24/7 Preview Video

Attention HBO:

We have a pitch for you're next 24/7 series. Follow an up and coming Olympic hopeful curling team as they train for the Sochi 2014 games. It's an untapped market. Every major network has ignored the sport, except maybe ESPN 8, the ocho. We are not afraid to shop it around to other networks, including Showtime, and we will if we have to. Here's our pitch video.....

Win the Crowd, Win Your Freedom

At the end of my last post I said there would be an announcement that may change the face of the Winter Olympics for years to come. But before I do, please allow me to set the background.

MP4, our resident gambling expert, has always been a man of competition. Sure the money he wins is great, but it's the pride of winning that drives him. And so it wasn't until one fateful day that he found his calling, his shot at glory. While playing some drinking games to keep the competitive edge sharp, MP4 asked for another beer. Dicky pulled a frosty beverage from the fridge but didn't feel like walking it across the kitchen. Instead he took aim down the slick countertop and slid it toward MP4. His form was crisp, his eye was keen and the can slid with grace and precision across the counter. Avoiding several empty cans, it slid toward MP4 coming to rest perfectly in front of MP4's hand. He stood in amazement for a few seconds noticing the exceptional follow-through demonstrated by Dicky. In a Field of Dreams moment he realized what he had to do : He would form a curling team that would change the face of the sport for years.

So he did hours upon hours of research about the sport and the team that was to represent the United States of America at this year's Olympics. He was shocked and disappointed to learn how little they practiced, and with such cavalier enthusiasm for the sport. It turns out they practiced 3 days a week and played cards the rest of the days to stay sharp. So MP4 came up with a brilliant yet simple plan. We will practice 4 days a week and play cards only 3 days, giving us an immediate advantage.

We are also making a plea to HBO Sports. In a genius idea from Pasquale, he wants HBO to do a 24/7-esque feature on our team as we prepare for the Olympics. "Imagine us in the gym and on the ice working out, playing drinking games to stay sharp. The camera would love us", he said. It would be riveting television. We want to make a splash and so we won't be the lovable underdogs. Instead we want to be the new bad boys of curling. Perhaps "Double Down" Trent can explain it better than I can....

I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone's *really* hoping makes it happen. I want to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from. Okay? You're a bad man. You're a bad man, Mikey, a bad man.

We are also looking for a Coach. If anyone is interested or knows a good candidate please let us know.

Preferred Candidate : John Candy-Cool Runnings type, must have a love for curling and a deep knowledge of the game. Ideal candidate has been disgraced by the curling community and is looking to re-establish his/her credibility.

So here is our official declaration into the Curling world. We will not accept anything less then a spot in the Sochi Olympics. Now I give you our fearless leader and captain MP4......

To the fans and everybody in USA Curling Nation, I'm sorry, I'm extremely sorry. In Vancouver we were hoping for a Gold Medal. That was the goal, something USA Curling has never done. Time has come for a change, a new cast of characters, a change that will inspire a sport, a country, a world.


I promise you one thing, a lot of good will come out of this. You will never see any player in the entire world train as hard as I will for Sochi. You will never see someone push the rest of the team as hard as I will push everybody the next four years.

You will never see a team play harder that we will in Sochi. I present to you, the future..

VIVA LA REVOLUTION


In the mean time there is something else that demands our attention. One thing the blog has been missing has been a reliable weather report. It seems like every weatherman gives us a different report and it makes us wonder "who can we trust". Well look no further. ETC is proud to unveil ACCUBERG WEATHER. Here now is his first segment.....

Weekend Outlook: "Snow Hurricane"


This could be the storm of the winter but who knows because weatherman are always full of sh*t. One of the reasons why I want to get into the business. Hopefully being a part of ETC ETC ETC will be my start, that and doing morning weather on 95.9 The Fox my next calling. After researching this storm for the past two days we could be in for a doozy. Looks like it could dump up to a foot of snow on the New York City metropolotian area and one to two feet in higher elevations throughout northern New England. They are also calling for 50-70 MPH winds to hit the area which could produce snow drits up to three feet from the blowing winds. With these devistating winds it could make it seem like a hurricane with snow hence the name "snow hurricane" The storm is supposed to surface in our area mid-afternoon Thursday and continue through out Friday. With this said we could be in for downed power lines as well as falling trees through out the streets of the Northeast meaning people could be out of power for days depending on the response time of CL&P. While we have the calm before the storm through early Thursday, the wintry weather will hit us the hardest late Thursday into Friday.

Things to remember during these types of storms:

1. Always have fuel in your vehicle

2. Stock your house with Milk, Water and Snacks

3. Keep flashlights and candles handy at all times

4. If you have a generator be sure to test it out ahead of time

Be sure to keep checking back with Accuberg for the latest updates on this dangerous, damaging and disruptive storm.

Reader Feedback

Look what we have here. Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, it is a truly special post. See once upon a time there was a great idea for the blog. It may sound like an MTV reality pitch, but in fact it was the real life exploits of a man known only as Dicky. Put a sarcastic, poignant, sometimes bitter man into an office setting and have him report back everything that got under his skin. And since Dicky pretty much fit that description, there would be no better person to man the "Gripes" section of the blog. If you missed his first performance, you really should read it (Earn This).

