It's been a busy week here at ETC. ETC. ETC. and we apologize for our missing deadlines. But like Forrest said, shit happens. I have a few things I'd like to get off my chest and I'm going to get right into it.
In the baseball world the trade season is now well under way. Unlike in past seasons where the majority of the action took place moments before the trade deadline, teams are now identifying their needs and acting sooner rather than later. Already this season there have been 3 players dealt, Nate McClouth, Mark DeRosa and Eric Hinske. It must be nice as a GM to know that there's a team in which you can steal players from in times of need. And that team is the Pittsburgh Pirates. Take a look at a few of the players who the Pirates have traded in the past 5 seasons. Aramis Ramirez, Kenny Lofton, Jason Schmidt, Jason Bay, Xavier Nady, Nate McClouth and Erik Hinske to name a few. Those are big name, all-star caliber players and they have received almost nothing in return for them.
Another thing that is bothering me is Twitter. I was convinced, by one of our readers to sign up for Twitter to help push the blog. I did this for about a week and then got sick of it. Do people really want to know what I am doing at all times of the day? I don't even care what I'm doing. So I stopped posting on Twitter. I'm officially off. And here's a few examples of why. These are actual twitter posts from actual people.
"Going to the grocery store. I need some fixins for a salad"-Ashton Kutcher
"Am I ever going to get my latte? these lines are crazy"-Miley Cyrus
"Babysitting some pit bull puppies on the set of 5killers"-Demi Moore
"beginning our 2 a days previews monday with steelers and seahawks"-ESPN
"just saw transformers. go see it, amazing"-Erica Wilson (random person)
Its just ridiculous. I know some of our readers are obsessed with twitter and thats fine, you can chose to tweet if you want to. I will not be tweeting anymore. Jon Stewart summed up my feelings perfectly when he said "Why would I want to follow CNN on Twitter when I can follow them on CNN". Amen Jon, Amen.
"The Pauper"
The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Trip of Enlightenment
Chapter 7
Malibu Fog
(Narration by Morgan Freeman)
June 19th 2009 11:39 AM: Cruisin on PCH in morning fog near Malibu
We last left our vagabond hero in Napa Valley, fresh off a wine tasting session with a living legend. It was now time to take a visit to the Cali Coastline, one of the most pristine and awe inspiring coastlines in the world. Many a celebrity has visited the shores of Malibu but never anyone attempting something as bold as the journey the Pauper was currently embarking on. Driving on the Pacific Coast Highway is like playing golf at Pebble Beach. Anyone can do it and the Pacific Ocean is always within sight.
With that thought in mind the Pauper decided this was a perfect time to hit the links. He then realized that he had no packed his golf clubs, they would have taken up precious space in what has now become the Pauper's bedroom; his backseat. So he decided upon the next best option...mini golf. It's a little known fact but Malibu has some of the finest putt putts in all of America. He searched from the selection of putters for the perfect club looking for the one that felt just right. He finally settled on a standard, thin, red handled putter and chose a blue golf ball. As he stepped up to the first green and stared at the wide eyed clay clown that was grinning back at him, the Pauper felt a strange connection with the course. He gave a small chuckle and putted away. A smooth swing and firm contact, he watched the ball roll straight into the cup. He had gotten a few hole in ones in his day so he thought nothing of it. But as the round went on, the Pauper soon realized he was putting up record numbers. Pars, birdies and hole in ones on the front 9 continued onto the back. Soon the people in front and back of the Pauper began to take notice.
A gallery was forming around the Pauper as they all were becoming aware that the course record was within reach. After 17 holes of dominant athletic performance, a crowd of around 40 gathered along the 18th hole, hoping to be a part of history. By this time a person in the crowd had twittered about the round and soon members of the media were making their way to Malibu Putt Putt. The pressure hit the Pauper like a bag of bricks. "Just play your game" he kept saying to himself, "just play your game". As he placed the ball on the 18th box, he gazed out at the hole. All the people and all the noise were silenced, as the Pauper became so focused on the tin cup just 11 feet away that he could no longer see or hear them. He planned out his strategy, up the hill, off the first sloping bankment, around a second bankment to leave it just short of the cup for a 2 putt record. As soon as he hit the ball, the Pauper immediately thought he hit it too hard, which might have cost him the round, but it was right on target. The crowd gasped and cheered as the ball made its way around the bends. The Pauper ran to the side of the hole so he could watch the ball's path. And as if it were a guided missile it made its way to the cup and fell right in. A hole in one. History had been made. The place went wild and celebrations erupted. The Pauper was now a Malibu legend, a man who just earned a lifetime invitation for every major tournament held at the Malibu putt putt. But never a man for publicity or showmanship, the Pauper submitted his scorecard, tipped his cap the crowd and walked away. There was still much to be accomplished on the trip and not enough time to bask in his accomplishments.
"Fab 5"
Pasquale returns with a new Fab 5 on info-mercials. It's a pretty epic list, but its just business as usual for Pasquale....
Here are 5 things I see advertised on TV that I come really close to buying every time I see the commercial.
P90x – I’ll admit, I’m a fitness nut. I really enjoy working out and every time I see these 30 minute P90x infomercials, I have to watch them. The work outs look insane, and I have heard and read that these DVDs are legit. I’ve come very close to buying this on multiple occasions, but haven’t pulled the trigger. Next time you see one of these infomercials on, just stop and watch for 5 minutes, you’ll probably want to buy this also.
ShamWow – Have you seen this product in action? It sucks up a 2 liter bottle of soda like its nothing, and there’s no drip. Little known fact, when I was a kid my mom always used to tell me, if you go somewhere and you are offered a soda, get sprite. That way if you spill it, there are no stains. It’s actually pretty smart advice for a kid, but the Shamwow just makes it absolutely erroneous. The only negative about Shamwow is the scumbag pitchman. If you don’t recall he slapped around some prostitute because she bit his tongue and wouldn’t let go. If you’re a tv pitchman, shouldn’t you have enough game where you wouldn’t need to hire a hooker? I mean if you can convince people to buy a crappy product, shouldn’t you be able to convince a girl to go home with you?
Pro Caulk – I am not even close to being handy. If you want something built, call the Sturges Brothers, but the pro caulk makes me want to quit my job and become a professional caulker. I’ve never caulked anything in my life, but now I’m going to go out of my way to look for something to caulk. The Pro Caulk is pretty much just a piece of plastic with different edges, but any time I see it, I really want to buy it.
Slap Chop – Never has chopping or peeling anything looked so easy. All you do is just pound on the handle of this thing and everything is beautifully chopped and peeled. It looks so easy. I’ve actually seen one of these in action and it worked pretty well. The guy who is in the commercials is just absurd, he loves wearing his head set and throwing things behind him. This is an appealing product despite the goon in the commercials
Save-a-blade – Razor blades are obscenely expensive, and this little piece of equipment makes it look so easy to just re-sharpen razor blades. I’m guessing if this product were actually as good as advertised it would be one of the top selling products of all time
"Video of the Day"
As Pasquale pointed out, there are some terrific infomercials. But then there are ones like this that are just so absurd. I think this sets America back a few steps. This is not meant to be a joke, it just comes off as one. Enjoy.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Vay-Kay Post
A few days late but never a few dollars short. I know many of you were concerned when Wednesday came and went and there was no post here at ETC. ETC. ETC. And when Friday came and went, you probably thought something terrible had happened. Perhaps you thought I was in L.A. with Megan Fox for the premiere of her new movie. Sadly I wasn't. As editor in chief of a popular blog you occasionally get rewarded with a vacation. And unfortunetly my beach residence had no Internet. But the blog gods knew a post was needed and they said "the show must go on". So I'm here, with some fresh ocean salt water in my hair and solid rays on my skin. Also I am officially a surfer as I caught my first wave on a longboard. It was so money that I channeled Keanu Reeves in Point Break and became one with the white caps. The only thing that was missing, tragically, was Gary Busey. It took me a good 6 attempts before I was able to get up and even though I was catching 4 foot waves in Jersey, in my mind they were 40 footers off the coast of Waikiki.
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
However I must say that it is not as easy as it looks. I ate it hard many times and wiped out like the amateur that I was. Despite my air of confidence I was humbled by the waves. I have a new found respect for accomplished surfers. I thought I would be able to ride a few waves, get used to the feeling and then get right up. But the very first attempt I pushed up to stand, but pushed down way too hard. The board was forced under the wave and I went flying. Head first, in the air like I was Superman. But I persisted. And I wiped out. And I persisted. And I wiped out. But then finally, for one sweet ride, I got up. It wasn't for long, maybe 5 or 6 seconds, but I rode the wave to its end and successfully jumped off. So I got that going for me....which is nice.
When I wasn't carving up waves like Laird Hamilton I was able to catch the new Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I was incredibly excited to see this movie, mostly because of Megan Fox but also because it was going to have much more robot fighting and special effects. Well as Ari Gold would say "the numbers are in and they are BIG". It recorded the 2nd highest single day opening of all time with $60.6 million, behind only The Dark Knight which brought in $67.2 million. I had speculated which movie would be the biggest of the summer and it came down to Transformers or the new Harry Potter. I put my money on Potter so it better not let me down, but its got a long way to go. With that said, I'm 100% confident that Potter will take the crown for top earning movie of the summer. Which has lead to me to think about a movie "stock market" idea that I think would work. Say you want to invest in Transformers because you think it will deliver a big opening. You should be able to invest a certain amount of money into it, and if it delivers, then you get rewarded, just like to the actual stock market (I will expand on this idea next week).
As for my thoughts on the movie, I gave it a 5 out of 5 on the Cage Rating System. But I think it was a little below my expectations. The special effects were INSANE but sometimes you couldn't tell who was a good robot and who was a bad robot. There were plenty of slo-mo shots of Megan Fox running, which was lovely, but it felt like she had a smaller role than in the first movie. I thought Shia delivered a decent performance and really don't mind him as an actor. He pulls off the unexpected action hero pretty well with sarcastic comments and one liners. It is a sweet movie, but I prefer the first one. (For our new readers, I give it 4 out of 5 cages. See below)
I would like to take this time to recognize the death of Michael Jackson. Yes the man's life became a circus and he was a complete freak of nature post 1989, but as an artist he can't be matched. Here's my take on him; to millions of people Michael Jackson didn't exist outside of his music. And people therefore only knew him for his artistic ability, to which point he had no equal. He
was on the same level as Elvis Presley and the Beatles. A once in generation artist who's music will live forever. It's just a shame that he became a sideshow because his music will be remembered long after all of us leave this life. If you were at a wedding and Billie Jean came on, you would dance to it, no questions asked. And poor Farrah Fawcett. Her death has totally been overshadowed by the passing of Michael. Granted I am not really familiar with her work. I know she was one of the original "Charlie's Angels" and she is responsible for one of the most iconic posters of all time (see picture to the left) but to me she is just the mom in Chevy Chase's Man of the House. To my generation she was just another name from the past, but to many she was a sex symbol to be remembered forever. Just take a look at the picture, that's hot even though it's from the 70's. Regardless of your thoughts of either of them, the world of entertainment lost two icons. And to quote Forrest Gump...that's all I have to say about that.
was on the same level as Elvis Presley and the Beatles. A once in generation artist who's music will live forever. It's just a shame that he became a sideshow because his music will be remembered long after all of us leave this life. If you were at a wedding and Billie Jean came on, you would dance to it, no questions asked. And poor Farrah Fawcett. Her death has totally been overshadowed by the passing of Michael. Granted I am not really familiar with her work. I know she was one of the original "Charlie's Angels" and she is responsible for one of the most iconic posters of all time (see picture to the left) but to me she is just the mom in Chevy Chase's Man of the House. To my generation she was just another name from the past, but to many she was a sex symbol to be remembered forever. Just take a look at the picture, that's hot even though it's from the 70's. Regardless of your thoughts of either of them, the world of entertainment lost two icons. And to quote Forrest Gump...that's all I have to say about that."Theme of the Weekend"
It has to be an homage to Michael Jackson. Even though this comes on Sunday I hope its not too late to help influence your weekend. If it is, then let it influence your week.
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
Alot, actually. We have a few updates from the Pauper and we will check in with MP4 and Pasquale, after a little break from both of them. Also, one of our readers will be hosting a graduation party for the ages and we will try our best to deliver a running diary of the events. I would like to apologize to our faithful readers for missing two posts this past week and in an effort to make it up to our readers, I will try and make this week's post as epic as possible. So as always...Stay Sweet.
Monday, June 22, 2009
A Top "Top 10 List" of All Time
So if you read the piece on Friday then you know we were talking about the 10 greatest comedies of all time. The great part about top 10 lists is that you can debate them forever and no two lists are identical. It's incredibly hard to come up with 10 comedies that you think are the funniest of all time without leaving a few worthy candidates off the list. After all the talk of "The Hangover" it prompted one of our contributors, "Steamin" Willie Beamen, to make his list. He made a strong case and we even debated via text some of the movies that he left of. Here is his list, in case you missed it on Friday....
1. Ace Ventura
2. National Lampoons Christmas Vacation
3. The Big Lebowski
4. Anchorman
5. Groundhog Day
6. Blues Brothers
7. Dumb and Dumber
8. Blazing Saddles
9. Caddyshack
10. Old School
Therefore I decided to come up with my own list. It took some thorough research and a few lengthy alcohol induced arguments amongst my peers to assemble my list. So what's the criteria that I used to assemble this top 10 list. I used several factors that I feel make a comedy legendary.
Quotability- You have to be able to recite famous lines and everyone around you immediately knows what movie your talking about. If I said "TOGA, TOGA, TOGA" you should know what movie I'm talking about.
Defining Scenes-There should be at least one memorable scene that defines the film. Certain scenes and images are forever linked to movie history, just ask Ben Stiller.
Rewatchability- I made up the word, but it's a pillar of comedy rules. These movies have to be just as funny on the 11th viewing as it was the first time you saw it. Even if you know the next line and could re-enact it by heart, you still laugh. For instance, the first time I saw Meet the Parents I was dying laughing. But after several viewings the subtle awkwardness lost some of its appeal. It's still an amazingly funny movie, but its on the outside of my top 10 looking in.
Extreme Laughter- You can't just chuckle at these movies. You have to be borderline pee your pants, cheeks hurting, laugh out loud kind of funny. It's this reason that I have left off movies like Back to the Future and The Blues Brothers. They're both terrific but to me they are just really cool movies. Not really funny movies.
Before you read on you should know that I changed the placement of the #1-5 movies at least 4 times and for some time they each were number 1. It was a tough decision but one that I stand by. So without further adieu...
10. Anchorman- Originally I left this off my top 10, but I had to reconsider. I had tears from laughing so hard at 4 different parts of the movie. I quote this movie like its my job. You've got great performances from Will Ferrell, Steve Carell and Paul Rudd as well as some serious cameos from people like Vince Vaughn and Luke Wilson. This movie gets an interesting reaction, you either love it or hate it. And I love it. "It's called Sex Panther. It's made with bits of real panther, so you know its good. 60% of the time...it works all the time".
9. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective- "Aaaalllrightythen". I thought this was funny when I was a kid and half the jokes went over my head. 15 years later I still laugh at it. This might be the most debatable on my list because of the goofy nature of it, but comedy is goofy.
8. Tommy Boy- "Shut up Richard". In my opinion this is the most underrated movie on this list. The Farley/Spade dynamic worked to perfection as well good bit parts from Dan Akroyd and Rob Lowe. Although part of me is saddened every time I watch this movie knowing what we could have had with Farley.
7. Ghostbusters- I almost left this movie off my list just because it doesn't fit the "extreme laughter" category and some of the special effects are outdated. But it's got three of the greatest comedic minds of all time in Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd and Harold Ramis(Ramis did most of his work as a director. See numbers 1 and 2 on my list) It's an iconic, legendary movie that needs to be on any comedy list.
