In part 1 of the summer movie preview I highlighted The Hangover and said "I can't wait to see this" and gave it 4 cages out of 5. On opening night I went out to catch this flick, only to be shut out because it was sold out. Well the wait is over. I decided to make the most of the rain forest weather and headed to the theaters. I would first like to apologize to The Hangover because you deserve every possible cage I can give. It was absolutely hysterical. I don't even want to describe anything from the movie for those who haven't seen it yet. All I can say is go see it, you won't be disappointed. The soundtrack was also amazing and perfectly complimented the action and there were plenty of great cameos, including a friendly Old School face. Go see this.
After a healthy dose of revolting, mustached Nic Cage shots, its back to business. Like ABC News, we too have a correspondent on Capital Hill. His name is Yahtzee, and he is a Washington Nationals fan. So therefore there aren't many opportunities for him to be proud of his team. But I awoke this morning to find an email from Yahtzee. I immediately thought there was some kind of political scandal and he had the first scoop. It would have been our first breaking news story. Instead it was a moment of gloating. Here's what he said.
Please tell me you're including something in your column about how the Nationals took 2 of 3 from the Yankees.
Winning Percentage vs. the NY Yankees (Top 4 Teams)
Boston: 100%
Washington: 67%
Philadelphia: 67%
Tampa Bay: 50%
Enjoy its while it lasts my friend. They might not win another series all season.
"Steamin Willie Beamen"
Just after I got down blowing up The Hangover, Steamin Willie Beamen has an important message. I have a diverse group of friends but one thing that most of them have in common is they hate hype. So Steamin has a well written and lucid piece on hype. It has also prompted me to release my top 10 comedies of all time list that will come on monday. So here's Willie...
The Hangover…Best Ever?
As a casual movie viewer I find it amazing to see a good preview. I get pissed when I don’t make it to the theater to see what is coming soon and I am very angry when someone comes to me and says the following…”Dude…Have you seen the preview for (insert the title of film that ESPN is beating into the ground)…It looks unreal!!!!” Then I have to go online and search for the preview only to be disappointed by the fact that the work I put into seeing it was not worth what I saw. There are those rare occasions where you will either see a preview for the first time or you will go online on a forced scavenger hunt only to be completely floored by whatever new Michael Bay movie they are willing to show in its entirety in the preview. This preview phenomenon is quantified by the movies themselves. I can recount numerous previews that I felt were either going to be great movies or I had seen so many times I had convinced myself that they were going to be good so I went and saw them. So many times I found myself leaving the theater questioning how I was tricked. This problem is only quantified when you speak with someone who you feel has great taste in movies and they give you either a very BIG thumbs up or “It’s the greatest Movie I have ever seen!!!!” I must say I fall into the category as a movie critic of often giving the “G.O.A.T.” ranking. Its not fair to rank a movie the greatest of all time. It is like saying GWB was the worst President of all time or that Kobe is one of the ten best basketball players of all time. It is too soon to say so. I mean there is a reason why Casablanca is considered the greatest movie of all time, and that is that it has stood that test of time. I mean I bet in 1982 some poor bastard got a walkman and instantly said “This is the greatest invention ever”. At the time it wasn’t the greatest and now its gone.
Let me bring us back to the topic. Movies. I have now been told by every person who has a tongue and a pulse that The Hangover was the best movie they had either; A) Ever Seen B) Seen in Years C) Could Have Imagined. I mean I have people telling me it’s better the Old School, Ace, and others. Old School? Ace!?!?!?! I have not seen this movie yet. There are a myriad of reasons why I have not seen it, some of which are stupid (I am a Non Conformist) and some are more serious (my underground movie connection got busted) but the major reason is that I am scared that I won’t like it. Yet the only reason why I would not like it is because I have been listening to people drool over it since day one. I mean it might make me laugh so hard my head will pop off…right?? And the chances that it will be better then Old School are very very very slim. I have seen Old School under all conditions and I would say that it is one of the best comedies that I have ever seen. It has everything, great cast, great concept, great jokes, sex, Vince Vaughn, orgies…The only thing it doesn’t have is Kenny Powers burning some Pineapple Express. But this is not about Old School. This is about hype. The ultimate accolade that a movie can get for me is a top ten billing, and that is where it all changed with The Hangover. Top Ten? The movie has not even left the theater. Give me a break with that please. I mean how can I go see a movie that someone says is top ten all time and it has been out for three weeks? So I got upset and I made the list.
1. Ace Ventura
2. National Lampoons Christmas Vacation
3. The Big Lebowski
4. Anchorman
5. Groundhog Day
6. Blues Brothers
7. Dumb and Dumber
8. Blazing Saddles
9. Caddyshack
10. Old School
That is a contemporary ten at best. I mean did I forget some? Yes. Do all those belong? No. Does a movie that has yet to make it to its fourth week deserve a shot at movies that have stood the test of time? I guess that is up to all of you out there who told me that, and I quote, “None of the funny parts were even in the Preview.” What can I do with that? I laughed my ass off the first time I saw a preview for that movie. Stop trying to ruin a good thing America and don’t stop saying “That was the Greatest ______ I have ever seen!!!!!!!!!