It was genious, and at the time I likened it to man walking on the moon. Like a junkie we wanted more. We needed more, but instead he went silent. And as time went by, his literary appeal grew. His lone gripe now stands as a testament to a different time, up there with The Great Gatsby and The Catcher in the Rye . We thought that might be it for Dicky as his legend grew to the point where he became a tall tale, just another Paul Bunyan or Johnny Appleseed, unsure if he actually existed or if we all just wished he did.

And so when I received an email from him on the morning of February the 16th, I didn't think anything out of the ordinary.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear/a title of "ETC" thus his intentions were clear/ I read the first line and it gave my heart a quick tick/ I knew it that moment it must be St. Dick/ My prayers had been answered, the scribe had returned/ he asked for a forum to speak, of this much he earned/ On Kobe and Lebron, he wished to shed light/ happy blogging to all and to all a good night.

The Lebron James vs. Kobe Bryant argument is no longer a competition. Lebron James is the best player in the NBA right now. Don't give me this best athlete bullshit, he is the best basketball player on the planet right now. There is nobody I would rather have take the final shot in a game than Kobe Bryant. Guy is ridiculously clutch, but I would take Lebron James over him on my team any day of the week and twice on Sunday.


He is a better scorer (league leading 29.9 pts per game) rebounder (7.1 rebounds per game) passer (8.3 assists per game) and defender (have you seen some of the blocks he has had this year?). Forget the false assumption that he scores so much because he shoots all the time. He takes fewer shots than Kobe and shoots a much higher percentage (51% compared to Kobe's 46%). He will undoubtedly be the MVP this year, and will definitely be in the running for defensive player of the year. His team has the best record in the NBA and look at the comparisons between their starting casts. Pau Gasol is a dominant big man and Andrew Bynum has shown the ability to put up 25 and 15 on certain nights. Lamar Odom and Derek Fisher are very solid role players. Take Kobe off of that team and true, they would not contend for a title, but they would probably still be the 6th or 7th best team in the west. The Cavs roll out Anderson Varejao, a 37 year-old Shaquille Oneal, who is often times painful to watch, JJ Hickson, Mo Williams (whos only job this year is to come up with new handshakes for Lebron and sometimes hold his jacket) and Delonte West. Match up the Cavs reserves against the Lakers reserves and it would be a 20 point blowout by the Lakers. Lebron has put up silly numbers with far less talent around him. The fact that this team has the best record in the league is just a testament to how good this guy actually is, and how much better he makes everyone around him.


So the only defense for Kobe is that he has titles. Lebron is 25 years old, still plenty of time to win titles, and by the way he is playing this year, he will have his first in a few months. Kobe won the bulk of his titles with one of the most dominant players of all time in his prime. Kobe is a great player, nobody is disputing that, but he has had serious help his entire career. He has had great coaches his entire career. You can't tell me Mike Brown is anything resembling a great coach. In previous years this argument used to be neck and neck but Lebron has done more than enough this year to prove that he is the best player in the NBA. Everyone has the right to make their own choice, but if I was picking a team I would probably take the guy who scores, rebounds, passes and defends better. Just a personal choice. When this season culminates in a title for the King the argument will be completely over. We are all witnesses.

Good job Dicky. You've earned a gold star. Or at least the ETC equivalent, a mustached shot of Nic Cage

We also had a nice response to Part 2 of the debates blog from a man we've come to know as the Pauper. Our readers from the beginning will remember the Pauper from his cross country journey of enlightenment (check the archives for his multi-chapter tale). As it turns out, the Pauper is also a very wise and informative movie critic. In case you were wondering his credentials to analyze mafia/crime/gangster movies, lets not forget that he sipped wine and discussed the merits of movie making with Coppola himself, something you can read about it here. Take it away Pauper.....

Quick Thoughts on these three debates

Please, name another movie in which you begin the movie in the mist of the epic battle scene without it being some sort of brief flashforward look at the climax of the film? I saw this movie for the first time with my history class as a freshman in high school. Mrs. Black-Unger, my history teacher, still leaves a pleasant taste in my mouth regardless of her other transgressions because of this single act. Gladiator was riveting from beginning to end because of the originality of the story coupled with its original portrayal of the Roman Empire (See stilted unnecessary British accents and big togas of old). It has a more natural good vs. evil at its core. Braveheart, while a classic war movie, does not build the kind of momentum that Maximus Decimus Meridius does under his enslavement. The love story in Braveheart and the squabbling Scottish nobles become somewhat tiresome.

