Cage is Twice as Nice

Hello ETC ETC ETC followers and welcome back. I was preparing for the next great Top 10 list when my thoughts were interrupted by the continuing news of Tiger-gate. Actually I hate when any scandal or intriguing story is labeled with "gate" at the end of it. It's lazy and uncreative. So I will invent a new term right now and it is....Tiger-spitzer. That kind of sounds like a fruity wine cooler that might be ordered on Sex and the City. I like it, let's roll with it.

So Tiger-spitzer continues to grow in curiosity as we seemingly can't get enough of this story. We're intrigued for the obvious reason: We love to see celebrities who appear to have it all screw up. And as the press and media consume this story like Katrina, I came to a fascinating realization...in a few weeks we're going to pretend like it never happened.

I'm going to give you a few examples of major scandals/affairs and the aftermath of them...

Kobe Bryant:

Had an affair, was accused of rape, the charges were dropped, as were all his sponsorships. The media was obsessed with this story. Everyone questioned how this will affect him. A few months later, he started playing basketball again, went on to win a championship and got his sponsorships back. Result: We could care less now

Alex Rodriguez:
Was the biggest name to admit to using steroids, calling it "a very loosey goosey time"(which is also my new favorite expression. It works while describing any scenario, try it out). Also had an affair with Madonna and a few strippers north of the border. The media ate it up like Tony Soprano on a Sunday dinner. A few months later, he returns to baseball, starts hitting a bunch of homeruns, dates Kate Hudson, wins a championship and we don't even mention the problems from the offseason. Result: We could care less now

Michael Vick:

Gets arrested for an interstate dog fighting ring. Somehow gets sentenced to two years in prison, loses all his sponsorships and is forced to take communal showers with men named Maurice and Skinny Pete. A few years later, he signs a multimillion dollar deal to return to play football. Result: We could care less now.

Jude Law:

Has an affair with the nanny and subsequently gets divorced from Sienna Miller. What an idiot. This isn't even defensible. I can't even fathom this. I mean have you seen Sienna Miller? Really Jude Law? The nanny? What was this guy thinking. I hope this ruins his career. Honestly. Look at her...

These are only a few examples and Tiger is just the latest and greatest example of a celebrity or athlete screwing up big time. But the reason we could care less is that we only care about our celebrities and athletes in the context that made them famous. We want to see Kobe taking over games, and A-Rod manning the hot corner. As long as they are doing what we expect them to do in their career then at the end of the day we don't care what they do off the field. It may dominate the headlines now, but once they get back to whatever it is they do, it becomes a non issue. And I can guarantee once Tiger tee's off at the Masters and puts on a dominating performance, we aren't even going to mention this little incident.

Switching gears, its time to return to an old staple of ETC ETC ETC. This past summer we unveiled the Nic Cage Movie Review System. It's simple, its informative and its 1000x better then the boring and played "star system".

The Taking of Pelham 123

This looked like it was an immediate candidate for a "Good, Bad Movie", being that Travolta was back in the saddle to play an over-the-top bad guy. If you need references see "Face/Off", "Swordfish", "Broken Arrow" or "The Punisher". But it has the always reliable and sometimes extraordinary Denzel, so I had mixed expectations. This is also a remake of a movie that Pasquale really enjoys, and he rarely labels a movies with a "go see it" as he did with the original of this movie. I actually saw this movie on a bus ride back from a football game, and I fell asleep about 20 minutes into the movie. But I blame that on my "riding in a vehicle sleep reaction" that I suffer from. So when it came in the mail, I was excited. Decent beginning, good cast, but unfortunately I was let down. There are a few too many "F-bombs" that just seemed forced from Travolta. I have no problems with "F-bombs" in movies, as Casino is one of my favorite movies. But these seemed like swears just to have swears in the movie, and not fitting of the situation. Once again Travolta overacts to the extreme and unfortunately Denzel mostly coasts through the movie. I don't yet know if it qualifies as a "Good, Bad Movie", but for now its straight bad. Which is a shame because I want as many Cage mustache pictures up here as possible. (It only gets two cages because its been a while since this awesome mug shot graced the blog)

"Pulse of the Rockies"

Well the month of November is officially in the books and so too is the epic mustache of Yahtzee. I know I am sad to see that man growth go, and am officially petitioning to Yahtzee to keep it going, see how thick it can grow. Who knows where it might take you. Look where a mustache took Tom Selleck. Anyway here is Yahtzee with his last picture update.

