Due to the unpredicted success of this blog I have been invited to attend a writing summit that will be taking place at the Jersey Shore for the remainder of the week. The Princeton is calling and damn it who am I to turn them down. So what does that mean? A spike in readership? Presumably. Increased advertising on Google Blogs? You bet. A one year subscription to the "jelly of the month club"? That's the gift that keeps on giving. But more importantly it means there wont be a Friday blog. So to make up for it we have an excellent piece, choc full o' topics and quite lengthy. But last time I checked, size matters. We've got the best Fab 5 to date from Pasquale. We have an update on the Pauper's cross country journey. And we will have a stellar op/ed piece from Steamin Willie Beamen so lets get right into this.
"The Pauper"
The Pauper has now officially been on the road for 4 days of his cross country trip. Prior to his departure I asked that he send me 1 text message a week to give me his location, and I will fill in the details. Well this morning I was pleasantly surprised to get a text from him. Originally the Pauper told me that he was going to fall off the grid on this trip and use his phone as little as possible. We should all feel very lucky that the Pauper is so dedicated to the blog that he broke his cell phone rule to keep us informed. Heres what he said...
May 26, 2009 11:30AM : "at the ohio state university listening to hendrix watchtower"
So based on the principles of detection, heres how I have pieced together the Pauper's trip. He began on an innocent enough day, a Saturday in fact. He packed a small bag with a few of his favorite t-shirts and 1 pair of clean underwear. He laid out a few feather bed mattresses through the trunk and back seat, a place that for the next 2 months will serve as his bedroom. With the wind in his flowing hair and the ipod blaring "Born To Be Wild", the Pauper hit the open road. The time through CT and New York were nothing special, as hes been there too many times to count. But as he passed through PA he immediately realized the merits of this trip. With his mind at ease, PA never looked so good to anyone as it did at that moment to the Pauper. Overwhelmed by the beauty of nature, the Pauper decided to stop at one of natures greatest landmarks, the Great Lakes. And en route to HOMES he decided to check out THE Ohio State University. If I know the Pauper like I think do, his next stop will be the gateway to the west, St. Louie. And when he does send me the next text message I will no doubt create the next chapter in "The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Journey of Enlightenment"
"Fab 5"
If you're like me then you have been waiting with baited breath for the next edition of the Fab 5. And it is has exceeded even my own lofty expectations. Stop what your doing and pay close attention to the words on the screen...
5 to hate
James Harrison – Worst excuse of all time for not going to the White House. “As far as I’m concerned he would have invited the Cardinals if they had won” You know what James, as far as I’m concerned you’re right. As far as I’m concerned that is the way it works. If you didn’t want to go just say so, or show up the day after and pretend you got the day wrong like Larry David on Curb.
Rachael Ray – Does it get any more annoying than Rachael Ray? Grossly over exposed now with dunkin donuts commercials and multiple tv shows. Do us a favor Rachael stop laughing at your own jokes and just go away.
Craig Sager – Hands down the worst suits on TV. One of many sideline reporters who ask horrendous questions with obvious answers. I’m sure talking to some moron with bad questions and a hideous suit is exactly what nba coaches want to do between quarters. Here is a radical idea for Sager and the networks, how about you let the coaches coach? Then after the game you can ask them bad questions. I’d pay money to see a coach say to Sager, “Craig, that question sucked and I refuse to answer it until you get a respectable looking black suit”
Justin Long – Arrogant little prick from the Mac commercials. I actually like Macs, but his arrogance in the commercials makes me sympathize with the PC guy. I’d love to see the PC smack him in the face with a lap top when he makes one of his snide remarks. Then after Long is lying on the floor the PC can realize that there really are some good uses for Macs. Also, his role in the last die hard film infuriates me. Does anyone really think John Mclean needs the help of some little bitch like Justin Long? I didn’t think so.
David Schwimmer – His stints on Curb and The Wonder Years are not enough to save him from being on the 5 to hate list. The worst actor on one of the most overrated TV series of all time. His role as Captain Sobel in band of brothers is probably his best work. In case you haven’t seen that, his character was pretty much a punk, whom no one trusted, respected or cared to be around. The role was such a natural fit for him, how could it not be his best performance?
"Steamin Willie Beamen"
Today's op/ed piece from Willie Beamen is titled "L.A. Love Story". Before you read, you should know when he mentions "the purple haze" he is referring to his 1994 purple Volkswagon Jetta, a car that has many drives from Richmond to New England in it, and that was so close to being scrapped for parts on its deathbed that for our entire junior year of college the car was dead and didn't move from the best parking spot in the lot. So here is Steamin.....