At the risk of sounding like a film snob and a person that you would never want to have a beer with, a famous guitarist once said (paraphrasing) “the beauty of music is in the edges”. What Richard Thompson meant is that it’s the pieces that are not always consciously seen or heard that make something interesting. It’s the subtleties that define a work - sliding fingers along the fret board is where we find a work’s unique essence and its craftsmanship. This holds true for film as well as music. A lot of cinema is intangible and subtle as well – built by a director who plays with light, color, sound and movement to create a unique event distinct in its feel and structure. This is much the case with Ridley Scott, director of Gladiator(See dream sequences, colosseum at sunset, the muted tones of the first battle, the silence and darkness of the emperor’s palace, etc, etc, etc) and far from the case with Mel Gibson (who directs Braveheart if you were not aware). Gibson’s methods do not build for us a new world or impart any additional feelings – he only tells a story. A powerful one, don’t get me wrong but told in a less inventive, unoriginal manner. Subtlety is a lost art these days – (See TMZ)


Godfather is clearly better cinema in my mind. Without the Godfather, Goodfellas does not exist. Godfather defines a genre. It’s one of the few films you watch where you are transported to another universe where these characters actually exist. This is partially due to the incredible acting as well as scenes that are immortal (See Michael at Louis Restaurant). You had the perfect storm of acting bravado – the constellation of the aged veteran in Brando, an up and-coming Al Pacino and a popular, skilled and perfectly cast James Caan in the fiery role. They are the centerpiece of the film. Subsequently, the accessories and colors of this canvas are then filled in with cultural references that went beyond any movie of its time or since. Coppola builds a complex mural, if you will, of what it is to be an Italian-American, not just an Italian American mobster. A good friend of mine still makes his "gravy" just like Clemenza taught him.


My point on Reservoir Dogs/Pulp Fiction is simple. Try sitting through Pulp Fiction without saying "What the hell is the point of this?” Sure Tarantino wanted to submit his diatribe on potential for retribution among criminal types, but that doesn’t stop us from sitting in purgatory for a little while wondering where the hell he's going with this. The movies whole appeal is based on its professed "coolness" - It’s cool to see someone stabbed in the heart with adrenaline, its cool to see Samuel L recite scripture before all of his kills. Unfortunately for me, cool is not synonymous with quality. "Cool" reflects society more than it reflects any intrinsic value.

Thanks for the feedback guys. Stay tuned for the next posting as a major announcement will be made that may well change the face of the Winter Olympics for years to come. All I will say is this....Sochi, Russia better prepare for a Revolution. So until next time, as always...STAY SWEET!

Debates Blog Pt.2

If you missed Part 1, check it out. There's already been some feedback and I will post all reader comments once all the topics are posted so please email, text or leave a comment on the site.

Just for fun, I put a link for each movie's trailer in the "case for" headline. It's crazy how far movie trailers have come, nowadays you can make any movie look good based on the trailer. Does anyone know how to get that job cause I'd be unreal at that? It's probably a union thing though.

** I am assuming that everyone has seen these movies, because I am going to reveal some things about them that could ruin the movie if you haven't seen them. And if you haven't seen them, I suggest you go rent them ASAP. Like right now.**

Movies Section  

Braveheart vs Gladiator

The Case for Braveheart: William Wallace just wanted to be left alone with his new wife, but instead the British enacted on their right of "prima-nocta", a horrible decision in hindsight. This movie has 2 all-time "chills" moments. The first is his famous speech "they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom"(a speech I used to quote at parties during intense drinking games). The second, and even more inspiring scene is at the end of the movie when he is getting tortured and yells "FREEEDOOOMM". What a great ending. Not to mention he might win the award for the sickest war paint in a movie. My only issue with this movie is that it is a full 3 hours long so the re-watchability factor takes a slight hit. However it won the Oscar for best picture and best director and it is absolutely one of the greatest war/bad ass movies I've seen.

The Case for Gladiator: The "chills factor" isn't quite as good as Braveheart, but is there a more inspiring scene then when Maximus reveals his true identity to Commodus? When you see this movie for the first time this is the scene in which you know the movie is going to be incredible. The fight scene's are amazing, especially the one man slaughtering in which Maximus kills like 8 guys, throws his sword into the crowd and yells "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? IS THIS NOT WHY YOU'RE HERE". Even Jay-Z thought that was unreal.

Verdict: As great as Braveheart is, I think the easy answer is Gladiator. The entire story is perfectly told, from the fall of a great general, to the rise of a great gladiator and his ultimate quest for revenge. I've said that Gladiator might be the best movie ever made, at the very worst it is top 3 and if you want to debate me otherwise let's get a case of beer get after it.

The Godfather vs Goodfellas

For so long it's been assumed that The Godfather is the greatest mafia/gangster movie ever made. However I see things as they are and I say no, um wait, you see things as they are not and you...wait, uh, you see things, do you see things as they are? What do you say when you see things?(Its been a while since I've worked a Seinfeld quote into the blog).