Hey All -

I made it! Me and Mr. Mustache lasted the whole month. And what a ride it was... The final picture is attached below.

Thanks again for all your support. I really appreciate your donations.

All the best,

Good Job by Yahtzee for growing a man's stache. You are now officially a gentleman and a scholar. The next step is to rock a tailored suit when you go out and drink only the finest scotch. Glenlivet, Glenfiddich, any kind of Glen really. Anyway that does it for this edition. I ask that if you read the blog, and enjoy it that you become a follower on the side of the webpage. We've been stuck on 34 for way too long, and are looking to make a charge up Google's list as the year comes to a close. So until next time, as always.....Stay Sweet!

Turkey Blog

Hola to the ETC faithful. It's been a few weeks and I've had a lot of things percolating in my hopper (in case you were wondering, I got a hopper). As my favorite holiday approaches, we here at ETC. ETC. ETC. have a LOT to cover. We have a mustache update from Yahtzee, a Fab 5 from Pasquale and return to glory from MP4 that you can't miss. This is a lengthy post but I promise it's one of our finer performances.

Our good friend Yahtzee has been raising money for prostate cancer by growing a mustache. I believe that you don't need a reason to grow a stache, but if you do, what better motive then raising money for a good cause. In our last post, Yahtzee sent us his ground zero stache, and now we have an update to see how the furry friend has been growing.

Pulse of the Rockies

Hey Gang -

It's been a while and I wanted to share my progress. Mr. Mustache has been doing work; he's well on his way to respectability. Currently, he qualifies as "dirty".

Be thankful many of you don't live here and have to see him on a daily basis. I'm happy I don't have to look at me.

The picture below is as of November 15th.

Hope all is well and thanks again for donating!




Yahtzee, let me say this: There is nothing dirty about that 'stache. I believe the word you were looking for is "distinguished". Remember all great men rock a stache at some point in their lives, only the brave do it while young and single. I am looking forward to your next picture update.


"Fab 5"

It's time for another installment of the infinitely popular Fab 5, 5 to Hate. This is a first for the Fab 5 as Pasquale has so much hate for a particular person that he had to include them again in his list. I must say that I could not agree more.

Its been a few weeks since our last post and the issues below have been bothering me

Five to hate

1. Elizabeth Lambert - if you aren't familiar with this girl, take a moment and search her name on you tube. She went absolutely nuts on some nice mormon girls who probably prayed for her rather than talked about how much of a psycho she was. In my athletic career i was never the cleanest player in terms of taking shots at people, but even i find this just ridiculous. The worst part about this is now whenever someone does something that makes them look like a scumbag, they go to counseling or rehab, find god, and then all is forgiven. That course of action is an autographed get out of jail free card. I'm going to quote a wise man in saying "you're just an asshole elizabeth....it's not an illness"

2. Spencer Pratt - This marks a first for the five to hate, a repeat visitor. Spencer has taken issue with Al Roker. Come on, really, Al Roker? If anything he should bash him because he's a weatherman and they are wrong 80% of the time. I might even show spencer a little respect if he quoted larry david and told al there was a jet stream of bullshit coming out of his mouth. But rather spencer attacked Roker via twitter, saying things such as You look very sick? Do you always look like your about to die? How old are you 97? You should retire asap- No one would even know?" Spencer, you're an asshole. keep your mouth shut. you should take your own suggestion and retire because no one would miss you and your idiotic comments.

3. Chase - Here's the link for this chase commercial that angers me, if you haven't seen it, take a moment to familiarize yourself with it
http://www.gawkk.com/chase-sapphire-commercial/discuss
The sad thing about this commercial is that this poor guy just wants to do something nice with his wife. He probably works hard and doesn't get to spend as much time with her as he'd like, so as a result he trys to think of all the nice things they could do together. Instead, she buys a dress. Rather than do something together, she'd rather have a dress. Infuriating. As a result of this commercial, i have canceled my chase credit card. this is not a lie, i'm done with chase. tupac says in one of his songs "fuck bad boy as a staff record label and as a mother fucking crew" i find this quote particularly applicable here as well " fuck chase as a bank, credit card company and as a motherfucking crew"

4. Blue tooth ear pieces - I've got no problem with these in a car. Its safe and allows you to keep both hands on the wheel. i get that. But where we run into problems is when you're walking around with that head set on. You not only look like a complete asshole, but its really confusing when someone talking and you think they're talking with you, but they're talking to the person on the ear piece. Do us all a favor, when you get out of the car, take the head set off and pick up your cell phone.

