From time to time Paulie Walnuts has been known to hit up the hot spots of New York City. If you live in New York and don't know Paulie, then you might as well be living in Hoboken. Just a few nights ago Paulie was out on the town when a sight so horrifying and mind-blowing caught his eye. He slapped himself in the face, just to make sure he wasn't seeing things after a few rounds of green monsters and cage bombs. Fighting back vomit from the sheer shock of what he was seeing, he grabbed his i-phone and snapped the following pic....
So I have decided to take some creative liberties and write up a piece as if he was Brian Fontana, reporting live from the scene...
PANDA WATCH AND THE MOOD IS TENSE! Never in my life have I seen anything as revolting as Nic Cage in costume woofing down a slice of NY pie. As you may or may not know Cage is filming his new movie "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" in New York City and things have gotten wacky. At first I thought it was a hobo but a closer look at the hair revealed it was more Cameron Powe than Joe Schmoe. And get this...he doesn't fold his pizza. I couldn't be more disgusted if I saw O.J. wiping blood off his hands. But like a train wreck, I couldn't look away. I have been to the Himalayan mountains and I've seen a shooting star, but that night I watched Nic Cage devour 7 slices of cheese pizza and lived to tell the tale. I need to collect my thoughts....For all of us here at Channel 4, You Stay Classy.
"Fab 5"
Here's 5 to love
1. Leonardo DiCaprio - I saw a preview for shutter island on tv the other day. Marty Scorsese + Leo = Pasquale going to the movies. Little known fact about me. I am a huge leo fan, which is part of the reason why i hate titanic so much, but i'll save that for another day. He is on a pretty nice hot streak with movies right now. He made The Departed and Blood Diamond back to back. I don't think we've seen an actor make back to back movies that good since Pesci did Home Alone and Goodfellas in the same year. Who would have thought those 23 episodes as Luke Brower on growing pains would have spawned such a career. Shutter Island is due out in October and I'm fired up about it.
2. Unwrapped - Probably my favorite show on the food network, partially because of what the show is about and partially because Marc Summers is the host. If you watched nickelodeon as religiously as i did in the late 80s early 90s, you definitely love Summers too. Aside from Summers hosting ability he put together the best final round I've ever seen on an episode of celebrity Lingo with Mark Wahlberg (not marky mark wahlberg, but the guy who used to host russian roulette on the game show network). They've always got summers sitting in like a 50s style diner when he's talking about the foods on unwrapped, I just wish someone would walk up to him and ask him for the physical challenge. I'd bet money he used the physical challenge line in bars when attempting to pick up women and i bet he was pretty successful with it.
3. Thunderstorms - One of my favorite parts of summer. Is there anything nicer than waking up in the middle of the night to a thunderstorm? No weather event is as fun to watch as a severe thunderstorm. It could thunderstorm for a month straight and i wouldn't have a problem with that.4. Heath Ledger - The reason I'm throwing him on here now is because The Dark Knight has been on HBO pretty much continuously for the past 3 days. I'll admit, I didn't really think Heath Ledger was that good of an actor before I saw the Dark Knight. I thought he was pretty much just an Australian Josh Harnett. But after watching the dark knight on hbo again good god was he unreal as the joker. So good that i don't think anyone will ever really try and play the joker again. He absolutely carried that movie, without him that movie is suspect at best. Also apparently a very nice guy too, he and his daughter used to play at the same park as a cousin of mine and his son and apparently they had chatted a few times and Heath thought my little cousin was a cute kid. Sad to see someone like that go just as their career is about to take off. Wasted Talent.
5. Mike "doc" Emrick - unless you watch hockey you probably have no idea who I'm talking about, but he is truly a great announcer.I'm pretty sure if he announced me sitting at my desk all day he could make it sound exciting. Its unfortunate he doesn't do other sports, instead we're stuck with hacks like Joe Buck doing multiple sports. If you don't watch a lot of hockey do yourself a favor and start watching next season and when you do keep an ear open for doc, you won't be disappointed.