"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"
Like the natural ebbs and flows of life, so too are there ups and downs in the gambling world. Sometimes you just gotta walk away and do some thorough research. I have been putting MP4 on a deadline that no gambler could succeed in. Here's what he said "MP4 is in a serious rutt. Gonna have to step up my effort in the picks. No more 20 picks". MP4 is off on a short getaway to clear his head and find his picks. May the force be with you.
Career Juice: 11-13-1
"The Pauper"
The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Trip of Enlightenment
Chapter 6
Napa With Coppola
(Narration by Morgan Freeman)
June 14, 2009 5:31 PM: In napa listening to marshall tucker band
As the sun was in its early stages of rising, the Pauper was well on his way to his next destination. It had been a long trip so far and the Pauper's Italian blood was curling for some red wine, knowing full well he was in the heart of America's wine country. The Pauper never had much need for commercial gains or popular destinations. So when he went to Napa Valley, he tried to find the most obscure and secluded vineyard possible. No tour guides or brochures, just instincts; let his nose and his feelings lead the way.
He pulled up to a few buildings, but immediately left. Too many people. Tourists and amateurs here for the cookie cutter experience and a souvenir wine glass. But that's not the Pauper. So he drove a little out of the way and came across an old looking house, something that could have come straight from Tuscany. The Pauper couldn't explain why, but this was the place he was going to stop at. He drove down a dusty road and parked just outside the large wooden doors, probably oak if I had to guess. No one was in sight so the Pauper let himself in. The aroma was intoxicating and sights were astounding. He heard some commotion down the hall and followed the noise. There, hard at work, was a portly gentleman with a thick, graying beard.
"Can I help you"? the man asked the Pauper. "I was just passing through and wanted to check out a vineyard. I won't be long, if you don't mind". The man was strangely familiar but the Pauper didn't know why. "Be my guest" as the man signaled for the Pauper to come over to the vat. He grabbed 2 pristine wine glasses and filled them with some delicious vino. For the first time since encountering this familiar stranger, the Pauper had a clear look at his face. It was Francis Ford Coppola, the director of the Godfather and famous wine connoisseur. Trying not to act like a crazed teenie bopper fan, the Pauper kept his cool. "So where on the boot are you from" asked Coppola. He could tell by the Roman nose that the Pauper was Italian. "My family is from just outside of Naples". The two sat outside in a gorgeous veranda overlooking fields of grapes and talked all things Italy. What's the better cheese, Romano or Asiago? What's the best kind of parmigiana, Veal or Eggplant. And then Coppola decided to see what kind of an Italian the Pauper really was. He asked him two questions, what's the best kind of red wine and what film is better Godfather 1 or Godfather 2?
It was make or break time for the Pauper. He swirled the wine around his glass, gave it a nice smooth sniff and slowly savored the flavors. He didn't speak right away, but rather took some time to contemplate the difficult questions. "Well Francis, as for the better kind of red wine, I don't believe there is one. There are higher quality wines and that lies in the origins of the grapes and the attention to detail of the fermintation process. I respect a good bottle of wine just as I respect a quality film. As for your second inquery, I must say I prefer Godfather I. The quotability factor is much higher in part I than II. There are many more memorable moments from part I and you have to respect the original. Although DeNiro delivers an iconic performance in the second film, I'm standing by my guns and saying part I".
Coppola was astounded. It was the perfect answer to an almost unanswerable question. It was similar to when Red was asked if he thinks he has been rehabilitated in Shawshank. Coppola had been waiting nearly a quarter century for someone to answer those questions like that. "Tom, you can come back here anytime". They sat and talked over more wine for many hours. The hours had flown by and vino had gone down smoothly. The Pauper thanked him for his hospitality and promised to return someday. Before he drove off, Coppola handed him a key to the winery and a bottle of vintage chianti circa 1971. "From Vito Corleone" he said. It had felt like a dream but it was as real as it could be. It just goes to show you that you never know what to expect and you never know who you're gonna come across on a cross country trip of enlightenment.
"What to Expect When You're Expecting"
We have a fresh new fab 5 from Pasquale and he never disappoints. A terrific idea came to him in the shower (if that does anything for our female readers) about info-mercials and he has some thoughts to share. In light of Steamin' Willie Beamen's comedy list, I will be coming out with my own and we will see how movies many a few old college roommates have in common (if memory serves me well it took an average of 31 minutes to choose a movie to watch). MP4 will be back and roaring to go as well. So until next time...Stay Sweet
no animal house, i am upset
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