The Case for The Godfather: It's the original mafia movie and remains one of the most quotable movies. "Leave the gun, take the canoli's". The Corleone's might be the most memorable family of characters with Vito, Michael, Sonny and Fredo. I'd even include Connie, Carlo, Tom Hagen and Clemenza as part of the Corleone's because what is a mafia if there isn't a large extended family of people who may or may not be related to you. I'm definitely in the minority of people who think Sonny is my favorite character. When he beats the hell out of Carlo, pouring trash on him and using the trash can as a weapon. Genious. And the toll booth scene when Sonny get's whacked is just pure tommy gun at close range. The best part about that scene is after taking about 50 bullets from close range, one of the killers kicks him in the head just to seal the deal. I also noticed that the end of Training Day is a complete rip-off of this scene. You can't tell me otherwise.There are so many iconic scenes from this movie. The horse head, "I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse", Michael shooting Sollozzo and the police captain, and the climactic baptism scene. I think the most underrated scene, the one that sets the tone for Michael Corleone and Part II, is when he tells Carlo he's not going to hurt him, and then puts him in the car to get strangled to death by Clemenza.

The Case for Goodfellas:  If The Godfather depicts the mafia in an old fashioned, honorable way then Goodfellas is the anti-Godfather. It's violent, intense, gritty and based on a true story. Tommy DeVito, played by Joe Pesci, is an all time great character and his "funny how" speech single handily won him the Oscar. What makes that scene so great, and the character as a whole, is that you never knew if he was going to kill you right then and there. You can't tell if he is joking or if he is genuinely upset. In fact that scene is the driving force of the movie in that in the world of wiseguys, murderers come with smiles.  Besides the "funny how" speech there are 2 other exceptional scenes. The first is when Pesci shoots Spider in the foot which leads to the fascinating showdow between Spider and Tommy a few scenes later. Pesci is humilated by Spider and instead of insulting him back, he pulls out a pistol and blows him away. To which Pesci responds by saying "it was a good shot, what do you want from me". The other scene that makes the movie is one of my favorite quotes ever. When Billy Bats is released from prison and starts breaking Tommy's balls about shining shoes, and he yells to Pesci "go get your fucking shine box" and results the most vicious killing of the movie. And that boys and girls, is why you don't break balls...you end up in trunks.

Verdict: It's hard to pick against what is considered one of the best movies of all time, but I'm going to have to say I prefer Goodfellas. I just like the way Scorsese mixes in an amazing soundtrack along with incredible acting from Pesci, DeNiro and Liotta. Like the scene when Henry takes Karen through the kitchen and tells her he's in construction. Or the scene where DeNiro starts killing off his crew, played out to Eric Clapton's Layla is filmmaking at its finest. And I love the scene when DeNiro decides, without saying anything, that he is going to kill of his crew. He looks around the room, takes a drag of his cig, and realizes decides he's got to kill them. Its a symphony, a masterpiece from a legendary director making his mark on film history.

Reservoir Dogs vs. Pulp Fiction

Tarantino's style is entirely his own, shooting movies in chapters and masterfully working them together. These are his 2 finest crime movies and thus the comparison. (If there was one movie that some readers may not have seen it's probably Reservoir Dogs. So if you haven't seen it then don't click any of the links, except for the trailer, because it will ruin the movie) 

The Case for Reservoir Dogs: It's a minor lie that Tarantino's style is entirely his own. Scorsese was the first to incorporate great music into crime movies, and Tarantino uses that notion perfectly in this movie. He is unique in being able to tell a story in fragmented timeline. So when we first meet Mr. White, Mr. Pink, Mr. Orange and Mr. Blonde the major event that the movie revolves around, a robbery of a jewel store, has already happened (it's genious that you never actually see the crime or what exactly happens. Instead the audience is trying to figure out what went wrong at the same time that the characters are). Great premise for a movie, a crew of professionals pull a job except one of them is a rat. In true Tarantino fashion, the dialouge is terrific, especially the tipping scene. My favorite scene though is Mr. Orange's bathroom story, an amazing piece of directing, storytelling and acting. And although he his only on screen for a short period of time, Michael Madsen's Mr. Blonde makes the movie. His sickening torture of a cop, while dancing to oldies rock is truly messed up but amazing at the same time and is the signature scene of the movie.

The Case for Pulp Fiction: One of the coolest movies ever made (same can be said for the trailer). It's hailed as one of the greatest movies of all time, and I will say that it is unlike any movie ever made. Once again the story is broken into chapters, told in a fragmented timeline and the dialouge is outstanding. It saved Travolta's career (at least for a little while) and the dynamic between hitmen Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield is excellent and ultimately makes the movie. Like the conversation about a quarterpounder with cheese or talking about the show "Cops" when Travolta accidently shoots Marvin in the head. There are a few iconic scenes that will last forever and they are the dancing scene with Travolta and Uma Thurman (Uma Jerry, Uma) and of course Sam Jackson reciting a passage from the bible to a terrified petty thief. And Christopher Walken, in a small role, absolutely steals the movie with one of the best monolouges of all time that only he could have delivered. 

