Nic Cage Movie Review Edition

It's been a while since we reviewed a movie here at ETC, and one of our readers requested we take a look at Avatar. So who am I to deny the readers what they want? And since it's been a while I will review the last 3 movies that I've seen as well as take a look at what's coming out soon.

Avatar- Yes I'm a little late in reviewing this movie, but Christopher asked, so Christopher gets. It is now the highest grossing movie of all time, both domestically and world-wide. What is crazy is that a few of my friends are among the estimated 214 people not to have seen it yet. So therefore I will not go too much into the movie's details in case they decide to see it.

Calling Avatar just a movie is like calling a Choco-Taco just a frozen treat...it simply doesn't do it justice. Avatar isn't the best story and it isn't the best acted movie of all time. But as a movie experience, it is one of the most amazing thing's I've ever seen. In fact it was the first movie I've seen in IMAX 3D and it totally changed my understanding of what a movie can accomplish. James Cameron created an entire world and his attention to detail is evident in every aspect of the movie; flowers, languages, animals and landscapes. I decided to see this movie in IMAX 3D over all others that have come out because Cameron used 3D to enhance the movie, not as a ploy to make weapons jump out toward the audience. Instead it actually made you feel like you were in the world of Pandora. You've got to give Cameron credit, the guy just makes huge, ridiculously sucessful movies. And for an encore I have a great idea. I don't think an Avatar sequel is the right answer. It's a great movie and a singular story that should stand alone. Instead I think he should make Aquaman. I mean who wouldn't see that? There's a built in curiosity based on his appearances on Entourage and from the few short images of it on the show it looked like it would be amazing. I might even go so far as to cast Vinny Chase as well.

As an all around movie, Avatar is like nothing else. It will be interesting to see how it does at the Oscar's but I will highly recommend it. (4 Cages out of 4)

The Book of Eli- This movie tests the theory that Denzel Washington is such a bad ass that he can carry a mediocre movie. Set in a post-apacolyptic era, Denzel plays a wanderer who is in possession of a powerful book. As he travels to the West Coast he comes across a warlord (played to perfection by Gary Oldman) who is in search of the book, something he believes to be a great weapon. Without giving away the plot, there are some very good twists and surprises that you don't at all expect and they make the movie an interesting story as opposed to a simple tale of survival. Highlighted by a few intense fight sequences, the movie makes the audience use their imagination as to what the book truly is. It's part Man on Fire and part I Am Legend just not as good as either. Decent movie, and yes Denzel is a bad ass but wait for the Blu-ray. (2 Cages out of 4)

Up In The Air- I really enjoy when an actor returns to what made them great. There are some roles that only a particular actor could play, and if played by anyone else would make it a totally different and probably less enjoyable movie. For instance, Vince Vaughn became a unique talent in Swingers and returned to greatness in Old School and Wedding Crashers. Tom Cruise played the cocky but flawed character in movies like Top Gun, Cocktail and A Few Good Men and didn't return to form until Jerry Maguire.

Well this movie gives us George Clooney in a role that only he could play and it gives us Clooney doing what he does best. He plays Ryan Bingham, a slick, confident ladies man who is a "corporate downsizer" (much like the Bob's in Office Space). He is on the road for the majority of the year, and he wouldn't have it any other way. That is until a fresh-out-of-college employee attempts to change the downsizing industry to a computer based industry instead of a face-to-face industry. Clooney must take the new employee, played by the pride of Portland Maine Anna Kedrick (sorry Hews. If you get nominated for an Oscar or defeat me in Madden I'll move you to the top of the list. You're still my favorite Portland resident though) on the road to learn the ropes.