6. There's Something About Mary- I find this movie often gets over looked. I don't know why, because it shouldn't. It's absolutely hysterical. There are so many memorable scenes like Cameron Diaz's hair gel as well as Ben Stiller's zipper incident. I want to put it higher on my list, but I couldn't drop any of the top 5.
5. Dumb and Dumber- The amazing part about this movie is that it actually has a great plot and even better writing. Most people assume its just a dumb movie, but it's one of the smartest comedies I've ever seen. If a person doesn't think this is a top 5 comedy, then they don't know squat about movies.
4. Wedding Crashers- Easily one of the most quotable movies on my list. "Stage 5 Clinger", "lock it up", "rule number 76, no excuses play like a champion". I mean take your pick. During my junior year of college I watched this movie almost every Friday and Saturday night after returning from a night out for nearly a month straight and still didn't get sick of it. The only reason this is not higher is because it gets a little sappy near the end, but it's one of the best comedies of all time, without a doubt.
3. Old School- How iconic of a character is Frank the Tank? This was a ground-breaking comedy in many ways. It started the whole "Frat Pack" wave of movies and its still the best of the bunch. Vince Vaughn and Will Ferrell are at the top of their games in this one and they set the bar insanely high for everything since. "Actually it's gonna be quite a nice little Saturday. We're going to Home Depot, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring. Stuff like that. Maybe Bed Bath and Beyond. I don't know. I don't know if we'll have enough time".
2. Animal House- This is the comedy that started it all. The whole movie was a party and that's because in real life the actors were partying the entire time they were filming it. It's the foundation for movies like Old School and American Pie and every other frat house humor movie every made. It's got great nicknames, memorable scenes, wild antics and more than 30 years after it was made its still hysterical.
1. Caddyshack- Chevy Chase and Bill Murray solidify their places among the comedy greats. The best part is that the majority of their lines were unscripted and they improved almost every memorable quote from the movie. The Dali Lama bit by Murray is incredible, and its even better knowing that he made up 90% of it on the spot. I ultimately decided this was #1 because its incredibly unique. There are alot of movies that are about college hijinks or road trips or bachelor parties, but can you name another funny movie about golf? And don't you dare say Who's Your Caddy.
Honorable Mentions: Grumpy Old Men, Anchorman, Christmas Vacation, Blazing Saddles, The Jerk, Superbad, My Cousin Vinny, Fletch, Vacation, Home Alone, Kingpin, Swingers, Austi
n Powers, Billy Madison, The Great Outdoors, Meet the Parents, Stripes, Liar Liar
There you have it ladies and gentleman. I feel its a very solid list even though there are some very deserving movies that are in the honorable mention section. And there are definitely others movies that I forgot to put in the honorable mentions. It's a great cause for debate and I would love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to send them along to me and I will then post other people's lists of comments about the lists. We will return to our standard format on Wednesday and until that time.....Stay Sweet.
1. Ace Ventura
2. National Lampoons Christmas Vacation
3. The Big Lebowski
4. Anchorman
5. Groundhog Day
6. Blues Brothers
7. Dumb and Dumber
8. Blazing Saddles
9. Caddyshack
10. Old School
Therefore I decided to come up with my own list. It took some thorough research and a few lengthy alcohol induced arguments amongst my peers to assemble my list. So what's the criteria that I used to assemble this top 10 list. I used several factors that I feel make a comedy legendary.
Quotability- You have to be able to recite famous lines and everyone around you immediately knows what movie your talking about. If I said "TOGA, TOGA, TOGA" you should know what movie I'm talking about.
Defining Scenes-There should be at least one memorable scene that defines the film. Certain scenes and images are forever linked to movie history, just ask Ben Stiller.
Rewatchability- I made up the word, but it's a pillar of comedy rules. These movies have to be just as funny on the 11th viewing as it was the first time you saw it. Even if you know the next line and could re-enact it by heart, you still laugh. For instance, the first time I saw Meet the Parents I was dying laughing. But after several viewings the subtle awkwardness lost some of its appeal. It's still an amazingly funny movie, but its on the outside of my top 10 looking in.
Extreme Laughter- You can't just chuckle at these movies. You have to be borderline pee your pants, cheeks hurting, laugh out loud kind of funny. It's this reason that I have left off movies like Back to the Future and The Blues Brothers. They're both terrific but to me they are just really cool movies. Not really funny movies.
Before you read on you should know that I changed the placement of the #1-5 movies at least 4 times and for some time they each were number 1. It was a tough decision but one that I stand by. So without further adieu...
10. Anchorman- Originally I left this off my top 10, but I had to reconsider. I had tears from laughing so hard at 4 different parts of the movie. I quote this movie like its my job. You've got great performances from Will Ferrell, Steve Carell and Paul Rudd as well as some serious cameos from people like Vince Vaughn and Luke Wilson. This movie gets an interesting reaction, you either love it or hate it. And I love it. "It's called Sex Panther. It's made with bits of real panther, so you know its good. 60% of the time...it works all the time".
9. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective- "Aaaalllrightythen". I thought this was funny when I was a kid and half the jokes went over my head. 15 years later I still laugh at it. This might be the most debatable on my list because of the goofy nature of it, but comedy is goofy.
8. Tommy Boy- "Shut up Richard". In my opinion this is the most underrated movie on this list. The Farley/Spade dynamic worked to perfection as well good bit parts from Dan Akroyd and Rob Lowe. Although part of me is saddened every time I watch this movie knowing what we could have had with Farley.
7. Ghostbusters- I almost left this movie off my list just because it doesn't fit the "extreme laughter" category and some of the special effects are outdated. But it's got three of the greatest comedic minds of all time in Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd and Harold Ramis(Ramis did most of his work as a director. See numbers 1 and 2 on my list) It's an iconic, legendary movie that needs to be on any comedy list.
6. There's Something About Mary- I find this movie often gets over looked. I don't know why, because it shouldn't. It's absolutely hysterical. There are so many memorable scenes like Cameron Diaz's hair gel as well as Ben Stiller's zipper incident. I want to put it higher on my list, but I couldn't drop any of the top 5.
5. Dumb and Dumber- The amazing part about this movie is that it actually has a great plot and even better writing. Most people assume its just a dumb movie, but it's one of the smartest comedies I've ever seen. If a person doesn't think this is a top 5 comedy, then they don't know squat about movies.
4. Wedding Crashers- Easily one of the most quotable movies on my list. "Stage 5 Clinger", "lock it up", "rule number 76, no excuses play like a champion". I mean take your pick. During my junior year of college I watched this movie almost every Friday and Saturday night after returning from a night out for nearly a month straight and still didn't get sick of it. The only reason this is not higher is because it gets a little sappy near the end, but it's one of the best comedies of all time, without a doubt.
3. Old School- How iconic of a character is Frank the Tank? This was a ground-breaking comedy in many ways. It started the whole "Frat Pack" wave of movies and its still the best of the bunch. Vince Vaughn and Will Ferrell are at the top of their games in this one and they set the bar insanely high for everything since. "Actually it's gonna be quite a nice little Saturday. We're going to Home Depot, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring. Stuff like that. Maybe Bed Bath and Beyond. I don't know. I don't know if we'll have enough time".
2. Animal House- This is the comedy that started it all. The whole movie was a party and that's because in real life the actors were partying the entire time they were filming it. It's the foundation for movies like Old School and American Pie and every other frat house humor movie every made. It's got great nicknames, memorable scenes, wild antics and more than 30 years after it was made its still hysterical.
1. Caddyshack- Chevy Chase and Bill Murray solidify their places among the comedy greats. The best part is that the majority of their lines were unscripted and they improved almost every memorable quote from the movie. The Dali Lama bit by Murray is incredible, and its even better knowing that he made up 90% of it on the spot. I ultimately decided this was #1 because its incredibly unique. There are alot of movies that are about college hijinks or road trips or bachelor parties, but can you name another funny movie about golf? And don't you dare say Who's Your Caddy.
Honorable Mentions: Grumpy Old Men, Anchorman, Christmas Vacation, Blazing Saddles, The Jerk, Superbad, My Cousin Vinny, Fletch, Vacation, Home Alone, Kingpin, Swingers, Austi
n Powers, Billy Madison, The Great Outdoors, Meet the Parents, Stripes, Liar LiarThere you have it ladies and gentleman. I feel its a very solid list even though there are some very deserving movies that are in the honorable mention section. And there are definitely others movies that I forgot to put in the honorable mentions. It's a great cause for debate and I would love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to send them along to me and I will then post other people's lists of comments about the lists. We will return to our standard format on Wednesday and until that time.....Stay Sweet.
Friday, June 19, 2009
U.S. Blog Open: Cazpage Black
After a solid outing on Wednesday we were able to increase our following. Thanks to those who continue to read and welcome to our newest followers. In light of the U.S. Open and the warning signs that Bethpage Black is an extremely dangerous course, ETC. ETC. ETC. is taking a page from them. Welcome to CAZPAGE BLACK. Readers be warned.
In part 1 of the summer movie preview I highlighted The Hangover and said "I can't wait to see this" and gave it 4 cages out of 5. On opening night I went out to catch this flick, only to be shut out because it was sold out. Well the wait is over. I decided to make the most of the rain forest weather and headed to the theaters. I would first like to apologize to The Hangover because you deserve every possible cage I can give. It was absolutely hysterical. I don't even want to describe anything from the movie for those who haven't seen it yet. All I can say is go see it, you won't be disappointed. The soundtrack was also amazing and perfectly complimented the action and there were plenty of great cameos, including a friendly Old School face. Go see this.
After a healthy dose of revolting, mustached Nic Cage shots, its back to business. Like ABC News, we too have a correspondent on Capital Hill. His name is Yahtzee, and he is a Washington Nationals fan. So therefore there aren't many opportunities for him to be proud of his team. But I awoke this morning to find an email from Yahtzee. I immediately thought there was some kind of political scandal and he had the first scoop. It would have been our first breaking news story. Instead it was a moment of gloating. Here's what he said.
Please tell me you're including something in your column about how the Nationals took 2 of 3 from the Yankees.
Winning Percentage vs. the NY Yankees (Top 4 Teams)
Enjoy its while it lasts my friend. They might not win another series all season.
"Steamin Willie Beamen"
The Hangover…Best Ever?
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
Career Juice: 11-13-1
As the sun was in its early stages of rising, the Pauper was well on his way to his next destination. It had been a long trip so far and the Pauper's Italian blood was curling for some red wine, knowing full well he was in the heart of America's wine country. The Pauper never had much need for commercial gains or popular destinations. So when he went to Napa Valley, he tried to find the most obscure and secluded vineyard possible. No tour guides or brochures, just instincts; let his nose and his feelings lead the way.
He pulled up to a few buildings, but immediately left. Too many people. Tourists and amateurs here for the cookie cutter experience and a souvenir wine glass. But that's not the Pauper. So he drove a little out of the way and came across an old looking house, something that could have come straight from Tuscany. The Pauper couldn't explain why, but this was the place he was going to stop at. He drove down a dusty road and parked just outside the large wooden doors, probably oak if I had to guess. No one was in sight so the Pauper let himself in. The aroma was intoxicating and sights were astounding. He heard some commotion down the hall and followed the noise. There, hard at work, was a portly gentleman with a thick, graying beard.
"Can I help you"? the man asked the Pauper. "I was just passing through and wanted to check out a vineyard. I won't be long, if you don't mind". The man was strangely familiar but the Pauper didn't know why. "Be my guest" as the man signaled for the Pauper to come over to the vat. He grabbed 2 pristine wine glasses and filled them with some delicious vino. For the first time since encountering this familiar stranger, the Pauper had a clear look at his face. It was Francis Ford Coppola, the director of the Godfather and famous wine connoisseur. Trying not to act like a crazed teenie bopper fan, the Pauper kept his cool. "So where on the boot are you from" asked Coppola. He could tell by the Roman nose that the Pauper was Italian. "My family is from just outside of Naples". The two sat outside in a gorgeous veranda overlooking fields of grapes and talked all things Italy. What's the better cheese, Romano or Asiago? What's the best kind of parmigiana, Veal or Eggplant. And then Coppola decided to see what kind of an Italian the Pauper really was. He asked him two questions, what's the best kind of red wine and what film is better Godfather 1 or Godfather 2?
It was make or break time for the Pauper. He swirled the wine around his glass, gave it a nice smooth sniff and slowly savored the flavors. He didn't speak right away, but rather took some time to contemplate the difficult questions. "Well Francis, as for the better kind of red wine, I don't believe there is one. There are higher quality wines and that lies in the origins of the grapes and the attention to detail of the fermintation process. I respect a good bottle of wine just as I respect a quality film. As for your second inquery, I must say I prefer Godfather I. The quotability factor is much higher in part I than II. There are many more memorable moments from part I and you have to respect the original. Although DeNiro delivers an iconic performance in the second film, I'm standing by my guns and saying part I".
Coppola was astounded. It was the perfect answer to an almost unanswerable question. It was similar to when Red was asked if he thinks he has been rehabilitated in Shawshank. Coppola had been waiting nearly a quarter century for someone to answer those questions like that. "Tom, you can come back here anytime". They sat and talked over more wine for many hours. The hours had flown by and vino had gone down smoothly. The Pauper thanked him for his hospitality and promised to return someday. Before he drove off, Coppola handed him a key to the winery and a bottle of vintage chianti circa 1971. "From Vito Corleone" he said. It had felt like a dream but it was as real as it could be. It just goes to show you that you never know what to expect and you never know who you're gonna come across on a cross country trip of enlightenment.
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
In part 1 of the summer movie preview I highlighted The Hangover and said "I can't wait to see this" and gave it 4 cages out of 5. On opening night I went out to catch this flick, only to be shut out because it was sold out. Well the wait is over. I decided to make the most of the rain forest weather and headed to the theaters. I would first like to apologize to The Hangover because you deserve every possible cage I can give. It was absolutely hysterical. I don't even want to describe anything from the movie for those who haven't seen it yet. All I can say is go see it, you won't be disappointed. The soundtrack was also amazing and perfectly complimented the action and there were plenty of great cameos, including a friendly Old School face. Go see this.
After a healthy dose of revolting, mustached Nic Cage shots, its back to business. Like ABC News, we too have a correspondent on Capital Hill. His name is Yahtzee, and he is a Washington Nationals fan. So therefore there aren't many opportunities for him to be proud of his team. But I awoke this morning to find an email from Yahtzee. I immediately thought there was some kind of political scandal and he had the first scoop. It would have been our first breaking news story. Instead it was a moment of gloating. Here's what he said.
Please tell me you're including something in your column about how the Nationals took 2 of 3 from the Yankees.
Winning Percentage vs. the NY Yankees (Top 4 Teams)
Boston: 100%
Washington: 67%
Philadelphia: 67%
Tampa Bay: 50%
Enjoy its while it lasts my friend. They might not win another series all season.
"Steamin Willie Beamen"
Just after I got down blowing up The Hangover, Steamin Willie Beamen has an important message. I have a diverse group of friends but one thing that most of them have in common is they hate hype. So Steamin has a well written and lucid piece on hype. It has also prompted me to release my top 10 comedies of all time list that will come on monday. So here's Willie...
The Hangover…Best Ever?
As a casual movie viewer I find it amazing to see a good preview. I get pissed when I don’t make it to the theater to see what is coming soon and I am very angry when someone comes to me and says the following…”Dude…Have you seen the preview for (insert the title of film that ESPN is beating into the ground)…It looks unreal!!!!” Then I have to go online and search for the preview only to be disappointed by the fact that the work I put into seeing it was not worth what I saw. There are those rare occasions where you will either see a preview for the first time or you will go online on a forced scavenger hunt only to be completely floored by whatever new Michael Bay movie they are willing to show in its entirety in the preview. This preview phenomenon is quantified by the movies themselves. I can recount numerous previews that I felt were either going to be great movies or I had seen so many times I had convinced myself that they were going to be good so I went and saw them. So many times I found myself leaving the theater questioning how I was tricked. This problem is only quantified when you speak with someone who you feel has great taste in movies and they give you either a very BIG thumbs up or “It’s the greatest Movie I have ever seen!!!!” I must say I fall into the category as a movie critic of often giving the “G.O.A.T.” ranking. Its not fair to rank a movie the greatest of all time. It is like saying GWB was the worst President of all time or that Kobe is one of the ten best basketball players of all time. It is too soon to say so. I mean there is a reason why Casablanca is considered the greatest movie of all time, and that is that it has stood that test of time. I mean I bet in 1982 some poor bastard got a walkman and instantly said “This is the greatest invention ever”. At the time it wasn’t the greatest and now its gone.
