have an actor in the movie that is only there because of his looks or their bargain salary and not his acting ability. The more of these quality actors and the higher the percentage that your making a "good bad movie".

Which leads me again to Point Break. Two of the three main actors are Keanu Reeves and Gary Busey. That right there makes it one of the best good bad movies of all time. Neither of them have the ability to perform more then 3 lines of dialouge at a time, hence the cheesey one liners. But if you've seen the movie, then you will probably agree its very entertaining. It also led me to think about a remake. It's all the rage in Hollywood these days. Take an old cartoon or movie and remake it, 21st century style. So I came up with a few choices that I think should be remade and who I would want to star in them.

Point Break- I'd get someone like Jerry Brockheimer or Michael Bay to direct it so that it has that "Bad Boys 2/Transformers" feel to it. Fast, intense and moderately over the top. For the role of Johnny Utah, the ex-college football player now undercover FBI agent posing as a surfer (played by Keanu Reeves) I would choose Chris Pine. He starred in the new Star Trek movie and brings that young, cockiness that the character needs. For the role of Bode, the thrill seeking, epitome of a surfer in search for the perfect wave/bank robber I would choose Brad Pitt. Bring him back to his Fight Club/Snatch days as the cool, tough bad guy. He's got the right sense of humor and action background to pull if off. For the role of Agent Pappas, the older FBI agent who's been on the case for a few years but has been a laughing stock (played by Gary Busey) I would choose Bruce Willis. I want to make this role more respectable and he brings enough comedic prowess as well as the intensity for the role. Instead of the character being a joke with Busey, it now has some elderly respect with Willis (You'd be surprised how long it took me to pick these 3 actors). For the love interest (played by Lori Petty) you can really pick any hot young actress. So im going with Kate Mara. Just because.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels- There's a good chance that not only have you never seen this movie, but that you've also never heard of this movie. If that's the case throw it on you Netflix queque. It stars a young Steve Martin and an ageless Michael Caine as con men competing over a woman. Caine is the established pro who can hustle/con anyone and Martin is the young, hotshot con man trying to upstage Caine. It's a very funnny movie but it needs an update. To play the role of Caine I would choose Bill Murray. He hasn't made a funny movie in a very long time and his dry humor and ability to get into a character would be perfect. When he has been at his funniest he plays a sarcastic, conniving, slightly dirtbag of a character, which is perfect for this role. To replace Steve Martin I would choose Andy Samberg. He's a perfect fit because he is goofy and can play many different "characters" as he cons the girl from various angles. And to play the girl that these two are competing over I would choose Jessica Biehl. You need a smokeshow girl that seems innocent, and you have to believe that the guys would make a huge wager to get with her. I know I would do some ridiculous things for her.

The Great Outdoors- This is a comedy classic in my opinion, and despite my adoring feelings toward this movie, I think it would be a great remake. Johny Candy and Dan Akroyd star as in-laws who seek a nice family vacation in a quiet lake town, only to find out Akroyd and his family decided to come along too. Great phsysical comedy here and plenty of room for great interplay between the two stars. To play the family man role that John Candy played, I would choose Paul Rudd. It was between him and Will Ferrell, but I think Ferrell makes this a different kind of a movie. Rudd gives it the innocent, ready to explode with surpressed anger that makes him ideal. For the role of the uninvited brother in law played by Dan Akroyd I choose, Vince Vaughn. If you've seen this movie then you know Akroyd's character wasn't as funny as Candy's. I think Vaughn could make it very funny and actually alter the role from a supporting side character, to main character. I would like to see those two do a movie, and this is a fantastic idea.

Why do I feel like studio executives do exactly what I just did when thinking of movies? Doesn't seem like a hard job. Anyway that's it for this edition, keep an eye out for the next ETC ETC ETC because it could come at anytime. Until next time....Stay Sweet

Lord Helmet and some Basterds

Its a rather slow Wednesday and I got some time to check in with ETC nation (if anyone has a better name, please let me know). A few random thoughts to start out this edition...