...Or maybe I should call it the ramblings of a boy in Sunny Arctic Portland, Maine.
For many years I have had a small love affair with the opposite coast and its "City of Angels". It gave me two of my favorite movies, L.A.Confidential and Heat. LAC has multiple amazing performances by, "In His Prime" Kevin Spacey, the break out performance of "Bad Ass"Russell Crowe, and not to mention the very underrated performances by Guy Pierce and Danny Devito. Great movie that does not crack the top ten but is a solid 25 in my book. Heat on the other hand can find its way into any top ten you could make up, best action, best gangster,best good vs evil (pacino v de niro), best val kilmer...ok maybe too far. But any way you look at it Heat has everything you would want from a movie...
Vincent Hanna: "You know, we are sitting here, you and I, like a couple of regular fellas. You do what you do, and I do what I gottado. And now that we've been face to face, if I'm there and I gotta put you away, I won't like it. But I tell you, if it's between you and some poor bastard whose wife you're gonna turn into a widow, brother,you are going down.
Neil McCauley: "There is a flip side to that coin. What if you do got me boxed in and I gotta put you down? Cause no matter what, you will not get in my way. We've been face to face,yeah. But I will not hesitate. Not for a second." This scene is in a coffee shop...could you imagine being the dude sitting next to them catching any part of that convo. Epic.
Back to Hell A. It gave me my favorite bowl game. The Rose Bowl or True National Championship every year before the BCS. I have had the chance to attend and it really is the Big Daddy of Them All. Countless Michigan teams roll to Big Ten Dominance. C-Wood, Tommy Brady,A-Train, Tim Biakabatuka, Brian Grease, and the list goes on and on and on...
Los Angeles was a city that I loved to visit and one that I wanted to live in. These thoughts almost became a reality when the city of L.A.was given the gift of an early Christmas on Thursday July 31, 2008. I almost went Pauper and packed up the Purple Haze and went west. The departure of Manuel Ramirez was no doubt painful and difficult. He was the reason my favorite team was my favorite team. He was the reason why my favorite team won two world championships in 2004 and 2007. He was the reason why baseball was fun and why it was so special. I was at the 2007 Divisional Game when he hit a walk off against K-Rod and stood at Home Plate for what seemed like 5 minutes with his arms outstretched. I saw the special player and personality that is ManRam. So when he left I took notice not of what was gone but of where he was going. I saw Manny be loved and cherished and embraced by a new town with new fans. Mannywood and the dreadlock gangs are just signs that if given some latitude he can be seen for the superstar that he is. Now things took a bit of a turn but just cause Manny was trying to grow ovaries and wanted to try and have a baby Manny does not give everyone the right to start saying he is not the great player and hitter that he has always been. I mean he was hitting homers of Roger Clemens. Does that not cancel out? So I have been watching the Dodgers and thinking that it is nice to see a pro team who does not allow its fans to make the decisions and does not allow the public opinion polls of the Nation to cause it to make impulse decisions and run off the best thing that had ever happened to the Boston Red Sox...
Yet my love for Hollywood has evolved into a rooting interest for The Black Mamba...I am sick of this talk of Bron v Kobe. It is not adequate. Kobe "The Killer" Bryant aka "It's Not My Fault She Didn't know How Big it was Going to Be"..."The Black Mamba" aka "Three Champion Rings" is ten times the Basketball player as the uber athlete Queen James. Maybe the Cavs should spend more time at practice and less time planning out the photo shoot that they are going to do before the game. I can not wait till someone asks Bron why he cant win a championship and he says cause I am not that good. I am huge and jacked and tatted and nice and a good teammate and bigger then everyone else and 24 and blah blah blah...but I am not that good of a basketball player. Kobe is the best pure player alive and works harder then everyone else and has a look in his eyes that he is going to kill someone. This goes back to my KG feelings that sports are not about winning anymore they are about looking good and talking nice and being a slave to the man...Kobe is a slave to no Man and is going to ice down baby bron bron if he can even make it to the title game...
Go L.A. Go Mannywood Go Mamba and I want to end by saying that Jay Bay Bay is unreal so I'm not saying I am not happy with how it all turned out...
The Always Steamin' Willie Beamen
"What to Expect When Your Expecting"
A lot. MP4 (who has locked himself inside the library to prepare for the CPA exam) will return in winning fashion. I received a comment about Dicky's Gripe, asking Dicky to not hold back, so I am quite confident we have a gripe so rage filled that it will be borderline uncomfortable and that will be talked about for years to come. So stayed tuned ladies and gents and remember.....Stay Sweet
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