Let me bring us back to the topic. Movies. I have now been told by every person who has a tongue and a pulse that The Hangover was the best movie they had either; A) Ever Seen B) Seen in Years C) Could Have Imagined. I mean I have people telling me it’s better the Old School, Ace, and others. Old School? Ace!?!?!?! I have not seen this movie yet. There are a myriad of reasons why I have not seen it, some of which are stupid (I am a Non Conformist) and some are more serious (my underground movie connection got busted) but the major reason is that I am scared that I won’t like it. Yet the only reason why I would not like it is because I have been listening to people drool over it since day one. I mean it might make me laugh so hard my head will pop off…right?? And the chances that it will be better then Old School are very very very slim. I have seen Old School under all conditions and I would say that it is one of the best comedies that I have ever seen. It has everything, great cast, great concept, great jokes, sex, Vince Vaughn, orgies…The only thing it doesn’t have is Kenny Powers burning some Pineapple Express. But this is not about Old School. This is about hype. The ultimate accolade that a movie can get for me is a top ten billing, and that is where it all changed with The Hangover. Top Ten? The movie has not even left the theater. Give me a break with that please. I mean how can I go see a movie that someone says is top ten all time and it has been out for three weeks? So I got upset and I made the list.
1. Ace Ventura
2. National Lampoons Christmas Vacation
3. The Big Lebowski
4. Anchorman
5. Groundhog Day
6. Blues Brothers
7. Dumb and Dumber
8. Blazing Saddles
9. Caddyshack
10. Old School
That is a contemporary ten at best. I mean did I forget some? Yes. Do all those belong? No. Does a movie that has yet to make it to its fourth week deserve a shot at movies that have stood the test of time? I guess that is up to all of you out there who told me that, and I quote, “None of the funny parts were even in the Preview.” What can I do with that? I laughed my ass off the first time I saw a preview for that movie. Stop trying to ruin a good thing America and don’t stop saying “That was the Greatest ______ I have ever seen!!!!!!!!!
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
Like the natural ebbs and flows of life, so too are there ups and downs in the gambling world. Sometimes you just gotta walk away and do some thorough research. I have been putting MP4 on a deadline that no gambler could succeed in. Here's what he said "MP4 is in a serious rutt. Gonna have to step up my effort in the picks. No more 20 picks". MP4 is off on a short getaway to clear his head and find his picks. May the force be with you.
Career Juice: 11-13-1
"The Pauper"
The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Trip of Enlightenment
Chapter 6
Napa With Coppola
(Narration by Morgan Freeman)
June 14, 2009 5:31 PM: In napa listening to marshall tucker band
As the sun was in its early stages of rising, the Pauper was well on his way to his next destination. It had been a long trip so far and the Pauper's Italian blood was curling for some red wine, knowing full well he was in the heart of America's wine country. The Pauper never had much need for commercial gains or popular destinations. So when he went to Napa Valley, he tried to find the most obscure and secluded vineyard possible. No tour guides or brochures, just instincts; let his nose and his feelings lead the way.
He pulled up to a few buildings, but immediately left. Too many people. Tourists and amateurs here for the cookie cutter experience and a souvenir wine glass. But that's not the Pauper. So he drove a little out of the way and came across an old looking house, something that could have come straight from Tuscany. The Pauper couldn't explain why, but this was the place he was going to stop at. He drove down a dusty road and parked just outside the large wooden doors, probably oak if I had to guess. No one was in sight so the Pauper let himself in. The aroma was intoxicating and sights were astounding. He heard some commotion down the hall and followed the noise. There, hard at work, was a portly gentleman with a thick, graying beard.
"Can I help you"? the man asked the Pauper. "I was just passing through and wanted to check out a vineyard. I won't be long, if you don't mind". The man was strangely familiar but the Pauper didn't know why. "Be my guest" as the man signaled for the Pauper to come over to the vat. He grabbed 2 pristine wine glasses and filled them with some delicious vino. For the first time since encountering this familiar stranger, the Pauper had a clear look at his face. It was Francis Ford Coppola, the director of the Godfather and famous wine connoisseur. Trying not to act like a crazed teenie bopper fan, the Pauper kept his cool. "So where on the boot are you from" asked Coppola. He could tell by the Roman nose that the Pauper was Italian. "My family is from just outside of Naples". The two sat outside in a gorgeous veranda overlooking fields of grapes and talked all things Italy. What's the better cheese, Romano or Asiago? What's the best kind of parmigiana, Veal or Eggplant. And then Coppola decided to see what kind of an Italian the Pauper really was. He asked him two questions, what's the best kind of red wine and what film is better Godfather 1 or Godfather 2?
It was make or break time for the Pauper. He swirled the wine around his glass, gave it a nice smooth sniff and slowly savored the flavors. He didn't speak right away, but rather took some time to contemplate the difficult questions. "Well Francis, as for the better kind of red wine, I don't believe there is one. There are higher quality wines and that lies in the origins of the grapes and the attention to detail of the fermintation process. I respect a good bottle of wine just as I respect a quality film. As for your second inquery, I must say I prefer Godfather I. The quotability factor is much higher in part I than II. There are many more memorable moments from part I and you have to respect the original. Although DeNiro delivers an iconic performance in the second film, I'm standing by my guns and saying part I".
Coppola was astounded. It was the perfect answer to an almost unanswerable question. It was similar to when Red was asked if he thinks he has been rehabilitated in Shawshank. Coppola had been waiting nearly a quarter century for someone to answer those questions like that. "Tom, you can come back here anytime". They sat and talked over more wine for many hours. The hours had flown by and vino had gone down smoothly. The Pauper thanked him for his hospitality and promised to return someday. Before he drove off, Coppola handed him a key to the winery and a bottle of vintage chianti circa 1971. "From Vito Corleone" he said. It had felt like a dream but it was as real as it could be. It just goes to show you that you never know what to expect and you never know who you're gonna come across on a cross country trip of enlightenment.
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
We have a fresh new fab 5 from Pasquale and he never disappoints. A terrific idea came to him in the shower (if that does anything for our female readers) about info-mercials and he has some thoughts to share. In light of Steamin' Willie Beamen's comedy list, I will be coming out with my own and we will see how movies many a few old college roommates have in common (if memory serves me well it took an average of 31 minutes to choose a movie to watch). MP4 will be back and roaring to go as well. So until next time...Stay Sweet
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Die Hard With A Vengeance
Despite our best efforts here at ETC. ETC. ETC. it seems our followers have hit a wall at 26. It's a tough barrier to break. Just ask the Yankees. Have we maxed out? Is this as good as it gets? Hell no. So how do we respond? With a vengeance. With a little diddy from Pasquale. With some fine on site reporting from Paulie Walnuts. With a new chapter in the on going saga of the Pauper. And a fresh round of winners from our resident gambler MP4.
From time to time Paulie Walnuts has been known to hit up the hot spots of New York City. If you live in New York and don't know Paulie, then you might as well be living in Hoboken. Just a few nights ago Paulie was out on the town when a sight so horrifying and mind-blowing caught his eye. He slapped himself in the face, just to make sure he wasn't seeing things after a few rounds of green monsters and cage bombs. Fighting back vomit from the sheer shock of what he was seeing, he grabbed his i-phone and snapped the following pic....
4. Heath Ledger - The reason I'm throwing him on here now is because The Dark Knight has been on HBO pretty much continuously for the past 3 days. I'll admit, I didn't really think Heath Ledger was that good of an actor before I saw the Dark Knight. I thought he was pretty much just an Australian Josh Harnett. But after watching the dark knight on hbo again good god was he unreal as the joker. So good that i don't think anyone will ever really try and play the joker again. He absolutely carried that movie, without him that movie is suspect at best. Also apparently a very nice guy too, he and his daughter used to play at the same park as a cousin of mine and his son and apparently they had chatted a few times and Heath thought my little cousin was a cute kid. Sad to see someone like that go just as their career is about to take off. Wasted Talent.
5. Mike "doc" Emrick - unless you watch hockey you probably have no idea who I'm talking about, but he is truly a great announcer.I'm pretty sure if he announced me sitting at my desk all day he could make it sound exciting. Its unfortunate he doesn't do other sports, instead we're stuck with hacks like Joe Buck doing multiple sports. If you don't watch a lot of hockey do yourself a favor and start watching next season and when you do keep an ear open for doc, you won't be disappointed.
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
He's baaaaack
NBA stars are headed for their Yachts. NHL stars are headed to the barbers. But MP4 is back, after a small mental vacation. What better way to be back that throwing together our first perfect week. So in honor of David Cone and Boomer Wells...here goes...
Washington AAA (Lannan) @ Bronx (Wang) -210. Now you may say...WOW, way to go out on a limb here MP4. But with Wang on the hill tonight, thats exactly what it is. Wang still has the stuff, and tonight it will show. Thank you Nationals for being cooperative and coming to town to restore the confidence of an Ace. Expect 6 strong for the newly minted Father.
Snakes (Scherzer) @ Royals (Greinke) -150. Sorry D'Backs.....no seagulls in KC. This game will be tight, but Greinke returns to form.
Miami Marlins (Miller) @ Masshole Nation (Penny) - Over 10. Bandbox meet 7-12 mph winds out to Left. Penny awakes from last performance to realize its 2009 not 2007.
Quick Question: What number will be greater, Teixeira home runs or Nationals victories? Let me know what you think...its gonna be close.
Career Juice: 11-10-1
"The Pauper"
The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Trip of Enlightenment
Chapter 5
"Tahoe Baby, Tahoe"
(Narrated by Morgan Freeman)
With the fresh salt water in his hair and sporting a Pacific tan the Pauper hopped on Highway 5 and headed south. Before sampling all the best that the Cali Coast had to offer, the Pauper made a few stops along the border. And when hitting the Nevada border there's only 2 places to go, Reno and Lake Tahoe.
To the Pauper, Reno says "hey I'm not Vegas, but I'm still cool in an 80's kind of way". And let's be honest, who doesn't love the 80's. The Pauper had some choices to make. He could go buy a 7 dollar matching top and bottom track suit and go play penny slots until the sun came up. Or he could stop at a North American Mecca. A place where legends are born. That's right, The National Bowling Stadium. The place where Big Ern McCracken and the Immaculate Rose solidified a legacy as the greatest bowler of all time. So the Pauper began channeling his inner Ern and took control of the lanes. It should be no surprise that the Pauper rolled a career best 217, I mean how well do you think you would swim if you went for a few laps at the Olympic pool in Beijing?
He took this opportunity to make a rare stop with familiar faces. He vowed that this trip would be about solidarity, but decided why not indulge a little. After all he had earned it. Just over 23 days without talking to a friend can do things to do you. Just ask his imaginary friend SAK. So he made way to Lake Tahoe and called up a few old friends. They indulged in the sacred nector and the Pauper wowed them with a few details of his journey. They were shocked and chagrined but at the same time wildly entertained. He told them about the South Side of Chicago and the how deep dish pizza pales in comparison to thin crust. He told them of the massive arches in St. Louis and the cornfields in Iowa. He told them about the the Mountain Ranges of Colorado and the oddities of Muddy Gap, WY. And of course the blue Pacific ocean and the whitecaps of the waves. As he reveled in how fulfilling the trip has been so far, he came to realize that it was only halfway finished. There's still a lot to be seen and many places left to go. So that night the Pauper spent the only night of the trip in an actual bed. By the time the residents of the house had awaken the next morning the Pauper was gone. It was typical Pauper style. There's just too much to be done and not enough time to do it.
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
It's a Friday post so we will have your Theme of the Weekend as well as the Video of the Day. Steamin Willie Beamen has been hard at work on his latest piece and has stumbled upon a little case of writers block. He's been fighting through it and decided to walk away from his piece to collect his thoughts and on Friday we will deliver them to you. On the advice of our Washington D.C. Correspondent Yahtzee we are working on releasing our first podcast, but that might be a few days away, so don't hold your breath. As always we recommend you check out our friends Sexy at oursamedifference.com and Tully and Grandmaster Ralph at stereotype.fm. We've reached that point where the blog is no longer a hot new phenomenon and we are settling into our comfort level. A let down was expected based on the law of averages but WE ARE BACK. So I say this to our new readers...become a follower before it's too late. When we hit it big we will always remember our first 50, everybody does. So until next time.....Stay Sweet
From time to time Paulie Walnuts has been known to hit up the hot spots of New York City. If you live in New York and don't know Paulie, then you might as well be living in Hoboken. Just a few nights ago Paulie was out on the town when a sight so horrifying and mind-blowing caught his eye. He slapped himself in the face, just to make sure he wasn't seeing things after a few rounds of green monsters and cage bombs. Fighting back vomit from the sheer shock of what he was seeing, he grabbed his i-phone and snapped the following pic....
So I have decided to take some creative liberties and write up a piece as if he was Brian Fontana, reporting live from the scene...
PANDA WATCH AND THE MOOD IS TENSE! Never in my life have I seen anything as revolting as Nic Cage in costume woofing down a slice of NY pie. As you may or may not know Cage is filming his new movie "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" in New York City and things have gotten wacky. At first I thought it was a hobo but a closer look at the hair revealed it was more Cameron Powe than Joe Schmoe. And get this...he doesn't fold his pizza. I couldn't be more disgusted if I saw O.J. wiping blood off his hands. But like a train wreck, I couldn't look away. I have been to the Himalayan mountains and I've seen a shooting star, but that night I watched Nic Cage devour 7 slices of cheese pizza and lived to tell the tale. I need to collect my thoughts....For all of us here at Channel 4, You Stay Classy.
"Fab 5"
Here's 5 to love
1. Leonardo DiCaprio - I saw a preview for shutter island on tv the other day. Marty Scorsese + Leo = Pasquale going to the movies. Little known fact about me. I am a huge leo fan, which is part of the reason why i hate titanic so much, but i'll save that for another day. He is on a pretty nice hot streak with movies right now. He made The Departed and Blood Diamond back to back. I don't think we've seen an actor make back to back movies that good since Pesci did Home Alone and Goodfellas in the same year. Who would have thought those 23 episodes as Luke Brower on growing pains would have spawned such a career. Shutter Island is due out in October and I'm fired up about it.
2. Unwrapped - Probably my favorite show on the food network, partially because of what the show is about and partially because Marc Summers is the host. If you watched nickelodeon as religiously as i did in the late 80s early 90s, you definitely love Summers too. Aside from Summers hosting ability he put together the best final round I've ever seen on an episode of celebrity Lingo with Mark Wahlberg (not marky mark wahlberg, but the guy who used to host russian roulette on the game show network). They've always got summers sitting in like a 50s style diner when he's talking about the foods on unwrapped, I just wish someone would walk up to him and ask him for the physical challenge. I'd bet money he used the physical challenge line in bars when attempting to pick up women and i bet he was pretty successful with it.