This movie sucessfully depicts how the recession is affecting people and it is rare for a movie to capture an era while that era is still going on. It's written and directed by Jason Reitman, who's last two movies were the underrated Thank You For Smoking and Juno and is becoming a very unique and talented director. I must warn you though, it is depressing, but there are very funny parts( like the small role played by Danny McBride aka Kenny Powers) and it tells a great story through a character that only Clooney could pull off. (3 and 1/2 Cages out of 4)

Shutter Island- I am very intruiged by this movie. Martin Scorsese is behind this one, and the guy's made some of the greatest movies of all time in Goodfellas, Departed, Raging Bull, Casino and Taxi Driver to name a few. The tandem of Leo and Scorsese is an umatched tandem right now hitting its peak much the same way Michael Jordan and Phil Jackson did with the Bulls. I am very confident that this will be an entertaining movie with a style only Scorsese can achieve. Having said that, it looks like it will be a little scary/messed up with crazy people and insane asylums. For those that don't know, I don't get along well with scary movies. I once walked out of a group viewing of The Ring less than 5 minutes into the movie to go watch I'm With Busey (in retrospect it was an amazing decision as I may have been one of 10 people to ever see the show). Despite it coming out next week, and seeing many previews for it, I still don't really know what the movie is about. I know there's a disappearance of a prisoner and that Leo is called in to investigate. Beyond that I have no idea. It might be like The Shining it might be like Shawshank or it might be like Silence of the Lambs. I have no clue. Chances are it will be like nothing we have seen before and incredibly terrifying/entertaining which is why I'm giving it 3 Cages. But I'm going to wait until someone I know see's it and lets me know if I can see it in the theaters or wait until the Blu-ray comes out to watch it with the lights on with a blunt weapon nearby. (3 Expecting Cages out of 4)

The Wolfman- Benicio del Toro stars as the manbeast along with Anthony Hopkins. While I am not much of a fan of either of them, aside from del Toro's captivating performance in The Usual Suspects, they are very good actors. It also stars Emily Blunt who I am a huge fan of, based on her acting ability as well as her aesthical appeal. The visual effects look to be outstanding but for some reason I just have no desire to see this. Let me guess, there's a werewolf terrifying a town, Benicio tries to hunt it but gets bit, then becomes a werewolf and campaigns for werewolf rights by organizing non-violent protests and marching on Capital Hill. I don't think that is accurate but what a dud of a movie that would be. I hope I am wrong on this, but I don't think it's going to be worth my time. (1 Expecting Cage out of 4)

Finkel is Einhorn, Einhorn is Finkel

So where is Finkle now?

Busted out of a mental institution, did a Claude Raines, he's been plotting his revenge for years, waiting for the perfect time to get back at the Dolphins, the time when it would hurt them the most....SUPER BOWL time. Man I'm tired of being right.

I thought a little Ace Ventura would set the mood nicely for a Super Bowl recap edition of ETC. The Super Bowl really has morphed into an American holiday and should take its rightful place behind 4th of July and Thanksgiving in the pantheon of great American days. Who doesn't love the excessive food, funny commercials and general pageantry that makes the day great. And mixed in with all that is a football game. Yesterday's game was exactly why they play the game, because almost everyone expected Peyton Manning to come out and dominate the game and take his place among the top 3 greatest QB's of all time. Instead the Saints overcame the largest deficit in Super Bowl history and sent Bourbon Street into a month long party. Drew Brees and Sean Peyton have transformed the Aints, and they can no longer be a punchline of the league.

I should have expected this though. Like the majority of people I thought the Colts would win. But more importantly my dad thought they would win as well. And win easily. In the two weeks that led up to the game he proclaimed the Colts would win by at least 2 touchdowns, and that he could see no way in which the Saints would win. Not only was he confident, he was adamant. And for those who are unfamiliar with the picking expertise of my dad, that translated to BET THE FARM on the Saints. He is the betting equivalent of George Costanza, every instinct he has is wrong and therefore the opposite has to be right.

I can't believe I didn't see it coming. I could be driving a Bentley today instead of sitting in a duct-taped recliner. Oh well, March Madness is about a month away, so there should be plenty of opportunities to test this theory.

A few highlights from the Super Bowl:
1. The Saints drinking game, as discovered by Rowella, that if played during the pre-game would have been deadly, but was surprising uneventful during the actual game. It was such a good idea, that I am going to try and come up with a similar game for every major event. Suggestions are welcomed for upcoming events that this might be perfect for.
2. Despite a weak set of commercials, a few funny ones were Betty White Snickers ad, T-Pain's auto-tuner Bud Light ad, and the Doritos ad with the little kid.
3. Jay-Z's intro video during the pregame. They should have played that on the Jumbotron because I was fired up and the video inspired me to single handily demolish the antipasta platter. I can only imagine what I would have been capable of if I was actually playing the game and saw that. Better yet, what I'd be capable of after a few drinks at a White Castle.

