Cheesepots, Forefathers and Paupers

It's that time of the year ladies and gentleman, the 4th of July. One of the most epic weekends of the year. Unlike New Years Eve when sometimes the expectations exceed what actually happens, the 4th never disappoints. Unfortunately my plans were disappointed, but like my patriotic brethren of the 18th century I will not be defeated.

I'm assuming most people have Friday off, so I have decided to publish this post a day early. This is our 24th edition of ETC. ETC. ETC. and the critics are clamoring already. They think I'm a thing of the past, that the last few posts have not been up to the usual standard that we've grown accustomed to. "He's all washed up", "He's got nothing left in the tank" said a man also known as Cheesepot. Well Mr. Pot I'm here to answer the call. This weekend marks the return to glory of an insanely good looking and extremely badass association known as Team Mansausage. The origin of the name came at a time when all 5 of us were crammed into a small car for an extented road trip. So save your snide remarks and accept the name. All you need to know is the following quotation taken from an actual email from a displaced member of Team Mansausage...

"the big question is if the north is ready for the triumphant return of the "Great White Sexiness" as I am known in many circles of important people".

To honor our forefathers, the esteemed members of Team Mansausage will be invading our nation's capital to celebrate. Everything will be documented and a running diary "tell-all" will be aired on Monday to recap the action. Here's what you can expect...lots of games of tap-out, beer bats, mingling with beautiful D.C. babies, trash talking like Rasheed Wallace, a complete re-enactment of the final scene of "A Few Good Men" and an old, old wooden ship used during the civil war.

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"The Pauper"

Before I present the final chapter of "The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Trip of Enlightenment" I would like to say a few words. Consider this my epilogue. The short story about the Pauper is in many ways a landmark achievement. Not for me the author, but for the Pauper, the man who embarked on this epic journey. It was a bold and brave decision to stay in the backseat of your car for more than a month all by your lonesome. Only a person with strong moral fibers and an insatiable curiosity for the unknown could have managed a trip like this. Many people were skepticle of this idea, including myself, but I'm sure the Pauper can explain the merits of this trip way better than I can. Today the Pauper returned home, bringing to an end one of the greatest months of his life. He came back wiser, stronger and with a "castaway-esque" beard. I hope this short story will one day take life like "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", a short story that grows over time, means different things to different people and eventually is made into a movie.

The Tale of the Pauper : A Cross Country Trip of Enlightenment

Chapter 9

The Long and Winding Road

(Narration by Morgan Freeman)

July 1, 2009 7:09 PM : Last blog update: passing linc and citizens in philly

As the final moments of the epic journey were approaching the Pauper took a few moments to reflect. Many years ago the great explorer George Mallory, who was to die on Mount Everest, was asked why he wanted to climb the mountain. "Because it is there", he responded. It is with that frankness and sense of adventure that has guided the Pauper along his trip. He had been to places he never would have imagined. Places like Muddy Gap, WY and Death Valley, CA. As the roads and cities became familiar again, the Pauper wondered what it would be like to rejoin society. To have to shower every morning, to be conscious of time, to make small talk about the weather with people you really don't like. I imagine its similar to the feelings that Red had in The Shawshank Redemption. Conflicting emotions of joy and sadness, relief and anxiousness.

The Pauper was just over 3 hours away from his hometown in the state of Connecticut. While part of him was upset to see the expedition come to an end, another part was glad that he would soon be with friends and family. Undoubtedly they will have plenty of questions for the Pauper and he couldn't wait to tell about life on the open road. It is ironic that the very last blog update comes from Philadelphia on this weekend of Independence. 233 years ago, in that very city, the foundations of Independence took form. The forefathers were embarking on something that many thought was insane and sure to fail. But they followed their beliefs and so did the Pauper.

The long and winding road had new meaning. It was no longer a Beatles song, it was a symbol for the great adventure that he just endured. Why did the Pauper do it? I can't be entirely sure. But I turn to a JFK speech for some guidance. William Bradford, speaking in 1630 of the founding of the Plymouth Bay Colony, said that all great and honorable actions are accompanied with great difficulties, and both must be enterprised and overcome with answerable courage. That sums up the Pauper and his journey pretty well to me.

Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves. In which case I imagine the Pauper to be a brave and noble man.

"Theme of the Weekend"

I was desperately searching for the Sandlot version of the Ray Charles song "America the Beautiful" but couldn't find it anywhere. So this will have to due. It's grainy and looks like the Zapruder film, but it's the best I could do. Enjoy.

