Finkel is Einhorn, Einhorn is Finkel

So where is Finkle now?

Busted out of a mental institution, did a Claude Raines, he's been plotting his revenge for years, waiting for the perfect time to get back at the Dolphins, the time when it would hurt them the most....SUPER BOWL time. Man I'm tired of being right.

I thought a little Ace Ventura would set the mood nicely for a Super Bowl recap edition of ETC. The Super Bowl really has morphed into an American holiday and should take its rightful place behind 4th of July and Thanksgiving in the pantheon of great American days. Who doesn't love the excessive food, funny commercials and general pageantry that makes the day great. And mixed in with all that is a football game. Yesterday's game was exactly why they play the game, because almost everyone expected Peyton Manning to come out and dominate the game and take his place among the top 3 greatest QB's of all time. Instead the Saints overcame the largest deficit in Super Bowl history and sent Bourbon Street into a month long party. Drew Brees and Sean Peyton have transformed the Aints, and they can no longer be a punchline of the league.

I should have expected this though. Like the majority of people I thought the Colts would win. But more importantly my dad thought they would win as well. And win easily. In the two weeks that led up to the game he proclaimed the Colts would win by at least 2 touchdowns, and that he could see no way in which the Saints would win. Not only was he confident, he was adamant. And for those who are unfamiliar with the picking expertise of my dad, that translated to BET THE FARM on the Saints. He is the betting equivalent of George Costanza, every instinct he has is wrong and therefore the opposite has to be right.

I can't believe I didn't see it coming. I could be driving a Bentley today instead of sitting in a duct-taped recliner. Oh well, March Madness is about a month away, so there should be plenty of opportunities to test this theory.

A few highlights from the Super Bowl:
1. The Saints drinking game, as discovered by Rowella, that if played during the pre-game would have been deadly, but was surprising uneventful during the actual game. It was such a good idea, that I am going to try and come up with a similar game for every major event. Suggestions are welcomed for upcoming events that this might be perfect for.
2. Despite a weak set of commercials, a few funny ones were Betty White Snickers ad, T-Pain's auto-tuner Bud Light ad, and the Doritos ad with the little kid.
3. Jay-Z's intro video during the pregame. They should have played that on the Jumbotron because I was fired up and the video inspired me to single handily demolish the antipasta platter. I can only imagine what I would have been capable of if I was actually playing the game and saw that. Better yet, what I'd be capable of after a few drinks at a White Castle.

The Gary Oldman/Vinny Testaverde Forget Me Not Spotlight
As promised in the State of the Blog, I am unveiling a new segment. I fear that some of the classics are being forgetten or overlooked and it is my duty to prevent this.

The Vinny Testaverde Corolation: Sports fans know that Testaverde had many peaks and valleys in his career, but somehow managed to be in the top 10 in some major passing categories. When you mention the all-time best quarterbacks, Testaverde is left off the list. Yet in the history of the NFL only 6 people have passed for more yards then ol' Vinny, and they are all in the Hall of Fame (Marino, Elway, Moon, Tarkenton) or will be (Favre, Manning). Basically, you knew he was good but you forgot or never realized he was that good.


The Gary Oldman Corolation: Oldman is a modern day cameleon. You may know him as Commissioner Gordon in the Batman movies or Sirius Black in the Harry Potter movies or as the menacing terrorist in Air Force One. No matter what you have seen him in one thing is certain, his performances get better with time

And since I've already quoted this movie it, it makes a perfect segway.

Ace Ventura Pet Detective

We all know the obvious reasons why this movie is funny, the site-gags, the bathroom jokes and of course "ALLLRIGHTYTHEN". But what's truly impressive about this movie is that it is funny when you first see it as 10 year old, and even funnier when you watch it as an 18 year old and get all the jokes. It almost becomes a new movie and to me that is a lost art. Nowadays comedies tend to be so raunchy that they are rated R and no matter how "mature" some teenagers claim to be there's no way they can get all the jokes. For instance, no way a 10 year old would have found "Forgetting Sara Marshall" to be funny and if they say they did, they are liars. Just like as a 10 year old you don't get....

"why don't i just take off your pants instead?"

"Gee, let me think...ummm, sure"

The Andy Bernard Scene Stealing Tangent: When Ace is commited to Shady Acres Mental Institution. The entire scene really has nothing to do with the movie, other then the 5 seconds in which Ace discovers the newspaper tipping him off about Finkel and Einhorn. But it's absolutely hilarious. "I'm ready to go in coach, just give me a chance. I know there's a lot riding on it, but it's all psychological. You just gotta stay in a positive frame of mind. I'm gonna execute a buttonhook in super slow mo. Let's see that in an instant replay"

Underrated Quotes:

"Good Question Aguado. First I'd establish a motive, in this case the killer saw the size of the bug's dick and became insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 30 pounds PORKIN' his wife...Now, kiss and make up"

"Tom Ace. Pleasure to meet you sir and may I congratulate you on all your sucess...You smell TERRIFIC. I was just telling Melissa that one of the first things we learned back at Stanford Law was the modern proliferation of food poisoning claims against wealthy, private homeowners. In fact if one were so inclined, one could make quite a lucrative law practice on little else. How is everyone feeling?"

Melissa: "You know, you're just mad because your stupid pebble theory didn't work out, and you don't know how to express your anger.

Ace: "Oh yeah...and you're ugly"

Best Scene to Re-enact at a party: The Roger Podacter crime scene. The re-enactment can be as simple as pointing to a sliding glass door and proclaiming "This is double pane, sound proof glass", to as complex as opening and closing said sliding glass door yelling "AAAAAAAA", all the way to putting the whole scene together and finishing off by saying "I have exercised  the demons...this house is clear"

Be Friends With Anyone Who: Can recite or finish this speech....."Soccer style kicker, graduated from Collier High June 1976, Stetson University honors graduate class of 1980, holds two NCAA division 1 records, one for most points in a season one for distance, former nickname the Mule, the first and only pro athlete ever to come out of Collier County and one hell of a model American".

If you haven't seen this movie in a while I highly recommend you watch the DVD and rediscover how funny it really is. If you haven't seen it at all then it's likely we're not friends. With valentine's day around the corner chances are your girl is going to watch some kind of chick flick. So I'm going to give you the rundown of tolerable movies and which movies you need to avoid like the plague. So until next time, as always......STAY SWEET.