Serious Beefs

So ETC nation, it's been nearly a week since I have spoken and I apologize for my absence. In my hiatus the number of hits on the blog has absolutely skyrocketed. It was such a drastic jump that I'm a little suspicious. Pasquale thinks it was some kind of web-bot that has skewed my numbers and he is probably right. But I'm going to pretend that we just had an insane boost in popularity and am giving the credit to Paulie Walnut's "Lawman Corollary". It just proves that you don't mess with Seagal because he always has the last laugh. Anyways I'm back I have some serious beefs.

My first beef is with Beiber Fever. Let me tell you something. I would rather suffer a slow, painful death from the black plague than ever be infected with Beiber fever. In fact, I'd like to nominate Justin Beiber to be the next teen star who is most likely to end up in a gutter somewhere reminiscing about the glory days and/or trading sex for crack. I mean let's do some peripheral research here folks. He's 16 years old but sings and acts like he is some kind of greek god/Backstreet Boy wanna-be who in all reality is probably suffering from a horrid acne breakout and is about to experience puberty and will have to explain to his legions of fans why his voice cracks make his music sound like yours truly singing "Born to Run" at a kareokee night in Jersey. For the goodness of humanity, let's hope that Justin Bieber is then next Vanilla Ice or Bobby Brown and that in the next year 5 to 10 years his name will be synonimous with the macarena and/or legwarmers; a passing fad that when you reminisce about, you feel embarassed that you lived during that era.

My next beef is with Donny Osmond. Really Donny Osmond? You have a problem with Lady Gaga? Why do I care what you have to say, Donny Osmond? When was the last time you were even remotely relevant, 1976? I would rather watch a colonoscopy than a Donny Osmond concert. In fact, I would rather have a colonoscopy performed on me than watch a Donny Osmond concert. Apparently Lady Gaga's newest music video is a little too steamy for Donny and he wants her to "use more discretion" next time because it sets a bad example for our kids. Really Donny Osmond? Have you even see the show "Cougartown". Or what about the TV shows on ABC Family nowadays? They're practically Cinemax cast-offs. Grow up Peter Pan, Count Chocula.

Now I'm not saying Lady Gaga isn't a complete kook, because she is. But if she wants to be a sideshow, who am I to tell her she can't. I would make some kind a sarcastic comment similar to what I said about Beiber, but I'm pretty sure she is already experimenting with some kind of hardcore drugs. So hopefully in the next 5 to 10 years Lady Gaga will end up in a church somewhere, bathing in holy water. "the power of christ compels you, the power of christ compels you".

My last beef of this post is with my NCAA Bracket. It's totally and utterly shot. I wouldn't be that upset if it just started to fall apart, but I was out of it from the first tip off. I haven't had a bracket this bad ever and I'm fearing that my bad picks aren't just a minor aberration, but rather my family history of bad luck picks catching up to me. Not even a hot tub time machine could have saved my bracket this year. Amazingly I'm in 7th place out of 15 in a small pool I'm in with my friends, so I'm assuming everyone's bracket is shot also.

We've got some more movie debates lined up and I will try and get a Nic Cage Movie Review incorporated for the next edition so until next time, as always....STAY SWEET!