3. Thunderstorms - One of my favorite parts of summer. Is there anything nicer than waking up in the middle of the night to a thunderstorm? No weather event is as fun to watch as a severe thunderstorm. It could thunderstorm for a month straight and i wouldn't have a problem with that.4. Heath Ledger - The reason I'm throwing him on here now is because The Dark Knight has been on HBO pretty much continuously for the past 3 days. I'll admit, I didn't really think Heath Ledger was that good of an actor before I saw the Dark Knight. I thought he was pretty much just an Australian Josh Harnett. But after watching the dark knight on hbo again good god was he unreal as the joker. So good that i don't think anyone will ever really try and play the joker again. He absolutely carried that movie, without him that movie is suspect at best. Also apparently a very nice guy too, he and his daughter used to play at the same park as a cousin of mine and his son and apparently they had chatted a few times and Heath thought my little cousin was a cute kid. Sad to see someone like that go just as their career is about to take off. Wasted Talent.
5. Mike "doc" Emrick - unless you watch hockey you probably have no idea who I'm talking about, but he is truly a great announcer.I'm pretty sure if he announced me sitting at my desk all day he could make it sound exciting. Its unfortunate he doesn't do other sports, instead we're stuck with hacks like Joe Buck doing multiple sports. If you don't watch a lot of hockey do yourself a favor and start watching next season and when you do keep an ear open for doc, you won't be disappointed.
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
He's baaaaack
NBA stars are headed for their Yachts. NHL stars are headed to the barbers. But MP4 is back, after a small mental vacation. What better way to be back that throwing together our first perfect week. So in honor of David Cone and Boomer Wells...here goes...
Washington AAA (Lannan) @ Bronx (Wang) -210. Now you may say...WOW, way to go out on a limb here MP4. But with Wang on the hill tonight, thats exactly what it is. Wang still has the stuff, and tonight it will show. Thank you Nationals for being cooperative and coming to town to restore the confidence of an Ace. Expect 6 strong for the newly minted Father.
Snakes (Scherzer) @ Royals (Greinke) -150. Sorry D'Backs.....no seagulls in KC. This game will be tight, but Greinke returns to form.
Miami Marlins (Miller) @ Masshole Nation (Penny) - Over 10. Bandbox meet 7-12 mph winds out to Left. Penny awakes from last performance to realize its 2009 not 2007.
Quick Question: What number will be greater, Teixeira home runs or Nationals victories? Let me know what you think...its gonna be close.
Career Juice: 11-10-1
"The Pauper"
The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Trip of Enlightenment
Chapter 5
"Tahoe Baby, Tahoe"
(Narrated by Morgan Freeman)
With the fresh salt water in his hair and sporting a Pacific tan the Pauper hopped on Highway 5 and headed south. Before sampling all the best that the Cali Coast had to offer, the Pauper made a few stops along the border. And when hitting the Nevada border there's only 2 places to go, Reno and Lake Tahoe.
To the Pauper, Reno says "hey I'm not Vegas, but I'm still cool in an 80's kind of way". And let's be honest, who doesn't love the 80's. The Pauper had some choices to make. He could go buy a 7 dollar matching top and bottom track suit and go play penny slots until the sun came up. Or he could stop at a North American Mecca. A place where legends are born. That's right, The National Bowling Stadium. The place where Big Ern McCracken and the Immaculate Rose solidified a legacy as the greatest bowler of all time. So the Pauper began channeling his inner Ern and took control of the lanes. It should be no surprise that the Pauper rolled a career best 217, I mean how well do you think you would swim if you went for a few laps at the Olympic pool in Beijing?
He took this opportunity to make a rare stop with familiar faces. He vowed that this trip would be about solidarity, but decided why not indulge a little. After all he had earned it. Just over 23 days without talking to a friend can do things to do you. Just ask his imaginary friend SAK. So he made way to Lake Tahoe and called up a few old friends. They indulged in the sacred nector and the Pauper wowed them with a few details of his journey. They were shocked and chagrined but at the same time wildly entertained. He told them about the South Side of Chicago and the how deep dish pizza pales in comparison to thin crust. He told them of the massive arches in St. Louis and the cornfields in Iowa. He told them about the the Mountain Ranges of Colorado and the oddities of Muddy Gap, WY. And of course the blue Pacific ocean and the whitecaps of the waves. As he reveled in how fulfilling the trip has been so far, he came to realize that it was only halfway finished. There's still a lot to be seen and many places left to go. So that night the Pauper spent the only night of the trip in an actual bed. By the time the residents of the house had awaken the next morning the Pauper was gone. It was typical Pauper style. There's just too much to be done and not enough time to do it.
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
It's a Friday post so we will have your Theme of the Weekend as well as the Video of the Day. Steamin Willie Beamen has been hard at work on his latest piece and has stumbled upon a little case of writers block. He's been fighting through it and decided to walk away from his piece to collect his thoughts and on Friday we will deliver them to you. On the advice of our Washington D.C. Correspondent Yahtzee we are working on releasing our first podcast, but that might be a few days away, so don't hold your breath. As always we recommend you check out our friends Sexy at oursamedifference.com and Tully and Grandmaster Ralph at stereotype.fm. We've reached that point where the blog is no longer a hot new phenomenon and we are settling into our comfort level. A let down was expected based on the law of averages but WE ARE BACK. So I say this to our new readers...become a follower before it's too late. When we hit it big we will always remember our first 50, everybody does. So until next time.....Stay Sweet
Sunday, June 14, 2009
The Jeff Feagles List
I happened to stumble upon one of my all time favorite movies on late night television. Once again the genius minds behind an "all Nic Cage Weekend" were responsible for airing Good Will Hunting. At this time we would like to thank the good people at TBS for compiling two of the greatest movie on television weekends of all time. You all do terrific work at TBS and all your hard work is not for naught as we truly appreciate it. TBS...very funny.
So after that shameless attempt at scoring some TBS sponsorship I must return to the thoughts that were going through my head. Good Will Hunting is simply put one of the best movies I've ever seen. But if you were asked to name your top 5 movies of all time. chances are Good Will Hunting gets the shaft. Of course you get your standard list of movies like The Godfather, Goodfellas, Casablanca, Gone With The Wind and Citizen Kane. Blah Blah Blah. And I say that with full confidence knowing that Godfather, Goodfellas and Casablanca are in my top 10 movies of all time (which will be coming soon). So that got me thinking about a few movies that are constantly underrated. Whether they belong in the same breath as Academy Award winners for best picture, or in the same breath as "that's one of Nic Cage's finest moments on screen", we have assembled all the worthy candidates.
I have limited it to 5 of the most underrated movies of all time. Naturally when it comes to a title for the most underrated list there was only one name that came to mind. Jeff Feagles. That's right the Giants punter is the most underrated player in the NFL, and I want him to know that his effort is not unnoticed by us here at ETC. ETC. ETC.
So here's my list and I will give as good of an explanation as I can muster up. Not to mention I highly recommend you see all of these movies if you haven't already.
Top 5 Most Underrated Movies of All Time
5. The Truman Show- Jim Carrey hasn't fared well in serious roles, but this is a perfect blend of comedy and drama (I refuse to use the term dramedy). Do i prefer Carey in comedies like Dumb and Dumber and Liar Liar? Of course. Do I like answering my own questions? You bet. But I find people leave this movie off the list when talking about Carey's best movies. It's a very unique movie and it shows the range that Carey can bring to a movie.
4. Cocktail- One of Tom Cruise's finest pieces of work. It made bartending cool. And there's a chance that you haven't seen this one. Cruise was the first and last barman/poet. Sure Cruise has gone off the deep end lately but his string of hit movies from 1983 to 1996 is incredible.
3. Swingers- "You're so money baby and you don't even know it". I'm sure at some point in your life you have heard someone say that line. But did you know it was from Swingers? Maybe, Maybe not. But this movie is Vince Vaughn at his finest. If you liked him in Wedding Crashers, you will absolutely love him in Swingers. Consider his performance in this movie like his time in AAA baseball perfecting his game, before he could be sent up to the Majors and perform at a level as demanding as Crashers. Vegas baby, Vegas.
2. Catch Me If You Can-Any time Leo and Tom Hanks star in a movie together it has to be solid. But this movie continues to fly under the radar of good movies. Its incredibly entertaining, based on a true story, and its a story that amazes the mind of the viewer. It takes you on a ride like few other movies can. It also boasts a great supporting cast including Martin Sheen, Amy Adams, Christopher Walkin, and Jennifer Garner. Not to mention Steven Spielberg serves as the director. If you haven't seen this, I highly recommend you make a trip to blockbuster and get comfortable because you will love this movie.
1. Good Will Hunting- It's a crime that this movie is not mentioned in the same breath as Casablanca and Forrest Gump. If Leo DiCaprio and Johnny Depp had written and starred in this movie instead of 2 relative unknowns at the time Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, then this movie is considered one of the greatest films in movie history. With Leo in the role of Damon and Depp in the role of Affleck, not only does it win the Oscar for best original screenplay (as Affleck and Damon did) but it wins best picture and probably best actor and best supporting actor (which didn't happen for Ben and Matt). Despite that, the irrefutable claim is that this movie is one of the best ever made, but is continually overlooked. You can identify a true movie fan by asking their thoughts on this movie. If they don't say its one of their favorite movies of all time, then they don't know squat about movies, and you should end the conversation politely and immediately.
"The Pauper"
I have a few new updates from the Pauper and "The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Trip of Enlightenment" has its next chapter. I encourage you to check the archives if you are unfamiliar with this epic, masterpiece adventure. To enhance your reading experience we ask that you imagine Morgan Freeman as the narrator of this tale.
June 8, 2009 7:57 PM : Lincoln City, OR. Finally reached Pacific
Chapter 4 "The Gold Coast"
As it turned out, John Denver was not full of shit. The Rocky Mountains were pretty damn rocky. Even in the hottest dog days of summer, the majestic peaks were capped in snow. The Pauper decided that there would be no greater location to spend a night then the awe inspiring wilderness of the Rocky Mountains. Although there were many more reasons why the Pauper should have been nervous about staying there, it ended up being the most peaceful night sleep of the trip to date. As always his travel companion and imaginary friend SAK was right there with him. Instead of trying to drive through the vast mountain range, he went around it. He figured he had plenty of time to waste, so why bother with the tough terrain.
The Pacific was now within a days drive. A once seemingly impossible goal was within reach. The sense of accomplishment had never been as high as it was at that moment. The Pauper was a living example of why we fight through adversity and put ourselves through miserable situations. I can only imagine what the Pauper as thinking at the moment he pulled up to the coast line of Lincoln City, OR. He had seen the ocean hundreds of times in his life, but for the first few minutes he spent staring at the Pacific, he felt like he'd never seen water so blue. Some people thought the Pauper was crazy for taking a trip like this, maybe even the Pauper himself thought the same thing. But this moment was the justification for it all.
He sat on the hood of his car at looked west. With no more land to conquer in that direction, he was a satisfied man. He didn't even have a conscious thought pass through his mind, instead he just stared in awe. He had hoped the Pacific was as blue as it was in his dreams and he was not disappointed. But he knew his journey was not finished. It was off to Cali, the place where dreams come true. Like a true Pacific beach bum the Pauper spent the night parked at the beach. With the ocean waves crashing on the sand, a more satisfying environment there could not be. California here we come.
-Coming Soon: Chapter 5 "Tahoe"-
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
You can't force the words and I haven't got much else for today. A full sports recap and a few pieces from our loyal contributors. Shout out to Paulie Walnuts, the Iceberg and MP4 for spreading the blog around Yankee Stadium this weekend, and our friends at stereotype.fm for helping them out with putting ETC. ETC. ETC. on the permanent favorite page of the Diamond Club. So until Wednesday....Stay Sweet
So after that shameless attempt at scoring some TBS sponsorship I must return to the thoughts that were going through my head. Good Will Hunting is simply put one of the best movies I've ever seen. But if you were asked to name your top 5 movies of all time. chances are Good Will Hunting gets the shaft. Of course you get your standard list of movies like The Godfather, Goodfellas, Casablanca, Gone With The Wind and Citizen Kane. Blah Blah Blah. And I say that with full confidence knowing that Godfather, Goodfellas and Casablanca are in my top 10 movies of all time (which will be coming soon). So that got me thinking about a few movies that are constantly underrated. Whether they belong in the same breath as Academy Award winners for best picture, or in the same breath as "that's one of Nic Cage's finest moments on screen", we have assembled all the worthy candidates.
I have limited it to 5 of the most underrated movies of all time. Naturally when it comes to a title for the most underrated list there was only one name that came to mind. Jeff Feagles. That's right the Giants punter is the most underrated player in the NFL, and I want him to know that his effort is not unnoticed by us here at ETC. ETC. ETC.
So here's my list and I will give as good of an explanation as I can muster up. Not to mention I highly recommend you see all of these movies if you haven't already.
Top 5 Most Underrated Movies of All Time
5. The Truman Show- Jim Carrey hasn't fared well in serious roles, but this is a perfect blend of comedy and drama (I refuse to use the term dramedy). Do i prefer Carey in comedies like Dumb and Dumber and Liar Liar? Of course. Do I like answering my own questions? You bet. But I find people leave this movie off the list when talking about Carey's best movies. It's a very unique movie and it shows the range that Carey can bring to a movie.
4. Cocktail- One of Tom Cruise's finest pieces of work. It made bartending cool. And there's a chance that you haven't seen this one. Cruise was the first and last barman/poet. Sure Cruise has gone off the deep end lately but his string of hit movies from 1983 to 1996 is incredible.
3. Swingers- "You're so money baby and you don't even know it". I'm sure at some point in your life you have heard someone say that line. But did you know it was from Swingers? Maybe, Maybe not. But this movie is Vince Vaughn at his finest. If you liked him in Wedding Crashers, you will absolutely love him in Swingers. Consider his performance in this movie like his time in AAA baseball perfecting his game, before he could be sent up to the Majors and perform at a level as demanding as Crashers. Vegas baby, Vegas.
2. Catch Me If You Can-Any time Leo and Tom Hanks star in a movie together it has to be solid. But this movie continues to fly under the radar of good movies. Its incredibly entertaining, based on a true story, and its a story that amazes the mind of the viewer. It takes you on a ride like few other movies can. It also boasts a great supporting cast including Martin Sheen, Amy Adams, Christopher Walkin, and Jennifer Garner. Not to mention Steven Spielberg serves as the director. If you haven't seen this, I highly recommend you make a trip to blockbuster and get comfortable because you will love this movie.
1. Good Will Hunting- It's a crime that this movie is not mentioned in the same breath as Casablanca and Forrest Gump. If Leo DiCaprio and Johnny Depp had written and starred in this movie instead of 2 relative unknowns at the time Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, then this movie is considered one of the greatest films in movie history. With Leo in the role of Damon and Depp in the role of Affleck, not only does it win the Oscar for best original screenplay (as Affleck and Damon did) but it wins best picture and probably best actor and best supporting actor (which didn't happen for Ben and Matt). Despite that, the irrefutable claim is that this movie is one of the best ever made, but is continually overlooked. You can identify a true movie fan by asking their thoughts on this movie. If they don't say its one of their favorite movies of all time, then they don't know squat about movies, and you should end the conversation politely and immediately.
"The Pauper"
I have a few new updates from the Pauper and "The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Trip of Enlightenment" has its next chapter. I encourage you to check the archives if you are unfamiliar with this epic, masterpiece adventure. To enhance your reading experience we ask that you imagine Morgan Freeman as the narrator of this tale.
June 8, 2009 7:57 PM : Lincoln City, OR. Finally reached Pacific
Chapter 4 "The Gold Coast"
As it turned out, John Denver was not full of shit. The Rocky Mountains were pretty damn rocky. Even in the hottest dog days of summer, the majestic peaks were capped in snow. The Pauper decided that there would be no greater location to spend a night then the awe inspiring wilderness of the Rocky Mountains. Although there were many more reasons why the Pauper should have been nervous about staying there, it ended up being the most peaceful night sleep of the trip to date. As always his travel companion and imaginary friend SAK was right there with him. Instead of trying to drive through the vast mountain range, he went around it. He figured he had plenty of time to waste, so why bother with the tough terrain.