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
He's baaaaack
NBA stars are headed for their Yachts. NHL stars are headed to the barbers. But MP4 is back, after a small mental vacation. What better way to be back that throwing together our first perfect week. So in honor of David Cone and Boomer Wells...here goes...
Washington AAA (Lannan) @ Bronx (Wang) -210. Now you may say...WOW, way to go out on a limb here MP4. But with Wang on the hill tonight, thats exactly what it is. Wang still has the stuff, and tonight it will show. Thank you Nationals for being cooperative and coming to town to restore the confidence of an Ace. Expect 6 strong for the newly minted Father.
Snakes (Scherzer) @ Royals (Greinke) -150. Sorry D'Backs.....no seagulls in KC. This game will be tight, but Greinke returns to form.
Miami Marlins (Miller) @ Masshole Nation (Penny) - Over 10. Bandbox meet 7-12 mph winds out to Left. Penny awakes from last performance to realize its 2009 not 2007.
Quick Question: What number will be greater, Teixeira home runs or Nationals victories? Let me know what you think...its gonna be close.
Career Juice: 11-10-1
"The Pauper"
The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Trip of Enlightenment
Chapter 5
"Tahoe Baby, Tahoe"
(Narrated by Morgan Freeman)
With the fresh salt water in his hair and sporting a Pacific tan the Pauper hopped on Highway 5 and headed south. Before sampling all the best that the Cali Coast had to offer, the Pauper made a few stops along the border. And when hitting the Nevada border there's only 2 places to go, Reno and Lake Tahoe.
To the Pauper, Reno says "hey I'm not Vegas, but I'm still cool in an 80's kind of way". And let's be honest, who doesn't love the 80's. The Pauper had some choices to make. He could go buy a 7 dollar matching top and bottom track suit and go play penny slots until the sun came up. Or he could stop at a North American Mecca. A place where legends are born. That's right, The National Bowling Stadium. The place where Big Ern McCracken and the Immaculate Rose solidified a legacy as the greatest bowler of all time. So the Pauper began channeling his inner Ern and took control of the lanes. It should be no surprise that the Pauper rolled a career best 217, I mean how well do you think you would swim if you went for a few laps at the Olympic pool in Beijing?
He took this opportunity to make a rare stop with familiar faces. He vowed that this trip would be about solidarity, but decided why not indulge a little. After all he had earned it. Just over 23 days without talking to a friend can do things to do you. Just ask his imaginary friend SAK. So he made way to Lake Tahoe and called up a few old friends. They indulged in the sacred nector and the Pauper wowed them with a few details of his journey. They were shocked and chagrined but at the same time wildly entertained. He told them about the South Side of Chicago and the how deep dish pizza pales in comparison to thin crust. He told them of the massive arches in St. Louis and the cornfields in Iowa. He told them about the the Mountain Ranges of Colorado and the oddities of Muddy Gap, WY. And of course the blue Pacific ocean and the whitecaps of the waves. As he reveled in how fulfilling the trip has been so far, he came to realize that it was only halfway finished. There's still a lot to be seen and many places left to go. So that night the Pauper spent the only night of the trip in an actual bed. By the time the residents of the house had awaken the next morning the Pauper was gone. It was typical Pauper style. There's just too much to be done and not enough time to do it.
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
It's a Friday post so we will have your Theme of the Weekend as well as the Video of the Day. Steamin Willie Beamen has been hard at work on his latest piece and has stumbled upon a little case of writers block. He's been fighting through it and decided to walk away from his piece to collect his thoughts and on Friday we will deliver them to you. On the advice of our Washington D.C. Correspondent Yahtzee we are working on releasing our first podcast, but that might be a few days away, so don't hold your breath. As always we recommend you check out our friends Sexy at oursamedifference.com and Tully and Grandmaster Ralph at stereotype.fm. We've reached that point where the blog is no longer a hot new phenomenon and we are settling into our comfort level. A let down was expected based on the law of averages but WE ARE BACK. So I say this to our new readers...become a follower before it's too late. When we hit it big we will always remember our first 50, everybody does. So until next time.....Stay Sweet
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