Verdict: My biggest critique of Tarantino is that he doesn't know how to end his movies. He tells an amazing story, in a style all his own, but his endings are a little disappointing. Pulp Fiction is an amazing movie and what's more amazing is that it doesn't really have a story. If you asked someone what the movie is about, they'd struggle to explain it. I just find the scene in the pawn shop to be so strange and messed up that it detracts from my enjoyment of the movie. It is a great movie, no doubt about it, but I think Reservoir Dog's is the superior movie. It has an excellent story and is played out with precision as it leads up to the climactic conclusion. There have been plenty of heist movies and plenty of gangster movies, but this is a very original take on the genre and doesn't get the credit that I think it deserves. Despite which movie you like better, I highly doubt there has been a more impressive 1-2 punch for a director's first two movies.

That wraps up the debates edition. As I mentioned, there's been some good feedback and I will post all responses and comments in the next post. If you agree, disagree, think I'm dead on or way off, let me know and I will throw it up on the blog. So until next time, as always....STAY SWEET!

Debates Blog Pt. 1

One of my past times is arguing and sometimes I pretend to be a lawyer living vicariously through John Grisham novels. So this idea came to me while having a "spirited" conversation about Kobe Bryant and Lebron James last weekend. Turns out that I enjoyed it so much that I expanded the topics, put them up for debate, and pose them to the blogging court. It also provides a perfect launching point for the much anticipated podcast segment that I have been working on. Due to the length of the debates I am breaking this up into sections. Like the Godfather I will try to fit a masterpiece into two parts, but will probably have to make a third, ultimately dissappointing sequel.

Sports Section

Kobe vs Lebron

This has many layers to it, yet for some reason seems incredibly simple to me. Lebron is the best athlete playing in the NBA, in fact he is a freak of nature. He can play every position on the floor and is the 1 player in the league that can physically take over a game. Kobe is the greatest competitor in the league and relies on his insatiable desire to win to cover up some faults, like he is getting old and doesn't drive to the hoop as well as he used to.

The Case for Kobe: This argument begins and ends with the fact that he has 4 NBA Championships to his name. He is the closest we've seen to Michael Jordan, in that he will do whatever it takes to win. His game even resembles Jordan's. Earlier in their careers they attacked the hoop, created scoring opportunities and got to the line at a sickening rate. As they got older, they developed a jump shot, particularly the post up, fade away. The biggest argument against Kobe is that he's had ridiculous talent around him. This is true, but can't that be said for almost everyone that has won an NBA championship? Jordan had Pippen, Magic had Kareem, Bird had Parrish and the list goes on and on.

The Case of Lebron: He can do it all. His numbers this year are mindblowing, 29.9 points, 7.1 rebounds, 8.3 assists per game. What's more impressive is that those numbers are insanely close to his career average, 7 years of consistently crazy numbers; 27.8/ 7.0/ 6.9. Also in his favor is that he is a great teammate, someone who makes his team better. Yet you can't help but notice he hasn't won a Championship yet. I know he hasn't had as good of a team as Kobe has, but if Lebron is the better player, he should have been able to make up for it by elevating his level of play. I know that is demanding alot, but if we are all witness to his greatness, then we deserve a championship.

Verdict: It's Kobe and simply because of the championships. This will not be a debate until Lebron wins one. Lebron is the more talented player and seems like the better guy and teammate, but lets not forget the greatest thing about sports...take it away HERM

Tom Brady vs. Peyton Manning

The two most influential quarterbacks of the past decade will forever be linked to one another. So who was better, the pretty boy model/actress dater or the cheesy, nerdy funny guy? When I typed Brady's name into Google Images, only 4 of the first 21 pictures show him in uniform. The rest are modeling pictures and shots of him and Giselle (and while this bothers me as a sports fan, as a warm-blooded male I have to applaud the guy).

The Case for Brady: It begins with Bridget Moynahan and it peaks with Giselle. If Drew Bledsoe doesn't get knocked out of relevance (by the Jets of all teams) then perhaps the world doesn't ever know the name Tom Brady. But Bledsoe's career is murdered and Brady goes on to win 3 Super Bowls in 4 years. Tom Terrific had a chance to cement his legacy as the greatest quarterback of all time back in 2007. Had they gone 19-0, making Brady 4-0 in Super Bowls, he would have been the greatest. Only Bradshaw has 4 rings and the only other person to compare him to is Montana. But he lost, then tore his ACL, missed a whole year, and had an up and down season in 09, making 2010 a legitimate concern for him.

The Case for Manning: He's a numbers guy, not only individual but team too. 4 MVP's, numerous passing records, a Super Bowl and 10 of his 12 seasons his team has had 10 or more wins. By the time he retires he will probably own every major passing record, as well as the award for funniest athlete to host SNL. Manning has been great since college and the expectations have always been high for him. He got the monkey off his back by winning the Super Bowl, but his playoff record is 9-9, including 1-1 in the Super Bowl.

Verdict: This was harder then I thought it would be. Wins and Super Bowls define quarterbacks, so I give the edge to Brady. The better team argument doesn't apply because the Patriots were never a dominant team, except in 07 and they didnt win it all that year. I can't get past this year's Super Bowl. If Manning was the greatest, he would have engineered a comeback instead of throwing the game losing INT. The ceiling is higher for Manning and if he wins another Super Bowl I think he might have the edge over Brady because of the individual accomplishments. But until that point the answer is Brady.