The Pacific was now within a days drive. A once seemingly impossible goal was within reach. The sense of accomplishment had never been as high as it was at that moment. The Pauper was a living example of why we fight through adversity and put ourselves through miserable situations. I can only imagine what the Pauper as thinking at the moment he pulled up to the coast line of Lincoln City, OR. He had seen the ocean hundreds of times in his life, but for the first few minutes he spent staring at the Pacific, he felt like he'd never seen water so blue. Some people thought the Pauper was crazy for taking a trip like this, maybe even the Pauper himself thought the same thing. But this moment was the justification for it all.
He sat on the hood of his car at looked west. With no more land to conquer in that direction, he was a satisfied man. He didn't even have a conscious thought pass through his mind, instead he just stared in awe. He had hoped the Pacific was as blue as it was in his dreams and he was not disappointed. But he knew his journey was not finished. It was off to Cali, the place where dreams come true. Like a true Pacific beach bum the Pauper spent the night parked at the beach. With the ocean waves crashing on the sand, a more satisfying environment there could not be. California here we come.
-Coming Soon: Chapter 5 "Tahoe"-
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
You can't force the words and I haven't got much else for today. A full sports recap and a few pieces from our loyal contributors. Shout out to Paulie Walnuts, the Iceberg and MP4 for spreading the blog around Yankee Stadium this weekend, and our friends at stereotype.fm for helping them out with putting ETC. ETC. ETC. on the permanent favorite page of the Diamond Club. So until Wednesday....Stay Sweet
Friday, June 12, 2009
To Catch A Pauper
Greetings readers, greetings and salutations. May I begin by wishing everyone a happy Friday and a happy Friday means a happy blog post. As promised today we deliver you the next chapter of "The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Trip of Enlightenment". But before we do that, we will conclude our 4 part summer movie preview and we have a new twist for you. One of our dedicated readers, Paulie Walnuts (yes the same Paulie Walnuts who is responsible for creating a radio jingle for ETC. ETC. ETC.) sent me an email that I had to share with you all. Here's some thoughts that Paulie had on improving the Cage Rating System (Trademark pending).....
"The Pauper"
June 1 2009 8:30 PM : Independence Rock, near Muddy Gap, WY
It's funny how a person will act when they are all alone. With nothing to contemplate but their own thoughts. I can't imagine a road trip of that length with no one to talk to. So much like Wilson from Castaway, a figure has emerged as a traveling companion. These things cant be forced instead they are born out of extreme circumstance. The Pauper brought along a Swiss army knife for its versatility and protection and on the first night alone the Pauper opened up the blade just in case. He felt secure, safe and at the same time vulnerable. Not vulnerable to the strange surroundings, but vulnerable to the feelings that he shared with knife. The shiny, sharp creature put the Pauper's mind at ease. On the road of the unknown a familiar and friendly sight is more than just an object. Pretty soon the Pauper was making sure that SAK (Swiss Army Knife)was wearing his seatbelt and occasionally sharing his thoughts with him. Sure it sounds crazy to you and me, but you and me aren't braving the awesome dangers of the open road of Anytown U.S.A
When previewing/reviewing a movie, how about showing your Cage Rating visually rather than just writing "2.5 Cages out of 5." Now, I can offer this suggestion as a means of making the rating system appear more professional and aesthetically pleasing. However, if I tried to pretend that was the only reason I'd like to see some Cage faces on the ETC, then I'd be a liar, and you would see right through my false intentions. You and I both know that the majority of my reasoning for offering this advice is because I (and you, and everybody else on Team Cage Bombs, let alone the rest of the Cage Loving world)would love to get a thrice-weekly dosage of Cage.
Paulie even went so far as to find a stunning pic of Nic that draws up such a wide range of emotions that it is hard to put them into words. Here's how Paulie describes the picture, "When I look at it, I am at the same time disgusted, horrified, entertained and delighted".
So ladies and gentleman it is my great pleasure to unveil the visually aesthetic Cage Rating
system. Today we give you the final installment of our summer movie preview by examining Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince and Bruno. I hope you all feel the same about this new and improved system as Paulie Walnuts and myself do.
Harry Potter 6-(July 15) A little know fact about me is that I am a big Harry Potter fan. You can say what you want about that, but the books are fantastic reads. Besides the 7th and final book, I find this to be the most entertaining. The 7th book is as perfect of an adventure book as you will find. But this book is a change from the earlier editions that were more light and fun kids reads. In this movie we find out more about Voldemort as we get to look at how he became the great and infamous dark wizard. It looks more chilling and intense then the other movies. I try to not see these movies on the opening weekend because its always sold out and there are without a doubt people who wear some kind wizard apparel and I do not condone dressing up for a movie under any circumstance. Yet I have been looking forward to this movie since it was backed up from its original release date of November 24th of last year. It's not a question of will it be successful, but rather will it be the top earning movie of the year. We will check with MP4 on the over under odds with Transformers or Potter but my money is on Potter.
Bruno (June 17)- The latest character movie from Sasha Baron Cohen. After the unheard of success of Borat, it was inevitable that Cohen would be back with another one of his characters from Da Ali G Show. Its sure to have gross out gags and ridiculous quotes from unsuspecting targets. Of the three characters that Cohen does, Ali G, Borat and Bruno, I find Bruno to be the least funny. This is going to be funny, and there's no denying Cohen's genius. To be able to stay in character to such extremes and so brilliantly point out the flaws and biases of Americans is simple amazing. I read that he, in character as Bruno, was selected as a juror for an actual trial. It wasn't until 4 days into the trial that they realized he was an actor and it resulted in a mistrial. That's dedication (and probably some kind of crime too). You should know what to expect when going to see it, but I'm going to pass on this one at the theaters. I didn't go see Borat at theaters and I wont see this one in theaters either. But its sure to be on my blockbuster queue. Sorry Bruno.
"The Pauper"
The Pauper is now almost 3 weeks into his cross country trip and I have decided to chronicle this with fabrications of the truth. I asked the Pauper to send me a text message every once in a while with his location and I will fill in the details. Morgan Freeman has signed on to do the narration of the book on tape, and if this book gets optioned for a movie by a Hollywood so-in-so then we will write in a character for him to play and he will narrate that as well. So as you read, imagine the silky smooth tones of Morgan Freeman and enjoy.
"The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Trip of Enlightenment"
Chapter 3: The Great Unknown
June 1 2009 8:30 PM : Independence Rock, near Muddy Gap, WY
As easy as it is for a person to close their eyes and imagine the St. Louis arch, it was even easier for the Pauper. As he laid eyes upon the great monument he had a choice to make. This landmark was not only visually and mentally stimulating but it representing the point of no return. The Gateway to the West was a bridge to unknown territory. For all he knew, he was crossing over into another galaxy. If things were not going as smoothly as planned, this was the time to turn it around. Could you blame a guy for wanting a nice hot shower or comfortable bed? But this modern day John Wayne knew what he had to. He put the Jeep into gear and headed west.
It's funny how a person will act when they are all alone. With nothing to contemplate but their own thoughts. I can't imagine a road trip of that length with no one to talk to. So much like Wilson from Castaway, a figure has emerged as a traveling companion. These things cant be forced instead they are born out of extreme circumstance. The Pauper brought along a Swiss army knife for its versatility and protection and on the first night alone the Pauper opened up the blade just in case. He felt secure, safe and at the same time vulnerable. Not vulnerable to the strange surroundings, but vulnerable to the feelings that he shared with knife. The shiny, sharp creature put the Pauper's mind at ease. On the road of the unknown a familiar and friendly sight is more than just an object. Pretty soon the Pauper was making sure that SAK (Swiss Army Knife)was wearing his seatbelt and occasionally sharing his thoughts with him. Sure it sounds crazy to you and me, but you and me aren't braving the awesome dangers of the open road of Anytown U.S.A
Pretty soon the Rocky Mountains were within sight. Sure they can be seen from space, but the Pauper's real motivation was to see if John Denver was in fact full of shit. He decided not to go to the popular tourist spots of Aspen or Denver, but rather Muddy Gap, Wyoming. Only a mind as diverse and well rounded as the Pauper's would know that there is an Independence Rock near the Muddy Gap. I don't think anyone can reasonably explain why a random mountain range in Wyoming has a rock to celebrate the Independence but who am I to ask why? Perhaps their goal is to one day be mentioned in the same breath as the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia, but whatever the explanation the Pauper was satisfied. After taking in as much as he could, it was back in the car. With SAK safely tucked into the passenger seat, they continued West. The road ahead has many question marks for the Pauper. But that's just fine for him. The answers lay just past the next turn on the road.
"A Second from Seinfeld"
I should need no reason to incorporate Seinfeld quotations into this blog. So late last night as I was perusing the television I stumbled upon one of my favorite episodes "The Marine Biologist". It reminded me of a few weekends ago when a close friend of mine pretended to be a Professor of Marine Biology at a bar in which 2 lovely ladies were so enthralled with his tales that even I was a believer. It was a truly special performance. So here's a memorable quote from that episode.
George: So I started walking into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified! But I pressed on and as I made my way passed the breakers a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things but I tell you Jerry at that moment I was a marine biologist! The sea was angry that day my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli. I got about fifty-feet out and then suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell ya he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence he gave out a big bellow. I said, "Easy big fella!" And then as I watched him struggling I realized something was obstructing his breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish.
Jerry: Mammal
George: Whatever. Then from out of nowhere a huge title wave lifted me, tossed me like a cork and I found myself on top of him face to face with the blow-hole. I could barely see from all of the waves crashing down on top of me but I knew something was there so I reached my hand and pulled out the obstruction! (pulls out a golf ball)
Kramer: What is that a Titleist? A hole in one, eh.
"Theme of the Weekend"
Courtesy of our Washington D.C. correspondent Yahtzee. For anyone thinking of moving to Arlington, VA, please watch this first. Epic.
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
We will have the next installment of "The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Tale of Enlightenment". I've gotten 2 more text message updates from the Pauper including his first glimpse of the Pacific. We will check in with Pasquale and MP4 for their latest pieces, and hopefully a review of one of the movies I have previewed so we can incorporate the new and improved Nic Cage Rating System. And you can expect a general level of awesomeness that has become the standard here at ETC. ETC. ETC. So until Monday....Stay Sweet.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
You Need Me On That Wall
Ladies and Gents, Boys and Girls, its a pleasure to have you all back again for another edition of ETC. ETC. ETC. We only ask that if you enjoy our blog and choose to read it from time to time that you become a "follower" of the blog. Google is taking stock of its top blogs and the one that has the fastest growing followers will be credited with free advertising and increased traffic. Second place receives a set of steak knives. So if you enjoy the blog, or simply like to hate it, we ask that you sign up as a "follower". It's very simple and you can do it on the right hand side of this column. Like someone on your fantasy baseball league, we hope to be one of the most added blogs on Google.
On Friday I gave Land of the Lost 2 Cages out of 5. If anything, I think that I should be given credit for inventing a fresh and amazing new system for judging movies. I mean stars are so overplayed its not even funny. I dare Peter Hammond or Peter Travers to create something as hip and culturally relevant as a Cage system. As always, I can't take complete credit for this system. For just as I am nothing without my contributors, my contributors are nothing without me. And this system was suggested by our one and only MP4. Say what you will about his track record, the man simply knows what he is talking about. So thank you MP4 for suggesting such an innovative way to judge movies. Little did MP4 know that many of our viewers will only watch Nic Cage movies, so my goal here is to bring those readers to realize the wonders and amazing feats of movies with other actors.
With that said, I did promise a review of one of the movies that I have previewed so far. If your not keeping track at home I have previewed 5 movies, The Hangover, Land of the Lost, Taking of Pelham 123, Year One and Public Enemies. So I assembled the news team and headed to the theaters. I went with every intention of seeing The Hangover but it was sold out, as evidenced by its unexpected $44.9 million debut weekend. So instead I had to settle for Land of the Lost, a film that I described as "I'm wary to see it in theaters, but probably will anyway. I don't think Kenny Powers and Ron Burgundy will disappoint enough to make it a stinker". Well after seeing it, my assessment is spot on. It's definitely funny, and has plenty of moments to validate it. But it's not a must see by any means. The funniest moment comes when Ferrell and McBride "trip" on a wildlife flower that the monkey recommends they drink. If your a fan of either McBride (Kenny Powers) or Ferrell its worth a Netflix or Blockbuster queue. But its not a must see at the theaters. I stand by my rating of 2 Cages out of 5.
That takes us to part 3 of the summer movie preview. On today's slate of flicks I will exam Funny People, Transformers 2 and G.I. Joe. We've also got a piece from Yahtzee, MP4 has today's round of picks and we got a new "Play to Win the Game".
Funny People (July 31)- The Apatow comedy crew has produced some insane, off the charts funny hits like 40 Year Old Virgin and Superbad. But this is only the 3rd movie in which Apatow is the director (Virgin and Knocked Up were the other 2). This looks different than any movie I've come across. It's at the same time funny and uncomfortably real. Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen star as comedians who become close friends when one is diagnosed with a life threatening disease. I read that both Sandler and Rogen performed live standup for the movie, and the standup scenes in the movie are unscripted and in front of an actual audience. So if they don't laugh at a joke, it's not because that's how Apatow wanted the audience to react, its because it actually bombed in real life. There's also old footage of Sandler as a young comedian that were pulled from real performances he gave nearly 20 years ago when he and Apatow were roommates trying to become famous. The trailer is a little long, and seemingly reveals most of the story, but its definitely a movie I want to see. If your expecting another Superbad your going to be let down. But I think it will be very good. 4 Cages out of 5
G.I. Joe (August 7)- We all remember the days when the G.I. Joe action figure was the coolest. Back in the late 80's, having a G.I. Joe was like driving a Mercedes, it projected status. So now that the movie is coming out I have torn feelings. We've all seen the overwhelming success of other comic book/action figures like Spiderman, Iron Man, Batman and Transformers. But having seen the trailer, I am still undecided. And actually I don't even know what the movie is about, even having seen the trailer. I think it has potential like the way Ironman came out of no where to be a hit. I didn't think I would like Ironman so I waited until it came out on Blu-ray. Which is what I think I will do with this one. Unless it has a huge opening weekend and a few trusted sources think it is worth seeing. 1 and a half Cages, but I hope I'm wrong on this one.
Transformers 2 (June 24)- Simply put, Megan Fox. This movie is going to be bigger, louder and hopefully better than the first one. And there's guaranteed to have more Megan Fox in tight clothes and running. There's no doubt this is going to be a huge blockbuster, the only question is will this be the highest earning film of the summer. Currently Star Trek is in the lead with $224 million. It's either Transformers or Harry Potter that will take the crown. Megan Fox. I might even see this one in IMAX. Megan Fox. 5 Cages out of 5.
"You Play to Win the Game"
Game 7. It's the best phrase a sports fan can hear. And we have one, as the Penguins staffed off elimination and sent the series back to Detroit. I can only hope that this is a close and exciting game and comes down to the last period. If it does, I recommend you find an HD TV, crank up the volume and let the announcers take you on a wild wild ride. I can't pretend like I'm a huge hockey fan, or that I have been paying close attention to this series, but it's game 7 and a true sports fan should appreciate that.
In the NBA, the Magic were able to win game 3 on their home court in a must win game. If they went down 3-0 the series would have been over. And the crazy thing about this series is, if Courtney Lee had made the last second layup in game 2, all of a sudden the Magic are leading 2-1 and have the edge with homecourt and it's a whole different series. But that didn't happen and at the very least game 4 has some juice to it. If the Magic can win this game then the pressure goes onto the Lakers. Most people were expecting a sweep, so the fact that the Magic even won a game is saying something. And now they can actually make it a series with a win tomorrow night.
As for the much anticipated MLB games, things worked out pretty much the way I expected them to. The Red Sox, behind a dominant performance by Josh Beckett, continued their hotstreak against the Yanks by winning 7-0 and pulling even with the Yanks for first in the East. What is more surprising actually, is that David Ortiz has a hit in 7 straight games and even hit a homerun last night. I don't want to jinx anything here, so I'm just gonna leave that alone.