1. I've been working my first real "office" job for a month now and I must give some much deserved credit to Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld (mostly David, because this seems like his kind of thing). While working for the Yankees, Costanza comes up with an ingenious way to make other people think he is busy/hard at work; looking annoyed. He would roll his eyes, shake his head and look very frustrated. I've been experimenting with this strategy and the early returns have been nothing but positive. My office-mate said "You OK? you been working away for hours over there". I was checking my fantasy team.

2. Speaking of Larry David, the new season of Curb Your Enthusiasm starts September 20th on HBO and I can't wait. This season features a "reunion" of the Seinfeld cast and so far the previews look hysterical. That also makes Sunday night a great night of television once again with Curb, Hung, and Entourage.

3. I saw Inglorious Basterds this past weekend and I was really impressed. If you have read my blogs in the past then you know I find Tarantino to be a bit overrated (I stand by my assessment that Pulp Fiction is the most overrated movie of all time. I think its a good movie, has its legendary moments, but not as good as every one makes it out to be). I did enjoy Kill Bill II and thought it was one of his better movies. But Basterds was terrific. Colonel Landa is one of the best characters I've seen in a long time. He is incredibly terrifying and hysterical at the same time. He goes from a cold hearted killer to poignant comic in seconds. And the actor that played him was able to seamlessly transition 4 languages in the film, an amazing accomplishment on its own. While Tarantino will be the first to admit that he completely butchered history, the historical inaccuracies actually play to the movie's advantage. It's also one of Brad Pitt's best performances as Aldo Raine, the Tennessee soldier who is the leader of the Basterds. I highly recommend it if you haven't seen it already. It's eerie and chilling at times and very funny at others. And as expected the violence is at a high. Beware though, most of the movie is in subtitles, but it doesn't detract from the movie. In fact it adds some realism to it. Most WWII movies have Germans speaking with a British accent, or speaking English with a German accent. The Cage Movie Review system is temporarily down, as my rating picture is saved on a different computer. But I give it 4 and half Cages out of 5.

(I'm also hoping this will provoke Steamin' Willie Beamen to respond to my Pulp Fiction claim, as that is one of his favorite movies of all time)



Pulse of the Nation
It's been a while since we checked in with our Capital Hill correspondent, Yahtzee. There's a lot to catch up on, but from now on this section will be known as......

Pulse of the Rockies

I give you Mr. Yahtzee...

Hello, ETC. ETC. ETC. fans. The anointed one has asked that I check-in and give an update. Much has changed since I last contributed - Pulse of the Nation has become Pulse of the Rockies.
That's right - no longer will you hear tales of Washington Nationals games with Bernanke or the emotional reaction to DC's loss of Senator Kennedy. I've moved on to bigger and better in Denver, CO - like Giambi mustache sightings (he walked with the bases loaded in his first at-bat as a Rockie) and watching underrated movie scenes (explanation below).

Last week, I was flipping through the channels and came across The Sandlot. While Cazalet has made it crystal clear how great this movie is, I'd like to talk about a single scene - Benny realizes he must retrieve the autographed Babe Ruth baseball from the neighboring yard and the foot-chase scene that ensues. There's no better foot-chase scene Why, you ask?

1. The setting of the scene - "Heroes get remembered, but legends never die."
2. The standoff between "Benny and The Beast" rising to the climactic chase
3. The following chase scene - it doesn't get any better than throwing trashcans or running across picnic tables

I challenge you to find one; You won't.

Yahtzee

Photo(s) of the Day

Instead of the video of the day, I've decided to go with the Photo(s) of the Day. It's actually a photo comparison, due to the ludicrous nature of it. This was sent to me by the Pauper and it deserves publishing. I must stress that the photo on the left is not photo-shopped, it is a real photo.