Movies Section

Tommy Boy vs Dumb and Dumber

They represent the gold standard of comedy in the 90s. Each can be quoted with incredible ease, can be rewatched with great joy and have remained funny, if not funnier, through the test of time. Chris Farley made his mark on comedy as a cast member on SNL, but Tommy Boy is what he will be remembered for. Dumb and Dumber is so outrageous that the very good story and excellent writing from the Farrelly Brothers is often overlooked.

The Case for Tommy Boy: Chris Farley makes this movie with his unique blend of charisma and humor. The Farley/Spade dynamic was perfect as the wise cracking nerd and the lovable loser. The highlights include the "brakepads scene" in which Farley destroys a couple model cars, "fat guy in little coat" and of course the awkward moment in the car in which Tommy and Richard break out into song. A few of the underrated quotes include...

"does this suit make me look fat?" ..."no your face does"

"Richard, who's your favorite little rascal, is it Alfalfa or is it Spanky....sinner"

"Try an association like... Let's say the average person uses ten percent of their brain. How much do you use? One and a half percent. The rest is clogged with malted hops and bong resin"

The Case for Dumb and Dumber: It has the single funniest toilet/fart/bathroom scene in the history of movies. Even without seeing the movie, that clip is histerical. But when you factor in the "X-lax in the drink" trick and Jim Carrey laughing on a scooter right afterwards, it makes for great comedy. Despite all the gags and behind the veil of idiocracy, there is a surprisingly good plot and excellent writing. Memorable quotes include....

"The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her"

"That's a special feeling Lloyd"

"Just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself"

"You can't triple stamp a double stamp, you can't triple stamp a double stamp Lloyd"

Verdict: If they were both on cable TV, which would you watch? I think I would have to go with Dumb and Dumber . It's one of the funniest movies of all time in my opinion with so many memorable images, moments and jokes. Who wouldn't recognize the orange and blue tuxes or the shaggy dog van? Does anyone look at ketchup and mustard bottles the same after Harry and Lloyd used them to douse the heat of a pepper? Who hasn't sarcastically asked a waitress what the soup de jour is? And I know everyone wants to try the old "4 boilermakers" trick they pull on Seabass. This was not an easy choice though. I love Tommy Boy and consider it in my top 10 funniest movies. But there's too much about Dumb and Dumber that make it a classic.

That wraps up part 1 of the Debates Blog. Part 2 is coming soon and there will be more movie debates to cover. I'm going to leave you with another quote from Dumb and Dumber, so until next time, as always....STAY SWEET!

"Hey I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me"

Nic Cage Movie Review Edition

It's been a while since we reviewed a movie here at ETC, and one of our readers requested we take a look at Avatar. So who am I to deny the readers what they want? And since it's been a while I will review the last 3 movies that I've seen as well as take a look at what's coming out soon.

Avatar- Yes I'm a little late in reviewing this movie, but Christopher asked, so Christopher gets. It is now the highest grossing movie of all time, both domestically and world-wide. What is crazy is that a few of my friends are among the estimated 214 people not to have seen it yet. So therefore I will not go too much into the movie's details in case they decide to see it.

Calling Avatar just a movie is like calling a Choco-Taco just a frozen treat...it simply doesn't do it justice. Avatar isn't the best story and it isn't the best acted movie of all time. But as a movie experience, it is one of the most amazing thing's I've ever seen. In fact it was the first movie I've seen in IMAX 3D and it totally changed my understanding of what a movie can accomplish. James Cameron created an entire world and his attention to detail is evident in every aspect of the movie; flowers, languages, animals and landscapes. I decided to see this movie in IMAX 3D over all others that have come out because Cameron used 3D to enhance the movie, not as a ploy to make weapons jump out toward the audience. Instead it actually made you feel like you were in the world of Pandora. You've got to give Cameron credit, the guy just makes huge, ridiculously sucessful movies. And for an encore I have a great idea. I don't think an Avatar sequel is the right answer. It's a great movie and a singular story that should stand alone. Instead I think he should make Aquaman. I mean who wouldn't see that? There's a built in curiosity based on his appearances on Entourage and from the few short images of it on the show it looked like it would be amazing. I might even go so far as to cast Vinny Chase as well.

As an all around movie, Avatar is like nothing else. It will be interesting to see how it does at the Oscar's but I will highly recommend it. (4 Cages out of 4)

The Book of Eli- This movie tests the theory that Denzel Washington is such a bad ass that he can carry a mediocre movie. Set in a post-apacolyptic era, Denzel plays a wanderer who is in possession of a powerful book. As he travels to the West Coast he comes across a warlord (played to perfection by Gary Oldman) who is in search of the book, something he believes to be a great weapon. Without giving away the plot, there are some very good twists and surprises that you don't at all expect and they make the movie an interesting story as opposed to a simple tale of survival. Highlighted by a few intense fight sequences, the movie makes the audience use their imagination as to what the book truly is. It's part Man on Fire and part I Am Legend just not as good as either. Decent movie, and yes Denzel is a bad ass but wait for the Blu-ray. (2 Cages out of 4)

Up In The Air- I really enjoy when an actor returns to what made them great. There are some roles that only a particular actor could play, and if played by anyone else would make it a totally different and probably less enjoyable movie. For instance, Vince Vaughn became a unique talent in Swingers and returned to greatness in Old School and Wedding Crashers. Tom Cruise played the cocky but flawed character in movies like Top Gun, Cocktail and A Few Good Men and didn't return to form until Jerry Maguire.