5. Black Friday - who in their right mind would get up at 3am and go shopping? It insane. The night after thanksgiving is supposed to be about food induced comas. Not about getting up and going to walmart or best buy to try and save a few bucks. But if you must go shopping, try and keep it civil. We'd rather not hear about another person who was trampled to death by people running for a sale. No price on a tv is so good that another person deserves to be hurt.

Finally, enjoy the next few days off, eat up, and have a happy and safe thanksgiving.

In case you all have forgotten from my last post, Pasquale has a very active Thanksgiving in front of him. He has 2 full Thanksgivings, something I am incredible jealous and in awe of. So Pasquale will be giving me text message updates after every food installment, from the antipast, appitizers, main course right up to the dessert. We will give you all a full recap of the events in our next post.

"Picks of the Unknown Gambler"

Once upon a time there was a wise and profitable gambler by the name of MP4. He made a lot of picks and won a lot of money. No one thought he was real until a small time books-maker came after his racket. What does MP4 do? He kills their kids, he kills their wives, he kills their parents and their parents' friends. He burns down the houses they live in, the stores that they work in, he kills people that owe him money. And like that...he was gone. Underground. Nobody has seen him since. MP4 became a myth, a spook story gamblers tell their kids at night. "Pay your debts, or MP4 will get you". And no one ever really believes.

Pasquale always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him". Well I believe in God and the only thing that scares me is picking against MP4. My guess was that no one would hear from him again, but I was wrong......

MP4 Gives Thanks to All

I'd like to first thank the many readers for their unquestioned support for MP4 over the past couple of months. As many of you know it's been a long and wild journey back to Etc., Etc., Etc. It started with a divorce, climaxed with a stint in rehab, and concluded with a re-dedication to the man upstairs. And as a wise women once told me, "Nuevo Ano, Nuevo Vida". For those non-Spanish speaking readers out there, it translates to "Clean Slate". I'm a new man, and with a new man comes a new record: 0-0-0. Some may call it a comeback, other refer to it as a rebirth, or even a "Ricky Williams". Let me just tell you right now this is gonna be a Ricky Williams circa Week 11 2009. I'm back, and if there is one thing a straight jacket can't cure, it's the fever. The Betting Fever.

The Mess @ The Star -13.5 - I have trouble picking against The Star on America's Most Hungover Day. The Raiders had an upset in the Black Hole last weekend, and if there is anything we know about the Raiders, its just when you think there is hope, Raider Nation comes crashing down in a heap of flames. Expect flames and a Turducken for Marion Barber.

Munster -10 @ Motown - If Dante Culpepper was a Turkey he would have been killed 8 years ago. Too bad this wasn’t Thanksgiving 2001, then this would be a tough call.

Big Blue @ Belichick's Baby Boy + 6.5 - A short week for the both teams, but the Giants have to travel across the country after playing a physical OT game, only to find a more physical team awaiting. Orton is back, and McDaniel's will have what's left of the Giants secondary running like Turkeys with their heads cut off….LOCK IT UP!

So when Aunt Marge starts to argue about the merits of Tryptophan, or Uncle Junior tells you about Thanksgiving '64 when he drank too much moonshine, walk into the other room and dial up your local wise guy, or log on to your favorite gambling website located in a one room split in the Northern Antilles, and lock in your picks. Loosen up that belt buckle, shift the recliner into position, throw another log on the fire, grab a bowl of stuffing and some pecans yams, and give thanks to The League.

You can thank me later.


MP4's favorite Thanksgiving Moment…



I hope you all didn't lose interest due to the length, but I've said it before and I will say it again. If you have a short attention span and are more interested in TMZ-ization of creativity I suggest you go elsewhere for your blog fix. But if you're still here I think you have been entertained. I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving, enjoy the "4 F's", Food, Football, Friends and Family. So until next time, as always.....Stay Classy.