10 Movies I Hate

For years, my knock was that I never saw a movie I didn't like. Well today I am here to refute that statement. But I have a theory as to why people think this. It's because whenever I go see a movie and my friends ask me how it was, I usually say something like "it was good" or "it was sick". But here's my explanation. I only go to movies that I think I would like. For instance, I recently went to see Wolverine and Star Trek because I thought they would be good and they were. On the other hand, I know that 17 Again probably is terrible movie and therefore I'm not going to see it.

Now does that mean, every movie that I go see is good? No. But part of my assessment for a movie is whether or not it entertained me. These are your typical action movies (usually with someone like Nic Cage in the title role) that are poorly written, but somehow turn out to be an enjoyable flick, even though you know its a bad movie (Con Air). It would be easy for me to a make a list of 10 movies that I hate that included such gems as Who's Your Caddy and Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. But that would be a cop out and I refuse to insult the intelligence of my readers.

So I have taken the 10 movies and broken them down into several categories....

• Highly Overrated- Movies that may not be terrible, but certainly are not as good as hyped
• Very Disappointing- Movies that had a lot of potential/expectations, but were flat out bad
• Straight Hate- Movies that I straight hate
• The Worst Movies of All-Time- I think you get the idea

Next to each movie i will but a number 1-10 in parentheses to rank where they stand on the top 10 list. 1 being my all time most hated movie, 10 being not as bad.

Highly Overrated

Pulp Fiction (9)- Don't get me wrong, Tarantino has had an enormous impact on movies. This is his second major movie, after the much better debut film Reservoir Dogs. This movie had way too many weird/f'd up parts that detracted from the main dynamic of Travolta and Jackson. Those two made the movie, and if I were to ask you what stands out from this movie chances are its those two talking about a quarter pounder w/cheese or Sam Jackson developing his trademark yelling voice. If you want the Tarantino Experience I recommend Reservoir Dogs.

Crash (8)- Probably the worst movie to ever win a Best Picture Academy Award. It won just because people were shocked that a movie could weave 6 separate story lines into one "crash" ending. Look past the stylishness and all you have is a movie about racists.

Very Disappointing

Superman Returns (7)- There was a lot of hope that yet another comic book remake would dominate. But I did not like this offering. Kevin Spacey was terrific as Lex Luther, but he's always good as the villain. Superman can do anything, and with CGI you literally can do anything but all they did was bounce a bullet off of Superman's eye. Really?

Matrix Revolutions(10)-I think the original Matrix is one of the best movies in the past 20 years, but the conclusion to the trilogy was very disappointing. There was hardly any time spent in the matrix in this one. And the huge battle sequence was just bad. I think the makers of this movies assumed it would be good, and in turn let us down with a horrible ending.

Miami Vice(6)- It's hard to go wrong with Jamie Foxx, and he was the only bright spot in this movie. I hated the way Michael Mann filmed this (even though that's his trademark). He tried to mix the Vice TV Show with his biggest hit Heat (a far, far, far superior film) and failed. Colin Farrell's hair and mustache combo is revolting. In the final shootout its so hard to tell who's who. Steamen Willie Beamen will highly disagree with.

Straight Hate

The Grudge(5)- I hate scary movies as it is, but this is the epitome of "why would you go in there" scary movie. Want to know what I would have done if I was living in that house? Gotten the hell out of the house.

Vantage Point(4)- I didn't like "Tarantino style" story telling from Tarantino, so I definitely didn't like it from a knock-off director. This movie showed several different vantage points of the same incident and it took almost 2 hours to get to the main incident. If it's on TNT at 230 on Saturday night I might tune it, but that's about the only time.

The Worst Movies of All-Time

Ghost Rider(3)- What a terrific Nic Cage performance. I have a few friends who only watch Cage movies and i wonder what they think of this little diddy. The only redeeming quality of this movie, which saved it from being higher on my hate list, is Eva Mendes. She could be in the biggest piece of shit movie and I'd consider watching it.

Bangkok Dangerous(2)-Another oscar worthy effort from Cage. I actually rented this on Blu-Ray and almost turned it off in the middle of it (something I've never done before). What a waste of 2 hours. If you've never heard of this movie, i suggest you google it for some cheap laughs.

Wanted(1)-My all time worst movie. It is LAUGHABLY bad. I can't say enough bad things about this movie, but I will try. It goes all "matrix-y" like jumping from a skyscraper window, across a city street, and firing a curved bullet square between some one's eyes. Except unlike the Matrix, a computer simulation, this all happens in real life. We're supposed to believe that these assassins are so good that they can defy gravity, curve bullets and survive train crashes from a thousand foot mountain peak. And here's the kicker. This group of assassins have a system of who to kill, a system that's been in this secret group for thousands of years. want to know what it is? They read textiles that have secret weavings in them that have a name of someone to kill. THE WORST MOVIE IVE EVER SEEN.

With that out of the way, its time to get down to some business. Ladies and Gentleman, the Pauper is about to embark on a cross country trip and as promised we are going to do our best to keep tabs on his adventures along the way. Like Jason Bourne, he just wants to fall off the grid for a while. I have asked to get 1 text message a week on his location, just so we all can follow him. Well his trip begins Friday morning and I have asked him to provide a few words about what he is thinking. I will leave you today with the Pauper's piece because it is so inspiring and epic. So on Friday we will have contributions from MP4, Pasquale and Dicky. Oh and as always this piece has not been embellished because it needs no embellishing...

"The Pauper"

As a wise man once said "I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain.... I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope. "

Adventure is one of those things that is never given or handed out. It can only be searched for and found. Whether you find it within yourself or somewhere out there, I have yet to know. But I am young, I am free and I have a lot to learn. I am embarking on a course with no expectations, only anticipations. A journey that cannot be understood, only felt.

I would like to wish the readers of this blog an enjoyable summer while I am gone and I look forward to indulging in the simple pleasure of a conversation over a beer with friends when I return as well as the obvious merits of a debate over, to quote Jim Rome, how soon KGs chin is going to rip right off his face.