Well this movie gives us George Clooney in a role that only he could play and it gives us Clooney doing what he does best. He plays Ryan Bingham, a slick, confident ladies man who is a "corporate downsizer" (much like the Bob's in Office Space). He is on the road for the majority of the year, and he wouldn't have it any other way. That is until a fresh-out-of-college employee attempts to change the downsizing industry to a computer based industry instead of a face-to-face industry. Clooney must take the new employee, played by the pride of Portland Maine Anna Kedrick (sorry Hews. If you get nominated for an Oscar or defeat me in Madden I'll move you to the top of the list. You're still my favorite Portland resident though) on the road to learn the ropes.

This movie sucessfully depicts how the recession is affecting people and it is rare for a movie to capture an era while that era is still going on. It's written and directed by Jason Reitman, who's last two movies were the underrated Thank You For Smoking and Juno and is becoming a very unique and talented director. I must warn you though, it is depressing, but there are very funny parts( like the small role played by Danny McBride aka Kenny Powers) and it tells a great story through a character that only Clooney could pull off. (3 and 1/2 Cages out of 4)

Shutter Island- I am very intruiged by this movie. Martin Scorsese is behind this one, and the guy's made some of the greatest movies of all time in Goodfellas, Departed, Raging Bull, Casino and Taxi Driver to name a few. The tandem of Leo and Scorsese is an umatched tandem right now hitting its peak much the same way Michael Jordan and Phil Jackson did with the Bulls. I am very confident that this will be an entertaining movie with a style only Scorsese can achieve. Having said that, it looks like it will be a little scary/messed up with crazy people and insane asylums. For those that don't know, I don't get along well with scary movies. I once walked out of a group viewing of The Ring less than 5 minutes into the movie to go watch I'm With Busey (in retrospect it was an amazing decision as I may have been one of 10 people to ever see the show). Despite it coming out next week, and seeing many previews for it, I still don't really know what the movie is about. I know there's a disappearance of a prisoner and that Leo is called in to investigate. Beyond that I have no idea. It might be like The Shining it might be like Shawshank or it might be like Silence of the Lambs. I have no clue. Chances are it will be like nothing we have seen before and incredibly terrifying/entertaining which is why I'm giving it 3 Cages. But I'm going to wait until someone I know see's it and lets me know if I can see it in the theaters or wait until the Blu-ray comes out to watch it with the lights on with a blunt weapon nearby. (3 Expecting Cages out of 4)

The Wolfman- Benicio del Toro stars as the manbeast along with Anthony Hopkins. While I am not much of a fan of either of them, aside from del Toro's captivating performance in The Usual Suspects, they are very good actors. It also stars Emily Blunt who I am a huge fan of, based on her acting ability as well as her aesthical appeal. The visual effects look to be outstanding but for some reason I just have no desire to see this. Let me guess, there's a werewolf terrifying a town, Benicio tries to hunt it but gets bit, then becomes a werewolf and campaigns for werewolf rights by organizing non-violent protests and marching on Capital Hill. I don't think that is accurate but what a dud of a movie that would be. I hope I am wrong on this, but I don't think it's going to be worth my time. (1 Expecting Cage out of 4)

Finkel is Einhorn, Einhorn is Finkel

So where is Finkle now?

Busted out of a mental institution, did a Claude Raines, he's been plotting his revenge for years, waiting for the perfect time to get back at the Dolphins, the time when it would hurt them the most....SUPER BOWL time. Man I'm tired of being right.

I thought a little Ace Ventura would set the mood nicely for a Super Bowl recap edition of ETC. The Super Bowl really has morphed into an American holiday and should take its rightful place behind 4th of July and Thanksgiving in the pantheon of great American days. Who doesn't love the excessive food, funny commercials and general pageantry that makes the day great. And mixed in with all that is a football game. Yesterday's game was exactly why they play the game, because almost everyone expected Peyton Manning to come out and dominate the game and take his place among the top 3 greatest QB's of all time. Instead the Saints overcame the largest deficit in Super Bowl history and sent Bourbon Street into a month long party. Drew Brees and Sean Peyton have transformed the Aints, and they can no longer be a punchline of the league.

I should have expected this though. Like the majority of people I thought the Colts would win. But more importantly my dad thought they would win as well. And win easily. In the two weeks that led up to the game he proclaimed the Colts would win by at least 2 touchdowns, and that he could see no way in which the Saints would win. Not only was he confident, he was adamant. And for those who are unfamiliar with the picking expertise of my dad, that translated to BET THE FARM on the Saints. He is the betting equivalent of George Costanza, every instinct he has is wrong and therefore the opposite has to be right.