The Mets beat the Phillies, but in a more unnerving fashion then Met fans would have liked. Santana was not his dominant self, but was still good enough to get the win, and he even contributed with the bat, knocking a clutch rbi double that tied the game. Interestingly enough, Santana squared to bunt, because he was given the sign for a sacrifice bunt, but pulled it back and laced a double. Way to stick it to the man Johan. The move worked out great, and I can only wonder what the manager was thinking. Do you think he was pissed because his star player ignored the call, or was he pleased that things worked out so well. I don't know Jerry Manuel, but I think he was probably pissed at first, but let it slide because it worked out.
"Pulse of the Nation"
It's been a few days since we have checked in with our correspondent on Capital Hill Yahtzee. I want to let you all know that he sent me this piece just after the deadline on Monday. So I asked him to edit the piece retroactive to Wednesday's post. And as a bitter/struggling/nearly extinct fan of the Washington Nationals its very exciting time for them.
Here are the 5 reasons that make me say, "WTF is going on? Are we in the Twilight Zone?"
5. Albert Pujols has more than 3x the number of errors than Ryan Howard through 50 games.
4. There’s still talk of Brett Favre returning to wear purple. Hasn’t anyone figured out he doesn’t have it anymore? Now get Rachel Nichols out of Hattiesburg, MS and don’t send her back.
3. J.J. Redick is actually playing in the NBA finals. No, not the WNBA – the NBA finals. Redick is so slow, Andre Smith stays on him coming around screens – and we all saw how fast he runs the 40.
2. Costa Rica 3 – 1 USA – (World Cup Qualifying) – Thank god we scored off a penalty kick in the 90th minute or a country 1% of our population would’ve made us their bitch.
1. There was talk that the Washington Nationals would not select Stephen Strasburg with the #1 pick in Tuesday’s draft.
BS, I say - here's how it will play out after the Nationals take him (according to Jerry Crasnick): “Some things are sure to happen in July or August. Look for Strasburg to be characterized as greedy or a Boras "puppet" by Nationals fans and veteran players in major league clubhouses. Expect the Nationals to claim, at some point, that Boras has failed to convey an offer they made to Strasburg. And rest assured that Boras will be outraged eventually over some misstep by the team in negotiations.”
- Pulse of the Nation
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
(editors note: As you all know I do not censor. My contributors are awarded the first amendment. Therefore "Masshole Nation" has been left in this piece. I do not condone this term, especially since I am a "Masshole" by birth. Go Sox)
Puljos, HanRam, ARod, MP4
What do these men all have in common? An off night. Last night these four men were a combined 0-14. I guess that's why they play the games. So Close to a 3-0 week, yet so far. Have no fear faithful degenerates, we WILL get it back.
Royals (Meche) @ Tribe (American Idle Pavano) - Under 9 - Who would have thought? Pavano is sporting a 2.15 ERA over his last four starts and a 3.00 ERA over his last eight, while Meche has four starts in a row in which he has surrendered two runs or less. Add into the mix ailing offenses....and LOCK IT UP.
Yanks (Ching Ming) @ Masshole Nation (Wakefield) - Over 11 - Two words: Bombs Away! Aaron Boone sold separately.
El Tigres (Verlander) -140 @ South Side (Danks) - Lets keep the 2007 train rolling. The numbers say no, MP4 says yes.
Career Juice 10-9-1
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
I know I promised you 2 chapters of the Pauper's journey, but the creative juices weren't flowing as well as I needed to write a solid piece. I did not want to cheat both the readers or the Pauper himself, for they deserve my finest abilities. Don't worry I will throw in Shawshank Redemption and hope that Morgan Freeman's voice will guide me to the promised land. So until next time....Stay Sweet
On Friday I gave Land of the Lost 2 Cages out of 5. If anything, I think that I should be given credit for inventing a fresh and amazing new system for judging movies. I mean stars are so overplayed its not even funny. I dare Peter Hammond or Peter Travers to create something as hip and culturally relevant as a Cage system. As always, I can't take complete credit for this system. For just as I am nothing without my contributors, my contributors are nothing without me. And this system was suggested by our one and only MP4. Say what you will about his track record, the man simply knows what he is talking about. So thank you MP4 for suggesting such an innovative way to judge movies. Little did MP4 know that many of our viewers will only watch Nic Cage movies, so my goal here is to bring those readers to realize the wonders and amazing feats of movies with other actors.
With that said, I did promise a review of one of the movies that I have previewed so far. If your not keeping track at home I have previewed 5 movies, The Hangover, Land of the Lost, Taking of Pelham 123, Year One and Public Enemies. So I assembled the news team and headed to the theaters. I went with every intention of seeing The Hangover but it was sold out, as evidenced by its unexpected $44.9 million debut weekend. So instead I had to settle for Land of the Lost, a film that I described as "I'm wary to see it in theaters, but probably will anyway. I don't think Kenny Powers and Ron Burgundy will disappoint enough to make it a stinker". Well after seeing it, my assessment is spot on. It's definitely funny, and has plenty of moments to validate it. But it's not a must see by any means. The funniest moment comes when Ferrell and McBride "trip" on a wildlife flower that the monkey recommends they drink. If your a fan of either McBride (Kenny Powers) or Ferrell its worth a Netflix or Blockbuster queue. But its not a must see at the theaters. I stand by my rating of 2 Cages out of 5.
That takes us to part 3 of the summer movie preview. On today's slate of flicks I will exam Funny People, Transformers 2 and G.I. Joe. We've also got a piece from Yahtzee, MP4 has today's round of picks and we got a new "Play to Win the Game".
Funny People (July 31)- The Apatow comedy crew has produced some insane, off the charts funny hits like 40 Year Old Virgin and Superbad. But this is only the 3rd movie in which Apatow is the director (Virgin and Knocked Up were the other 2). This looks different than any movie I've come across. It's at the same time funny and uncomfortably real. Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen star as comedians who become close friends when one is diagnosed with a life threatening disease. I read that both Sandler and Rogen performed live standup for the movie, and the standup scenes in the movie are unscripted and in front of an actual audience. So if they don't laugh at a joke, it's not because that's how Apatow wanted the audience to react, its because it actually bombed in real life. There's also old footage of Sandler as a young comedian that were pulled from real performances he gave nearly 20 years ago when he and Apatow were roommates trying to become famous. The trailer is a little long, and seemingly reveals most of the story, but its definitely a movie I want to see. If your expecting another Superbad your going to be let down. But I think it will be very good. 4 Cages out of 5
G.I. Joe (August 7)- We all remember the days when the G.I. Joe action figure was the coolest. Back in the late 80's, having a G.I. Joe was like driving a Mercedes, it projected status. So now that the movie is coming out I have torn feelings. We've all seen the overwhelming success of other comic book/action figures like Spiderman, Iron Man, Batman and Transformers. But having seen the trailer, I am still undecided. And actually I don't even know what the movie is about, even having seen the trailer. I think it has potential like the way Ironman came out of no where to be a hit. I didn't think I would like Ironman so I waited until it came out on Blu-ray. Which is what I think I will do with this one. Unless it has a huge opening weekend and a few trusted sources think it is worth seeing. 1 and a half Cages, but I hope I'm wrong on this one.
Transformers 2 (June 24)- Simply put, Megan Fox. This movie is going to be bigger, louder and hopefully better than the first one. And there's guaranteed to have more Megan Fox in tight clothes and running. There's no doubt this is going to be a huge blockbuster, the only question is will this be the highest earning film of the summer. Currently Star Trek is in the lead with $224 million. It's either Transformers or Harry Potter that will take the crown. Megan Fox. I might even see this one in IMAX. Megan Fox. 5 Cages out of 5.
"You Play to Win the Game"
Game 7. It's the best phrase a sports fan can hear. And we have one, as the Penguins staffed off elimination and sent the series back to Detroit. I can only hope that this is a close and exciting game and comes down to the last period. If it does, I recommend you find an HD TV, crank up the volume and let the announcers take you on a wild wild ride. I can't pretend like I'm a huge hockey fan, or that I have been paying close attention to this series, but it's game 7 and a true sports fan should appreciate that.
In the NBA, the Magic were able to win game 3 on their home court in a must win game. If they went down 3-0 the series would have been over. And the crazy thing about this series is, if Courtney Lee had made the last second layup in game 2, all of a sudden the Magic are leading 2-1 and have the edge with homecourt and it's a whole different series. But that didn't happen and at the very least game 4 has some juice to it. If the Magic can win this game then the pressure goes onto the Lakers. Most people were expecting a sweep, so the fact that the Magic even won a game is saying something. And now they can actually make it a series with a win tomorrow night.
As for the much anticipated MLB games, things worked out pretty much the way I expected them to. The Red Sox, behind a dominant performance by Josh Beckett, continued their hotstreak against the Yanks by winning 7-0 and pulling even with the Yanks for first in the East. What is more surprising actually, is that David Ortiz has a hit in 7 straight games and even hit a homerun last night. I don't want to jinx anything here, so I'm just gonna leave that alone.
The Mets beat the Phillies, but in a more unnerving fashion then Met fans would have liked. Santana was not his dominant self, but was still good enough to get the win, and he even contributed with the bat, knocking a clutch rbi double that tied the game. Interestingly enough, Santana squared to bunt, because he was given the sign for a sacrifice bunt, but pulled it back and laced a double. Way to stick it to the man Johan. The move worked out great, and I can only wonder what the manager was thinking. Do you think he was pissed because his star player ignored the call, or was he pleased that things worked out so well. I don't know Jerry Manuel, but I think he was probably pissed at first, but let it slide because it worked out.
"Pulse of the Nation"
It's been a few days since we have checked in with our correspondent on Capital Hill Yahtzee. I want to let you all know that he sent me this piece just after the deadline on Monday. So I asked him to edit the piece retroactive to Wednesday's post. And as a bitter/struggling/nearly extinct fan of the Washington Nationals its very exciting time for them.
Here are the 5 reasons that make me say, "WTF is going on? Are we in the Twilight Zone?"
5. Albert Pujols has more than 3x the number of errors than Ryan Howard through 50 games.
4. There’s still talk of Brett Favre returning to wear purple. Hasn’t anyone figured out he doesn’t have it anymore? Now get Rachel Nichols out of Hattiesburg, MS and don’t send her back.
3. J.J. Redick is actually playing in the NBA finals. No, not the WNBA – the NBA finals. Redick is so slow, Andre Smith stays on him coming around screens – and we all saw how fast he runs the 40.
2. Costa Rica 3 – 1 USA – (World Cup Qualifying) – Thank god we scored off a penalty kick in the 90th minute or a country 1% of our population would’ve made us their bitch.
1. There was talk that the Washington Nationals would not select Stephen Strasburg with the #1 pick in Tuesday’s draft.
BS, I say - here's how it will play out after the Nationals take him (according to Jerry Crasnick): “Some things are sure to happen in July or August. Look for Strasburg to be characterized as greedy or a Boras "puppet" by Nationals fans and veteran players in major league clubhouses. Expect the Nationals to claim, at some point, that Boras has failed to convey an offer they made to Strasburg. And rest assured that Boras will be outraged eventually over some misstep by the team in negotiations.”
- Pulse of the Nation
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
(editors note: As you all know I do not censor. My contributors are awarded the first amendment. Therefore "Masshole Nation" has been left in this piece. I do not condone this term, especially since I am a "Masshole" by birth. Go Sox)
Puljos, HanRam, ARod, MP4
What do these men all have in common? An off night. Last night these four men were a combined 0-14. I guess that's why they play the games. So Close to a 3-0 week, yet so far. Have no fear faithful degenerates, we WILL get it back.
Royals (Meche) @ Tribe (American Idle Pavano) - Under 9 - Who would have thought? Pavano is sporting a 2.15 ERA over his last four starts and a 3.00 ERA over his last eight, while Meche has four starts in a row in which he has surrendered two runs or less. Add into the mix ailing offenses....and LOCK IT UP.
Yanks (Ching Ming) @ Masshole Nation (Wakefield) - Over 11 - Two words: Bombs Away! Aaron Boone sold separately.
El Tigres (Verlander) -140 @ South Side (Danks) - Lets keep the 2007 train rolling. The numbers say no, MP4 says yes.
Career Juice 10-9-1
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
I know I promised you 2 chapters of the Pauper's journey, but the creative juices weren't flowing as well as I needed to write a solid piece. I did not want to cheat both the readers or the Pauper himself, for they deserve my finest abilities. Don't worry I will throw in Shawshank Redemption and hope that Morgan Freeman's voice will guide me to the promised land. So until next time....Stay Sweet
Monday, June 8, 2009
A Nic Cage Weekend
I hope everyone enjoyed their Nic Cage weekend. In case you missed it, TBS aired Con Air, Gone in 60 Seconds and The Rock in consecutive days this weekend. For a few of my readers, this is fantasy come true, a TV movie nirvana where only Nic Cage movies are shown. What an omen considering Friday was they day I unveiled my Nic Cage system for rating movies.
As expected the thoughts and opinions on this blog have drawn some criticism and skeptics. Not everyone agrees with the thoughts our of contributors, and this was the case on Friday. I received a comment blasting the Fab 5 and music reviews. Let me say this....it's the burden we must bare, the cross that we must carry. We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day! Ok so I got a little carried away. But July 4th is not far away, and I thought some insight from Bill Pullman can only help our cause.
Now you might be wondering, "what should I expect from Monday's blog?" If I had to give you a general direction of this post I will give you an actual comment made by one of contributors. We were talking about a trivia website when we were blessed with this statement....
Dicky: the other day they had a game where you had to name all the women in the Mambo # 5 song in less than 2 minutes. I did it with 1:18 left to spare.
So now that we have Lou Bega on our minds, let get right into the action. I am going to preview 2 more movies Public Enemies and Year One. Its a big sports week so we will dedicate a new section to cover all the action. We have part 2 of Steamin Beamen's music review. And a fresh round of picks from MP4.
Year One- (June 19)Jack Black and Michael Cera star as buddies in the Year One. It's being marketed as the first road trip. My beef with this is all the cross promotions that the NBA is doing with this film. And despite what you may have heard about Cera off screen (that he is a whiny, complainy bitch) he is very funny. Jack Black movies have been hit or miss, but he's coming off a very good performance in Tropic Thunder and I think he will be good in this as well. It's not my most anticipated comedy of the summer, but I do think its worth a view. 2 and a half Cages out of 5.
Public Enemies-(July 1) Johnny Depp can carry a movie by himself. So team him with director Michael Mann and Christian Bale and you've got the ingredients for a potentially great movie. This is based on the real life bank robber John Dillinger (Depp) as he avoids the cops (Bale). Here's the trailer. It's worth checking out if you haven't seen it yet. 4. and a half Cages out of 5.
"Steamin Willie Beamen"
Due to the length of Friday's blog I had to cut Steamin's music review into two parts. The good part of that is he is being charged half billing, so I got that going for me, which is nice.
Old and Cold
Jamie Foxx – Intuition
Blame it on the club cluuuu cluuuu clubbbbbbbb. I love Jamie Foxx and this album is in no way new but seeing as he is one of my favorite artists and I wanted to give a quick shoot out to my man Andy “F.A.Tandy” Lehatto would have wanted to see this in my playlist. If clubs did not exist you never would have heard so much of this album. It is the latest attempt by who I consider the most versatile comedian ever. I loved his stand up. I liked his movies. I hate his music. I mean Foxx can bring it on the screen and he sure can bring it on the stage but in the booth it is a bad R&B album with a bunch of good cameos. Buy the singles and be done with this album. I love you Tandy Man.