The similarities are remarkable....





Well Ladies and Gentleman, that concludes our broadcast day. I hope you enjoyed it and stick around for the next edition of ETC. ETC. ETC. Until next time...STAY SWEET!

Pasquale the Magnificent

It's good to know that even after a prolonged period of silence, ETC's faithful followers are still there. Before I get the meat of todays action I'd first like to recognize some of our readers comments. If you were not aware, anyone can post a comment at the end of an entry and if it's noteworthy I will respond to it. Well we've had some action in the past few posts that I'd like to note. A new-ish follower of the blog has been posting some comments that I wanted to share.

In regards to the "Salute to the Stache" post, Spanky writes.....i think that there needs to be a drag down Beirut Tourney, loser grows the 'stache. I dunno though, you forgot both classic mustaches from the Princess Bride!too bad your rules are so strict. it's a shame to cut out Pai Mei from Kill Bill... that 'stache is the Odyssey, it's so epic. & if cartoons were allowed, Catain Hook, Ned Flanders, & good 'ole yosemite sam, all the way...

These are very good points. In fact I think there's really something about the beirut 'stache thing. You get 2 teams that are dedicated to the game and agree 100% to the rules. Best of 7 series, so first team with 4 wins is victorious and the loser must grow any of the mustaches from the 'stache list of the winner's choosing. But before the first ball is thrown, both teams must choose the stache they want the loser to grow. I really like this idea. If there are any volunteers please step foward. I know I would absolutely take part in this , and we can document the status of the stache by taking pictures at the various stages of growth. This is getting me fired up and excited, so its time to move on to the next topic.

There has also been some feedback in response to my favorite sports movies list. I realize that I left off a few very good movies, including Rudy, the Sandlot, Little Big League, Mystery Alaska, The Replacements to name a few. Here's the majesty of top 10 lists, you can debate them for hours and no two are exactly the same. That's my list and I stand by it. There's alot of pressure when it comes to making top 10 lists. I eat breakfast 300 yards away from 4,000 Cubans who are trained to kill me. What I want is for you to stand there, in your faggoty white uniform, and extend me some fucking courtesy. (Any opportunity to work in quotes from A Few Good Men has got to be taken)

Moving on. For some time now, in the post college days, myself and a few contributors to this blog have had daily email chains to help move the work day along a little more smoothly. Well in the past few days, our friend Pasquale (yes THE Pasquale of the Fab 5 Fame) has been mostly flying solo. The Pauper has recently started Med School, Dicky's been working Trade Shows in the city, MP4 is enjoying some much needed and deserved vacation time and I've been busy starting a new job. But that didn't stop Pasquale from carrying the email chain. The thoughts that were posted by Pasquale were so epic I've decided to share them all with you. What follows is the actual transcript from the email chain. As always, these have not been embellished for they need no embellishment. With all due respect to Pasquale, I believe this was his finest hour. I give you the one and only Pasquale......

looks like it will be a mostly solo show from me today with the occasional guest appearance which is fine by me, phone lines are open 718-937-6666.

When in doubt, i use clorox wipes to clean anything, i feel like that automatically makes things significantly cleaner

i feel like i definitely do not know how to use semi colons appropriately when writing. its definitely one of the more confusing punctuations to me. i feel like a semi colon should be used to prevent a run on sentence. how much do middle school english teachers harp on run on sentences? they despise run ons, i guess i might too if i had to read all that crappy poorly punctuated writing all the time too. middle school is definitely the worst to teach because everyone is such an asshole during those years. i feel like i transitioned pretty smoothly between topics in that little paragraph there. decent job by me.

not sure how or why this just popped into my mind but
"Thrust this into another man's flesh and they will love you for it......You, You just may begin to love them (sword thurst) for that"'

some delivery guy who came in here had a donny baseball shirt on. i definitely respect the guy for wearing a mattingly shirt. little know chris sexton fact (oursamedifference.com) don mattingly was at his first birthday party and there is a picture of mattingly holding sexton.