I can't believe I didn't see it coming. I could be driving a Bentley today instead of sitting in a duct-taped recliner. Oh well, March Madness is about a month away, so there should be plenty of opportunities to test this theory.

A few highlights from the Super Bowl:
1. The Saints drinking game, as discovered by Rowella, that if played during the pre-game would have been deadly, but was surprising uneventful during the actual game. It was such a good idea, that I am going to try and come up with a similar game for every major event. Suggestions are welcomed for upcoming events that this might be perfect for.
2. Despite a weak set of commercials, a few funny ones were Betty White Snickers ad, T-Pain's auto-tuner Bud Light ad, and the Doritos ad with the little kid.
3. Jay-Z's intro video during the pregame. They should have played that on the Jumbotron because I was fired up and the video inspired me to single handily demolish the antipasta platter. I can only imagine what I would have been capable of if I was actually playing the game and saw that. Better yet, what I'd be capable of after a few drinks at a White Castle.

The Gary Oldman/Vinny Testaverde Forget Me Not Spotlight
As promised in the State of the Blog, I am unveiling a new segment. I fear that some of the classics are being forgetten or overlooked and it is my duty to prevent this.

The Vinny Testaverde Corolation: Sports fans know that Testaverde had many peaks and valleys in his career, but somehow managed to be in the top 10 in some major passing categories. When you mention the all-time best quarterbacks, Testaverde is left off the list. Yet in the history of the NFL only 6 people have passed for more yards then ol' Vinny, and they are all in the Hall of Fame (Marino, Elway, Moon, Tarkenton) or will be (Favre, Manning). Basically, you knew he was good but you forgot or never realized he was that good.


The Gary Oldman Corolation: Oldman is a modern day cameleon. You may know him as Commissioner Gordon in the Batman movies or Sirius Black in the Harry Potter movies or as the menacing terrorist in Air Force One. No matter what you have seen him in one thing is certain, his performances get better with time

And since I've already quoted this movie it, it makes a perfect segway.

Ace Ventura Pet Detective

We all know the obvious reasons why this movie is funny, the site-gags, the bathroom jokes and of course "ALLLRIGHTYTHEN". But what's truly impressive about this movie is that it is funny when you first see it as 10 year old, and even funnier when you watch it as an 18 year old and get all the jokes. It almost becomes a new movie and to me that is a lost art. Nowadays comedies tend to be so raunchy that they are rated R and no matter how "mature" some teenagers claim to be there's no way they can get all the jokes. For instance, no way a 10 year old would have found "Forgetting Sara Marshall" to be funny and if they say they did, they are liars. Just like as a 10 year old you don't get....

"why don't i just take off your pants instead?"

"Gee, let me think...ummm, sure"

The Andy Bernard Scene Stealing Tangent: When Ace is commited to Shady Acres Mental Institution. The entire scene really has nothing to do with the movie, other then the 5 seconds in which Ace discovers the newspaper tipping him off about Finkel and Einhorn. But it's absolutely hilarious. "I'm ready to go in coach, just give me a chance. I know there's a lot riding on it, but it's all psychological. You just gotta stay in a positive frame of mind. I'm gonna execute a buttonhook in super slow mo. Let's see that in an instant replay"

Underrated Quotes:

"Good Question Aguado. First I'd establish a motive, in this case the killer saw the size of the bug's dick and became insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 30 pounds PORKIN' his wife...Now, kiss and make up"

"Tom Ace. Pleasure to meet you sir and may I congratulate you on all your sucess...You smell TERRIFIC. I was just telling Melissa that one of the first things we learned back at Stanford Law was the modern proliferation of food poisoning claims against wealthy, private homeowners. In fact if one were so inclined, one could make quite a lucrative law practice on little else. How is everyone feeling?"

Melissa: "You know, you're just mad because your stupid pebble theory didn't work out, and you don't know how to express your anger.

Ace: "Oh yeah...and you're ugly"

Best Scene to Re-enact at a party: The Roger Podacter crime scene. The re-enactment can be as simple as pointing to a sliding glass door and proclaiming "This is double pane, sound proof glass", to as complex as opening and closing said sliding glass door yelling "AAAAAAAA", all the way to putting the whole scene together and finishing off by saying "I have exercised  the demons...this house is clear"

Be Friends With Anyone Who: Can recite or finish this speech....."Soccer style kicker, graduated from Collier High June 1976, Stetson University honors graduate class of 1980, holds two NCAA division 1 records, one for most points in a season one for distance, former nickname the Mule, the first and only pro athlete ever to come out of Collier County and one hell of a model American".

If you haven't seen this movie in a while I highly recommend you watch the DVD and rediscover how funny it really is. If you haven't seen it at all then it's likely we're not friends. With valentine's day around the corner chances are your girl is going to watch some kind of chick flick. So I'm going to give you the rundown of tolerable movies and which movies you need to avoid like the plague. So until next time, as always......STAY SWEET.