"What to Expect When You're Expecting"

I will be documenting all the craziness of July 4th with a running diary live from D.C. Enjoy your fireworks, enjoy your BBQ's and enjoy your alcohol, safely of course. Happy 4th and until next time....Stay Sweet.

TM-why?

Ladies and gentleman I would like to take this time to rant. It's actually a continued rant from my previous post in which I complained about twitter. Our resident ranter has recently been in a happy place and like a pitcher tossing a perfect game, there's no need to jinx that. So the buck will be passed to me today.

My problem today is with TMZ. Sure it's just a microcosm of the bigger problem in America that includes reality tv, myspace and twitter but its a big one. Why must celebrities be forced to answer the dumbest questions ever asked of them at times when they just want to be left alone. Why do we care what they are doing? I imagine it must feel alot like an animal at the zoo. Sometimes the lion just wants to lay in the shade but has to deal with the obnoxious kid yelling at them to roar. And what makes it worse is that if a celebrity ignores the stupid questions, then when it airs on TV they spin it to make the celebrity look like a total jerk (they very well could be jerks in real life, but just because they want some privacy doesn't qualify them as jerks).

I would like to see what would happen if a celebrity followed around one of TMZ's reporters all day with cameras and asked them absurd questions? The celebrity would probably be arrested for harassment. But its totally acceptable for TMZ to do because they're papparazzi.

This also makes a case for a very interesting social experiment and could be used to settle a bet. Say the party who lost the bet was subject to 24 hour a day papparazzi treatment by the party who won the bet. Constant harrassment and ridiculous questions all day long and the losing party had to oblige. I know a few people who would cause havoc as the papparazzi. "Why didn't you recycle that bottle, do you not care about the planet?" "I saw you talking to Nancy in accounting, is it true you guys are having an inter-office affair?" Could be interesting.

It's a cheap source of entertainment and just like twitter is a cheap source of "journalism" it's completely ruining the "pure" forms like sitcoms and newspapers. So now we have tackled twitter and TMZ and coming soon...reality TV. It needs to be attacked. But for now lets get to the Pauper.

"The Pauper"
The Tale of the Pauper: A Cross Country Trip of Enlightenment
Chapter 8
Bayou Adventures
(Narration by Morgan Freeman)

June 27th, 2009 10:03 PM : Sleepin on the bayou tonight

California has been called the state of dreams. A place people go when they don't have anywhere else to go. This was and wasn't the case for the Pauper. He didn't go in search of fame and fortune. He went in search of something much more intangible. The feeling of life on the open road, the indescribable feeling of watching the sun set down behind the Pacific. And yet never in his wildest dreams would the Pauper have thought of sharing a glass of wine with Coppola or setting a new course record on the Malibu mini golf circuit. He made the most of his time in California and yet he could have stayed forever. The blue waves of the Pacific were everything he thought they would be. As the beauty of Malibu crossed over to the dryness of Death Valley, the Pauper realized it was time to leave. A few days of 100 + degree heat in the back of your car will make a man do crazy things. Especially when you have a beard that rivals ZZ Top's.

The Pauper made his peace with the Golden State and began to head back east. As he crossed over the southwestern parts of the U.S. he found it hard to comprehend just how flat the land was. It couldn't be more different than the hills of CT that he was so familiar with. Always the connousier of fine foods, the Pauper knew he had to hit New Orleans and sample the cajun cuisine. But not on Bourbon Street where commercial chain restaurants were everywhere. Instead he found a nice little joint just off the main road, with the bayou clearly in sight. He wanted to try it all, so he ordered an appetizer of crayfish and a bowl of gumbo soup. Savoring the rich flavors, he took his time and observed life on the bayou. It was very relaxed, as if there were no other places to go or people in the world. Completely satisfied with his bourbon chicken and seafood jambalaya the Pauper got into his condo on wheels and searched for a good place to rest his bones.

The bayou can be a relaxing place. But it can also be a terrifying place. I'm pretty sure there are species of animals that have yet to be discovered that live in those murky waters. Not to mention the gators and catfish that can swallow a human like it was a jello shot. But the Pauper had his trusty swiss army knife/imaginary best friend SAK by his side and knew he could handle anything that came his way. He found a perfect place to park the car, just off the road but close enough to the water so that he could hear the relaxing noises that nature provided. New Orleans was a little of the way on his trip back to the Constitution State, but the Pauper was glad he swung by. Before he parts ways with Louisiana, the Pauper knew he had to go to an old time jazz joint and hear the sweet musical melodies that have made the place famous. That's tomorrow, thought the Pauper, a man who lived for today.