what is the point of teaching script to kids in school? no one writes in script on a regular basis, i would bet 85% of people who can write do so by just printing.
"When he was young he had a beautiful penmanship, i used to encourage him to print"

do you think the guys that sing the jingle to radio shows like mike francessa's just say that they are singers when people ask them what they do? i bet they don't, they definitely talk about the different jingles they sing. I'll bet money the guy who sings the mike'd up theme song loves that song, you can just tell that the guy singing that song has his eyes closed and is really grasping the microphone when he says "its mike francessa on the fan!!!"

if snickers ice cream bars were ever made illegal, i would definitely buy them on the black market

Ladies and Gentleman, a round of applause for Pasquale. I can't possibly top that so, until next time.....STAY SWEET!

The Return of the Mack

RETURN OF THE MACK! Hello ladies and gentleman, boys and girls and welcome back to another edition of ETC. ETC. ETC. It's been a while since I've posted and that's because a lot has changed since my last post. I went on vacation (again) and I got a new job. It is the latter that is most responsible for the lack of posting in recent weeks but its the former that keeps me going. As the summer months ween to an end, I can only think back to the adventures in Stone Harbor and Maine and say "There's always next year".

Now I'm faced with the daunting task of 13 hour work days and a demanding schedule that is college football. After almost 2 weeks on the job I've finally got some free time and decided that my readers needed a little pick-me-up. So to my dedicated readers of ETC. ETC. ETC, know this.. We will carry on. Today is the day our followers declared in one voice "we will not go quietly into the night". We will not vanish without a fight. We're going to live on! We're going to survive. Today we celebrate...THE RETURN! (Thank you Bill Pullman. Thank you.)

So the other night I was clicking around the best of basic cable in my temporary home aka the friendly confines of a Hofstra dormatory. I came across the movie "For the Love of the Game". Kevin Costner solidifies his legacy as the greatest sports movie actor of all time in this flick. Before becoming Billy Chapel, the future hall of fame pitcher near the end of his career, Costner starred in several classic sports movies including Bull Durham, Field of Dreams and Tin Cup. He is the Frank Sinatra of sports movies. (His non-sport performances are more like Frank Sinatra Jr.) So this got me thinking about some of my favorite sports movies and I decided to make a top 10 out of it. Now let me clarify, this is my top 10 favorite sports movies. Not my top 10 best sports movies. For instance, Varsity Blues made my list. However in no way do I think its one of the 10 best sports movies ever made. Some day, and that day may never come, I will make a list of the 10 best sports movie. But until that day, accept this list as a gift on my daughter's wedding day (never ask me about my business)

10. Varsity Blues
It's the ultimate high school football movie. It's cheesy and cliche, and the majority of the football sequences will never happen in real life. But its awesome. It's got Ali Larter in a whip cream bikini. That really should be all I need to say. And it's got "Good Bad Movie" All-Star Jon Voight. Certainly not the best football movie ever made, but when its on TNT on a Saturday afternoon am I watching? You know it.

9. Miracle
The reason I don't have this higher on my list is because you know what happens before you see the movie. It's the most famous sports moment in the history of America. I'm sure even someone who doesn't like sports has heard the famous Al Michaels clip "Do you believe in Miracles?"That's the only drawback of making a sports movie based on actual events, there's no suspense. With that said this is a fantastic movie. It would 100% make my list of best sports movies. Kurt Russell is terrific as Coach Brooks and the actual hockey sequences are some of the best playing sequences of any sports movie I've ever seen.