Best Songs
Blame It
Plug, Plug, Plug,
Monsoon – The Bridge Mix Tape
Wednesday night I attended the CD release party for my cousin. I am going to try and get some more info on the availability of the music but if you run into it check it out. He has good flow and some nice beats. It is a work in progress but something that finds its way onto my recently played at least one time a week. I also had the opportunity to use this event to reconnect with an old warrior from the PTL, Nik Caner-Medley. Nik made an appearance at The Garage at 52 Curtis. Also known as Hurricane Alley. Nik shared some old war stories of battling in the ACC and what it was like oversees. Many of you may remember him slicing up the ACC others may have already got tickets to watch him play with Blake Griffin this summer. Either way he is doing well and is ready to take the states by storm now that he is back in town.
The CD You NEED to Buy but Have NEVER Heard Of
The Easy Star All-Stars – Easy Star’s Lonely Hearts Dub Band
You may or may not have heard me talking about these guys before. They are a band that does reggae remixes of famous albums. They have put out three albums; Dub Side of the Moon (Dark Side of the Moon), Radiodread (OK Computer), and now Easy Star’s Lonely Hearts Dub Band (Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band). This is not the best one yet, but it is the only one that many of you may have actually listened to. I know everyone claims to have listened to Dark Side while they were burned up after finals watching the Wizard of Oz and some people like Radiohead, but everyone knows the Beatles. I also had the pleasure of seeing these guys this year on my birthday in Portland. They had an 8 piece band with a trombone, sax, piano, percussion, and four different vocalists. It was great. I got drunk. I spent the rest of the night at my house running around all billed up with a George W. Bush mask on. It was a good show. Reggae music shall set you free. You can buy this on itunes and I would say that “in an economy like this one” it is worth the money.
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
Question, what has lots of money, no worries and a celebratory cigar to validate his performance? If you guessed an MP4 hot streak then you must be taking his advice. And you might also be a stalker, but we can let that slide. Let me tell you, he is hot. He is like that Hansel, so hot right now. Winner of his last 4 picks, MP4 has an air of confidence and it is contagious. He is back with some picks to pad your bank account. "in an economy like this one" I'd say this is a pretty good bet...
MondayP4
Snakes (Garland) @ Fathers (Peavy) - Under 8. Two reliable hurlers both coming off bad performances will look to turn it around against bad offenses in the pitchers park of all pitchers park; Yanity Field West.
"The Nate McClouth Game" - Bucs (Z. Duke) +130 @ Braves (Kawakami) - An underdog with great value. The Duke is hot. Hot 'Lanta wont help to cool him down.
Yes I said I'm not betting the finals...so I lied. This number is to enticing for me. Game 3 - LA @ Orlando - Under 201
Career Juice: 10-6-1
"You Play To Win the Game"
This is a new section that I have named in honor of the one and only Herm Edwards. Over the past 7 years we've been blessed to have Herm in our lives and guess what? Christmas come early, Herm is now on TV. Every Sunday we will get even more Herm comments, and we will get them all week long during football season. The man is a walking sound byte and I can't wait to watch. So this is our sports section. With all our useless commentary and analysis on life we've been skimping on the sports. But its a big week, so here we go.
It seems like the NBA Finals are all but over now after the Lakers took a 2-0 lead. We could have had a series on our hands if only Courtney Lee could make a last second layup. With the game tied up with .6 seconds left on the clock, the Magic executed a flawless inbounds play, an alley-oop to Lee. A perfect inbounds pass put the ball right next to the rim and Lee just missed the shot, plain and simple. It did have some degree of difficulty but that's a shot that has to be made. So instead the Lakers were given a second chance and Kobe took advantage. So now the series shifts back to Orlando and it does not look promising. Game 2 was at least a close game, maybe as Herm would say, "something to build on". Game 3 is tomorrow night, for more on that see MP4.
On the baseball front there are some huge division rivalries this week that need to be covered. The Yankees invade Fenway for 3 games against the Sox and the Phillies arrive at Citi Field for 3 against the Mets. As we all know the Yankees haven't beaten the Sox yet this season, and playing at Fenway the Sox need to capitalize. The pitching matchups are Burnett v Beckett on Tuesday, Wang v Wakefield on Wednesday and Sabathia v Penny on Thursday. Beckett Burnett should be the best pitching matchup of the series, with the Sox having the edge over Wang and the Yanks with the edge with C.C. on the bump. But being in Boston the slight edge for the series is with the Sox. The Yanks are a half game up in the division, but given that the Sox have an automatic out as DH right now shows how good the rest of the team is.
As for the Mets, they should be thankful that their savior is pitching against their arch rivals. They are not healthy right now dealing with some injuries and are going to need David Wright and Carlos Beltran to come up in a big way if they want to take this series. The matchups are Happ v Santana on Tuesday, Hamels v Pelfrey on Wednesday and Moyer v Redding on Thursday. The Santana game is almost a lock and the Mets will try to steal one from Hamels or Moyer. The need it too because the Phils are starting to pull away with a 4 game lead in the division.
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
Two new chapters of the "The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Trip of Enlightenment". The Golden Coast is within earshot of the Pauper, and I've got plenty to cover. I'll give you part 3 of my summer movie preview and will provide a movie review of one of the movies I've previewed to see if it lives up to the Cage stars I've given it. That's all I have to say about that. So, until next time.....Stay Sweet
As expected the thoughts and opinions on this blog have drawn some criticism and skeptics. Not everyone agrees with the thoughts our of contributors, and this was the case on Friday. I received a comment blasting the Fab 5 and music reviews. Let me say this....it's the burden we must bare, the cross that we must carry. We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day! Ok so I got a little carried away. But July 4th is not far away, and I thought some insight from Bill Pullman can only help our cause.
Now you might be wondering, "what should I expect from Monday's blog?" If I had to give you a general direction of this post I will give you an actual comment made by one of contributors. We were talking about a trivia website when we were blessed with this statement....
Dicky: the other day they had a game where you had to name all the women in the Mambo # 5 song in less than 2 minutes. I did it with 1:18 left to spare.
So now that we have Lou Bega on our minds, let get right into the action. I am going to preview 2 more movies Public Enemies and Year One. Its a big sports week so we will dedicate a new section to cover all the action. We have part 2 of Steamin Beamen's music review. And a fresh round of picks from MP4.
Year One- (June 19)Jack Black and Michael Cera star as buddies in the Year One. It's being marketed as the first road trip. My beef with this is all the cross promotions that the NBA is doing with this film. And despite what you may have heard about Cera off screen (that he is a whiny, complainy bitch) he is very funny. Jack Black movies have been hit or miss, but he's coming off a very good performance in Tropic Thunder and I think he will be good in this as well. It's not my most anticipated comedy of the summer, but I do think its worth a view. 2 and a half Cages out of 5.
Public Enemies-(July 1) Johnny Depp can carry a movie by himself. So team him with director Michael Mann and Christian Bale and you've got the ingredients for a potentially great movie. This is based on the real life bank robber John Dillinger (Depp) as he avoids the cops (Bale). Here's the trailer. It's worth checking out if you haven't seen it yet. 4. and a half Cages out of 5.
"Steamin Willie Beamen"
Due to the length of Friday's blog I had to cut Steamin's music review into two parts. The good part of that is he is being charged half billing, so I got that going for me, which is nice.
Old and Cold
Jamie Foxx – Intuition
Blame it on the club cluuuu cluuuu clubbbbbbbb. I love Jamie Foxx and this album is in no way new but seeing as he is one of my favorite artists and I wanted to give a quick shoot out to my man Andy “F.A.Tandy” Lehatto would have wanted to see this in my playlist. If clubs did not exist you never would have heard so much of this album. It is the latest attempt by who I consider the most versatile comedian ever. I loved his stand up. I liked his movies. I hate his music. I mean Foxx can bring it on the screen and he sure can bring it on the stage but in the booth it is a bad R&B album with a bunch of good cameos. Buy the singles and be done with this album. I love you Tandy Man.
Best Songs
Blame It
Plug, Plug, Plug,
Monsoon – The Bridge Mix Tape
Wednesday night I attended the CD release party for my cousin. I am going to try and get some more info on the availability of the music but if you run into it check it out. He has good flow and some nice beats. It is a work in progress but something that finds its way onto my recently played at least one time a week. I also had the opportunity to use this event to reconnect with an old warrior from the PTL, Nik Caner-Medley. Nik made an appearance at The Garage at 52 Curtis. Also known as Hurricane Alley. Nik shared some old war stories of battling in the ACC and what it was like oversees. Many of you may remember him slicing up the ACC others may have already got tickets to watch him play with Blake Griffin this summer. Either way he is doing well and is ready to take the states by storm now that he is back in town.
The CD You NEED to Buy but Have NEVER Heard Of
The Easy Star All-Stars – Easy Star’s Lonely Hearts Dub Band
You may or may not have heard me talking about these guys before. They are a band that does reggae remixes of famous albums. They have put out three albums; Dub Side of the Moon (Dark Side of the Moon), Radiodread (OK Computer), and now Easy Star’s Lonely Hearts Dub Band (Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band). This is not the best one yet, but it is the only one that many of you may have actually listened to. I know everyone claims to have listened to Dark Side while they were burned up after finals watching the Wizard of Oz and some people like Radiohead, but everyone knows the Beatles. I also had the pleasure of seeing these guys this year on my birthday in Portland. They had an 8 piece band with a trombone, sax, piano, percussion, and four different vocalists. It was great. I got drunk. I spent the rest of the night at my house running around all billed up with a George W. Bush mask on. It was a good show. Reggae music shall set you free. You can buy this on itunes and I would say that “in an economy like this one” it is worth the money.
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
Question, what has lots of money, no worries and a celebratory cigar to validate his performance? If you guessed an MP4 hot streak then you must be taking his advice. And you might also be a stalker, but we can let that slide. Let me tell you, he is hot. He is like that Hansel, so hot right now. Winner of his last 4 picks, MP4 has an air of confidence and it is contagious. He is back with some picks to pad your bank account. "in an economy like this one" I'd say this is a pretty good bet...
MondayP4
Snakes (Garland) @ Fathers (Peavy) - Under 8. Two reliable hurlers both coming off bad performances will look to turn it around against bad offenses in the pitchers park of all pitchers park; Yanity Field West.
"The Nate McClouth Game" - Bucs (Z. Duke) +130 @ Braves (Kawakami) - An underdog with great value. The Duke is hot. Hot 'Lanta wont help to cool him down.
Yes I said I'm not betting the finals...so I lied. This number is to enticing for me. Game 3 - LA @ Orlando - Under 201
Career Juice: 10-6-1
"You Play To Win the Game"
This is a new section that I have named in honor of the one and only Herm Edwards. Over the past 7 years we've been blessed to have Herm in our lives and guess what? Christmas come early, Herm is now on TV. Every Sunday we will get even more Herm comments, and we will get them all week long during football season. The man is a walking sound byte and I can't wait to watch. So this is our sports section. With all our useless commentary and analysis on life we've been skimping on the sports. But its a big week, so here we go.
It seems like the NBA Finals are all but over now after the Lakers took a 2-0 lead. We could have had a series on our hands if only Courtney Lee could make a last second layup. With the game tied up with .6 seconds left on the clock, the Magic executed a flawless inbounds play, an alley-oop to Lee. A perfect inbounds pass put the ball right next to the rim and Lee just missed the shot, plain and simple. It did have some degree of difficulty but that's a shot that has to be made. So instead the Lakers were given a second chance and Kobe took advantage. So now the series shifts back to Orlando and it does not look promising. Game 2 was at least a close game, maybe as Herm would say, "something to build on". Game 3 is tomorrow night, for more on that see MP4.
On the baseball front there are some huge division rivalries this week that need to be covered. The Yankees invade Fenway for 3 games against the Sox and the Phillies arrive at Citi Field for 3 against the Mets. As we all know the Yankees haven't beaten the Sox yet this season, and playing at Fenway the Sox need to capitalize. The pitching matchups are Burnett v Beckett on Tuesday, Wang v Wakefield on Wednesday and Sabathia v Penny on Thursday. Beckett Burnett should be the best pitching matchup of the series, with the Sox having the edge over Wang and the Yanks with the edge with C.C. on the bump. But being in Boston the slight edge for the series is with the Sox. The Yanks are a half game up in the division, but given that the Sox have an automatic out as DH right now shows how good the rest of the team is.
As for the Mets, they should be thankful that their savior is pitching against their arch rivals. They are not healthy right now dealing with some injuries and are going to need David Wright and Carlos Beltran to come up in a big way if they want to take this series. The matchups are Happ v Santana on Tuesday, Hamels v Pelfrey on Wednesday and Moyer v Redding on Thursday. The Santana game is almost a lock and the Mets will try to steal one from Hamels or Moyer. The need it too because the Phils are starting to pull away with a 4 game lead in the division.
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
Two new chapters of the "The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Trip of Enlightenment". The Golden Coast is within earshot of the Pauper, and I've got plenty to cover. I'll give you part 3 of my summer movie preview and will provide a movie review of one of the movies I've previewed to see if it lives up to the Cage stars I've given it. That's all I have to say about that. So, until next time.....Stay Sweet
Friday, June 5, 2009
What Are You Going to Do For an Encore, Walk on Water?
After a successful first Mailbag (working title) several readers are wondering what are we going to do for an encore? A 3 song set ending with Freebird is what I had in mind. But that could be hard to deliver on. So instead we're going to with a full slate of topics. It's the first Friday in June, so I have decided to profile a few of the new movies that are going to hit theaters. This will be a multi-part analysis of the 10 summer movies I'm most looking forward to. Steamin Willie Beamen checks in with his first music review, we've got a Fab 5 from Pasquale and we've got the weekend picks from MP4. Does that sound like something you might be interested in?
There are 10 movies, 5 comedies and 5 action, that I am going to profile over the next few weeks. I will put on my critic hat, but also tell you how excited I am to see them. Instead of using the standard "star" system to rate the movie, I have decided to use a fresh and unique system. A few of our readers will only watch Nic Cage movies, so instead of stars I'm going to use Nic Cages as my barometer. As I preview them, I will rate them on how excited I am to see it. Then upon seeing it, I will rate it with the same Cage system. Over the course of the next week I will cover The Hangover, Land of the Lost, Funny People, Year One, Bruno, Taking of Pelham 123, Transformers 2, Public Enemies, Harry Potter 6, and G.I. Joe. So here's the first 3 flicks that are releasing in theater's today.
The Hangover-I can't wait to see this. It stars "Sack" from Wedding Crashers (Bradley Cooper) and Andy Bernard from the Office (Ed Helms) and its directed by Todd Phillips, who did Old School. About a group of guys who go to Vegas for bachelor party but don't remember a thing and then "tarantino" what happened. And there's a cameo from Iron Mike Tyson. 4 Cages out of 5.
Land of the Lost-When I first saw the preview I thought it was going to be bad. It has terrible special effects(this might be on purpose) and a paper thin plot. But it has Will Ferrell and Kenny Powers (Danny McBride) who could be a lethal comedy team. I'm wary to see it in theaters, but probably will anyway. I don't think Kenny Powers and Ron Burgundy will disappoint enough to make it a stinker. 2 Cages out of 5
Taking of Pelham 123-Denzel Washington is on my short list of actors that I would see any movie they make. This has the potential to be either a very good flick along the lines of Inside Man, or a candidate for a Good Bad Movie like Under Siege 2. Travolta as a bad guy is always a good thing and I'm expecting a Face-Off like performance. 3 Cages out of 5.
"Fab 5"
Pasquale is back and has some people that he would like to have a few words with. If you like reality TV, beautiful people or award shows you may want to skip to the next section.
5 to hate
John and Kate Plus 8 - Let me clarify that actually, it’s not the 8 kids I hate, it’s their parents. Who would have thought that pimping out your children on a reality show would have had a negative impact on their lives? I mean everyone else who had a reality show had a happy ending right? Wrong, reality shows generally speaking ruin the lives of the people on them. If John and Kate really cared about each other and their children they would grow a pair and tell TLC they were done with the show. But since we worship the dollar in this country there’s no chance of that happening. John and Kate, do everyone a favor and just go away. Focus on raising your kids instead of exploiting them.