The Gary Oldman/Vinny Testaverde Forget Me Not Spotlight
As promised in the State of the Blog, I am unveiling a new segment. I fear that some of the classics are being forgetten or overlooked and it is my duty to prevent this.

The Vinny Testaverde Corolation: Sports fans know that Testaverde had many peaks and valleys in his career, but somehow managed to be in the top 10 in some major passing categories. When you mention the all-time best quarterbacks, Testaverde is left off the list. Yet in the history of the NFL only 6 people have passed for more yards then ol' Vinny, and they are all in the Hall of Fame (Marino, Elway, Moon, Tarkenton) or will be (Favre, Manning). Basically, you knew he was good but you forgot or never realized he was that good.


The Gary Oldman Corolation: Oldman is a modern day cameleon. You may know him as Commissioner Gordon in the Batman movies or Sirius Black in the Harry Potter movies or as the menacing terrorist in Air Force One. No matter what you have seen him in one thing is certain, his performances get better with time

And since I've already quoted this movie it, it makes a perfect segway.

Ace Ventura Pet Detective

We all know the obvious reasons why this movie is funny, the site-gags, the bathroom jokes and of course "ALLLRIGHTYTHEN". But what's truly impressive about this movie is that it is funny when you first see it as 10 year old, and even funnier when you watch it as an 18 year old and get all the jokes. It almost becomes a new movie and to me that is a lost art. Nowadays comedies tend to be so raunchy that they are rated R and no matter how "mature" some teenagers claim to be there's no way they can get all the jokes. For instance, no way a 10 year old would have found "Forgetting Sara Marshall" to be funny and if they say they did, they are liars. Just like as a 10 year old you don't get....

"why don't i just take off your pants instead?"

"Gee, let me think...ummm, sure"

The Andy Bernard Scene Stealing Tangent: When Ace is commited to Shady Acres Mental Institution. The entire scene really has nothing to do with the movie, other then the 5 seconds in which Ace discovers the newspaper tipping him off about Finkel and Einhorn. But it's absolutely hilarious. "I'm ready to go in coach, just give me a chance. I know there's a lot riding on it, but it's all psychological. You just gotta stay in a positive frame of mind. I'm gonna execute a buttonhook in super slow mo. Let's see that in an instant replay"

Underrated Quotes:

"Good Question Aguado. First I'd establish a motive, in this case the killer saw the size of the bug's dick and became insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 30 pounds PORKIN' his wife...Now, kiss and make up"

"Tom Ace. Pleasure to meet you sir and may I congratulate you on all your sucess...You smell TERRIFIC. I was just telling Melissa that one of the first things we learned back at Stanford Law was the modern proliferation of food poisoning claims against wealthy, private homeowners. In fact if one were so inclined, one could make quite a lucrative law practice on little else. How is everyone feeling?"

Melissa: "You know, you're just mad because your stupid pebble theory didn't work out, and you don't know how to express your anger.

Ace: "Oh yeah...and you're ugly"

Best Scene to Re-enact at a party: The Roger Podacter crime scene. The re-enactment can be as simple as pointing to a sliding glass door and proclaiming "This is double pane, sound proof glass", to as complex as opening and closing said sliding glass door yelling "AAAAAAAA", all the way to putting the whole scene together and finishing off by saying "I have exercised  the demons...this house is clear"

Be Friends With Anyone Who: Can recite or finish this speech....."Soccer style kicker, graduated from Collier High June 1976, Stetson University honors graduate class of 1980, holds two NCAA division 1 records, one for most points in a season one for distance, former nickname the Mule, the first and only pro athlete ever to come out of Collier County and one hell of a model American".

If you haven't seen this movie in a while I highly recommend you watch the DVD and rediscover how funny it really is. If you haven't seen it at all then it's likely we're not friends. With valentine's day around the corner chances are your girl is going to watch some kind of chick flick. So I'm going to give you the rundown of tolerable movies and which movies you need to avoid like the plague. So until next time, as always......STAY SWEET.