8. For the Love of the Game
This would be much higher on my list if it weren't for all the sappy, slow and unnecessary parts of the movie involving Kelly Preston's character. She is needed to drive the story, but I think they went a little overboard. As for the baseball parts of the movie, I think they are terrific. It's got my boy Costner as the aging veteran in quest of a perfect game. Throughout the one game, we see flashbacks of his career and relationship with Preston. Good job by the makers of this movie to cast Vin Scully, the legendary broadcaster, as the commentator for the game. He adds the the reality of the game, along with actually shooting in Yankee Stadium with fans in the stands. And Kevin Costner was actually pitching in the movie, so good job by him for not having a stunt double or CGI to enhance the throws. I know this because it was before CGI was invented.

7. Any Given Sunday
This is a more dramatic and dirtier look at the game of football compared to Varsity Blues. It's got an all-star cast including Pacino, Cameron Diaz, Jamie Foxx, LL Cool J and many former NFL players like Lawrence Taylor and Jim Brown. The drawback of this movie is that it is very long, almost 2 and a half hours and at times feels like it is dragging. But it really captures the many aspects of football like the business side, the players view, the partying and inflated ego's. And it gave us "Steamin' Willie Beamen".

6. The Natural
Another classic sports movie that would be featured on the best sports movie list. It's only at number 6 on my list because it's a little slow. Robert Redford is Roy Hobbs, a mysterious baseball player with tremendous talent. There's a good chance you haven't seen this movie because it's a little older than the other movies on this list. I get chills every time I watch this movie. It gave us the mythical bat named "wonderboy" as well as a stellar performance by Wilford Brimley aka the guy on the Diabetes commercials aka the Postmaster General on Seinfeld. "There goes Roy Hobbs, the best there ever was".

5. Remember the Titans
Any movie with Denzel has instant credibility but his role as Coach Boone was one of his finest. This movie has the perfect balance of comedy and drama that a good sports movie needs. This is also based on a true story, but there's a good chance you hadn't heard this story before the movie came out. I highly recommend it.

4. Tin Cup
There really aren't alot of good golf movies. Tin Cup, Caddyshack and Happy Gilmore and the list about ends. Another great performance by Costner as Roy McAvoy, the driving range pro who is the best ball striker anyone has seen. Don Johnson and Cheech have solid supporting roles as does Rene Russo.
*Editors Note: I'm excluding Caddyshack off the list because I think of it more as a comedy then a sports movie. And I can't have 1 movie take the top spot on two of my lists.

3. Major League
Wild Thing Rick Vaughn and the rag tag Cleveland Indians try to turn their season around to spite the owner of the team who is trying to relocate the team. Wesley Snipes stands out as Willie Mays Hayes as does Tom Berenger as Jake Taylor. But the guy who steals the movie is Bob Euker, the famous Milwaulkee Brewers announcer, as the comically frustrated and partially drunk announcer. So many great lines from this movie like "too high? what does that mean too high?" as well as "Juuuuust a bit outside".





2. Bull Durham


Minor League baseball at its finest. You've got the journeyman cather "Crash" Davis (played phenomenally by, you guessed it, Kevin Costner) and the up and coming young star "Icky" Nooke Laloosh", played by Tim Robbins. Susan Sarandon plays the groupie who picks one player a year to sleep with and teaches them all she knows about baseball and love and life. It's got plently of humor in it and it produced some of ESPN's best lines of commercials when they parodied the "Lolly-Gaggers" scene.





1. Field of Dreams


I can rewatch this movie over and over and over. I can't count how many times I've seen this movie and I've never gotten sick of it. How can you? It's all at once about ghosts, baseball, corn, Iowa, medicine, books, dads and James Earl Jones. Costner once again carries an amazing sports movie. Very good performances by Ray Liota as Shoeless Joe Jackson as well as James Earl Jones as author Terrance Mann. My one request of the Pauper was to stop at the Field of Dreams in Iowa as he made his cross country trip of Enlightenment. Well as always the Pauper did not disappoint.

I will leave you all with a little diddy from Field of Dreams that should ease the pain until my next blog. People will come Ray, people will come. Until then, as always....Stay Sweet