Katherine Heigel – Just stop for a second and think about this…….You realize now that despite her good looks you hate her too. She’s just straight up annoying and plays that same irritating person in every role. Many people like her because of her performances on the unwatchable grey’s anatomy. I’m taking a page from Mike Francessa and not explaining and just calling the show unwatchable. The unfortunate thing about Heigel is that she will always have movie roles. There will always be annoying stuck up people for her to play regardless of her age. She seems like a nightmare on all of her shows/movies, imagine what she must be like to deal with in real life.
Eminem/Sasha Baron Cohen – I really like the work that both of these guys do, but I have one word for the little thing they staged at whatever MTV awards show that was – WEAK
Ashton Kutcher – Did fine work on punk’d but all he really does when he act is yell and run around like an idiot. And is anyone going to buy a camera because he is in the commercials? If you would buy a camera purely because he is in the commercials you are a truly sick individual. He really isn’t all that relevant in pop culture anymore, couldn’t Nikon find someone a little better than Ashton Kutcher?
Spencer and Heidi - "I'm too rich and I'm too famous to be sitting with these people and cleaning up their s*** in the jungle, my man. And this cast is devaluing our fame right now" This clown is definitely sorely mistaken. He might be rich, but I have never even heard of these people before this week. You want to know part of the reason why American's are hated all over the world? Its people like this talentless loser with a half a brain. Another reason why I don't like this guy is because his name is Spencer. Follow the transitive property of math with these equations, Spencer = Soft Name, Soft Name = Soft person, therefore Spencer = Soft.
"Steamin' Willie Beamen"
Relapse and the Curious Case of the Comeback
So I wanted to take a few minutes to try something new. I am not a music critic and in no way am I a musician. I have no formal training in music and am sure that those of you who do will be disappointed in my lack of understanding the true nature of what the artist meant by the coupling of the words with the blah blah blah. I am doing this section to show two things. First, rap is back. I have now heard the entire albums of Eminem, Jadakiss, Method Man and Redman, Camron, Jamie Foxx, and Monsoon. Second, the comeback is possible no matter how bleak the outlook. (Just wait to see how I tie this into the miracle comeback of one MLB slugger) I am not saying all these albums are great but they are more then just blasts from the past. So without further ado I present to you Billy Beamen’s Musical Experience…
New and Hot
Eminem – Relapse
It is about time. I had to deal with The Re-Up and Encore, which if put out by any other person would have been three week listeners before being pushed to the back of my mind the second they left my recently added playlist. It took from the 2004 release of The Eminem Show till the 2009 release of Relapse for me to realize why I spent most of my teenage years listening to the disturbed messages and masterful lyrics of one Eminem. This album gets back to the basics of what made Eminem so great in his first three albums. First, the album has plenty of insane concepts and lyrics. No one out can cause the neck to turn and the mind to wonder, “Did he just say that???”. The album also has great balance. I always thought that Eminem was overly criticized for having a “pop song” on every album. To me every great Eminem album had not just a “pop” song but also a song where he kills someone or something, a song where he tells us why he is so F***ed Up, a song about his love for his daughter, a few funny skits, and so many other things. Lastly the album has Dr. Dre. Not that the Dr. was not on the other albums but instead of trying to bulldoze us with D12 cameos we get the DR. Dre was the single most impressive part of rap in the 90’s and early 2000’s. He creates the beats, finds the talent, and raps on the albums. He does it all and it was great to hear him back. The Relapse was a beautiful vacation back to the days of The Slim Shady LP. It was not as good or as influential as Slim Shady, but it was what we all needed heading into the Summer of Bill.
Best Songs:
Old Time’s Sake
Stay Wide Awake
3 A.M.
Déjà vu
Must Be the Ganja
Jadakiss – The Last Kiss
I bought this album having listened to only one song and it was worth the money. Someone had played “What If” for me and I was instantly interested. I bought the album and it was a great move. From start to finish it is vintage Jadakiss and even if you have never been a fan before he brings in so many different people and sounds that each song is its own single. From Lil’ Wayne, to Nas, to Ghostface, all are spoken for and all come with their unique sound and style as a perfect compliment to Jada. As a side note, “in an economy like this” it is nice to get 19 songs for 9.99. The days of overpriced cd’s are over and you should start your Summer with The Last Kiss.
Best Songs:
What If
Death Wish
Who’s Real
Respect My Conglomerate
By My Side
Method Man and Redman – Blackout! 2
Good album but better duo, maybe even one of the best rap (not acting) duos of all time. They seem to have good chemistry and they both have had good solo careers. Not to mention that both can trace their roots back to the days when rap was run by Wu Tang, Tupac, and the Notorious one. It is not an album that is going to win any awards but is definitely something you would not be disappointed in having most of the songs. Just like The Last Kiss this album brings in some great artists that include, Ghostface, Raekwon, and Keith Murray. Definitely go buy “A Yo” and if you like the bud blazing crazy boys the entire album will not let you down.
Best Songs
A Yo
Four Minutes to Lock Down
Hey Zulu
City Lights
Mrs. International
*So I want to state at this point that the single fact that Eminem, Red and Meth, and the non reviewed Cameron CD are proof that this is not only the summer of Bill but the summer of the comeback…Now Batting, Number 34…Big PAPIIIIIIIIII
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
MP4 is working the kinks out, and we are starting to pad our bank roll here @ Etc, Etc, Etc. Top three reasons I am NOT betting the NBA Finals
1) All season long both teams have impressive numbers vs. the spread after 2 days off (which happens three times during the NBA finals), who will break that trend?
2) Magic live or die by the three in a completely unpredictable pattern
3) Kobe Bryant.
New York Metropolitans (Redding) +115 @ Nats (Martis) - The lowly Nationals are 3-8 as the Money-Line favorite. And the Mets will wake up from the haze that was Pitt, tonight.
Brew Crew (Gallardo) @ The Paula Dean's (Jurrjens) - UNDER 8.5 - A little slow home cookin tonight. Pitch around the Hebrew Hammer and ya'll will be alright.
Stanley Cup - Penguins +1.5 @ Hockey Town USA - Because it can't go down the same exact way as '08. Put your razors away, I have a feelin' this is going 7.
Career Juice: 8-5-1
"Theme Song of the Weekend"
check out this little diddy
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
We will have the next installments of "The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Journey of Enlightenment". We will give you the next parts of the Summer movie preview and Steamin Willie Beamen's Music review. And we might even have a gripe from Dicky. We don't have him on a deadline because the hatred could come at any moment and we don't want to cheat the readers with forced hatred. And we will give an extensive recap of the sports world including the NBA Finals, Stanley Cup and some big baseball matchups that are coming up. Check out Sexton's blog as well, it's one of his finest pieces to date, oursamedifference.com. So until next time....Stay Sweet
There are 10 movies, 5 comedies and 5 action, that I am going to profile over the next few weeks. I will put on my critic hat, but also tell you how excited I am to see them. Instead of using the standard "star" system to rate the movie, I have decided to use a fresh and unique system. A few of our readers will only watch Nic Cage movies, so instead of stars I'm going to use Nic Cages as my barometer. As I preview them, I will rate them on how excited I am to see it. Then upon seeing it, I will rate it with the same Cage system. Over the course of the next week I will cover The Hangover, Land of the Lost, Funny People, Year One, Bruno, Taking of Pelham 123, Transformers 2, Public Enemies, Harry Potter 6, and G.I. Joe. So here's the first 3 flicks that are releasing in theater's today.
The Hangover-I can't wait to see this. It stars "Sack" from Wedding Crashers (Bradley Cooper) and Andy Bernard from the Office (Ed Helms) and its directed by Todd Phillips, who did Old School. About a group of guys who go to Vegas for bachelor party but don't remember a thing and then "tarantino" what happened. And there's a cameo from Iron Mike Tyson. 4 Cages out of 5.
Land of the Lost-When I first saw the preview I thought it was going to be bad. It has terrible special effects(this might be on purpose) and a paper thin plot. But it has Will Ferrell and Kenny Powers (Danny McBride) who could be a lethal comedy team. I'm wary to see it in theaters, but probably will anyway. I don't think Kenny Powers and Ron Burgundy will disappoint enough to make it a stinker. 2 Cages out of 5
Taking of Pelham 123-Denzel Washington is on my short list of actors that I would see any movie they make. This has the potential to be either a very good flick along the lines of Inside Man, or a candidate for a Good Bad Movie like Under Siege 2. Travolta as a bad guy is always a good thing and I'm expecting a Face-Off like performance. 3 Cages out of 5.
"Fab 5"
Pasquale is back and has some people that he would like to have a few words with. If you like reality TV, beautiful people or award shows you may want to skip to the next section.
5 to hate
John and Kate Plus 8 - Let me clarify that actually, it’s not the 8 kids I hate, it’s their parents. Who would have thought that pimping out your children on a reality show would have had a negative impact on their lives? I mean everyone else who had a reality show had a happy ending right? Wrong, reality shows generally speaking ruin the lives of the people on them. If John and Kate really cared about each other and their children they would grow a pair and tell TLC they were done with the show. But since we worship the dollar in this country there’s no chance of that happening. John and Kate, do everyone a favor and just go away. Focus on raising your kids instead of exploiting them.
Katherine Heigel – Just stop for a second and think about this…….You realize now that despite her good looks you hate her too. She’s just straight up annoying and plays that same irritating person in every role. Many people like her because of her performances on the unwatchable grey’s anatomy. I’m taking a page from Mike Francessa and not explaining and just calling the show unwatchable. The unfortunate thing about Heigel is that she will always have movie roles. There will always be annoying stuck up people for her to play regardless of her age. She seems like a nightmare on all of her shows/movies, imagine what she must be like to deal with in real life.
Eminem/Sasha Baron Cohen – I really like the work that both of these guys do, but I have one word for the little thing they staged at whatever MTV awards show that was – WEAK
Ashton Kutcher – Did fine work on punk’d but all he really does when he act is yell and run around like an idiot. And is anyone going to buy a camera because he is in the commercials? If you would buy a camera purely because he is in the commercials you are a truly sick individual. He really isn’t all that relevant in pop culture anymore, couldn’t Nikon find someone a little better than Ashton Kutcher?
Spencer and Heidi - "I'm too rich and I'm too famous to be sitting with these people and cleaning up their s*** in the jungle, my man. And this cast is devaluing our fame right now" This clown is definitely sorely mistaken. He might be rich, but I have never even heard of these people before this week. You want to know part of the reason why American's are hated all over the world? Its people like this talentless loser with a half a brain. Another reason why I don't like this guy is because his name is Spencer. Follow the transitive property of math with these equations, Spencer = Soft Name, Soft Name = Soft person, therefore Spencer = Soft.
"Steamin' Willie Beamen"
Relapse and the Curious Case of the Comeback
So I wanted to take a few minutes to try something new. I am not a music critic and in no way am I a musician. I have no formal training in music and am sure that those of you who do will be disappointed in my lack of understanding the true nature of what the artist meant by the coupling of the words with the blah blah blah. I am doing this section to show two things. First, rap is back. I have now heard the entire albums of Eminem, Jadakiss, Method Man and Redman, Camron, Jamie Foxx, and Monsoon. Second, the comeback is possible no matter how bleak the outlook. (Just wait to see how I tie this into the miracle comeback of one MLB slugger) I am not saying all these albums are great but they are more then just blasts from the past. So without further ado I present to you Billy Beamen’s Musical Experience…
New and Hot
Eminem – Relapse
It is about time. I had to deal with The Re-Up and Encore, which if put out by any other person would have been three week listeners before being pushed to the back of my mind the second they left my recently added playlist. It took from the 2004 release of The Eminem Show till the 2009 release of Relapse for me to realize why I spent most of my teenage years listening to the disturbed messages and masterful lyrics of one Eminem. This album gets back to the basics of what made Eminem so great in his first three albums. First, the album has plenty of insane concepts and lyrics. No one out can cause the neck to turn and the mind to wonder, “Did he just say that???”. The album also has great balance. I always thought that Eminem was overly criticized for having a “pop song” on every album. To me every great Eminem album had not just a “pop” song but also a song where he kills someone or something, a song where he tells us why he is so F***ed Up, a song about his love for his daughter, a few funny skits, and so many other things. Lastly the album has Dr. Dre. Not that the Dr. was not on the other albums but instead of trying to bulldoze us with D12 cameos we get the DR. Dre was the single most impressive part of rap in the 90’s and early 2000’s. He creates the beats, finds the talent, and raps on the albums. He does it all and it was great to hear him back. The Relapse was a beautiful vacation back to the days of The Slim Shady LP. It was not as good or as influential as Slim Shady, but it was what we all needed heading into the Summer of Bill.
Best Songs:
Old Time’s Sake
Stay Wide Awake
3 A.M.
Déjà vu
Must Be the Ganja
Jadakiss – The Last Kiss
I bought this album having listened to only one song and it was worth the money. Someone had played “What If” for me and I was instantly interested. I bought the album and it was a great move. From start to finish it is vintage Jadakiss and even if you have never been a fan before he brings in so many different people and sounds that each song is its own single. From Lil’ Wayne, to Nas, to Ghostface, all are spoken for and all come with their unique sound and style as a perfect compliment to Jada. As a side note, “in an economy like this” it is nice to get 19 songs for 9.99. The days of overpriced cd’s are over and you should start your Summer with The Last Kiss.
Best Songs:
What If
Death Wish
Who’s Real
Respect My Conglomerate
By My Side
Method Man and Redman – Blackout! 2
Good album but better duo, maybe even one of the best rap (not acting) duos of all time. They seem to have good chemistry and they both have had good solo careers. Not to mention that both can trace their roots back to the days when rap was run by Wu Tang, Tupac, and the Notorious one. It is not an album that is going to win any awards but is definitely something you would not be disappointed in having most of the songs. Just like The Last Kiss this album brings in some great artists that include, Ghostface, Raekwon, and Keith Murray. Definitely go buy “A Yo” and if you like the bud blazing crazy boys the entire album will not let you down.
Best Songs
A Yo
Four Minutes to Lock Down
Hey Zulu
City Lights
Mrs. International
*So I want to state at this point that the single fact that Eminem, Red and Meth, and the non reviewed Cameron CD are proof that this is not only the summer of Bill but the summer of the comeback…Now Batting, Number 34…Big PAPIIIIIIIIII
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
MP4 is working the kinks out, and we are starting to pad our bank roll here @ Etc, Etc, Etc. Top three reasons I am NOT betting the NBA Finals
1) All season long both teams have impressive numbers vs. the spread after 2 days off (which happens three times during the NBA finals), who will break that trend?
2) Magic live or die by the three in a completely unpredictable pattern
3) Kobe Bryant.
New York Metropolitans (Redding) +115 @ Nats (Martis) - The lowly Nationals are 3-8 as the Money-Line favorite. And the Mets will wake up from the haze that was Pitt, tonight.
Brew Crew (Gallardo) @ The Paula Dean's (Jurrjens) - UNDER 8.5 - A little slow home cookin tonight. Pitch around the Hebrew Hammer and ya'll will be alright.
Stanley Cup - Penguins +1.5 @ Hockey Town USA - Because it can't go down the same exact way as '08. Put your razors away, I have a feelin' this is going 7.
Career Juice: 8-5-1
"Theme Song of the Weekend"
check out this little diddy
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
We will have the next installments of "The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Journey of Enlightenment". We will give you the next parts of the Summer movie preview and Steamin Willie Beamen's Music review. And we might even have a gripe from Dicky. We don't have him on a deadline because the hatred could come at any moment and we don't want to cheat the readers with forced hatred. And we will give an extensive recap of the sports world including the NBA Finals, Stanley Cup and some big baseball matchups that are coming up. Check out Sexton's blog as well, it's one of his finest pieces to date, oursamedifference.com. So until next time....Stay Sweet
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